tba To be totally rewritten, though the idea is here

If a person is drowning, rescue them.  If a person continues to do things that are self- harmful or they are not up to being responsible for their own lives, what should the parent best do?

This is a difficult lesson to learn.  The literature is full of stories of kids being pampered, dependent, and constantly rescued.   What parent wants his/her kids to suffer at the present time?  But what parent wants their kids to be worse off over the long term.

The biggest gift a parent can give a child is the tools for him/her to live a good life.  Obviously, the parent can't provide all the tools him/herself, but he/she can encourage the child to pick them up and to seek out advice from others.

Learn now to cope by letting them cope, perhaps with alot more guidance as a small child...

Parents buy into the excuses.  My child just isn't that way...he has trouble concentrating (as if that is a true given, which it mostly isn't).  

Signs a very low achiever.   they suffer from low self esteem or complete denial.  Their discipline is very low.  As a natural result, they bring up their kds to be low achievers and to have a low sense of efficacy and responsibility. 

I'll buy them a new car...

Do they feel "entitled", like the world owes them something, like they should be handed it on a silver platter, like they should be rescued?

Set up the rules and then don't give in.  Only give them rewards for actual performance.  And don't rescue them unless it is to prevent something horrific.

Tough love is tough.  It is difficult to enforce a rule when the child might think the parent doesn't love him/her.

And then there is the parent who doesn't believe in self improvement and/or doesn't want the child to think he/she doesn't approve of  or accept the child.  That parent seems to think they'll learn life just through experience, failing to realize that is not even close to a good strategy.  'But it worked for me."  Yes, probably true, but it is necessary to consider the current situation - and also to realize that one might just learn life easier and better with help - and that has been proven and proven over and over again.  To think that less learning and/or less guidance from knowledgeable people is a smart strategy just makes no sense.

See Self-Efficacy - The Essential Sense Of Life Competency - A lynchpin for all of life.

Parents can benefit from training in this, but many refuse to do it, some because of denial of what seems readily apparent to others.  The parents should seek an outside opinion and guidance.

The organization that is a 12 step (like all the addicts and alcoholics ananonymous progrsms is
CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).  Go to

See also, mostly from the adult codependent point of view, Do I Have Some Patterns Or Characteristics Of Co-Dependence? - And What do I Want To Do About This?