RATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP LEVEL AND CLOSENESS
Where are you? Where do you want to be? Are you willing to close the gap?
We're here --------------------------------------------------------->Want to be here
The gap
Willing to close the gap?
How plan to do it?
This is the first step in achieving what you want, for you must know where you're at in reality in order to plan a way to go to where you want to be.
Consider this seriously, for the prize at the other end is hugely more beneficial and wonderful than the relatively small amount of effort that is needed. Of course, many people are more into cynicism and resignation as a way of livng life, a way of "protecting" themselves (unrealistically), such that they do not grasp the opportunity here.
What will you do?
___ It is at a sufficient level.
___ There is a gap. This is what I'll do:
___ No, effort. I prefer resignation and cynicism, or it is actually impossible.
___ I see the possibilities and realize this is a good thing to learn, a great skill to have. I will do
devise and follow the plan to close the gap.
___ I'll seek assistance from a professional
COMMUNICATION AT THE FIVE LEVELS OF EFFECTIVENESS AND MEANING
Level 1. Virtually no communication (the weather, functional minimums, etc.)
Level 2. Some sporadic sharing
Level 3. Full active listening
Couple's Dialogue - Mirroring, validation
Couple's Dialogue - Feelings, relecting
Level 4. Cooperative synthesis, planning,
Couple's Council
Asking for what you want
Level 5. Fully expressing feelings, needs, request for change
The Very Brief Version - After couple's have established full communication
Sharing fully the experience and feelings of the day
Behavior Change Request - Used freely and willingly accepted
Tell the real truth about needs.
Which level is your relationship at? ___ Is that level the level you really want? _____
THE CLOSENESS OR DISTANCING OF THE RELATIONSHIP
You can tell when anger, blame, and their cousins resentment and distrust are present by the degrees of negative symptoms, for there is no such result without a negative cause. When fear rules love has no room. But when acceptance, rooting for the other and action to show support are present, love rules.
Level -5 to -1. Anger, blame, criticism predominate. Huge distancing.
Level 0. Total indifference.
Level 1. Arms length. Safe distance. Love shown by services, but no feeling of bonding.
Level 2. Sporadic inroads, but still a wall of unresolved resentments and distancers
Level 3. Some openness appears and some level of understanding and compassion shows up.
There is more willingness to love in a meaningful way (beyond services).
Level 4. Feeling close and relaxed, sharing of emotions/feelings, very caring love-making
Level 5. Feeling so close, at the soulmate level, loving (and love-making to) the other as you
would love yourself at the highest.
Which level is your closeness at? ____
Does that level equal the level of your relationship, as rated above? ____
(Hint - If there is no corresponding evidence [i.e. closeness], then the believed level of your relationship is not accurate. Take another look and decide what you really want. And then work together on a plan to make sure it will happen. What you do from this assessment will measure your true commitment to the relationship. Once your partner is willing, then all the rest is up to you. And if the partner is not willing, you still need to do what is right, following what is written herein, even if your decision to stay is only 51%.)
