BUILDING SOUND SELF-ESTEEM

INSTRUCTOR'S

GUIDE by

L.S. Barksdale

This GUIDE is the property of:

Copyright ©1978 by Lilburn S. Barksdale

The Barksdale Foundation, Publishers P.O. Box 187, Idyllwild, CA 92349

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN 0-918588-04-9

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise — without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

BARKSDALE SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AGENDA (Three Modules — Twelve Hours)

Session No. Topic                                                                                                 Duration

1.                   INTRODUCTION TO WORKSHOP PROGRAM............................................ 85'

BREAK........................................................................................................................ 10'

2.                   TAKE CONSCIOUS CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE..................................... .20'

3.                   THE CRUCIAL ROLE OUR AWARENESS PLAYS IN OUR LIFE...................... 75'

BREAK........... *.......................................................................................................... 10'

4.                   VITAL FACTS ABOUT OUR AWARENESS................................................. 40'

END MODULE ONE........................................................................................... Four Hours

5.                   FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.................. 40'

6.                   THE PRIMARY UN-REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR................................. 5'

7.                   DEDUCING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES...................................... 45'

BREAK........................................................................................................................ 10'

8.                   INTERNALIZING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES.............................. 25'

9.                   CLARIFICATION OF TERMS........... .. ...................................................... 20'

10.                 VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING.............................................. ............ 30'

BREAK........................................................................................................................ 10'

11.                 GETTING RID OF SELF-CONDEMNATION AND GUILT............................... 20'

12.                 LOVING YOURSELF AND OTHERS........................................................... 20'

13.                 SHARING: GUILT AND LOVE CHAIR EXPERIENCES................................... 15'

END MODULE TV/O......................................................................................... Four Hours

14.                 INVESTIGATION OF RELATED REALITIES............................................... 60'

BREAK........................................................................................................................ 10'

15.                 ELIMINATING DESTRUCTIVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS................................ 25'

16.                 EYE CONTACT EXERCISE....................................................................... 15'

17.                 SHARING: HATE CHAIR AND EYE CONTACT EXPERIENCES...................... 20'

18.                 SELF-REALIZATION................................................................................ 20'

19.                 THE FUNDAMENTAL REQUIREMENT........................................................ 15'

BREAK........................................................................................ ............................... 10'

20.                 ESTABLISHING A NEW LIFE STYLE..............................................................          10'

21.                 FOLLOW-ON PROGRAM.......................................................................... 30'

22.                 LOVE ENERGY CIRCLE............................................................................ 25'

END MODULE THREE....................................................................................... Four Hours

MODULE ONE SESSIONS

SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AGENDA FOR MODULE ONE

(Four Hours)

Duration

1.     INTRODUCTION TO WORKSHOP PROGRAM.......................................................... 85'

Introduction by Instructor............................................................................ 20'

"I Don't Dare..." - TAPE by Barks.................................................................... 4'

Self-Esteem and Life Style Evaluations........................................................... 25'

Barksdale's Introduction to Workshop.............................................................. 8'

Self-Esteem Program and Ground Rules.......................................................... 7'

Self-Awareness Investigation.......................................................................... 9'

Shark Island Dilemma................................................................................... 7'

Eye Contact Reference Exercise....................................................................... 5'

BREAK....................................................................................................................... 10'

2.    TAKE CONSCIOUS CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE.................................................... 20'

Structured Exercise: Accepting My Own Authority — TAPE.............................. 15'

Instructor Wrap-Up....................................................................................... 5'

3.    THE CRUCIAL ROLE OUR AWARENESS PLAYS IN OUR LIFE.................................... 75'

Explanation of Human Behavior Diagram....................................................... 30'

Small Group............................................................................................... 25'

BREAK....................................................................................................................... 10'

Large Group............................................................................................... 20'

4.     VITAL FACTS ABOUT OUR AWARENESS .............................................................. 40'

Small Group............................................................................................... 25'

Large Group............................................................................................... 15'

ADJOURN

1. INTRODUCTION TO WORKSHOP PROGRAM (Allow 85 minutes)

(Note: It is essential to start ALL sessions exactly on time, if you are to cover the required material in the allotted time. Have a Self-Esteem Kit under each chair.)

Welcome to each of you. We're happy to have you here.

% (OPTIONAL: Tell the following joke, or one of your own, if you prefer.)

There was this nice old man with a big bushy mustache — the kind just made for mustache cups.

The day our story opens this nice old man, who was babysitting his two ornery grandsons, was dozing peacefully in his easy chair.

His grandsons, having found some foul-smelling limburger cheese oozing on a saucer in the hot sun, decided to work a goodly amount into grandpa's flourishing mustache.

The resulting aroma finally wakened the old man, whereupon he started sniffing in all the nooks and corners and under the furniture.

Finally giving up in desperation, he rushed over to the window for a breath of fresh air.

Throwing it wide open, he shoved through his entire head and shoulders, and drew in an enormous breath.

Visibly shaken, he roared, "My God, the whole world stinks!"

■Jf (Pause for any laughter to subside.)

Now where was the poor old man's problem?

Right under his nose, right?

And so are the causes of low Self-Esteem.

* (If size of group permits taking the required time, announce:)

Now, to help us all get acquainted, I would like each of you to stand and briefly tell us your name, hometown, and why you are here.

^ (Introduce self first. Do not allow anyone to take more than a few seconds.)

^ (OPTIONAL: In case group is too large for individual introductions in Large Group, announce:)

I would now like each of you to introduce yourself to four other people in this room as follows: Shake the other person's hand, look him or her in the eyes, and introduce yourself by saying:

(Instructor demonstrates by going up to someone.) "I'm----------- (n9me)--------------------- from

(city and state)____________________ I'm worthy and important. I came to this workshop because

(a brief statement why you came)______________ *»

Note how you feel when you say, "I am worthy and important."

(Allow 2 or 3 minutes.) Now please sit down. Thank you for your participation. Did you feel self-conscious when you said that you are worthy and important? Or, did it make you "feel good" to say it?

A deep sense of personal worth and importance is the basis of sound Self-Esteem — that is, genuine love of self.

Embarrassment is evidence of a lack of genuine love of self. * (Pause. End of OPTIONAL introductions.)

This Self-Esteem Program you are now embarking on is the result of many years of probing exploration into the causes of low Self-Esteem by L.S. Barksdale, founder of The Barksdale Foundation and originator of this unique Self-Esteem Program.

Lack of Self-Esteem is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, for it is caused by our faulty cultural conditioning — which we, ourselves, could do nothing about.

In order to achieve the tremendous benefits of sound Self-Esteem, we must replace the false and destructive concepts of how we function with the Realities of Human Behavior.

This workshop is NOT a therapy or encounter group.

It is a non-threatening, re-educational process to get our Awareness into alignment with reality — that is, into alignment with what actually IS.

Our Awareness is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our lives.

What we are going to share is not speculative theory or philosophy, but the OBSERVABLE Realities of Human Behavior.

If you encounter a Reality contrary to your belief system, it is wise to investigate both your particular belief and the Reality in question, in order to determine which one is true.

For if the Reality IS true, it is true whether or not you accept it as true.

Be aware that you can release your innate potential for happiness and success only to the degree that you DO function in alignment with what is true.

You, yourself, can prove these Realities to be true by a probing observation of how and why you and others act as you do.

I am confident you will find this workshop to be an enjoyable, exciting and vastly rewarding experience.

You will learn that we do not give advice or ask you to change anything in your life — we do not tell you what you "should" or "should not" do.

We are here to share our perception of reality — of what actually IS. It is up to you to check and determine if our perception of reality is true.

Barks is now going to share with us his own experience with a desperately hurting lack of Self- Esteem.

This tape is a condensed version of the feelings he experienced in his long search for peace and happiness.

Perhaps to some degree many of you have had similar experiences.

Sfi (Play "I Don't Dare Let You See the Real Me," tape no. 14, or read the following aloud. Pause for about 15 seconds at the end of the tape or reading, before proceeding with the workshop.)

I DON'T DARE LET YOU SEE THE REAL ME

The minister is closing his Sunday service: "We must now all go out and love our fellowmen."

I'm swept with a wave of guilt. What is love?

I don't know. I've never experienced love.

What's wrong with me?

People think I'm a hale fellow, well-met.

But all the time my guts are churning inside, and I'm hurting like hell — but I don't let it show.

I've developed a clever mask to hide behind — to keep people from seeing the real me — how

"no good" I really am — how I am trembling within. I don't let them see my tortured, cowering self, filled with doubt and self-hate. But how long can I maintain this hideous charade?

My mask hides my desperate, agonizing drive to prove my worth. But how can I ever know when I've done "well enough"? There are no signs along the way that say what is "well enough."

My head aches with a pounding fury. My ulcers burn like fire — but they don't know. They don't sense my stark fear and desperation.

For I have built my mask well.

I don't dare let them see the real me, cowering in fear, looking straight into the mouth of hell.

From this overwhelming anxiety — from this nerve-shattering fear of failure — is there no escape, no release from this hell of self-rejection?

What a relief if I could cease to be!

But with all my faults and shortcomings, I refuse to be a coward — I must go on. I must finish the race. Why? God knows.

I only know I must go on — perhaps I will find peace when the race is run.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

Sound Self-Esteem will enable you to remove any masks and barriers and simply be your own wonderful self.

The reason this Barksdale Self-Esteem Program is so dramatically successful is because it deals not with symptoms but the actual causes of low Self-Esteem.

If you are to perceive the truth of the "Realities of Human Behavior," it is essential that you do not concern yourself with the implications of these revolutionary concepts during their investigation.

If you temporarily set aside any doubts or concerns during this presentation, we are confident you will find the program coming together in a beautiful and fully acceptable new approach to life — one that will enable you to experience harmony and joy in your day-to-day living, despite any adverse situations and events in your life.

For you will soon discover your emotional turmoil and hurting have been caused by the false and destructive concepts stemming from the limited and distorted Awareness you have been stuck with by your faulty cultural conditioning.

(Make sure now that everyone has a participant's Kit and Manual.)

Each of you have a Self-Esteem Kit. Inside is a "Building Sound Self-Esteem Workshop Manual."

Please write your name on the first page, in case your Manual gets misplaced.

This Manual includes the material for both the workshop and your Follow-On Program.

•^r (Pause for everyone to write their name in their Manual.)

Before we have you evaluate your current level of Self-Esteem, it is important to know just what Self-Esteem is and also what it is not.

Self-Esteem is an emotion.

Self-Esteem is how warm and loving we feel toward ourselves, based on our sense of personal worth and degree of self-acceptance.

Self-Esteem is not a self-image of how we see ourselves.

Neither is Self-Esteem a self-concept, based on an intellectual evaluation of our strengths and weaknesses.

Neither of these is an emotion, and they have little to do with Self-Esteem.

Neither does Self-Esteem equate with egotism.

Egotism is, in fact, a classic symptom of a severe lack of Self-Esteem.

If we truly accepted and loved ourselves, we would not have a compulsive need for the attention and approval of others.

Since Self-Esteem is how warm and loving we feel toward ourselves, it follows that sound Self- Esteem is actually genuine love of self, based on total, unconditional acceptance of ourselves, regardless of any mistakes, defeats or failures.

We are now going to have you evaluate your current level of Self-Esteem and also your current Life Style in order to provide valid reference points for your progress toward achieving sound Self- Esteem.

A low score on these evaluations is nothing to be embarrassed or upset about.

No matter how low your present scores, you can raise them to any desired level by conscientiously working with your Follow-On Program.

It IS important that you clearly understand all statements, if you are to obtain a valid Index.

These scores are strictly for your own benefit, so be completely honest in your scoring.

For best results, score each statement immediately on sensing the extent to which it applies in your life.

It is essential for a valid Index that you do not confuse your concepts of how you "should" feel or act, with how you actually DO feel or act.

You have 20 minutes to fill out both the Self-Esteem Evaluation on page 79 and the Life Style Evaluation on page 81 of your Manual.

The scoring chart is in the upper left-hand corner.

To obtain your current Index, score yourself in the "zero" column of each chart and add up your individual scores.

The examples on pages 80 and 82 illustrate the correct procedure. Raise your hand if you have any questions.

5f£ (Allow a maximum of 25 minutes for participants to complete both evaluations and establish the first point on their progress curves. Audit their progress at 5-minute intervals and tell them where they need to be, to be on schedule.)

Now put away your Manuals.

If anyone did not complete both evaluations, it will be necessary for you to finish them at the first Break.

The basic purpose of this Self-Esteem Program is to enable you to correct your faulty cultural conditioning in order to get your Awareness into alignment with reality — with what actually IS.

Only to the degree that you DO get your Awareness into alignment with reality can you function in peace and harmony, and thereby experience the full joy and richness of life.

We are now going to take a quick Stretch Break to relieve any fatigue.

Please stand and stretch in place — really exercise your muscles!

(Allow approximately 30 seconds.)

We are now going to play a tape recorded by Barks about the significance of this Self-Esteem Program.

BARKS' INTRODUCTORY WORKSHOP TAPE Hi, everyone! This is Barks.

I appreciate this opportunity to give you a glimpse of the importance of this Self-Esteem Program — both to you and to society.

We are offering you not a new philosophy of living, but a new way of life — one that is in alignment with reality, with what actually is.

It is a demonstrable fact that you can experience harmony, inner peace and freedom only to the degree that you do live in alignment with reality.

We are going to show you how you can experience love, joy and the freedom to be yourself every day of your life, despite unwanted events and circumstances.

It is essential to maintain an open, uncluttered mind during your investigation of what we perceive to be observable realities, if you are to reap the tremendous benefits of this Self-Esteem Program.

For many of these realities are the direct opposite of the false and destructive concepts laid on us from birth by our faulty cultural conditioning.

Our basic need and, thus, the ultimate motivation for everything we do, is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

Thus, we can achieve true success only to the degree that we fulfill this basic need — that we correct our faulty cultural conditioning so that we do "feel good," regardless of our wealth, power or prestige, or lack thereof.

If I sound like an authority, it's because I am. I've been there. I've been both a failure — and a success.

I've been so poor that I've actually been weak from lack of food. I've also acquired more money, power and prestige than I could use.

Yet in both cases, I felt very inferior and unworthy, and was driven with a desperate, unrelenting drive to prove my worth.

I was in a constant state of emotional turmoil and suffered many physical ailments.

As a matter of fact, I evolved this Self-Esteem Program as a means of personal survival.

Now, at age 70, despite loss of loved ones, I feel better mentally, physically and emotionally than I've ever felt in my life.

Even though I am now without the loving companionship of a family, I am continually thrilled with the richness and joy of living.

Although I experienced many years of disintegrating emotional turmoil and hurting, I have for years enjoyed an inner peace and exhilarating happiness I had no idea was possible.

It is, however, because of these long years of intense hurting that it makes me "feel good" to share these life-changing ideas with you.

You need take no leap of faith to accept these new ideas of human behavior.

However, they are so different from what you have been conditioned to accept as true, that it is necessary that you question them with a truly open and receptive mind.

Thus, it is necessary that you temporarily put your present concepts, values, beliefs and assumptions "on the shelf" when exploring these realities.

Otherwise, you will not be able to discover their reality, despite their amazing simplicity and crucial importance to your well-being.

Please be aware that we are not here to tell you what you "should" or "should not" do. You have already had far too much of that.

We are here simply to share information — to share our perception of reality. It is, of course, up to you, what you do with it.

Now what is the number one essential for "feeling good" — really good — in spite of the ups and downs of life?

It is genuine love of self — that is, sound Self-Esteem.

Genuine love requires total, unconditional acceptance, regardless of mistakes, defeats or failures. What is love?

Contrary to general opinion, love is a natural state of being.

Love is that tremendous, indescribable emotion we can all experience when we remove the roadblocks to loving ourselves and others.

It is important, however, to realize that what normally passes for love of others isn't love at all, but need fulfillment.

For example: I love you BECAUSE — because you are so beautiful or affectionate, because you take such good care of me and my needs, because you are the only one who really understands me — the only one I can really depend on, regardless of what happens — or whatever.

Such "love" is vulnerable to our changing needs.

Genuine love, on the other hand, is total and unconditional, free of all "oughts," "shoulds" and "musts."

For example: I love you, no matter what you do, or where you are. I love you even though you may not return my love. Genuine love is non-possessive.

Such love is free of control — it asks nothing, demands nothing. In short, I love you — I love you simply because you are you! This love is invulnerable to our changing needs.

Such love of and by others, however, is possible only to the degree we DO genuinely love ourselves.

Now what are the roadblocks that keep us from experiencing genuine love of self and others?

The impassable roadblocks to love and loving are fault-finding — criticism and condemnation, and the resulting resistance to ourselves and/or others.

For criticism and resistance are the direct opposite of total, unconditional acceptance. Now what does all this have to do with this Self-Esteem Program? Simply this: Self-Esteem is an emotion.

Self-Esteem is how warm and loving we feel toward ourselves, based on our sense of personal worth and degree of self-acceptance.

It follows, therefore, that sound Self-Esteem is genuine love of self, based on total, unconditional acceptance of ourselves, regardless of our mistakes, defeats or failures.

Our lack of self-acceptance, our sense of guilt and unworthiness, are the automatic product of our faulty cultural conditioning — of the false and destructive concepts of human behavior laid on us practically from the time we wet our first diaper.

If we are to accept ourselves totally and unconditionally, and thereby remove the roadblocks to love and loving, we must replace our false and destructive concepts with the observable Realities of Human Behavior.

For it is our false and destructive concepts of human behavior that cause us to criticize and condemn ourselves and others.

This is what this Self-Esteem Program is all about — to enable you to accept yourself, totally and unconditionally.

You will thereby achieve sound Self-Esteem and automatically experience the tremendous "feel good" stemming from the joy of loving and being loved.

In fact, this is the ONLY way you can experience the full joy of living.

You will then no longer need limp through life with only an occasional bright spot amid the murk of disillusion, depression and despair.

