A seemingly small story over a trivial little diversion, but a huge decision in terms of the effect on life. And a huge metaphor/example about developing an essential ingredient to a full life: Self-Control.
Yes, I was already "happy", but, of course, as I do something which I know is not productive, even though I "accept" it at the time, my happiness is disturbed, with a "maybe I could live life even more - and I'm not doing it, not using it fully, not appreciating its brevity."
Of course, the latter is the "rational" argument. But, in the moment, it seemed like a good idea - just a little relief. Meanwhile, hours and hours and hours later, I finally stop, pretty fatigues, my mind numbed over. But I said that I'd only do a quick one, to relax my mind for a moment - bull!!!
Anyway, 1,000's of games later I was still getting hooked, up to playing it all night even. Yes, I'd "released" it "permanently" but then, like an alcoholic, I said "just one, I need to be diverted" (or "I'm bored....")
Yes, I accept I am human, so I'll not make myself wrong. But I do prefer the feeling of being productive, progressive, fully self expressing myself.
And besides that, it just feels good to have a fully lived and/or used day and I do feel better about myself.
I journaled around this, but didn't quite finish the conclusions (a major mistake, as one can't get to the end of something until one goes all the way through to the end [Duh!]).
I decided (when in my higher state and sometimes when in my alarmed state) "I just won't settle for less in life. And whiling away my time is a sure way to have less in my life. And it hurts my discipline and alertness in life."
Oh, and what is the "rationale", as there always must be one, for playing Spider Solitaire?
