"Making it up" and creating it as fact, with "proof"
The perception problem
Selecting and then third partying
Running a racket, at great cost
Other relevant pieces

(Read the overall page first and then, if you wish, go to the linked items as if they were a list of chapters to read.)

Definition: That which tends to prove or disprove something and/or make plain and clear (such as facts).


One of the problems in life and in relationships is that we "make up" things about what happens and soon we believe they are facts, the truth.  And then we use them to support a position or assertion or belief.  But we need to learn the difference between a story and actual facts.

A key human behavior is for a person to believe something and then sort for so-called facts that support it and to be somewhat blind to facts to the contrary.  This is "selective" evidence, with the process being called "confirmation bias".  It is a way of operating from irreality.  The problem is that it often creates damage, sometimes great damage, to the person and/or another individual. 


Some of the things they believe are facts simply result from misperception and/or misunderstanding, and also on beliefs that are so strong they influence and alter one's perception.  Read Perception Versus Reality and Fact, "Truth", Reality, And Perception.  Although these "beliefs" are not necessarily true, they are thought to be facts that will prove whatever the belief is that we want to justify as being true.


When we come at this from a strongly held position (belief), we tend to selectively look for whatever supports that belief, we deem it as fact, and then we use it as evidence.  While another person might come to a totally different conclusion, one person might be defensive (fearful) and want to prove his/her spouse wrong in some way, so one selects evidence and then often shares it with others (known as Third Partying). 


In relationships, when one is "being right" (or righteous) about the conclusion, one often runs a Racket, which is a way to induce his/her feelings about another and to justify a behavior that is repeated over and over, and which creates overall damage.  It is vital to learn how to spot and stop Rackets.

However, we can also run rackets on ourselves, as we select evidence to back up our beliefs that create psychological fear, which is not really "real".  Many authors and speakers refer to fear as being "false evidence appearing real".  The way out of a fear often will involve creating an experience that contradicts the evidence, such as in "feel the fear and do it anyway", then finding out that one still survived out the other end.  But I think that we can more affectively go through a process of looking at the "evidence" and seeing if it is true or not - and if it is not true, finding what is true so one can create and install a new belief. 

You can get clearer on this by reading Distorted (Wrong) Thinking, which utilizes the key thinking skills that people must adopt to live life at a higher, happier level.  Spend time learnng those skills, as they have vital value.  An example would involve using techniques such as the cognitive behavioral method of  Rational Self Analysis.  


See the Landmark video section under See It In Action, pick the upper right selection for a discussion clarifying the "What is" and "what actually happened" versus what we make up about it.  Discussion of interest that allow one to learn more that would allow one not to use false evidence are in the pieces What Is A Story? and What Happened.