The power of identifying where you are on the spectrum
Once identified, there is a choice to make
The purpose: To have the power to create what is wanted
Child role, victim viewpoint; Adult role, 100% responsibility
THE POWER OF IDENTIFYING WHERE YOU ARE
Nobody is a 100% victim or child, but it is useful to identify where one is operating in a child mode and then to look at and devise new ways of being and operating that serve one at a higher level. Most people aren't aware of which mode they are in, as they are just experiencing the feelings and trying to adapt to them in some way.
We are simply not clear about how we are being. But here we must apply The Law of Differentiation, where one is able to see things by distinguishing some of the details that comprise something instead of just looking at the overall, as if it were a big undifferentiated blob.
To do this differentiation, we have attempted to lay out at least the key specifics that help us see more clearly where we are relative to these two modes. These are specific indicators that are so intrinsic in one side as opposed to the other that we can use them to identify how much we are on either side.
ONCE IDENTIFIED, THERE IS A CHOICE TO MAKE
And when you see the indicators (when you are distinguishing more of what is true about how you are being/doing), you then have the choice to ask: Is this who I want to be? Is this what I want to do? Will this get me what I really want? Do I want to choose more of the second mode or hold onto the specific ways of operating and being that are in the first mode?
Notice that you can be pretty darned sure that being in the left hand column will not get you what you want, but that it will get you a lot more of your past. In the right hand column, notice that those are ways of thinking, being, and/or doing that successful, effective people choose.
THE PURPOSE: TO HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE WHAT IS WANTED
The power to create what you want lies in the right hand side.
The reason for this exercise is to have people realize the extent to which they are still choosing what will keep them stuck in the past (left hand column) as opposed to taking the stance to create anew that which is really wanted.
Whether one moves over from 90% of the first to 50% of the second column or one moves from 20% of the first to 90% of the second, one will benefit from seeing clearly where one isand choosing to be more of that which produces a happier, more effective way of living and much, much more satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
Print this page and then check off which of these you are - and then keep this page in your Reminders Notebook or your LifePlan Notebook so that you can use it as a list for what you choose to change. Put a W next to the item you want or a C if you both want it and are committed to creating your being that way. It is useful to give a copy of this to your partner/advisor so that he/she can engage in supporting you.
CHILD ROLE ADULT ROLE
VICTIM VIEWPOINT 100% RESPONSIBILITY
__ Ain't it awful __ Isn't life great
__ I'm stuck __ There are so many possibilities and
opportunities, I can create what I want.
__Complaining, frustration __Results no matter what
__Stories __Give up & do not repeat stories
__Excuses, reasons why not __No excuses
__At the effect of people, circumstances __At cause in all matters
__Irritated, frustrated by people __No irritation, see all things as
__I’m powerless __I am powerful. I create results.
__Dependent __Self-sufficient, independent,
__Need approval __Need no approval, approve of self
__Fearful, anxious __Fearless, except legitimate fears
__Believe thoughts are real __See thoughts are not real
__Lots of untrue beliefs, unexamined __Convert to true belief, and install
__Manipulate, cajole __Persuade
__Reactive, unmanaged __Manage self, actions
__Ups and downs __Keep stable, in best operating
__Confused __Seek and attain clarity
__I am irritated by him. __I made myself irritated through my
__Escape, seek relief __Address and solve
__Seek immediate gratification __Realize value of the long term,
__I hold that person as responsible __I hold only myself as responsible
__I hope people will see what I want __I ask for what I want
__I make assumptions __I check out assumptions, facts
__Talk about the past, live in the past __Talk about present, future, progress