You will no longer need live in quiet desperation with a compulsive drive to prove your worth — with an insatiable aching hunger for genuine love of self and others — for personal fulfillment and meaning in your lives.

This Self-Esteem Program is no theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, Utopian endeavor. Love is an actuality — love is not an ideal to set on the shelf.

Love is that tremendous, indescribable emotion we can all experience when we remove the roadblocks to loving.

The prize is yours — if you are willing to grasp it.

May the blessings of sound Self-Esteem be yours, all the days of your life. Love, Barks.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

^ (Pause a few seconds.)

This 12-hour workshop is only Part I of your Self-Esteem Program.

The basic purpose of this workshop is to introduce you to the life-changing realities and procedures required for achieving sound Self-Esteem.

Part II, just as essential as Part I, is your 5-week Follow-On Program.

In Part II you will fully integrate the basic principles and implement them in your daily living.

Your conscientious participation in both Parts I and II will enable you to achieve the crucially important benefits of sound Self-Esteem.

If you are not yet aware, you will soon discover that lack of sound Self-Esteem is the root cause of practically ALL personal and social problems.

This workshop is designed for a brisk pace in order to expose you to the essential requirements for building sound Self-Esteem in the limited time available.

If you are to achieve the maximum benefit, it is essential that you fully comply with the established schedules and give the workshop your full time and attention.

Do not be concerned, however, if you do not fully understand everything presented, for you can fill in any gaps with your Follow-On Program.

Aside from a brief introduction to the workshop, this first session will be largely devoted to exercises for establishing beginning reference points for your progress in building sound Self-Esteem.

Now for a few ground rules, and we'll get right into this program.

^f (Mention, if applicable:

There will be a 10-minute Break approximately every 70 minutes. Where restrooms are located.

Location of restaurants, time allotted for meal Breaks, other information on meals. Change seats after each 10-minute Break.

We recommend you do not sit next to your relatives and friends, in order to get to know

the other workshop participants. Where and when to smoke, if allowed.

We will have frequent short Stretch Breaks and will ask you to stand and stretch in place,

to relieve fatigue. Where to leave Kits and name tags overnight. Be on time for each session.

This is not the place to discuss religion or politics, or anything else that does not contribute directly to achieving sound Self-Esteem.)

Now it is our job to make this program as clear as we know how — it is your job to understand it as clearly as you possibly can.

So any time you have questions or disagreement during these sessions, please raise your hand.

I would now like you to fill out the "Self-Awareness Investigation" on page 3 in your Manual.

This "Self-Awareness Investigation" is confidential and solely for your own benefit, so be as specific as possible.

(Allow approximately 9 minutes for members to complete this form.) Let's take another quick Stretch Break.

(Allow approximately 30 seconds.) Now turn to page 5 in your Manual, "Shark Island Dilemma."

(Instructor reads story aloud, then asks members to fill in their remarks at the bottom of the page. Allow 5 minutes for members to fill in their remarks.)

SHARK ISLAND DILEMMA

Sometime ago, a small boat capsized between two barren islands whose surrounding waters were infested by sharks.

Five of the people in the boat managed to reach land safely.

Three of them, Roy, Alice and John, made it to the easternmost of the islands and two, Bert and Al, made it over to the other island.

Now, Alice, who was engaged to Bert and was to have been married to him the coming week, was most eager to be reunited with him.

She first approached John, the most husky of her two companions, and pleaded with him to make a raft and take her over to the other island so that she could be with her fiance.

John, however, took a long look at the shark-infested water and refused her plea.

Thereupon, she approached Roy with her request to be reunited with her lover.

Roy, who had been eyeing her attractive figure, agreed to attempt to take her over, providing she would first make love with him.

Alice was in a dilemma; however, she finally decided to agree to Roy's demands.

The next day, Roy managed to make a crude raft and got her safely over to the other island where she was gratefully reunited with Bert.

When she told Bert how she had managed to get reunited with him, Bert became very angry, called her a "slut," slapped her face and told her he never wanted to see her again.

Deeply hurt and badly in need of consolation, she went over to Al and confided in him.

Al became furious, charged over to Bert and "laid him out" with a punch to the chin.

Below, opposite each name, jot down:

1.     the word that best describes your emotional reaction to that particular individual, and

2.     what you think he or she should or should not have done.

ROY

ALICE

JOHN

BERT

AL

You can now put your Manuals away.

Well return to Shark Island later in the workshop.

We are now going to do another reference exercise, which, incidentally, is the ONLY exercise in the workshop that you may find a bit stressful.

I would now like for you to pair off in couples and, insofar as possible, male and female.

If possible, avoid pairing off with relatives, friends or previous acquaintances.

Place your chairs opposite one another with the left-hand corner of your chair touching the left- hand corner of your partner's chair, and diagonally across from it so that you are facing each other.

7f (Instructor demonstrates how to arrange chairs.)

If necessary, overlap the corners of your chairs in order to get 12 to 18 inches between each other's eyes.

Now simply gaze into each other's eyes in complete quiet for about a minute.

Please be aware of any masks or protective barriers you may encounter in yourself or your partner.

^ (Allow members approximately 60 seconds to stare into each other's eyes and then ask them to put their chairs back in place.)

The purpose of this exercise was to enable you to establish a point of reference for how you presently feel when relating to other people, eyeball to eyeball.

END SESSION 1.

(If appropriate, announce:) Please check your watches as we are going to take a 10-minute Break. You are to be back in your seats ready for the next session in just 10 minutes. Remember, if you have not completed your SEI and LSI evaluations, please do so now.

2-1

2. TAKE CONSCIOUS CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE

(Allow 20 minutes: 15 minutes for structured exercise, 5 minutes for Instructor Wrap-Up)

Taking conscious charge of your own life is essential to achieving sound Self-Esteem, and thereby "feeling good" on a day-to-day basis.

Why do we say "conscious" charge of your life?

Because you are already in charge of your own life and always have been.

The exercise we are about to do will enable you to take charge more intelligently — to function more effectively and harmoniously.

To take "conscious" charge of your own life, you must first accept and exercise your own authority.

We are now going to play a tape (or "do a structured exercise ") that will help you to recognize and exercise your own authority.

5j» (Play tape no. 8, side 1, "Accepting My Own Authority, "or use following script.)

ACCEPTING MY OWN AUTHORITY

The only way you are going to make your life work the way you want is to recognize and exercise your own authority.

You can function in harmony and peace only to the degree that your values, needs, concepts and beliefs are in alignment with reality — with what actually IS.

It is, therefore, essential to your overall well-being to use your own authority to carefully analyze and evaluate your concepts, values and beliefs — and to accept only those that you, yourself, perceive to be sound.

Now do you, in fact, have the authority and freedom to run your life as you see fit?

Ask yourself: What, within my capabilities, is there I cannot do if I choose to pay the price demanded?

* (Pause)

Nothing at all, right?

Your innate authority and freedom stem from the fact that you are your number one responsibility — for it is your life, and YOU benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything you do or do not do.

You, therefore, do have the innate authority and freedom to do as you, yourself, see fit.

In case you have any reluctance to take conscious charge of your own life, be aware that you are in charge of your own life and always have been.

For you benefit or suffer according to everything you think, say, do and feel.

You are mistaken if you think you can escape being in charge of your own life by getting others to make your decisions.

You are inevitably in charge, for regardless of who makes decisions affecting your life, YOU are inescapably stuck with the consequences.

You even have the right and freedom to hurt others.

You cannot, however, escape the consequences of your hurtful acts.

You will not, however, deliberately hurt another unless you, yourself, are hurting from lack of Self-Esteem.

We are now going to do an exercise to impress, at a deep level of your Awareness, that you actually are your own authority — that you actually can do anything you see fit — anything at all!

But first, it is of vital importance that you fully realize that we are not suggesting or recommending that you do or not do anything we are now going to tell you.

We simply want you to fully recognize and accept the fact that you do have the authority and the freedom to do so if you, yourself, see fit.

Now, get comfortable in your chair, close your eyes lightly to shut out any distractions, take a deep breath and release it.

* (Pause)

Now take another deep breath and, as you quietly exhale, sense all your tensions, both mental and physical, draining away — falling away, leaving you as limp and relaxed as a kitten dozing in the sun.

Now silently repeat the following statements with me, meanwhile keenly aware of your emotional reactions as you mentally identify with and sense the significance of each statement.

Again, remember, these statements are in no way intended to tell you what you should or should not do.

They are merely acknowledgment of the fact that you are your own authority — and that you do have both the right and the freedom to be yourself.

Here we go.

*T (Read the following statements slowly and meaningfully.)

I have the innate authority to take CONSCIOUS charge of my own life — to do anything I, myself, see fit.

The more fully I recognize and accept my own authority to fulfill my own needs, the more happy, capable and caring I "will be.

I fully realize that the one and only person I can help directly is myself.

However, the more I expand my Awareness and increase my Self-Esteem, the more I can contribute to the well-being of my family, friends and associates.

THEREFORE, I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM -1 GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To accept and exercise my own authority to determine my own values and fulfill my own needs — to live my own life as I, myself, see fit — to solve my own problems and to do anything I choose.

And I willingly accept the consequences — I willingly pay the price for anything I do or neglect to do.

I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM-I GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To recognize myself as the most important person in my world — a unique and precious being.

To feel warm and happy, kind and loving toward myself.

To accept that I am no more or less worthy and important than anyone else in the entire world.

I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM-I GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To determine my own values, make my own decisions — to take conscious charge of my life.

To drop all masks and barriers and allow everyone to see me exactly as I am.

To be happy and free — to be harmonious and effective — to succeed in every undertaking.

To be keenly sensitive and aware — radiantly healthy and energetic.

To not fulfill others' expectations and images of me.

I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM-I GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To be less than perfect — to be inefficient, to procrastinate, to kill time, to be defeated, to fail.

To allow others to make mistakes, to be "wrong" — to be ignorant, to be "screwed up."

I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM-I GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To have unacceptable thoughts, fantasies, desires and experiences.

To tell my boss, or anyone else, to go to hell!

To be emotional, to cry, to be angry, to hate, scream, shout and swear. To perceive myself as an absolute nothing — unworthy and unneeded. I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM-I GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT: To let myself be judged — to be hurt, to be anxious, to be fear-ridden. To overeat — to indulge my sensual appetites, to lie and cheat. To be different, to make mistakes, to be "wrong," to be inadequate. To blame myself, to experience shame, guilt and remorse.

To use socially unacceptable words and terms — to present a poor image.

To be depressed, tense, impatient and at cross-purposes with myself.

To be exceptional in appearance, behavior or endeavors.

I ALLOW MYSELF THE FREEDOM -1 GIVE MYSELF THE RIGHT:

To be a spendthrift, to be generous, to be stingy with my money and possessions.

To be lazy, cowardly, disloyal and petty — to be selfish and uncaring.

To be rich, to be poor — to be hostile, mean, greedy and aggressive.

To take the time and effort to fulfill my own needs to "do my own thing."

To be criticized, condemned, disapproved, disliked and unwanted.

To feel "less than," to be withdrawn, despised, rejected and embittered.

To act compulsively, to change my mind, to be stubborn and willful.

To value judge and resist both myself and others.

To "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

To have sound Self-Esteem — to be loving and lovable, compassionate and caring.

TO ACCEPT MY OWN AUTHORITY-TO FOLLOW MY OWN "KNOWING."

But, although I allow myself complete freedom, I recognize that I am inescapably responsible for my every decision and action.

For I must inevitably pay the price demanded for my actions. I cannot "have my cake and eat it, too."

I benefit or suffer, learn and grow, according to the nature and consequences of my acts.

I realize that "good and evil," "right and wrong" are but intellectual concepts, for there are only wise and unwise acts.

Therefore, prior to a serious decision, I ask myself: "Is this act wise?"

That is, "will it injure myself or others? Will it contribute to my basic needs? Is it in alignment with reality, with the laws and forces of life? What is the total price involved, and am I willing and able to pay it? Am I willing to accept the total consequences — to pay the full price demanded? Will it contribute to my Self-Esteem?"

I realize that recognition and acceptance of my innate authority to be and do as I, myself, see fit makes me absolutely invulnerable, totally immune to the adverse attitudes, opinions, "put-downs," insults and adverse value judgments of others.

But this realization in no way necessitates that I be unfeeling, isolated or alienated from my fellow men.

It simply means that I accept my own authority and complete responsibility to do as I, myself, see fit — and I willingly accept the consequences!

For I know that in the final analysis, I need answer only to myself, for I benefit or suffer according to my every action and reaction — to everything I think, say, do and feel.

The reality is that it is impossible to have sound Self-Esteem until you consciously accept the fact that you are responsible for your own life, and exercise your own innate authority to fulfill that responsibility.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

Now that you realize you are your own authority and inescapably responsible for your own "feel good," you are faced with the most important decision of your life.

Ask yourself: "Do I want to go on living with concepts and beliefs that generate 'feel bad' and hurting?"

OR

"Do I want to claim my birthright to 'feel good?' If so, I must discard the false beliefs resulting from my faulty cultural conditioning. I can then experience the joy of living in alignment with reality — with what actually IS."

To put it another way — do you want to settle for the "feel bad" generated by a sense of inferiority, unworthiness and self-rejection, OR do you want to claim your birthright to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally in the HERE and NOW?

Now a vitally important question:

Do you feel you DESERVE to "feel good?" OR Do you feel too guilty and unworthy to deserve to "feel good?"

* (Pause)

The reality is that we all deserve to "feel good." Why?

Because "feeling good" is a natural state of being and, thus, our right by birth.

What, then, keeps us from "feeling good?"

Lack of Self-Esteem — that is, not feeling warm and loving toward ourselves.

END SESSION 2.

3. THE CRUCIAL ROLE OUR AWARENESS PLAYS IN OUR LIFE

(Allow a total of 75 minutes: 30 minutes for explaining the Human Behavior Diagram, 25 minutes for answering questions in Small Group, 20 minutes for Large Group discussion. This does not include time for the 10-minute Break between the Small and Large Groups.)

(Note: It is vitally important that the Instructor be sufficiently familiar with the following material to stand by the Human Behavior Diagram and point out all the significant points clearly and in the designated sequence.)

Our objective in this session will be to investigate human behavior and the role our Awareness plays.

It is important to follow the logic of this particular presentation with an open and receptive mind, for these life-changing concepts are the basis of this entire Self-Esteem Program.

It is necessary that you fully understand this topic, for otherwise you will be unable to accept yourself totally and unconditionally — the essential requirement for achieving sound Self-Esteem.

In order to clearly understand the crucial role our Awareness plays in our life, it is necessary to put your present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions "on the shelf" and not concern yourself with any implications until after all discussion.

This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities.

It is either true or not true, and if it is true, it is true whether or not it agrees with your current belief system.

(Point to Human Behavior Diagram.)

HUMAN BEHAVIOR DIAGRAM

We will use this Human Behavior Diagram to illustrate how we actually function, and the role Awareness plays in our life.

^ (Take a maximum of 30 minutes with pointer and Human Behavior Diagram to explain how we actually function. Do not allow yourself to get involved in any prolonged discussion at this time.)

This Human Behavior Diagram is of significant help in understanding how you actually function.

You can then correct the distorted concepts of human behavior you have gathered from a lifetime of faulty cultural conditioning.

It will help to refer to this Diagram any time you have a question on human behavior.

To understand how you function, it is first necessary for you to have a realistic concept of who "you" are.

(Point to YOU on Human Behavior Diagram.) Are YOU your body? % (Slight pause)

No, YOU are not your body, for you can lose both arms and legs, as well as many other parts, without being diminished as an individual.

YOU are still YOU as much as you ever were.

Your body is simply the vehicle or instrument through which you function in this material phase of your existence.

Are YOU your mind?

* (Slight pause)

No, your mind is simply the activity of your brain, or human computer, and your associated nervous system.

If YOU were your mind, you would cease to be any time you fell into a coma or dreamless sleep. Now, if YOU are not your mind or body, what, then, are YOU? Suppose the doctor pronounces you dead; your body is still around. However, it is now silent, cold and unmoving.

It is apparent that a significant change has taken place — something has definitely left. Nothing, however, has been seen to leave, right? What, then, is it that has left?

Must it not be the non-physical being or "essence" that inhabited and animated your mind and body?

Must it not be the YOU that thinks, feels, makes decisions and acts through your mind and body? For what else could YOU possibly be?

*     (Pause)

^ (Point to A WARENESS block.) Now what is your Awareness?

Your Awareness, by definition, is how clearly you see and understand, both consciously and non- consciously, everything that affects your life.

Now since the term "Awareness" is a term of utmost importance in this program and a word you'll be hearing often during our sessions, it is of vital importance to fix its definition clearly in your mind and memory — word for word.

For every word of this definition is significant.

Please listen carefully and sense the significance of every word as I repeat its definition — Your Awareness is how clearly you see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects your life.

Who can repeat the definition? Who will give it a try?

(Work it out together. Write it on a chalkboard, if available.) Now what is the source of your Awareness?

*     (Slight pause)

Sfc (Point to HEREDITY, INNER KNOWING, TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE and ENVIRONMENT as you explain.)

Your Awareness is the AUTOMATIC product of three factors: (1) your heredity, or everything you brought into the world with you, (2) your intuition or Inner Knowing, and (3) your total life experience, including the full impact of your lifelong environment.

What is Inner Knowing?

*    (Pause)

Your Inner Knowing is another term for your intuitional insights.

Your Inner Knowing is the information you perceive directly without benefit of intellectualizing — without having to process it through your human computer or brain.

Your Inner Knowing is your direct contact with the Inner Wisdom ever waiting at the threshold of your consciousness.

Now while your Awareness is continually changing, owing to continual input from your Inner Knowing and total life experience, at the instant of any decision, your Awareness is as fixed or frozen as a cake of ice, for all input has ceased during that point in time.

At any given instant your Awareness simply is what it IS — the automatic product of your heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, none of which factors you can change at any given time.

