THE TOP RULES TO MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP
DO THESE AND THINGS WILL BE SMOOOOOOTH

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Follow these (plus get smarter as fast as you can) and 90% of interpersonal troubles will disappear!  Post this or keep it immediately referenceable in some way, such as in Our Relationship Notebook.  (OK for use right now, explanation will be added later.)


GIVE UP ALL CONTROL AND DEMANDS.

      Only requests (that are refusable)

NEVER, NEVER, EVER COMPLAIN, CAJOLE, NAG...(Doesn't work, only harms) 

     Only address issues in designated problem solving sessions

NO BLAME

     No unexpressed, uncleared up resentments (a big relationship killer)

NEVER, EVER ENGAGE WHEN ANGRY OR UPSET.  Never ever ever attack, verbally or otherwise, your partner.

     Take a mandatory time out until emotionally settled and in problem solving
         mode
     No withdrawal without setting up a time to talk and/or problem solve.

HAVE A DATE (ATTENTION TIME) AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK

      Time enough for talking to each other, enjoying something, and showing
          affection to each other.  Keep it simple, without fairy tale expectations.

LISTEN WITHOUT INTERRUPTING

      While the other is talking, only express understanding and check out things to
          get understanding.  Validate their feelings and concerns, no debate about
          them (do problem solving only by agreement), no rasty comments.

SET SPECIFIC AGREEMENTS UP FOR WHAT IS TO BE DONE

      No unexpressed expectations.  All agreements must be specific and include
          measurable/observable results

HAVE A ONCE A WEEK "MANAGEMENT AND SHARING MEETING"

      Confine all issues, serious talks to that time; agreeing as to when to set up a
          time for problem solving, with no problems left unaddressed
      Share the last week (victories, what went on, etc.); plan the next week.
      Express commitment and appreciation

LEARN ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS TOGETHER

     Read at least 3 books together, discussing them at least once a week.


See also Top Ways To Have A Thriving Relationship.

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