Your PREVAILING Awareness is your Awareness at any given point in time.

Now, are YOU your Awareness?

(Slight pause)

No, your Awareness is a function of your mind — it is how clearly you see and understand. How could YOU be "how clearly you see and understand"? YOU are that which SEES and UNDERSTANDS.

YOU are that non-physical being which thinks, makes decisions and acts, based on your Awareness — that is, on how clearly you see and understand everything that affects your life.

(Point to VALUES block.)

Now what do we mean by values?

Your values are anything of significant worth or importance to you.

For example, they can be something tangible such as a new home or car, or something abstract such as beauty, honesty, justice, or whatever.

Now it is your Awareness — that is, how clearly you see and understand everything that affects your life — that determines your values.

Your values are sound or distorted depending on the degree that your Awareness is in alignment with reality — with what actually IS.

It is your values that generate your desires.

tfc (Point to DESIRES.)

For example, a value on a swimming pool generates a desire to own one.

Our desires become needs when they are so strong that we do not feel good until they are satisfied. ft (Point to NEEDS.)

Now at any given time you may have a number of competing needs. Your most intense competing need is your dominant need. (Point to DOMINANT NEED.)

How can you tell it is your dominant need? Because it is the need on which you act. Your dominant need is also your motivating need. Now what is the function of tension? ^ (Point to TENSION block.)

The tension generated by your dominant need is simply your signal to act.

Why? Because tension makes you uncomfortable, and your basic need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

To relieve this tension, it is necessary to make a decision to act in order to satisfy your dominant need.

% (Point to DECISION block.)

Now what determines how you decide to satisfy your dominant need? Your prevailing Awareness.

Why? Because it is how clearly you see and understand everything that affects your life that indicates how you can best satisfy your dominant need and rid yourself of tension.

To summarize, to release the tension generated by your dominant need, you make your decision and take action, based on the data supplied by your prevailing Awareness.

2fc (Point to ACTION block.)

Now, in view of what you have just learned, what is a valid definition of "actions"?

*      (Slight pause)

How does this fit for a satisfying definition of an action?

Your actions are the "means" you select, based on your prevailing Awareness, to satisfy your dominant or motivating needs.

(Slight pause)

This is all your actions are — merely the "means" you choose to satisfy your dominant or motivating needs.

*      (Pause)

Now every action has consequences. % (Point to CONSEQUENCES.)

The consequences of your actions make you inescapably responsible for everything you do or neglect to do.

(Point to RESPONSIBILITY.)

Why? Because, by definition, responsibility means you are answerable or accountable for your actions.

Can you ever escape responsibility for your actions or behavior? No, definitely not.

Why? Because you inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything you think, say, do and feel.

Contrary to general opinion, you cannot be IRRESPONSIBLE.

There is no such thing as a "cop out," for there is no way you can possibly avoid the consequences of your actions, be they "good," "bad" or indifferent.

You may be UNRELIABLE, but it is impossible to be irresponsible.

Even if you get another person to make your decisions, you are still responsible, for you are the one stuck with the consequences of your actions.

(Pause)

Now, as the diagram shows, your total life experience is changed by the consequences of your actions.

Your new life experience then feeds into your prevailing Awareness and changes it.

This completes a "need cycle" and you are ready to handle your next dominant need.

You now have a new prevailing Awareness and might act differently in a similar situation in the future.

% (Pause)

How ELSE can your prevailing Awareness be changed?

Since your heredity is fixed, new input from your Inner Knowing is the only other factor that can change your prevailing Awareness.

(There is no further need to stand by the Human Behavior Diagram. Hold all discussion to a minimum at this time.)

Let's stand and take a quick Stretch Break.

X (Allow approximately 30 seconds.)

Now that you understand how we function, let's look at some significant conclusions we can draw

from the role our Awareness plays in our life.

It is an observable reality that every human action is a response to a personal need.

And it is an observable reality that man's basic need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

It is our basic need to "feel good" that is behind the basic Law of Human Behavior. What is the basic Law of Human Behavior?

(Write the Law of Human Behavior on a chalkboard, if available.) WE CAN DO ONLY WHAT WE WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO. Why is this a Law of Human Behavior?

Because investigation of how and why we act as we do shows conclusively that there is no other reason possible for doing anything.

Like the Law of Gravity, it is unchangeable and always in operation. Now what determines what we do or don't do? Our prevailing Awareness.

Why? Because it is our Awareness — that is, how clearly we see and understand everything that affects our life — that indicates what we would rather do than not do.

What, then, is the crucial role our Awareness plays in our life?

Our Awareness determines our every action and reaction — everything we think, say, do and feel. Are we ever to blame for what we do? Definitely not.

Why not? Since our Awareness determines everything we do, any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness, which is not us and for which we are never to blame.

For our Awareness is the automatic product of three factors — our heredity, our Inner Knowing and our total life experience, none of which we can change on demand.

Is it now apparent that responsibility is an INESCAPABLE REALITY and that blame is a TRAGIC LIE, for there is no rational justification whatever for blame.

And since we are never to blame, there is no valid justification for guilt.

* (Pause)

Now, does the fact that your Awareness determines everything you think, say, do and feel mean you do not possess free will?

No, definitely not. Free will, by definition, means you can do anything you want or choose.

The reality is that there is absolutely nothing within your capabilities that you cannot do if you choose.

The price demanded for a given action may cause you to think you cannot do a certain thing, but the reality is that you can.

For it is an observable reality that we do have the freedom and authority to do anything we want — anything at all.

We cannot make a decision in a vacuum.

In order to act we must be motivated — must have some information, some values, needs or desires, on which to base our decisions.

It is our Awareness that furnishes the information — that is, that determines the values, needs and desires that motivate us to act.

The fact is that we could not act if we did not have the innate freedom and authority to do as our Awareness motivates us.

This completes our clarification of human behavior and the crucial role Awareness plays in our life. Any questions?

•f? (If time permits, it is desirable to get one or more members to come up to the Human Behavior Diagram and quickly run through the basic explanation you have just given.)

(On completion of the discussion, tell members how important it is for them to have a clear mental image of the Human Behavior Diagram and how it works. Have everyone fix their attention on the Diagram for about one minute. Then cover the Diagram and give them about two minutes to fill in the blocks on the blank Human Behavior Diagram on page 9 of their Manual. When members are finished, have them check for accuracy against the Human Behavior Diagram at the front of the room.)

We are now going to form into our first Small Discussion Group to answer some vitally important questions on the characteristics and function of our Awareness.

Please take careful note of the following instructions for our Small Group discussions, as they will not be repeated.

(If room arrangement does not fit these instructions, revise to suit.)

FORMING INTO SMALL GROUPS: Notice your chairs are arranged in groups of four, two in the front row and two in the second row, etc. To form into Small Discussion Groups, all those in the two front seats of each group of four chairs will stand and take turns turning their chairs to the back and sit down facing the person who was in back of them.

REFORMING INTO LARGE GROUP: When asked to reform back into the large group, reverse the procedure — that is, those who turned their chairs to the back will stand and take turns putting their chairs back in their original position.

PARTICIPATION OF GROUP MEMBERS:

1.  For maximum benefit, it is necessary for everyone to take active part in these Small Group discussions. However, allotted times are short, so all discussion must be brief and to the point. Any diversions will handicap you by keeping your group from completing the assigned topic.

2.  Should your group get hung up on any one point, it will be the responsibility of the Group Leader to note the particular point for future discussion and continue with the topic.

SELECTING GROUP LEADER: Each group will quickly select a member of their group to act

as Group Leader.

RESPONSIBILITIES OF GROUP LEADER:

1.  Group Leader will read topic instructions aloud and be responsible for seeing that they are followed.

2.  Group Leader is also responsible for keeping his or her group on schedule, timewise.

3.  Group Leader is responsible for noting and reporting any unresolved questions or disagreement upon reforming into the Large Group for further clarification by the Instructor.

Note: It is important to change seats after each Break so that you can interact with the other

members of this workshop during our Small Group discussions.

Now let's turn to the topic on page 11 in your Manual, "Questions on the Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays," and form into our Small Groups.

You will have 25 minutes to cover this topic.

Should you get hung up on any question, mark it for future reference and proceed to the next one.

(See that everyone finds a group. Audit groups at least every 7 or 8 minutes to see that they are on schedule.)

QUESTIONS ON THE CRUCIAL ROLE OUR AWARENESS PLAYS

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reads Basic Requirement above and each question, pausing 2 or 3 seconds while all members of group sense the question and, hopefully, get an insight as to the correct answer.

2.  Members take turns reading the answers when Group Leader indicates specific member who is to read answer. Discuss each question and answer very briefly.

3.  Group Leader makes a record of any unresolved questions and reports them to Instructor during Large Group discussion.

1.    Who am I?

(I am the non-physical being or essence that inhabits and animates my mind and body and functions through my Awareness—that thinks, feels, makes decisions and acts.)

2.     What is the definition of Awareness? (My Awareness is how clearly I see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects my life. My Awareness is a function, like walking or talking.)

3.     Am I my Awareness?

(No, I am not a function. How could I be "how clearly I see and understand"? I am a non-physical being. If I were my conscious Awareness, I would cease to be any time I fell into a coma or dreamless sleep.)

4.     What is the source of my Awareness? (My Awareness is the automatic product of my heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, including the full impact of my lifelong environment.)

5.    What is my heredity?

(My heredity is everything I brought into the world with me.)

6.    What is my Inner Knowing?

(My Inner Knowing is the intuitional insights I receive direct from my Inner Wisdom, without benefit of processing it through my brain or human computer. The more quiet and at peace I am, the more insights I receive from my Inner Knower.)

7.    What is my total life experience?

(My total life experience is the record stored in my brain — my human computer — of everything that has happened to me from birth to the present instant.)

8.    What are my values?

(My values are anything of significant worth or importance to me personally. They may be tangible or intangible, distorted or sound. Sound values are those that are in alignment with reality — with what actually IS.)

9.     Can I function without values?

(No, for I would then have nothing on which to base my decisions.)

10.  What is my dominant need?

(My dominant need is the need that is more intense than any of my competing needs.)

11.   How can I tell it is my dominant need? (It is the need on which I act. Thus, it is also my motivating need.)

12.  What is everyone's basic or ultimate need? (Everyone's basic or ultimate need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. Thus, everyone invariably does what they would rather do than not do, in an attempt to satisfy their ultimate need to "feel good." We invariably do what we think will make us feel best under the prevailing circumstances.)

13.   What is the "Basic Law of Human Behavior"?

(The Basic Law of Human Behavior is: WE CAN DO ONLY WHAT WE WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO.)

14.  What are needs?

(Needs are desires so intense that they cause tension. Thus, the tension generated by an unfulfilled dominant need is simply my signal to act to satisfy my dominant need in order to relieve this tension.)

15.   On what do I base my decisions to act? (On what my Awareness indicates I would rather do than not do.)

16.  What is the definition of an action?

(An action is simply the means I choose, as indicated by my prevailing Awareness, to fulfill my dominant or motivating need.)

17.  Am I my actions?

(No. I am that non-physical being or essence that acts — that chooses to do what I would rather do than not do to satisfy my dominant or motivating need.)

18.   What is the crucial role my Awareness plays in my life and affairs?

(It is my prevailing Awareness — that is, how clearly I see and understand everything that affects my life — that determines what I would rather do than not do, and thereby that determines my every decision and action.)

19.   How is responsibility linked to consequences?

(The consequences of my actions make me inescapably responsible for everything I do or don't do.)

20. How do the consequences of my actions make me responsible?

(I inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything I think, say, do and feel.)

21. What, besides my total life experience, can change my prevailing Awareness? (My Inner Knowing or intuitional insights.)

(If appropriate, announce at end of 25 minutes:)

Well now take a 10-minute Break and then have a clarification of any questions you may have about the Human Behavior Diagram and how we function, when we form into the Large Group after the Break.

(At the end of 7 minutes, announce that they have 3 minutes to return to their seats. Start promptly at the end of 10 minutes. Have members reform into Large Group and ask the Group Leaders for any questions or disagreement. Take approximately 20 minutes for answering questions.)

END SESSION 3.

4. VITAL FACTS ABOUT OUR AWARENESS

(Allow 40 minutes: 25 minutes for Small Group investigation, 15 minutes for questions in Large Group)

We are now going to investigate some vitally important facts about your Awareness — facts that, when you check and find them true, will enable you to accept yourself totally and unconditionally — the basic requirement for achieving sound Self-Esteem or genuine love of self.

To do this, we will again form into Small Groups, quickly select a Group Leader and follow the instructions for the topic.

Please refer to page 13 in your Manual, "Vital Facts About Our Awareness."

(If necessary, however, first quickly review the "Instructions for Forming into Small Discussion Groups " on pages 3-8 and 3-9 of this Guide.)

You will have about 25 minutes to check all of the items.

I will announce the time you have left at approximately 5-minute intervals.

Please make every effort to stay on the time schedule in order to complete your investigation of all items.

It is important that you finish checking all of these "Vital Facts" in order to get the most out of your investigation of the Observable Realities.

(Instructor audits progress of each group and gives them a 2-minute warning prior to reforming for Large Group discussion. On reforming for Large Group discussion, Instructor asks each Group Leader in turn for any questions or for any "Facts " that were not judged to be "True. " Instructor involves members as much as time permits in answering any questions and in resolving any disagreement as to the validity of any "Fact.")

VITAL FACTS ABOUT OUR AWARENESS

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reminds members of above Basic Requirement, reads "The Basic Law of Human Behavior" and has different members read "Definition of Awareness" and "Source of Our Awareness."

2.  Members take turns reading "Facts"and checking the appropriate blank. In case of disagreement on selection of proper blank, Group Leader notes question and has group move on to next "Fact."

3.  On completion of all "Facts," members endeavor to resolve any disagreement. Group Leader notes any unresolved disagreement and reports to Instructor for clarification during Large Group discussion.

THE BASIC LAW OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR: We can do only what we would rather do than not do.

DEFINITION OF AWARENESS: Our Awareness is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our lives.

SOURCE OF OUR AWARENESS: Our Awareness is the automatic product of (1) our heredity — that is, everything we brought into the world with us — (2) our Inner Knowing or intuitional insights, and (3) our total life experience, including the impact of our lifelong environment.

FACTS ABOUT OUR AWARENESS

True False Not Sure

___  _______  _______________ 1. We are not our mind, body, actions or Awareness. We are

that non-physical being or essence which animates our mind and body and functions through our Awareness. Our Awareness is merely a function, like walking or talking.

__    ________________ 2. Our Awareness is unique, for no two people can possibly

have the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience.

---    --------- .------------- 3. While our prevailing Awareness is continually changing,

at the instant of any decision it is as fixed and frozen as a cake of ice. For during that point in time, all input to our Awareness has ceased.

___ _____                __________ 4. We cannot consciously expand our Awareness unless so

motivated by our existing Awareness, for we can do only what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do.

---  .-------------------         5. We each have the innate right and freedom to express our

own unique Awareness as we, ourselves, see fit. In fact, we cannot possibly do otherwise.

_____________________ 6. We are entitled to neither praise nor blame for our Awareness, for it simply is what it IS — the automatic product of our heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, none of which factors we can control at the instant of any decision.

--- — -------- - ------------              7. Our Awareness determines both our values and our needs.

Thus, a distorted Awareness — that is, an Awareness out of alignment with reality — generates both distorted values and distorted needs.

---  -  --------- __________ 8. A distorted Awareness produces distorted actions—that is,

the means we choose, as indicated by our prevailing Awareness, to satisfy our needs.

•------------------------------- 9. We can do only what our prevailing Awareness determines

we would rather do than not do, for there is no other reason possible for doing anything.

---  --------------------------- 10. Our level of Awareness determines our degree of Self-

Esteem, for everything we believe, think, say, do and feel is an indication of our level of Awareness.

True False Not Sure

11.                                                   The crucial role our Awareness plays is that it determines our every action and reaction, for it is how clearly we see and understand everything that affects our life that determines what we would rather do than not do.

12.                                                   Thus, any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness. Only our Awareness can be improved.

(Reform into Large Group for 15-minute clarification of any questions or disagreement.)

END SESSION 4.

MODULE TWO SESSIONS

SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AGENDA FOR MODULE TWO

(Four Hours)

Duration

5.     FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR................................ 40'

Large Group............................................................................................... 5'

Small Group............................................................................................... 25'

Large Group............................................................................................... 10'

6.     THE PRIMARY UN-REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR............................................... 5'

7.    DEDUCING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR.................. 45'

Small Group............................................................................................... 35'

Large Group............................................................................................... 10'

BREAK..................................................................................................... *............... 10'

8.     INTERNALIZING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES...................... ................... 25'

Instructor Introduction.............................................................................. .10'

Structured Exercise: Basic Affirmations — TAPE............................................. 15'

9.     CLARIFICATION OF TERMS.................................................................................. 20'

Small Group: Value Judging and Related Terms............................................. 10'

Large Group: Tommy's Puppy...................................................................... 10'

10.   VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING........................................................................ 30'

BREAK....................................................................................................................... 10'

11.   GETTING RID OF SELF-CONDEMNATION AND GUILT............................................ 20'

(Structured Exercise) — TAPE

12.   LOVING YOURSELF AND OTHERS......................................................................... 20'

(Structured Exercise: Love Chair) — TAPE

13.   SHARING: GUILT AND LOVE CHAIR EXPERIENCES............................................ ,. .15'

Small Group............................................................................................... 10'

Large Group................................................................................................. 5'

Close Module Two with Fra Giovanni's Greeting — TAPE

ADJOURN

5. FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

(Allow 40 minutes: 5 minutes for reading concepts aloud in Large Group, 25 minutes for Small Group, and 10 minutes for Large Group discussion)

We are now going to investigate some false and destructive concepts of human behavior that have contributed significantly to our lack of Self-Esteem.

Please turn to page 17 in your Manual.

(Call on individuals to read the "False and Destructive Concepts of Human Behavior. "Do not comment or explain. Acknowledge what they say, but don't straighten them out.)

FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

1.     If you act "bad," you are "bad."

2.     Winning is the only thing that counts. "Losers" and low achievers do not count.

3.  You should feel guilty for your mistakes, defeats and failures, for you could have done better if you had tried harder.

4.     It is wrong for you to love yourself.

5.     You should be perfect — you should improve yourself.

6.     Your worth is determined by how much or how well you do, compared with others.

7.     You know better, so you should have done better.

8.  You can validate your worth and justify your existence only through exceptional achievements and the approval and acceptance of others.

9.  Outside forces, circumstances and the actions and attitudes of others are responsible for your unhappiness and hurting.

10.   Others have the authority and power to insult you and "put you down."

11.   Self-indulgence and laziness are evidence of a weak will.

12.   There are strong people and weak people. A strong person is one who can accomplish anything through a "sheer act of will."

13.   Guilt is essential to motivate you to correct your mistakes and do better in the future.

14.   You should deny your own needs to serve the needs of others.

15.   You must fulfill the demands and expectations of others because you need their acceptance and approval in order to be happy.

16.   Your happiness depends on how much money, power and prestige you manage to accumulate. We will now form again into Small Groups to investigate these concepts.

This investigation will give you all a good idea how much our faulty .cultural conditioning has thrown our Awareness out of alignment with reality.

These false concepts have no doubt generated a lot of self-condemnation and guilt, thereby preventing total, unconditional acceptance and genuine love of self.

(Have members form into Small Groups.)

Please turn to page 19, "False and Destructive Concepts vs. Realities of Human Behavior."

Quickly select your Group Leader and proceed according to the instructions at the top of the page.

You will have a total of 25 minutes to investigate the two sets of false and destructive concepts on pages 20 and 21.

(Instructor advises groups at 5-minute intervals approximately where they should be at that time. Instructor also audits progress of each group several times to see that no group gets hung up, and gives 2-minutes notice prior to calling groups together. When Small Groups reform into one Large Group, Instructor asks for reports from each Group Leader and quickly disposes of any questions or disagreement.)

FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS VS. REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reads Basic Requirement, then the first "False and Destructive Concept." All members quickly run down the first set of "Realities of Human Behavior" to locate and fill in the blank with the letter of the Reality that proves this concept false.

2.  Group Leader then has members take turns reading the rest of the "False and Destructive Concepts"and fill in the appropriate blanks accordingly.

3.  On completion of both sets, Group Leader checks group's answers with those at the bottom of the page and leads a short discussion on any questions or disagreement, then notes any unresolved questions and reports them to Instructor during Large Group discussion.

Set One

FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR I         1. If you act "bad," you are "bad."

&--------- 2. Winning is the only thing that counts. "Losers" and low achievers do not count.

e--------- 3. You should feel guilty for your mistakes, defeats and failures, for you could have

done better if you had tried harder.

£--------- 4. It is wrong for you to love yourself.

5--------- 5. You should be perfect — you should improve yourself.

i?--------- 6. Your worth is determined by how much or how well you do, compared with others.

J?-------- 7. You know better, so you should have done better.

-----------  8. You can validate your worth and justify your existence only through exceptional

achievements and the approval and acceptance of others.

REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

a.  You have no need to be validated by others, for your very existence proves your innate worth and importance.

b.  Knowing better will not enable you to "do better" when you have a conflicting need that outweighs your desire to "do better."

c.  You can feel good and enjoy helping others only to the degree that you accept and genuinely love yourself.

d.  You cannot improve yourself, for you are already perfect. You are completely worthy and totally blameless just as you are. For any fault in your behavior or efforts lies not in you but in your prevailing Awareness. Only your Awareness can be improved.

e.  Blame and guilt are totally unjustified, for you are not your actions and can act only as "good" or wisely as your prevailing Awareness permits or enables you to act.

f.   You are not "bad" if you act "bad," for you are not your actions and can act only as "good" or wisely as your prevailing Awareness permits or enables you to act.

g.  You do not have to prove your worth by your achievements, for you are totally worthy just as you are.

h.  Comparisons with others are unjustified as a measure of your personal worth, for each person functions through their own unique Awareness and can do only what that Awareness permits or enables them to do.

Set Two

FALSE AND DESTRUCTIVE CONCEPTS OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

o | 9. | Outside forces, circumstances and the actions and attitudes of others are responsible
|  | for your unhappiness and hurting.
D | 10. | Others have the authority and power to insult you and "put you down."
n | 11. | Self-indulgence and laziness are evidence of a weak will.
1 | 12. | There are strong people and weak people. A strong person is one who can accomplish
|  | anything through a "sheer act of will."
m | 13. | Guilt is essential to motivate you to correct your mistakes and do better in the future.
i | 14. | You should deny your own needs to serve the needs of others.
k | 15. | You must fulfill the demands and expectations of others because you need their
|  | acceptance and approval.
i | 16. | Your happiness depends on how much money, power and prestige you manage to

accumulate.

REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

i. You can be happy, free and at peace with yourself only to the degree that you are in alignment with reality. With sound Self-Esteem, success and the joy of living are assured.

j. To think of denying your own needs to serve others is destructive to your Self-Esteem, for the message is: "You do not count — only others are worthy enough to count." The better you serve your own needs, the more free, able and willing are you to serve the needs of others.

k. With sound Self-Esteem, you are invulnerable to the opinions, attitudes, demands and expectations of others, for you are your own authority and do not need to satisfy anyone but yourself. With sound Self-Esteem, you enjoy relating with others, but have no compulsive need for their agreement, approval and acceptance.

1. There are no "strong" or "weak" people. People are labeled "strong" or "weak" according to the intensity of their motivation to conform to their own values. Such motivation is determined by their prevailing Awareness.

m. Regret, not guilt, is a corrective for your mistakes and faulty performance. Guilt generates such intense emotional turmoil and feelings of unworthiness that it prevents constructive action.

n. There is no such thing as a "sheer act of will," for you can do only what your prevailing Awareness determines you would rather do than not do. So-called "will" is simply a desire to fulfill your dominant need. The more intense the desire, the stronger your "will." Conversely, a "weak will" simply indicates a lack of motivation to do what you or others think you "should."

o. Life is a "do it yourself" job, NOT a "they do it to me" situation. For your well-being is determined not by what "they" do, but by the consequences of everything YOU think, say, do and feel. You cannot NOT be responsible.

p. You cannot possibly be hurt, "put down" or insulted unless you accept another's authority over your own.

^ (Reform for brief 10-minute Large Group discussion.)

END SESSION 5.

6. THE PRIMARY UN REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR (Allow 5 minutes for Large Group review)

We are now going to review the primary UN-realities of human behavior programmed into us practically from birth by our faulty cultural conditioning — the fundamental cause of our low or crippling lack of Self-Esteem — of our sense of unworthiness, self-rejection and emotional hurting.

If we are to experience harmony and love, our NATURAL state of being, we must clearly understand the falseness and destructiveness of these concepts and replace them with the Observable Realities of Human Behavior.

We cannot otherwise experience total, unconditional acceptance of self, the essential requirement for sound Self-Esteem.

What are these UN-realities?

Please refer to page 23 in your Manual.

We will first review these UN-realities to make sure you fully understand them and their implications.

(Instructor reads the opening paragraph and each un-reality, pausing a few seconds after each to allow time for mental digestion. On completion of reading all un-realities, Instructor asks if there is anyone who does not fully understand any un-reality and its implications, but does not allow group to draw him into a long discussion.)

THE PRIMARY UN-REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

What prevents us from accepting ourself totally and unconditionally? A sense of unworthiness deriving from one or more of the following UN-REALITIES:

1.  I am not in charge of my own life and well-being. I am at the mercy of the establishment and other outside circumstances.

2.     I am trapped. I have neither the authority nor the freedom to do what I want.

3.  I must prove my worth and importance by my good behavior and outstanding accomplishments. I must be approved and accepted by others.

4.  I am filled with blame and guilt. I should have tried harder, for I could have done better if I had tried harder.

5.     I am far from perfect, for I have many faults and am continually making mistakes.

6.  I am too unworthy and guilty to deserve to "feel good." I must settle for misfortune and unhappiness.

7.     Life is futile and meaningless.

Our faulty cultural conditioning has caused us to accept these UN-REALITIES as real and something to live by. Our self-rejection and hurting stem from living in accord with them — from not realizing that we are perfect, totally worthy, unique and precious JUST AS WE ARE, and that

we DO deserve to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

•

END SESSION 6.

7. DEDUCING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR (Allow 45 minutes: 35 minutes for Small Group, 10 minutes for Large Group)

We are again going to form into Small Groups for deducing the Basic Observable Realities of Human Behavior.

Please refer to page 25 of your Manual.

You will note that you are given first the Un-reality for reference, and then a series of questions to aid you in your deduction of the corresponding Basic Observable Reality.

It is necessary to clearly perceive the validity of these Basic Observable Realities if you are to achieve sound Self-Esteem.

You will have a total of 35 minutes to deduce all seven Realities.

I will announce the time at approximately 5-minute intervals and indicate where you must be, to be on schedule.

Now turn your front chairs around, quickly select your Group Leader who will read the instructions, and proceed with your deduction of the Realities.

•jfc (1. Instructor repeats any necessary instructions for forming into Small Groups.

2.  Instructor announces time at 5-minute intervals and informs groups where they must be, to be on schedule, and informs them 2 minutes prior to reforming into Large Group.

3.  On reforming into Large Group, Instructor asks Group Leaders, one at a time, to report any questions or disagreement from their group. Instructor handles questions as they are reported, bearing in mind that there is only 10 minutes for discussion.

4.  After discussion of all Group Leaders' reports, Instructor asks members if they have any further questions.)

DEDUCING THE SEVEN BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reminds members of Basic Requirement above, reads the first "Un-reality," then has members take turns reading and answering questions.

2.  Leader notes any unresolved questions after 5 minutes and has group move on to next "Reality."

3.  If necessary, refer to the Human Behavior Diagram and "Vital Facts About Our Awareness" for clarifying any question or disagreement.

4.  Leader guides group through all seven "Basic Observable Realities " in similar manner.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 1

UN-REALITY: I am not in charge of my own life and well-being. I am at the mercy of the establishment and other outside circumstances.

1.  If I am not in charge of my own life, who is?

2.  How can someone else be in charge of my life?

3.  If someone else makes decisions for me, who allows them to do so?

4.  Who benefits or suffers from the consequences of any decisions affecting my life?

5.  What is the true meaning of responsibility?

6.  Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I AM INESCAPABLY IN CHARGE OF MY OWN LIFE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD," for I inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything I do or do not do.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 2 UN-REALITY: I am trapped. I have neither the authority nor the freedom to do what I want.

1.  Have I ever done anything I did not want to do? If so, what?

2.  Why did I do it?

3.  How would I have felt if I had not done it?

4.  What price would I have had to pay for not doing it?

5.  Was I willing to pay this price?

6.  Didn't I do what I would rather do than not do under the circumstances — that is, what I most wanted to do, considering other alternatives and the total price and total benefits involved?

7.  What is there within my capabilities that I cannot do?

8.  Isn't it the price demanded that makes me feel I had no other alternative?

9.  Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING % MYSELF, SEE FIT, for there is nothing within my capabilities I cannot do. I cannot, however, avoid paying the price demanded for anything I do.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 3

UN-REALITY: I must prove my worth and importance by my good behavior and outstanding accomplishments. I must be approved and accepted by others.

1.  What can I do to make myself a more worthy individual?

2.  In what way would this make me more worthy?

3.  Am I my Awareness?

4.  Am I the actions my Awareness determines for satisfying my dominant need?

5.  Who in the world is more or less worthy than I am?

6.  In what way are others more or less worthy?

7.  What proves my innate worth and importance?

8.  Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO, for I am not my actions. My very existence proves my innate worth and importance.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 4

UN-REALITY: I am filled with blame and guilt. I should have tried harder, for I could have done better if I had tried harder.

1.  Have I ever done anything that I could have done better at the time? If so, what?

2.  How could I have done better?

3.  What determines how well I do?

4.  Am I my Awareness?

5.  Can I change my Awareness at the instant of my decision to act?

6.  Am I the actions stemming from my Awareness?

7.  Can I act better or more wisely than my prevailing Awareness permits?

8.  Am I to blame for how poorly I act?

9.  Am I responsible for my actions?

10.   What is the difference between responsibility and blame?

11.   Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, for I am not my Awareness or my actions, and can act only as wisely as my prevailing Awareness permits.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 5 UN-REALITY: I am far from perfect, for I have many faults and am continually making mistakes.

1.  Am I my body?

2.  Am I my mind?

3.  Am I my actions?

4.  Am I my Awareness?

5.  Who or what am I?

6.  What can I do to improve myself?

7.  What determines my decisions and actions?

8.  If there is any fault in my behavior or endeavors, where does the fault lie?

9.  Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - WITHOUT FAULT. Any fault in what I do lies not in me but in my prevailing Awareness. Only my Awareness can be improved.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 6

UN-REALITY: I am too unworthy and guilty to deserve to "feel good." I must settle for misfortune and unhappiness.

1.  What proves my innate worth and importance?

2.  Is there anyone more worthy than I am?

3.  Have I ever done less than the best I was capable of doing at the time?

4.  What is my basic need?

5.  Have I ever done anything for any other reason than to "feel good" mentally, physically or emotionally?

6.  Is "feeling good" a natural state of being?

7.  What keeps me from "feeling good"?

8.  Do I have the authority to do what is necessary for me to "feel good"?

9.  Why should I NOT "feel good "?

10.   Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD" MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY, for that is my birthright.

BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 7 UN-REALITY: Life is futile and meaningless.

1.  What is the basic need that determines my every decision and action?

2.  Have I ever done anything to satisfy my basic need to "feel good" that did not contribute to my learning and growth — to the expansion of my Awareness?

3.  As I expand my Awareness, isn't it true that my genuine love of self and resulting "feel good" will produce a need for me to contribute to the well-being of others?

4.  Is the purpose of life to learn and grow in Awareness and Love — to expand our Awareness and contribute to the well-being of others?

5.  Is there anything, even a bug or a tree, that does not make a contribution to life?

6.  Is life a cosmic schoolroom for our needed learning and growth — for the expansion of our Awareness?

7.  Based on the above questions and my answers, is the following a true statement of human behavior?

REALITY: MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE. The more I experience love and the joy of living, the more I contribute to the love and joy of others.

jfc (Reform

into Large Group for a 10-minute discussion.)

END SESSION 7. (If appropriate, announce a 10-minute Break.)

8. INTERNALIZING THE BASIC OBSERVABLE REALITIES

(Allow 25 minutes: 10 minutes for Instructor's Introduction, 15 minutes for structured exercise)

Now it is relatively easy to understand and accept the Basic Observable Realities of Human Behavior intellectually; however, it is quite a different thing to internalize them at a non-conscious level of your Awareness so that you automatically act and react in accord with them.

We use the term "non-conscious" because it does not carry the connotations of the "sub-conscious."

To achieve sound Self-Esteem, you must realize on a deep, non-conscious level that you are NOT your Awareness or actions, that you ARE totally worthy — without fault — and DESERVE to "feel good."

The following procedure for internalizing the Realities of Human Behavior is essential for achieving total, unconditional acceptance.

Now, your mind is similar to a computer.

The human mind was, in fact, the model for design of the electronic computer of industry.

You function as if you had a computer card continually being punched by your faulty cultural conditioning, giving you the message on a deep, non-conscious level that you are too guilty and unworthy to DESERVE to "feel good" - in short, that you ARE just NO good.

This destructive message must be replaced by one in accord with reality — one that affirms you ARE a unique and perfect being, totally worthy and without fault.

Appropriate affirmations cancel out our false and destructive concepts and replace them with the Realities of Human Behavior.

Since our faulty programming has taken place at a deep, non-conscious level, you have to get down to that same level to root out and replace these false and destructive concepts.

You cannot achieve total, unconditional acceptance of yourself and thereby the fantastic benefits of sound Self-Esteem until you DO reprogram yourself on the non-conscious level with the Realities of Human Behavior which you, yourself, have investigated and found to be valid.

Conscientiously affirming these Realities on a regular basis is the only practical means for repro- gramming yourself on the non-conscious level so that you automatically act and react in alignment with reality.

And only to the degree that you do act in alignment with reality can you function harmoniously and effectively — only to this degree can you experience the tremendous benefits of sound Self- Esteem.

We will first read the Basic Affirmations of Human Behavior so that you will be prepared to affirm them without question or resistance.

Again, be aware that you have already investigated and approved the validity of these Realities.

However, if any affirmation is not yet acceptable to you, simply refrain from repeating it when affirming.

^ (Instructor reads following affirmations slowly and distinctly and then asks for any objections or mental reservations.)

1.  I REALIZE I AM INESCAPABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD" - FOR EVERYTHING I DO OR DONT DO.

2.  I REALIZE I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING I, MYSELF, SEE FIT.

3.  I REALIZE I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO - THAT MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE.

4.  I REALIZE I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, FOR ANY FAULT LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY PREVAILING AWARENESS.

5.  I REALIZE I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

6.  I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD," FOR IT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT TO "FEEL GOOD."

7.     I REALIZE MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE.

We are now going to internalize these Realities with the same affirmation tape you will be using in your Follow-On Program.

#J» (Play tape no. 7, side 1, "Basic Affirmations for Total, Unconditional Acceptance," or read the following script.)

BASIC AFFIRMATIONS FOR TOTAL, UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE We are going to affirm the Basic Affirmations for Total, Unconditional Acceptance.

You must first get your body into a comfortable and relaxed position, and your mind in a quiet and receptive state.

The following affirmation technique is extremely effective for getting your mind into such a fully relaxed, open and receptive state — a state of mind necessary for cancelling out your erroneous concepts and replacing them with the realities of your behavior.

Now, to get as relaxed as possible, take a deep breath, and while inhaling, stretch as hard and fully as you can possibly manage.

As you begin to exhale, start relaxing, and as you relax, sense all your tensions, both physical and emotional, draining away.

Now, to get your body comfortable and relaxed, sit erect in a straight chair, with your hands in your lap, feet flat on the floor, your hips pressed lightly against the chair back, and your head, neck and upper body in a relaxed vertical line, so that you do not strain against the pull of gravity.

Focus your eyes upward as far as you can without strain or discomfort, probably at about 45 degrees or more.

Close your eyelids lightly while maintaining your eyes in this easy, upward position. Take another deep breath, and while exhaling, feel a deep peace flooding through your entire being. Imagine yourself in the most pleasant and relaxed situation you have ever experienced. # (Allow approximately a 5-second pause.)

Now to achieve greater depth of relaxation and a still deeper level of Awareness, picture and sense the various parts of your body, in successive order, as being in a perfect state of comfort and relaxation.

Now focus your Awareness on your right foot: the toes, arch, heel and ankle of your right foot are now perfectly relaxed.

The calf of your right leg, from the ankle up to the knee, the thigh, and on up through the right hip are now completely relaxed.

Now your left foot: the toes, arch, heel and ankle of your left foot are now perfectly relaxed.

The calf of your left leg, from the ankle up to the knee, the thigh, and on up through the left hip are now completely relaxed.

The muscles around your hips and base of your spine are now totally relaxed.

A sense of complete relaxation goes all the way up your spine, from the lower part of your back up through the central portion of your back, to between your shoulders and on up into your neck.

The muscles in your abdomen and chest are now fully relaxed.

Your shoulders are now totally relaxed and at ease.

Your right shoulder, right arm, elbow, forearm, wrist, hand and fingers are now totally relaxed. Your left shoulder, left arm, elbow, forearm, wrist, hand and fingers are now totally relaxed. The muscles in your neck are now completely relaxed.

There is now complete relaxation in the muscles of your scalp, your forehead, around your eyes, your ears, your nose, cheeks, jaws, mouth and tongue.

All tension is completely draining away, leaving your entire body as limp and relaxed as a sleeping infant.

A great calm flows through your brain and nervous system, fully relaxing all tensions and releasing all care.

You are now experiencing total relaxation, ease and peace.

Now imagine and sense your mind completely stilled and open to new ideas.

Take another deep breath, and as you exhale, quietly sense and mentally affirm with me: "My mind is quiet and receptive."

(Pause)

Again: "My mind is quiet and receptive." # (Pause)

You are now so fully relaxed mentally, physically and emotionally that your daily cares seem far away and unimportant.

You are in an exceptionally pleasant, detached and receptive, but mentally alert state of mind.

You will now quietly sense each word and phrase of the following affirmations as you mentally repeat them with me three times each.

These affirmations will go deep into your Awareness, cancelling out your false and destructive concepts and replacing them with the Realities of Human Behavior.

(Slowly and meaningfully repeat each affirmation three times — pausing about 5 seconds between each repetition and before starting the next affirmation. If necessary for clarity, pause appreciably at each comma to allow members to mentally follow the affirmation.)

Now the first affirmation:

I REALIZE I AM INESCAPABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD" - FOR EVERYTHING I DO OR DONT DO.

•X- (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM INESCAPABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD" - FOR EVERYTHING I DO OR DONT DO.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I AM INESCAPABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD" - FOR EVERYTHING I DO OR DONT DO.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the next affirmation.

I REALIZE I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING I, MYSELF, SEE FIT.

■Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING I, MYSELF, SEE FIT.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING I, MYSELF, SEE FIT.

(Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the next affirmation.

I REALIZE I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO - THAT MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE.

■Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO - THAT MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO - THAT MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE.

If: (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the next affirmation.

I REALIZE I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, FOR ANY FAULT LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY PREVAILING AWARENESS.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, FOR ANY FAULT LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY PREVAILING AWARENESS.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, FOR ANY FAULT LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY PREVAILING AWARENESS.

■Xr (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the next affirmation.

I REALIZE I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

H: (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the next affirmation.

I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD," FOR IT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT TO "FEEL GOOD."

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD," FOR IT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT TO "FEEL GOOD."

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD," FOR IT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT TO "FEEL GOOD."

(Pause about 5 seconds before doing the last affirmation.)

Now, remaining mentally alert, focus your Awareness on the full meaning of each word and phrase as you silently repeat the last affirmation.

I REALIZE MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Now again: I REALIZE MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE. •X- (Pause about 5 seconds.)

Now prepare to return to your conscious level of Awareness.

When you open your eyes, you will feel rested and alert, better than you felt before.

Now slowly open your eyes.

You are now rested and alert, feeling better than you felt before.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT) END SESSION 8.

9. CLARIFICATION OF TERMS

(Allow 20 minutes: 10 minutes for Small Group review, 10 minutes for "Tommy's Puppy" in Large Group)

We will now form into Small Groups to clarify some terms significant to achieving sound Self- Esteem.

Please turn to page 33 in your Manual, "Value Judging and Related Terms." You will have 10 minutes to read and discuss these terms.

VALUE JUDGING AND RELATED TERMS

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reminds members of Basic Requirement above and has members take turns reading the clarification of each term.

2.  Group Leader notes any questions raised during reading and reports them to Instructor during Large Group discussion.

VALUES: A value is anything of significant worth or importance to the individual who values it. A value may be sound or distorted, tangible or intangible.

OBSERVATION is factual perception of what is, free of praise and value judgments. It is simply reporting what we perceive to be reality, free of emotional judgments.

APPRECIATION is recognition of something that pleases us about an individual — something that we like, approve or admire. Appreciation is simply a factual observation of an individual's favorable characteristics or actions, completely free of praise or blame of the individual.

PRAISE is a judgment that a particular individual is "good" or "better than'.' others because of characteristics, actions or behavior we approve or admire. Praise is totally invalid, for one can neither be nor do otherwise, given his individual heredity and unique Awareness. Some undesirable and destructive characteristics of praise are:

1.     Praise identifies us with our actions when it is based on our performance. Thus, it sets us up for blame and guilt any time we do less than perfect. This identification with our actions causes us to condemn ourselves and be condemned by others for our hurtful acts, mistakes, defeats and failures. Whereas, the reality is that we are neither our actions or Awareness and can act only as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

2.     Praise makes us dependent on others for our "feel good" and sense of worth. If we need praise to "feel good," how are we going to feel when we do not receive it? "Less than," unworthy and miserable, right?

3.     Praise causes us to feel vulnerable to the opinions and attitudes of others because of our conditioned need for their approval and acceptance.

4.     Praise places a burden on us, for it generates anxieties and pressure to continue to do as well or better in order to merit the continued approval of the bestower of praise. It also tends to make us defensive and resentful of this burden placed on us.

5.    Praise implies surprise that we were able to do as well as we did, which causes resentment on our part. Praise is also manipulative, which again causes resentment, rather than "feel good."

6.    Praise undermines our authority and sense of worth, for it implies a need to be validated by others. We do not need to be validated by others, for our very existence proves our innate worth and importance.

7.     Even though praise may provide a quick glow of pleasure, it quickly evaporates, leaving us more deeply entrenched in our sense of unworthiness and guilt, for deep down we realize that all praise is based on comparisons with others and makes us feel bad because it reminds us of those we feel are better and more worthy than ourselves. Comparisons of our personal worth are, of course, totally invalid, for no two people have the same Awareness and capabilities.

8.     Praise is especially destructive to children, for they readily grasp the fact that praise is based on identification with their actions. Thus, they automatically blame themselves every time they make a mistake. This is the beginning of their lack of Self-Esteem.

VALUE JUDGMENT: Value judging is criticizing, condemning, blaming or finding fault with an individual because his behavior does not conform to our particular values. Value judging is rooted in identification of the individual with his unique Awareness and the actions stemming from that Awareness. Value judging is not only destructive but totally invalid, for we are neither our actions or Awareness and can act only as "good" or wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

RESISTANCE is a refusal to accept an unwanted reality we cannot change, or that we are unwilling to pay the price to change.

GUILT is a sense of being unworthy or "less than" stemming from our own or others' value judgments of our actions or behavior.

REGRET is recognition that we made a mistake, plus a desire to do better in the future. REMORSE is "regret" plus a sense of guilt for not having done better.

PRICE: There is a price demanded for everything we do or don't do. Such price is made up of any time, energy or money expended, plus any unwanted consequences and having to forego valued alternatives.

•fC (Reform into Large Group. Instructor requests members to turn to page 35 of their Manuals, reads "Tommy "s Puppy " aloud and leads group through filling in the blanks.)

TOMMY'S PUPPY (an exercise for clarification of terms)

John's seven-year-old child, Tommy, had an intense desire for a puppy because he had no -one to play with. One morning, about five miles from home, while hurriedly driving to work, John noticed a puppy being abandoned. Even though John knew it would make him late for work, he made friends with the puppy and took it home to Tommy.

Several months later, even though John had an important early appointment at the office, he overslept. In a frantic effort to get to his appointment on time, he did not notice Tommy's puppy behind the car and, in backing out of the garage, ran over and killed his son's beloved pet.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Fill in the blanks below with the term you feel best applies

Appreciation                                                 Price

Observation                                                  Guilt

Value Judging and Resisting                          Praise

1.  Tommy had an intense desire for a puppy. Tommy placed a high----- Value------------------

on owning a puppy.

2.  Tommy said that he was very pleased and happy that his daddy had given him a puppy. This is Appreciation__________________________________________________________

3.  John blamed himself and felt very unworthy because he had run over and killed his son's pet. This is Guilt or Remorse__________________________________________________________

4.  John's neighbor, Bill, has a value that people be very careful when they back up their cars. Bill identified John with his actions and condemned him for not conforming to Bill's value. He said to himself, "John SHOULD have looked behind his car before backing up," and became very angry with John. This is Va/uc Judeins and Resisting-----------------------------------------------------------

5.  John ran over and killed Tommy's puppy. This is____ Observation ----------------------------

6.  John is really a beautiful person because he is so loving and considerate of his son's needs. This is                                                                           ___

7.  John felt simply terrible about killing Tommy's puppy. He just couldn't forgive himself for such a careless act. He felt very much to blame. This is —Guilt <?r Rquiqw---------------------------

8.  John was deeply sorry about killing Tommy's pet. He resolved to be much more careful in the future, and to get Tommy a new puppy. He then decided to stop worrying and feeling bad about it. After all, the damage had already been done. This is Regret------------------------------------------------

9.  What price did John pay for oversleeping?____ Guilt, remorse or regret, plus any other----

unwanted consequences of his action.                                    -------------------------------------

Regret Remorse Value

^ (Instructor asks for any questions or disagreement. If anyone asks for examples, use any or all of the following:)

Praise: "Bert, you are really a great guy for giving all that money to the March of Dimes."

Appreciation: "Bert, I am really pleased about your generous contribution to the March of Dimes. I sure needed your support."

Praise: "Al, I think you're terrific for helping me with my car, when no one else stopped to help."

Appreciation: "Al, I really appreciate your helping me with my car. I was in deep trouble."

END SESSION 9.

10. VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING (Allow 30 minutes)

We are now going to discuss a most important life-changing reality.

This profoundly important realization is that the only way we can get emotionally upset — to whatever degree — is to name an unwanted reality "bad" and resist it.

There is no other way to get depressed — there is no other way to experience resentment, anger, hate, bitterness, anxiety, fear, envy, jealousy, or other negative emotions.

What is resistance?

Resistance is our refusal to accept an unwanted reality we are powerless or unwilling to change

— and agree to let it be — to let it be, just as we let daylight and dark be, no matter how much we might wish it were otherwise.

I will repeat this very important definition.

Resistance is our refusal to accept an unwanted reality we are powerless or unwilling to change

— and agree to let it be, no matter how much we might wish it were otherwise.

It is not the unwanted reality, even though it may be the loss of a loved one, that causes us to get emotionally upset.

For the fact is that it is not the person, situation or event that makes us "feel bad," but the destructive negative emotion generated by our value judging and resisting the unwanted reality of the person, situation or event.

It is important to realize that we actually have a choice to "feel good" or "feel bad."

We choose to "feel good" when we accept the unwanted reality, free of all value judging and resistance, no matter how "wrong," "unfair" or "immoral" we may think it is.

It is vitally important to realize, however, that accepting an unwanted reality does NOT mean that we approve or support it.

We choose to "feel bad" when we resist — that is, when we refuse to accept the reality of the unwanted behavior, situation or event.

All value judging and resistance of individuals are irrational and, therefore, absolutely insane, for everyone has to do what their prevailing Awareness determines they would rather do than not do.

No amount of value judging and resisting can possibly change their Awareness at any given time.

Situations and events are neither "good" nor "bad" except as we label them so — they simply are as they ARE.

Likewise, no amount of value judging and resistance can possibly change them.

We label realities "bad," "wrong" or "unfair" that we do not like or want and then resist them because we perceive them to be a threat to our "feel good."

Such labeling is absolutely absurd, insane and ridiculous, for the fact IS that such realities of themselves cannot make us "feel bad."

The only thing that has the POWER to make us "feel bad" is our resistance.

Labeling people and things "bad" and resisting them stems from a distorted low Self-Esteem need to control our universe.

This, again, is insane and ridiculous, for:

1.    the individual is neither his Awareness nor to blame for it causing the unwanted behavior, and

2.    value judging and resisting the individual cannot possibly change what he or she has done.

Neither can our value judging and resisting change a situation we are powerless to change.

Now turn to page 37, "Value Judging and Resisting," and we will review the three types of unwanted realities we commonly value judge and resist, even though powerless or unwilling to change them.

"_____ ," will you read the paragraph that begins: 'The most common source of our 'feel bad'..."

please — just down to the "meatball," that enormous black dot?

'The most common source of our 'feel bad' is resisting OURSELVES because we identify ourselves with our actions and criticize and condemn ourselves for not doing as our particular values cause us to feel we 'should'."

(Instructor interposes the following example:)

For example, in a hurry to get home, we are driving so fast that we cannot avoid running over a cat darting across the street.

Now, if we choose to "feel good," despite the unwanted reality of killing the cat, we can simply regret the accident, realizing that we could not possibly have done otherwise with our prevailing Awareness, and resolve to be more careful in the future.

In other words, we will accept the reality of the cat's death and that we are powerless to change what happened, and agree to let this unwanted reality be — free of resistance, self-recrimination and guilt.

On the other hand, if we do not choose to "feel good," we will condemn ourselves for carelessly killing the cat, feel guilty about destroying an innocent life, and get very upset with ourselves

-  AND feel terrible.

"------- ," will you read the next section below the "meatball" that begins: "How can we stop

value judging and resisting ourselves..."?

"How can we stop value judging and resisting ourselves for doing or not doing what we think we 'should'? By achieving sound Self-Esteem — by getting our Awareness into alignment with reality

— with what actually IS. Specifically, by realizing and affirming: 1. that I am totally worthy and without fault, just as I am,

2.     that I am neither my unique Awareness nor the actions stemming from that Awareness, and

3.     that I inevitably do the BEST my prevailing Awareness permits."

(Instructor:)

Any questions?

(Keep questions and discussion to a minimum.)

"_____ ," will you read for us the paragraph beginning: 'The second most common source of our

'feel bad'..." - down to the two "meatballs"?

'The second most common source of our 'feel bad' is value judging and resisting OTHERS for actions or behavior that do not conform to the values of our own unique Awareness."

(Instructor interposes the following example:)

For example, a driver carelessly bangs into our new car and, through no fault of ours, wrecks the rear end of our brand new automobile.

Since he has an old car and no insurance, we are faced with the inconvenience of getting the car repaired and possibly having to pay the deductible on our insurance.

Again, we have a choice to "feel good" or "feel bad."

We can value judge the individual, label the accident "bad" and resist — or we can keep from "feeling bad" by acknowledging and accepting the fact that the driver could not possibly have done differently with his prevailing Awareness, and that no amount of resisting and "feeling bad" can change the unwanted realities.

Not being emotionally upset by value judging and resisting, we can then deal with the situation and the individual rationally and effectively.

"_____ ," will you please read the next paragraph on page 37 which begins: "How can we stop

value judging and resisting others?"

"How can we stop value judging and resisting others? By achieving sound Self-Esteem, for we can accept others only to the degree that we accept and love ourselves. Value judging and resisting are impassable roadblocks to experiencing love of self and others."

^ (Instructor:)

Okay, "_____ ," please read the paragraph about the third most common source of our "feel bad"

— down to the three "meatballs."

'The third most common source of our 'feel bad' is to value judge and resist an unwanted SITUATION, CONDITION or EVENT."

(Instructor interposes the following example:)

For example, we have a cozy little cottage where we love to spend weekends and watch the waves beating against the rocks.

A powerful corporation manages to get a zoning change made and erects a high-rise apartment building that shuts out our view of the beautiful beach.

Again, we have a choice to "feel good" or "feel bad."

Assuming that we have no legal recourse, we can either accept the unwanted reality of the high- rise which we are powerless to change, or we can name it "wrong" and grossly "unfair," and resist, even though no amount of resisting can change the situation.

Our value judging and resisting can only get us very upset emotionally and keep us from "feeling good."

"_____ ," will you read the next paragraph beginning: "How can we stop resisting unwanted conditions..."?

"How can we stop resisting unwanted conditions, situations and events we are powerless to change? The answer is to achieve sound Self-Esteem. With genuine love of self, we feel so good that we no longer have a distorted need to find fault with realities we can do nothing about."

We are now going to do an exercise that demonstrates the futility and "feel bad" of value judging and resisting an unwanted condition or situation you are powerless to change.

Later on in the workshop, we will do other exercises to demonstrate the destructiveness of value judging and resisting ourselves and also others.

Refer to the list of controversial topics on page 38 of your Manual.

Note how many of these really upset you because of your strong stand against the particular condition or situation. *

(Give group time to pick a situation and audit to see that all have done so.)

VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTANCE EXERCISE

Legalized abortions High taxes

Cost of our welfare programs

Dishonesty and graft in government

Crime in the streets

Capital punishment

Homosexuality

Pornography

New attitudes on sex

Mixed marriages

Racial prejudice

Sale of drugs or alcohol to minors Cruelty to animals Fluoridation of water

Some other distressing situation or condition

Now close your eyes to shut out any outside distractions and focus your full attention on the unwanted reality that upsets you most.

Mentally review the negative and destructive effects of the particular situation and really go with your feelings — churn up all the negative emotions you possibly can — really feel them as you think about how "wrong" or "unfair" it is.

% (Pause about 30 seconds.)

Now open your eyes.

^ (Ask for a volunteer to share a specific situation he or she is value judging and resisting. Have them briefly describe the situation and how they feel about it. Get the volunteer, through a series of questions and answers, to see that the benefits to be gained from resisting a reality that cannot be changed are "zero," and the price to be paid is more than he or she can afford in terms of emotional turmoil and hurting. Ask the volunteer the following questions:)

What specifically about the unwanted situation or condition makes you most upset?

Do you like feeling emotionally upset?

What are the benefits you get from resisting this reality you cannot change or are unwilling to pay the price to change?

How do you think you would feel if you stopped resisting and accepted the situation? If you are unwilling to give up your resistance, why are you unwilling to do so? What is the price you are paying for holding on to your resistance?

Do you realize that you labeled the situation "bad" or "unfair" and are resisting it because it does not conform to your values?

Since you are powerless to change the situation, is it your problem?

Be aware that accepting the reality of the situation does not mean that you have to like it or approve of it.

Do you realize that the only way the situation can cause you to "feel bad" is to resist it?

Do you now realize that naming the situation "bad" and resisting, no matter how intensely you resist, cannot change the reality or make you "feel good"?

That, in fact, your resistance is the only thing that has the power to make you "feel bad"? Do you feel you deserve to "feel good"? Do you WANT to "feel good"?

Do you realize that, if you want to "feel good," you must:

1.     acknowledge the reality of the situation you are powerless or unwilling to change, and

2.     make a conscious decision to accept the reality of the situation and agree to let it be.

(Thank volunteer for participation.)

Is it now apparent that value judging and resisting are about as futile and senseless as trying to unscramble an egg or take the curl out of a dog's tail?

And, of course, what is even more important is that value judging and resisting are the ONLY way you can "feel bad."

The choice is yours.

A workshop graduate related the following story, which is a good example of choosing to "feel good" or "feel bad."

There was this middle-aged woman who came in every month to a savings and loan office to make her small monthly payment.

She radiated such infectious happiness that she invariably raised the spirits of the entire office force.

The office supervisor was so struck by her beaming good cheer that he finally decided to investigate the cause of her happiness.

He was so impressed by what he learned from his investigator that he decided to check it out for himself.

He found the woman bending over a washboard, just outside a rusty corrugated iron shack with a dirt floor.

"Madam," he said, "I understand that you not only live in these primitive surroundings but that you also have to support seven children and your husband by taking in washing. Furthermore, I understand that your husband frequently takes your money, buys liquor, gets drunk and beats you up. If this is all true, how can you possibly be happy?"

"Well, sir," she calmly answered, "it's true all right, but I found out that I had a choice — I could be happy, or I could be unhappy. I chose to be happy."

She simply accepted her reality, as grim as it was, instead of judging it "bad" and resisting it.

She thereby actualized her choice to be happy — to "feel good" rather than to "feel bad" — despite such undesirable conditions.

Please be aware that we are not suggesting that you accept or tolerate any unwanted reality that you can change — only that you do not value judge and resist any reality you cannot change, or one that you are not willing to pay the price to change.

If you want a formula that will enable you to "feel good" ALL the time, refer to the bottom of page 37.

This is a fool-proof formula for eliminating the emotional turmoil and hurting generated by value judging and resisting.

Use it any time you are "feeling bad."

(Instructor reads "Formula " to group.)

A PROVEN FORMULA FOR STOPPING RESISTANCE

1.  Determine what you are value judging and resisting, and realize that it is neither "good" nor "bad" — that it just IS, for it could not possibly be otherwise.

2.     Realize that the unwanted reality isn't a threat to your "feel good" unless you resist it.

3.  Realize that value judging and resisting cannot possibly change the unwanted reality or make you "feel good" ~ that your resistance is the ONLY thing that has the power to make you hurt.

4.     Decisively tell yourself:

I realize that (concisely describe what is making you "feel bad") is a reality I am powerless (or unwilling) to change, no matter how much I wish it were otherwise. Thus, even though I do not like (identify what you are resisting), I accept the reality that I am powerless (or unwilling) to change it and agree to let it be. For I realize that only my resistance has the power to make me "feel bad," and I choose to "feel good."

* (Pause)

I have given you just a brief introduction to the insanity of value judging and resisting.

You will be studying value judging and resisting in depth in the topic, "How to Keep from Feeling Bad," in your Follow-On Program.

We will also be doing exercises in both this workshop and in your Follow-On Program to help you eliminate value judging and resisting from your life — for value judging and resisting are the impassable roadblocks to love, the number one essential for "feeling good" mentally, physically and emotionally!

END SESSION 10. if? (If appropriate, announce a 10-minute Break.)

11. GETTING RID OF SELF-CONDEMNATION AND GUILT (Allow 20 minutes for structured exercise)

We are now going to do an exercise for eliminating self-condemnation and guilt.

The sooner you rid yourself of these destructive negative emotions, the faster you will achieve sound Self-Esteem.

(Play tape no. 8, side 2, "Getting Rid of Self-Condemnation and Guilt," or read following script.)

GETTING RID OF SELF-CONDEMNATION AND GUILT

You are now going to do an exercise of fundamental importance to your achievement of sound Self-Esteem.

Sound Self-Esteem requires total, unconditional acceptance of yourself, regardless of your mistakes, defeats, failures or hurtful behavior.

You cannot, therefore, achieve sound Self-Esteem until you do rid yourself of all self-condemnation and guilt.

It is a rare individual, indeed, who is not burdened to some degree with guilt, even though it may have been so repressed and hidden the individual is unaware of its existence.

However, guilt is just as destructive at the non-conscious as at the conscious level of our Awareness.

If you are to achieve sound Self-Esteem, you must, therefore, dig deep and bring any hidden guilt up into your conscious Awareness in order to deal with it effectively.

What is guilt?

Guilt is a destructive emotion generated by value judging and resisting ourselves for not conforming to our individual values — for not doing as we or others feel we "should."

Guilt causes self-rejection and even suicide.

Since guilt prevents us from achieving sound Self-Esteem, it keeps us from loving and being loved, the number one essential for "feeling good."

Guilt is not only terribly destructive but it is actually insane, for condemning and resisting ourselves are without any rational justification whatever.

The reality is that we are all right, totally worthy, blameless and without fault.

We are totally worthy because our very existence proves our innate worth and importance.

We are blameless and without fault, for any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness, which is not us and for which we are never to blame.

For it is our prevailing Awareness that determines everything we think, say, do and feel.

Thus, any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness, which is not us and for which we are never to blame.

Furthermore, we are not our actions.

Our actions are merely the means, as determined by our prevailing Awareness, for satisfying our dominant or motivating needs.

Therefore, we are not "bad," even if we act "bad."

Even though we are never to blame for actions stemming from a faulty Awareness, it is important to be aware that "there are no cop outs."

For we are inescapably responsible for everything we do or neglect to do.

Why? Because we inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel.

Guilt is generally considered desirable for motivating us to correct our faulty behavior. This, however, is an incorrect assumption.

It is regret, not guilt, that motivates us to get our Awareness into alignment with reality, for regret is simply being sorry we made a mistake — free of any self-condemnation and guilt — and thus, free of all value judging and resistance.

Therefore, regret, not guilt, is the corrective for our mistakes and unsatisfactory behavior.

Guilt is not only destructive to our Self-Esteem, but it prevents us from taking constructive measures for improving our actions or behavior.

We will now lead you through an exercise that will enable you to eliminate self-condemnation and guilt for past mistakes, defeats and failures at both the conscious and non-conscious level.

Get in a comfortable position, preferably seated erect, with feet flat on the floor.

We recommend that you close your eyes lightly to shut out any distractions and that you give your attention fully to this exercise — just relax and go with it.

Take a deep breath and, as you begin to exhale, start relaxing, and as you relax, sense all your tensions, both physical and emotional, draining away.

Take two more deep breaths and, as you exhale, sense any remaining tensions falling away. * (Pause)

Now, completely relaxed and with your eyes still lightly closed, re-experience a situation which has caused you to feel guilty.

Make your guilt really come alive.

Visualize the details of the situation vividly and re-experience your guilt with as much intensity as you can.

■Jf (Pause about 60 seconds and then read the following, slowly and softly.)

Now be aware that, regardless of how hurtful, despicable, disgusting, mean or unfair your behavior may have been, you are neither your actions nor your Awareness and that you actually did what you had to do — the only thing your prevailing Awareness permitted you to do at the time.

Consciously realize that any mistakes, defeats or failures are simply the result of your limited Awareness and faulty cultural conditioning — that they are not any part of you.

For you are that perfect, non-physical being that animates your mind and body and functions through your Awareness.

Recall that you could not possibly have done better without a more enlightened Awareness, which you obviously did not have or you would have acted differently.

Since your every decision and action is determined by your prevailing Awareness, realize that any fault must lie not in you but in your faulty Awareness, for which you are never subject to blame.

(Ask the following questions softly and slowly, pausing 2 to 3 seconds after each.)

Now ponder the answers to the following questions:

Are YOU your Awareness?

Are YOU your actions?

What caused you to act as you did?

How could you have acted otherwise without a different Awareness? Could you have changed your Awareness at the time?

Can you change your heredity, Inner Knowing or total life experience at the instant of any decision?

Do you see that you did the BEST you possibly could at the time, regardless of the consequences?

Since your prevailing Awareness determines everything you think, say or do, where does any fault in your actions or behavior lie?

Can you think of any rational reason whatever for feeling guilty? What is the prime Reality of Human Behavior?

That you are neither your actions nor Awareness and that you can act only as "good" or wisely as your prevailing Awareness permits.

Since you are neither your actions nor Awareness, and are not to blame for a faulty Awareness, how could YOU possibly be to blame for any mistakes, defeats, failures or hurtful acts?

Since you are totally blameless, how could you possibly feel guilty?

Although completely blameless, can you escape responsibility for your unwise acts or behavior? Can you escape the consequences of anything you say, do or feel?

Is it not value judging and resisting yourself for your actions that cause your feelings of guilt?

We will now give you a few minutes to contemplate the realities of self-condemnation and guilt — to run out and dissipate any self-condemnation, shame, guilt or remorse — and to stop resisting yourself for not having acted more wisely.

(Pause 2 minutes.)

Now, since all of our guilt and remorse are based on identification with our Awareness and the actions stemming from that Awareness, we will now affirm the reality of our behavior.

So take a deep breath and, as you exhale, sense all remaining tensions draining away, falling away, just as water runs off a duck's back.

Let's do this twice more.

* (Pause)

Now, relaxed and with eyes lightly closed, silently repeat the following affirmation with me two times, allowing its validity to sink deeply into your consciousness.

I NOW REALIZE I AM NEITHER MY ACTIONS NOR MY AWARENESS - THAT MY ACTIONS ARE SIMPLY THE MEANS I CHOOSE TO FULFILL MY NEEDS, AND THAT I CAN ACT ONLY AS WISELY AS MY PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS. THUS, I AM NOT "BAD" IF I ACT "BAD."

if: (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I NOW REALIZE I AM NEITHER MY ACTIONS NOR MY AWARENESS - THAT MY ACTIONS ARE SIMPLY THE MEANS I CHOOSE TO FULFILL MY NEEDS, AND THAT I CAN ACT ONLY AS WISELY AS MY PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS. THUS, I AM NOT "BAD" IF I ACT "BAD."

H: (Pause about 5 seconds.)

Now, regardless of how "unspeakable," stupid or disgusting your actions may have been, deliberately release any discomfort, self-accusation, shame, blame, guilt or remorse.

•Jf (Pause about 60 seconds.)

Now, without opening your eyes, take a deep breath and, as you exhale, sense all tensions draining away — leaving you as relaxed as a drifting cloud.

Do this twice more, please.

(Pause)

Now, to the degree that you have condemned yourself for your past mistakes and shortcomings, you are the only person who can absolve or "forgive" yourself.

The following affirmation is tremendously effective for releasing yourself from all past condemnation, shame, blame, guilt and remorse.

So again, with your eyes still lightly closed, silently repeat the following affirmation with me two times.

While affirming, be aware of the significance of each word and phrase and deeply sense the reality of the affirmation.

I HEREBY ABSOLVE MYSELF OF ALL PAST MISTAKES AND SHORTCOMINGS, FOR I NOW REALIZE THAT I AM TOTALLY BLAMELESS, FOR I HAVE INVARIABLY DONE THE BEST I COULD POSSIBLY DO AT THE TIME - THE ABSOLUTE BEST MY PREVAILING AWARENESS ENABLED ME TO DO.

if: (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I HEREBY ABSOLVE MYSELF OF ALL PAST MISTAKES AND SHORTCOMINGS, FOR I NOW REALIZE THAT I AM TOTALLY BLAMELESS, FOR I HAVE INVARIABLY DONE THE BEST I COULD POSSIBLY DO AT THE TIME - THE ABSOLUTE BEST MY PREVAILING AWARENESS ENABLED ME TO DO.

•Jf (Pause 5 seconds.)

Now contemplate just how destructive, irrational and out of alignment value judging and resisting actually are.

Realize how unfounded and insane value judging and resisting actually are, no matter how much out of alignment your behavior or actions may have been.

Now let go of all your mistakes, defeats and failures, finally and completely — just as you would let go of an old dead horse you had been dragging around with you until the effort and stench became unbearable.

% (Pause 10 seconds.)

Now, sense yourself completely free of the burden of your past mistakes, defeats and failures — of all self-condemnation, shame, blame, guilt and remorse.

Let it all go and heave a grateful sigh of relief (sigh) that you are now free of dragging that stinking old dead horse around with you!

(Pause about 10 seconds.)

We would now like you to ponder the truth of the following reality.

Fully sense the meaning and significance of each word and phrase as you now silently affirm it with me two times.

I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS AND WITHOUT FAULT, JUST AS I AM. I REALIZE THAT I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER - THAT ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED - AND I ACCEPT MY UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS SELF, TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, FREE OF ALL RESISTANCE AND GUILT.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS AND WITHOUT FAULT, JUST AS I AM. I REALIZE THAT I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER - THAT ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED - AND I ACCEPT MY UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS SELF, TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, FREE OF ALL RESISTANCE AND GUILT.

* (Pause about 15 seconds.)

Sense any remaining resistance or guilt quietly draining away as you fully sense the meaning and implications of this affirmation.

•Jf (Pause 10 seconds.)

Accept the reality that no amount of resisting and feeling guilty can in any way alter the situation or relieve your guilt.

As you become deeply aware that you are not your actions and that there is absolutely nothing you can do that could possibly diminish your innate worth and importance, stop resisting and accept yourself totally and unconditionally as the perfect, unique and precious being you actually are.

You can now stop dragging that old dead horse around with you and start a new life, free of all condemnation and guilt — now and forever.

X (Pause)

Now leisurely open your eyes and come back to the "here and now."

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT) •

Using this same tape as recommended in the Follow-On Program will enable you to eliminate any remaining self-condemnation and guilt, and will contribute significantly to increasing your Self- Esteem.

We will share our experience with this exercise a bit later in the workshop, so keep your thoughts and reactions about the experience clearly in mind for a few more minutes.

S

END SESSION 11.

12. LOVING YOURSELF AND OTHERS (Love Chair) (Allow 20 minutes for structured exercise)

(Place an empty chair in the center of the room.) This chair is a Love Chair.

We are now going to do an exercise that will make you "feel good," for it will help you to feel more kind and loving toward yourself.

!j£ (Play tape no. 9, side 2, "Loving Myself and Others," or read following script.)

LOVING MYSELF AND OTHERS

We are now going to do an exercise that will make you "feel good," for it will help you to feel more kind and loving toward both yourself and others.

Now, get comfortable in your chair, close your eyes lightly and bring to your mind the one person in your life whom you love and cherish more than any other individual in the world.

Now, comfortable and relaxed, imagine this person, who is so very dear and precious to you, sitting in this Love Chair.

Visualize this particular individual as vividly and in as much detail as you possibly can — visualize the color of eyes, hair, complexion — the features, posture, clothing, mannerisms, attitude, and anything else you can bring to mind that will help your visualization.

See his or her changing expressions — hear the tone of voice — make your mental image REALLY COME ALIVE!

Now start remembering sharing pleasant and joyful experiences, and as you do, start bringing up tender loving thoughts.

Consciously accept the individual in the chair totally and unconditionally and project all the warmth and love you can possibly muster, and note carefully just how you feel, mentally, physically and emotionally as you project all your love and tender thoughts to this cherished individual in the chair — and keep flooding this person with tender thoughts and love — at the same time visualizing all details as vividly as you possibly can.

^r (Pause for about 15 seconds.)

Now, take three deep breaths and, each time as you exhale, sense all your tensions draining away, leaving you as limp and relaxed as a dozing kitten.

Now, relaxed and comfortable, silently repeat the following affirmation with me, as lovingly and meaningfully as you can possibly manage.

I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT YOUR ACTIONS OR AWARENESS - THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

# (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT YOUR ACTIONS OR AWARENESS - THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

•)(■ (Pause about 60 seconds.)

Now see your loved one leave and imagine YOURSELF in the chair as vividly as you can possibly manage.

If you have trouble getting yourself in the chair, start with yourself as an infant and gradually bring yourself forward to your present age.

(Slight pause)

Now, with your eyes still lightly closed, let go of any tensions and quietly turn all the love you have been projecting to your loved one in on YOURSELF, by silently and meaningfully repeating the following affirmation with me — meanwhile, carefully sensing the meaning of every word and phrase.

I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND IMPORTANT, FOR MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE. I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS I AM. I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND IMPORTANT, FOR MY VERY EXISTENCE PROVES MY INNATE WORTH AND IMPORTANCE. I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS I AM. I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

% (Pause a few seconds.)

Sense yourself bathed in love and rejoice in its warm glow. REALLY POUR IT ON!

Now be aware that you are not your body and that in spite of your mistakes, defeats and failures, in spite of any real or fancied shortcomings or unattractive physical features — of any unreleased shame, blame, guilt or remorse, that YOU are PERFECT - that YOU have ALWAYS done the BEST you possibly could with your prevailing Awareness.

Realize that the only thing that can possibly keep you from experiencing genuine love for yourself is value judging and resisting yourself for not doing as you "feel you should."

Be aware that you cannot possibly do as you "feel you should" when you have a conflicting need that outweighs your value to do otherwise.

For the law of human behavior is that, regardless of the consequences, you can do ONLY what you would rather do than not do.

Now, take a deep, deep breath and, as you slowly exhale, sense any tension draining away, leaving you as limp and relaxed as a drifting cloud.

Do this twice more — each time letting go of any remaining tensions. * (Pause)

Now, let go of all your self-condemnation, self-depreciation, shame, guilt or remorse, as you silently and meaningfully affirm the following affirmation with me two times:

I DO NOT VALUE JUDGE OR FIND FAULT WITH MYSELF, FOR I REALIZE THAT I AM PERFECT - THAT ANY FAULT IN WHAT I DO LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY FAULTY AWARENESS, WHICH IS NOT ME, AND FOR WHICH I AM NEVER TO BLAME.

•X- (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I DO NOT VALUE JUDGE OR FIND FAULT WITH MYSELF, FOR I REALIZE THAT I AM PERFECT - THAT ANY FAULT IN WHAT I DO LIES NOT IN ME BUT IN MY FAULTY AWARENESS, WHICH IS NOT ME, AND FOR WHICH I AM NEVER TO BLAME..

^r (Pause about 5 seconds.)

Now silently repeat the following affirmation with me as you let go of any remaining self-con- demnation, guilt or remorse and accept yourself totally and unconditionally.

Sense its truth as you now silently repeat it with me two times:

I ACCEPT MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AS A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN WELFARE, EVER DOING THE BEST MY PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I ACCEPT MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AS A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN WELFARE, EVER DOING THE BEST MY PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds.)

Realize that you actually ARE a perfect, unique and precious being — that YOU are ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE - that ONLY your Awareness can be improved.

Now that you have stopped value judging and resisting yourself, you can affirm the Master Affirmation with deep conviction.

For only value judging and resisting yourself can keep you from loving yourself.

Now, take a deep, deep breath and, as you slowly exhale, sense any tension draining away, leaving you as limp and relaxed as a drifting cloud.

Do this twice more — each time letting go of any remaining tensions. * (Pause)

Now, deeply sense the reality of the following Master Affirmation as you project all the tenderness and love you can possibly manage in on your own unique and precious self in the chair.

We will repeat this Master Affirmation three times.

Really let go and go with it.

I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD MYSELF, FOR I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

■3f (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD MYSELF, FOR I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

■Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Once more: I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD MYSELF, FOR I REALIZE I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND WITHOUT FAULT.

% (Pause 2 minutes.)

Now leisurely open your eyes.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

You have this same tape in your Self-Esteem Kit and there are instructions for using it in your Follow-On Program.

END SESSION 12.

13. SHARING: GUILT AND LOVE CHAIR EXPERIENCES

(Allow 15 minutes: 10 minutes for Small Group sharing, 5 minutes for Large Group sharing)

We will now form into Small Groups for sharing our experiences with the Guilt and Love Chair exercises.

•jfj (Wait until Small Groups form.)

In order to make the sharing process more effective, pick somebody to be designated A, someone else to be B, and a C and a D.

When I tell you to start, we'd like the A's to begin sharing their experiences, first with the Guilt exercise and then with the Love Chair.

The rest of the group, please refrain from any comments and discussion — just listen. Each member will have about a minute-and-a-half to share his or her experiences. I will let you know when your time is up.

Remember to share only what you experienced during the exercises. Now A's begin sharing.

»jf? (Instructor announces after one minute that A's have half a minute left for sharing. At end of minute-and-a-half, Instructor announces:)

A's, sharing time is up.

^k (Wait until room is quiet.)

Now B's begin sharing.

^jC (Repeat this process until C's and D's have finished sharing.) We will now reform into our Large Group.

% (Instructor asks if anyone would like to volunteer to share their experiences before the Large Group. It is important to keep people on the track of actually sharing their EXPERIENCES during the exercises. Allotted sharing time in Large Group is a total of 5 minutes.)

END SESSION 13.

(Close Module Two by playing Fra Giovanni's Greeting on tape no. 14, or read the following script.)

¹³²                                                        GREETING

I salute you.

I am your friend and my love for you goes deep.

There is nothing I can give you which you have not got; but there is much, very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take...

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in today. Take heaven! No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take Peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy.

There is radiance and glory in the darkness, could we but see, and to see we have only to look. I beseech you to look.

Life is so generous a giver, but we judging its gifts by their covering, cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard.

Remove the covering and you will find beneath it a living splendour, woven of Love, by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you.

Everything we call a trial, a sorrow, or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there; the gift is there, and the wonder of an over-shadowing Presence.

Our joys too: be not content with them as joys.

They too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty, beneath its covering, that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven.

Courage then to claim it: that is all!

But courage you have, and the knowledge that we are pilgrims together, wending through an unknown country, home.

And so, at this time, I greet you.

Not quite as the world sends greetings, but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks, and the shadows flee away.

From a letter written by Fra Giovanni -1513 A.D.

MODULE THREE SESSIONS

SELF-ESTEEM WORKSHOP AGENDA FOR MODULE THREE

(Four Hours)

Duration

14.   INVESTIGATION OF RELATED REALITIES............................................................. 60'

Small Group............................................................................................... 40'

Large Group............................................................................................... 20'

BREAK....................................................................................................................... 10'

15.   ELIMINATING DESTRUCTIVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.............................................. 25'

(Structured Exercise: Hate Chair) - TAPE

16.   EYE CONTACT EXERCISE..................................................................................... 15'

17.   SHARING: HATE CHAIR AND EYE CONTACT EXPERIENCES .................................. 20'

Small Group............................................................................................... 10'

Large Group............................................................................................. .10'

18.   SELF-REALIZATION - TAPE.................................................................................. 20'

19.   THE FUNDAMENTAL REQUIREMENT

FOR ACHIEVING SOUND SELF-ESTEEM............................................................................. 15'

BREAK.......................................................................................................... .......10'

20.   ESTABLISHING A NEW LIFE STYLE....................................................................... 10'

21.   FOLLOW-ON PROGRAM....................................................................................... 30'

22.   LOVE ENERGY CIRCLE......................................................................................... 25'

ADJOURN

14. INVESTIGATION OF RELATED REALITIES

(Allow 60 minutes: 40 minutes for Small Group, 20 minutes for Large Group discussion)

We will now form into Small Groups and check the validity of the Related Realities of the Seven Basic Observable Realities.

Please refer to pages 39 through 42 in your Manual and check the validity of each Related Reality.

You may wish to refer to 'The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays in Our Life" on page 75 and "Vital Facts About Our Awareness" on page 13.

All the Realities of Human Behavior can be verified by referring to these two topics.

You are allowed an average of 6 minutes to check each set of Related Realities.

I will advise you at approximately 6-minute intervals where you should be, to be on schedule.

On completion, we will reform into our Large Group for a brief clarification of any questions.

jlC (Instructor audits progress of each group and tells members approximately every 6 minutes where they should be, if they are to complete their investigation. If they do not finish on time, they will have to complete their investigation on their own when they return home. Instructor gives groups 2-minute warning prior to ending Small Group investigation.)

INVESTIGATION OF RELATED REALITIES

BASIC REQUIREMENT: In order to clearly understand and accept these ideas, it is necessary to put present values, concepts, beliefs and assumptions on the shelf and NOT concern yourself with any implications until AFTER all discussion. This material is not theory or speculation but is based on observable realities. It is either true or not true, and if it IS true, it is true whether or not you believe it.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1.  Group Leader reads Basic Requirement above, then the "Observable Reality," and has members take turns reading the "Related Realities."

2.  Read all "Related Realities"of each set before briefly discussing.

3.  Any questions can be resolved by referring to "Vital Facts About Our Awareness."

4.  Any questions that cannot be quickly disposed of are to be reported by Group Leader to the Instructor during Large Group discussion.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 1 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE ARE INESCAPABLY IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN LIFE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR OWN "FEEL GOOD," for we inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we do or do not do.

a.  Although responsible for our own "feel good," we cannot be in conscious charge of our own life unless we use our innate authority to determine our own values, concepts and beliefs.

b. We must be aware of our thoughts and images and allow only those that are in line with our chosen objectives, if we are to be in conscious charge of our own life.

c.  We pay a price for everything we do. This price consists of the demands and unwanted consequences of any action or inaction. The more our Awareness is in alignment with reality, the better able we are to evaluate both the price and benefits of a proposed action.

d. We are not in conscious charge of our own life when we allow others to make us angry, bitter or resentful. We make ourself upset by refusing to acknowledge and allow others their innate right and freedom to express their own unique Awareness.

e. We are not in alignment with reality when we make our "feel good" dependent on others fulfilling our demands, needs and expectations. For others can do only what their own unique Awareness motivates them to do, and we cannot control their Awareness.

f.  We cannot force ourself to do anything our prevailing Awareness does not motivate us to do, and we cannot change our Awareness on demand.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 2 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE ARE OUR OWN AUTHORITY AND ARE FREE TO DO ANYTHING WE, OUR

SELF, SEE FIT, for there is nothing within our capabilities we cannot do. We cannot, however, avoid paying the price demanded for anything we do.

a. We have the innate right and freedom to do what our prevailing Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do.

b. We are free to act in an "immoral" or destructive manner; however, we cannot escape paying the price demanded for such behavior.

c.  We have a choice to "feel good" or "feel bad." We choose to "feel good" when we accept an unwanted reality we cannot change without value judging and resisting. We choose to "feel bad" when we name something "bad" and resist it.

d. We generate our negative and destructive emotions by value judging and resisting unwanted realities we cannot change, or are unwilling to pay the price to change.

e.  We have the authority and freedom to genuinely love ourself. We can accept love and be loved only to the degree that we DO genuinely love ourself.

f.  We are inherently selfish, for our number one responsibility is our own life and well-being. We, therefore, have the innate authority and freedom to satisfy our own needs first.

g. We must have the Awareness to resolve or change our motivating needs if we are to change our behavior. Only our Awareness can motivate us to behave otherwise.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 3 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE OUR WORTH BY WHAT WE DO, for we are not our actions. Our very existence proves our innate worth and importance.

a. We do not have to prove our worth. We are totally worthy just as we are. No one is more or less worthy, more or less important, than our own unique and precious self.

b. We are each a unique and precious being, totally worthy, ever growing in Awareness, ever doing the BEST our prevailing Awareness permits.

c.  Comparisons with others are totally unjustified as a measure of our personal worth, for we each function through our own unique Awareness and can do only what that unique Awareness enables us to do.

d. There is no such thing as an "altruistic" or selfless act, for we are inevitably motivated by what we think will make us feel best under the prevailing circumstances.

e. There is no valid justification for praise or blame, reward or punishment, for we can do only what we would rather do than not do. Thus, we inevitably do what we HAVE TO DO at the time, be it "good," "bad" or indifferent.

f.  We inevitably do the BEST we can at the time, for we can do only what our prevailing Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do. We could not possibly do otherwise with our prevailing Awareness.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 4 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE ARE WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT,

for we are not our Awareness or our actions,

and can act only as wisely as our prevailing

Awareness permits.

a. We are totally blameless — without fault, for our Awareness determines what we would rather do than not do. Thus, any fault lies not in us but in our prevailing Awareness.

b. Although we are never to blame, we are inescapably RESPONSIBLE for everything we think, say, do and feel.

c.  Knowing better does not enable us to "do better" when we have a conflicting need that outweighs our desire to "do better."

d. All judgmental labels such as "right" and "wrong," "fair" and "unfair," "moral" and "immoral" can be no more than

descriptive terms for specific behavior.

e. Our actions are neither "good" nor "bad," they simply ARE - the AUTOMATIC product of our unique Awareness. They could not possibly be otherwise with our prevailing Awareness.

f.  If we are to achieve total, unconditional acceptance, we must rid ourself of any shame or guilt, stop value judging ourself and refuse to accept the value judgments of others.

g. We cannot stop value judging on the non- conscious level until we reprogram our Awareness and realize that we DESERVE to "feel good."

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 5 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE ARE PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL

BEINGS - WITHOUT FAULT. Any fault in

what we do lies not in us but in our prevailing

Awareness. Only our Awareness can be improved.

a. We are not our mind, body, actions or Awareness. We are that perfect, non- physical being which animates our mind and body — that is aware, thinks, makes decisions and acts.

b. We cannot improve ourself, for we are already perfect, just as we are. We are without fault — completely worthy and totally blameless. Only our Awareness can be improved.

c. Any fault in our mind, body, actions or Awareness cannot make us unworthy or "less than," for NONE of them is us.

d. Regardless of any obligations or the consequences of what we do, we cannot force ourself to do anything by an "act of will." We can do only what our prevailing Awareness motivates us to do.

e. No one is to blame, for any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our prevailing Awareness. We are not our Awareness and not to blame if it is faulty.

f.  We cannot value judge, resist and get

upset with another without first identifying him with his unique Awareness and the actions stemming from that Awareness.

g. We are inescapably responsible for what we do; however, regardless of the consequences, we are never to blame. Responsibility is reality — blame is un-reality, for we can act only as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 6 AND RELATED REALITIES

WE ARE TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD" MENTALLY,

PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY, for

that is our birthright.

a.  Our basic need and ultimate motivation is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. Thus, we inevitably do what our prevailing Awareness indicates will make us feel BEST under the circumstances.

b.  We can "feel good" only to the degree that we stop value judging and resisting.

c.  It is not the unwanted experiences and circumstances in our life that keep us from "feeling good," but our value judging and resisting them that causes all our emotional turmoil and hurting.

d.  Our "feel good" is vulnerable when we make it dependent on fulfillment of our expectations, for we cannot control our own or another's Awareness.

e.  The only way our feelings can be hurt is by injury to a self-image. No self-image, no hurt feelings. A self-image also keeps us from expressing our own true self and from fully experiencing the here and now — the only living time there is.

f.   Admonitions are ineffective and guilt- producing unless they change our motivating need. For we can do only what our Awareness determines we would rather do than not do.

g.  We cannot get angry, bitter or resentful toward another if we acknowledge the

reality that the other is not his Awareness and can do only what his own unique Awareness determines he would rather do than not do.

OBSERVABLE REALITY NO. 7 AND RELATED REALITIES

LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE. The more we experience love and the joy of living, the more we contribute to the love and joy of others.

a. Although a very small part of the universe, we are infinitely significant.

b. No one in the universe is quite the same or has exactly the same impact on the world as our own unique and perfect self.

c. Everything we do has meaning and purpose. Our every experience, both "good" and "bad," contributes to our needed learning and growth, to the expansion of our Awareness.

d. The more our Awareness is in alignment with reality, the more we love ourself and the more kind and loving are we to others, and they to us.

e. Love and loving are essential for our mental, physical and emotional well- being. The more we experience love and loving, the more we experience the joy of living.

f. The more we experience love and the joy of living, the more we automatically contribute to the love and joy of others.

(Reform into Large Group for clarification of any questions for approximately 20 minutes.)

END SESSION 14. (If appropriate, announce a 10-minute Break.)

15. ELIMINATING DESTRUCTIVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS (Hate Chair) (Allow 25 minutes for structured exercise)

We are now going to do an exercise to enable you to rid yourself of destructive negative emotions.

(Place an empty chair in the center of the room.) We call this our Hate Chair.

^ (Play tape no. 9, side 1, "Eliminating Destructive Negative Emotions, "or read following script.)

ELIMINATING DESTRUCTIVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

We are now going to do an exercise that can help you tremendously if you experience such destructive negative emotions as resentment, anger, hate or bitterness in your personal relationships.

This exercise can be especially helpful in achieving and maintaining harmonious relationships with your spouse, parents, in-laws, children, co-workers or boss.

The specific objective of this exercise is to enable you to stop value judging and resisting others, no matter how troublesome or hurtful their actions.

For the only way you can get emotionally upset with another, no matter how slightly or intensely, is to value judge and resist him or her for not acting or behaving as your particular values indicate they "should."

When you fully understand this reality, you can deal with interpersonal problems harmoniously and effectively.

For if you refrain from value judging and resisting the other, he or she will not have a compensating need to value judge and resist you in turn.

You can then calmly resolve any problem to your mutual satisfaction, free of emotional turmoil.

Value judging and resisting one another is not only totally irrational and, therefore, insane, but you thereby deny yourself the "feel good" of harmonious, loving relationships.

Now, to achieve maximum benefit from this exercise, sit erect in a chair with your feet flat on the floor.

Close your eyes lightly to shut out any distractions.

The better you clear your mind of extraneous thoughts and focus your full attention on this exercise, the more you will benefit.

Now, in order to relax your mind and body, take a deep breath and, as you exhale, sense all tensions, both mental and physical, draining away, leaving you completely relaxed and comfortable.

Do this twice more to eliminate any remaining tensions.

* (Pause)

Now bring to mind someone with whom you became very upset in the recent past — someone who really "bugs" you.

For example, it might be someone you value judged and resisted because that particular individual was distinctly different in race, physical appearance, speech, economic or social status, intelligence, capabilities, talents or what have you.

Or perhaps you value judged and resisted the individual because he or she was "unfair" or did not meet your expectations or demands — did not do as you feel he or she "should" have done.

Or perhaps you value judged and resisted because the individual was a rival in love, business, job or social position — or because in some way you felt threatened by him or his actions.

Now imagine the individual sitting in a chair in front of you, and visualize this person as vividly and in as much detail as you possibly can.

See his or her clothing, hair and complexion in full color — visualize his eyes, features and expression.

Recall just the way he or she talks and gestures — make the experience really come alive.

Reconstruct the entire incident that caused you to get angry, resentful or bitter toward this individual.

If you hate someone, do not hesitate to express it to the fullest.

It is no reflection on you if you do — but a result of your faulty cultural conditioning.

Be honest with yourself, for if you hate, you hate.

Here you have an opportunity to rid yourself of this terribly destructive emotion, once and for all.

Whatever the particular emotion you are experiencing, really feel it to the hilt and run it out, here and now.

Xr (Pause 2 minutes.)

Now carefully consider and check the reality of the following points:

The root cause of all personal relations problems is that we have been conditioned to identify individuals with the actions and behavior stemming from their unique Awareness.

The reality is that the particular individual is neither his Awareness nor the actions stemming from his Awareness.

Thus, he is not "bad" if his behavior does not conform to our values — to the way we think he "should" have acted or reacted.

% (Pause about 10 seconds.)

We attach a "bad" label to the individual by value judging him or her for not doing what our unique Awareness and values indicate they "should" do.

This is totally out of alignment with reality.

For regardless of our own needs or desires, or the consequences of the other's actions or behavior, he could do ONLY what his prevailing Awareness determined he would rather do than not do.

Thus, he could not possibly have done otherwise at the time.

•Jfr (Pause about 10 seconds.)

Now since our Awareness determines everything we do, we are actually value judging and resisting the individual's Awareness rather than the individual himself.

This is really ridiculous, for one's Awareness at any given time is a reality we are powerless to change.

Another reality that is now apparent is that any fault in what one does lies not in the individual but in his faulty Awareness.

Another reason why value judging and resisting someone for unwanted behavior is insane is that we are not our actions.

Remember, the problem of value judging and resisting arises from:

(1)  identifying the individual with his Awareness and actions, and

(2) labeling him "bad" and resisting him because he did not act or react as we think he "should" have.

Now answer the following questions as you continue to visualize the individual in the chair as vividly as you possibly can.

% (Pause 3 to 4 seconds after each question.)

Could the individual have acted other than their prevailing Awareness indicated they would rather do than not do?

Could the individual possibly have had a different Awareness at the time?

Did the individual do the BEST he or she could possibly do at the time?

Do you have the power to change the individual's Awareness or behavior at any given time?

Does the individual have the innate right and freedom to express his or her unique Awareness, just as you have the innate right and freedom to express your unique Awareness?

How, in fact, could the individual have acted otherwise with his or her prevailing values, needs and desires?

Does the individual have the right to have a distorted Awareness?

Whose problem is their distorted Awareness?

Are you making their problem yours by value judging and resisting?

Is to "know better" sufficient to "do better" when one has a conflicting need that outweighs his or her value to "do better"?

Do you fully realize the individual could not possibly have acted otherwise — that he or she did what they "had to do" at the time?

What is the price you are paying for value judging and resisting the individual? How does your resentment, anger, hate or other destructive emotion affect you? Does it make you "feel good" or "feel bad"? Do you deserve to "feel good"?

What benefits do you receive from getting emotionally upset? How does value judging and resisting make you feel toward yourself? The overriding question is: Do you WANT to "feel good"? % (Pause about 15 seconds.)

Now that you realize just how ridiculous and insane value judging and resisting actually are, you have a choice to "feel good" or "feel bad."

You can enjoy harmonious, loving relationships by accepting the individual and his or her behavior free of value judging and resisting.

Or, on the other hand, you can be upset by destructive emotions such as resentment, anger, hate or bitterness by value judging and resisting.

Your future interpersonal relationships depend on how clearly and deeply you see and understand the insanity of value judging and resisting.

(Pause)

We are now going to affirm some important realizations to enable you to remove the "bad" label you have attached to the individual and agree to allow him or her the innate right and freedom of their own unique Awareness, no matter how distorted you feel it is.

You can then accept this individual totally and unconditionally, no matter how much you wish his or her behavior were otherwise.

Be aware, however, that you do have the right and freedom to value judge and resist.

The choice is clearly yours, and the basic question to keep in mind is: Do you want to "feel good"?

The point is that if you do not get emotionally involved, you can deal with any interpersonal problem harmoniously and effectively.

(Pause 10 seconds for reflection.)

Now, move about in your chair a bit to relieve any discomfort or fatigue, take a deep breath and, as you slowly exhale, feel all your tensions, both mental and physical, draining away — leaving you as comfortable and relaxed as a sleeping infant.

Do this twice more.

^r (Pause about 10 seconds.)

Now direct your thoughts and feelings to the person in the chair as you silently repeat the following affirmations with me two times each.

Sense the meaning of each word and phrase, and carefully ponder the reality of each affirmation after repeating it the second time.

I REALIZE THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY BLAMELESS, FOR YOU ARE NEITHER YOUR ACTIONS NOR AWARENESS AND CAN ACT ONLY AS WISELY AS YOUR PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS - THAT YOU ARE NOT "BAD," EVEN IF YOU ACT "BAD."

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY BLAMELESS, FOR YOU ARE NEITHER YOUR ACTIONS NOR AWARENESS AND CAN ACT ONLY AS WISELY AS YOUR PREVAILING AWARENESS PERMITS - THAT YOU ARE NOT "BAD," EVEN IF YOU ACT "BAD."

-X- (Pause 15 seconds.) Now the next affirmation:

I ACKNOWLEDGE THE REALITY THAT YOU DO HAVE YOUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS AND THAT YOU HAVE THE INNATE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS THAT AWARENESS AS IT DEMANDS - THAT, IN FACT, YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY DO OTHERWISE.

if: (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I ACKNOWLEDGE THE REALITY THAT YOU DO HAVE YOUR OWN UNIQUE A- WARENESS AND THAT YOU HAVE THE INNATE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS THAT AWARENESS AS IT DEMANDS - THAT, IN FACT, YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY DO OTHERWISE.

(Pause 15 seconds.)

The next affirmation:

I REALIZE I AM POWERLESS TO CHANGE YOUR AWARENESS AT ANY GIVEN INSTANT, AND AGREE TO LET IT BE, JUST AS I AGREE TO LET DAYLIGHT AND DARK BE.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE I AM POWERLESS TO CHANGE YOUR AWARENESS AT ANY GIVEN INSTANT, AND AGREE TO LET IT BE, JUST AS I AGREE TO LET DAYLIGHT AND DARK BE.

X (Pause 15 seconds.)

Now the last affirmation. We will do this one three times.

Now let go of any remaining hate or other destructive negative emotion as you thoughtfully contemplate the significance of the following affirmation:

I LET GO OF MY VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING, AND ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY WITH UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION. FOR I NOW REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NEITHER YOUR AWARENESS NOR YOUR ACTIONS AND THAT YOU DID THE ONLY THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO AT THE TIME.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I LET GO OF MY VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING, AND ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY WITH UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION. FOR I NOW REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NEITHER YOUR AWARENESS NOR YOUR ACTIONS AND THAT YOU DID THE ONLY THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO AT THE TIME.

■Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Once more: I LET GO OF MY VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING, AND ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY WITH UNDERSTANDING AND COMPASSION. FOR I NOW REALIZE THAT YOU ARE NEITHER YOUR AWARENESS NOR YOUR ACTIONS AND THAT YOU DID THE ONLY THING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO AT THE TIME.

% (Pause 15 seconds.)

Now remember: The only way you can get emotionally upset with another human being is to identify the individual with his or her unwanted behavior and value judge and resist that individual. There is no other way.

Just imagine the unhappiness and heartache you can now avoid, if you choose to "feel good" every time you are tempted to value judge someone — especially your loved ones.

For you cannot love and value judge at the same time.

It is necessary to choose one or the other!

% (Pause 30 seconds.)

Now leisurely open your eyes and come back to the "here and now."

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

We will share our experience with this Hate Chair a bit later in the workshop, so keep your thoughts and reactions about the experience clearly in mind for a few more minutes.

Using this same tape as recommended in the Follow-On Program will enable you to eliminate any remaining anger, hate, resentment or bitterness, and will contribute significantly to increasing your Self-Esteem.

END SESSION 15.

16. EYE CONTACT EXERCISE (Allow 15 minutes)

We are now going to do an exercise that we hope will make YOU "feel good," inasmuch as it will help you to relate to others more openly and meaningfully.

We hereby give you any permission you might need to look into one another's eyes, "eyeball to eyeball" — hopefully, free of discomfort or embarrassment.

We now want you to form into pairs, if possible with someone of the opposite sex.

We will do this exercise twice, and we recommend that you choose to do it with someone especially meaningful to you the second time.

Now, arrange your chairs so that you sit facing each other diagonally with your eyes as close to your partner's eyes as you can, without having to keep shifting your gaze from eye to eye.

We would like you to first, however, get a bit acquainted with your partner.

So briefly discuss the question: Why is it usually so difficult to stare deeply into another's eyes and let that individual stare deeply into yours?

(Allow about 45 seconds for pairs to get acquainted with each other.)

Now, get comfortable and relaxed, drop all defensive masks and barriers, clasp each other's hands lightly and stare steadily into each other's eyes, "eyeball to eyeball" — uncritically and as openly and honestly as you can possibly manage.

Do not concern yourself with your partner's appearance or facial characteristics — just the eyes.

Suspend all criticism and value judging and look deeply into your partner's eyes, as warmly and lovingly as you possibly can, while at the same time trying to sense the other's deeper feelings and thoughts — and to catch a glimpse of the real person behind the eyes — behind his or her countenance.

Make a mental note of all your reactions and feelings.

Now remain completely quiet and make a real effort to communicate with your partner non- verbally.

Do not, however, try so hard that you generate tension — the key words of this exercise are "free" and "easy."

■5f (Wait approximately 45 seconds.)

Now, silently repeat the following affirmations with me two times each as you look deeply and lovingly into each other's eyes.

I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU OPENLY AND LOVINGLY, FOR I HAVE NO SELF-IMAGE TO PROTECT, NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING TO DEFEND, NOTHING TO FEAR, AND NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, FOR I AM EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU OPENLY AND LOVINGLY, FOR I HAVE NO SELF- IMAGE TO PROTECT, NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING TO DEFEND, NOTHING TO FEAR, AND NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, FOR I AM EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now the next affirmation:

I REALIZE YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, COMPLETELY WORTHY AND TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AND ALLOW YOU THE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS AS YOU, YOURSELF, SEE FIT.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, COMPLETELY WORTHY AND TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AND ALLOW YOU THE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS AS YOU, YOURSELF, SEE FIT.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.) Now the last affirmation:

I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, AND FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I REALIZE THAT YOU, TOO, ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, AND FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I REALIZE THAT YOU, TOO, ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

H: (Wait about 30 seconds for the affirmation to sink in.)

Now thank your partner with a hug, and quickly find a new partner — someone especially meaningful to you, if possible — and we will repeat this exercise exactly as we did with your first partner.

jJC (Allow about 45 seconds for the new pairs to get acquainted with each other.)

Now again, get comfortable and relaxed, drop all defensive masks and barriers, clasp each other's hands lightly and stare steadily, unflinchingly, into each other's eyes, "eyeball to eyeball" — uncritically and as openly as you can possibly manage.

Suspend all criticism and value judging and look deeply into your partner's eyes, as warmly and lovingly as you possibly can, while at the same time trying to sense the other's deeper feelings and thoughts — and to catch a glimpse of the real person behind the eyes — beyond his or her countenance.

Make a mental note of all your reactions and feelings. Make an effort to communicate with your partner non-verbally. (Wait approximately 45 seconds.)

Now silently repeat the following affirmations with me two times each as you look deeply and lovingly into each other's eyes.

I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU OPENLY AND LOVINGLY, FOR I HAVE NO SELF-IMAGE TO PROTECT, NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING TO DEFEND, NOTHING TO FEAR, AND NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, FOR I AM EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS.

•^r (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I COMMUNICATE WITH YOU OPENLY AND LOVINGLY, FOR I HAVE NO SELF- IMAGE TO PROTECT, NOTHING TO HIDE, NOTHING TO PROVE, NOTHING TO DEFEND, NOTHING TO FEAR, AND NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, FOR I AM EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now the next affirmation:

I REALIZE YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, COMPLETELY WORTHY AND TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AND ALLOW YOU THE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS AS YOU, YOURSELF, SEE FIT.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I REALIZE YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, COMPLETELY WORTHY AND TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY, AND ALLOW YOU THE RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO EXPRESS YOUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS AS YOU, YOURSELF, SEE FIT.

Hz (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the last affirmation.)

Now the last affirmation:

I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, AND FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I REALIZE THAT YOU, TOO, ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

•%• (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF, AND FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I REALIZE THAT YOU, TOO, ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

% (Wait about 30 seconds for the affirmation to sink in.)

Now thank your partner with a hug, and put your chairs back in place.

END SESSION 16.

17. SHARING: HATE CHAIR AND EYE CONTACT EXPERIENCES

(Allow 20 minutes: 10 minutes for Small Group sharing, 10 minutes for Large Group sharing)

We will now form into Small Groups for sharing.

(Wait until Small Groups form.)

Again, in order to make the sharing process more effective, pick somebody to be designated A, someone else to be B, and a C and a D.

When I tell you to start, we'd like the A's to begin sharing their experiences, first with the Hate Chair and then with the Eye Contact Exercise.

The rest of the group, please refrain from any comments and discussion — just listen. Each member will have about a minute-and-a-half to share his or her experiences. I will let you know when your time is up.

Remember to share only what you experienced during the exercises. Now A's begin sharing.

jk (Instructor announces after one minute that A s have half a minute left for sharing. At end of minute-and-a-half, Instructor announces:)

A's, sharing time is up.

(Wait until room is quiet.)

Now B's begin sharing.

(Repeat this process until C's and D's have finished sharing.)

We will now reform into our Large Group.

^ (Instructor asks if anyone would like to volunteer to share their experiences before the Large Group. It is important to keep people on the track of actually sharing their EXPERIENCES with the exercises. Ask volunteers to compare this eye contact experience with the one at the beginning of the workshop. Were they different? In what ways? Allotted sharing time in Large Group is a total of 10 minutes.)

END SESSION 17.

18. SELF-REALIZATION (Allow 20 minutes)

(We strongly recommend that you play tape no. 15, side 1, "Self-Realization," rather than reading the following script.)

SELF-REALIZATION

An essential requirement for achieving sound Self-Esteem is to realize, at a deep level of your consciousness, that you are a perfect, non-physical being.

For you cannot achieve total, unconditional acceptance while identifying with your body, mind, actions or Awareness.

Until you do stop such identification, you will continue to value judge and resist yourself for any mistakes, defeats, failures, destructive actions or hurtful behavior.

We are now going to do an exercise to help you realize in a clear, rational manner that you are, indeed, a perfect, non-physical being and that you can accept yourself totally and unconditionally.

In order to demonstrate this, let's use an approach similar to that of DaVinci who, when asked by a student how to sculpt an elephant, replied: "Just take a large block of marble and chip away everything that isn't an elephant."

Now let's see what concepts we can chip away that are not reality!

First we would like you to get relaxed and comfortable, close your eyes lightly to shut out any distractions, and thoughtfully ponder the following questions and ideas.

Get quiet within yourself in order to be more open and receptive to the ideas in this exercise.

Be fully aware, however, that we are not asking for agreement — only that you sense and carefully ponder the following questions and ideas.

For all answers are within you!

(Pause 2 or 3 seconds after each point or question to allow members to sense and ponder the significance of the question or idea.)

Q. Are YOU your body?

A. No, YOU are NOT your body, for you can lose both arms and legs, as well as many other parts, without being diminished as an individual.

Your body is merely the instrument, or means, through which you function in this material phase of your existence.

Even though your body be wasted away to the point of death, YOU are still YOU as much as you ever were.

Q. Are YOU your mind?

A. No, YOU are NOT your mind. Your mind is simply the activity of your human computer — that is, your brain and associated nervous system.

If YOU were your mind, you would cease to be any time you fell into a coma or dreamless sleep.

Q. Are YOU your Awareness?

A. No, YOU are NOT your Awareness. YOU are that which is aware. Your Awareness is simply a function of your mind.

It is how clearly you see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects your life.

YOU are certainly not a function of your mind.

If YOU were your Awareness, you would cease to be any time you were unaware. Q. Are YOU your actions?

A. No, YOU are NOT your actions. YOU are that which acts.

Your actions are merely the means you choose to fulfill your dominant or motivating needs.

Your actions are but manifestations of your prevailing level of Awareness, for both your needs and the manner in which you choose to fulfill them are determined by your Awareness.

If YOU were your voluntary actions, you would cease to be any time you were not engaged in some endeavor.

Q. Are YOU your ego?

A. No, YOU are NOT your ego. Your ego is but an expression of your innate drive to fulfill your fundamental need to "feel good" physically, mentally and emotionally.

Your ego responds to the tensions generated by your desires, no matter how distorted or destructive such desires may be, owing to your limited or distorted Awareness.

The more your Awareness is in alignment with reality — and the higher your Self-Esteem — the more harmoniously your ego expresses.

Is it now clear that YOU are NOT your body, mind, actions, ego or Awareness?

Q. What, then, IS the true nature of your being? A. Suppose the doctor pronounces you dead; your body is still around. However, it is now silent, cold and unmoving.

It is apparent that a significant change has taken place — something has definitely left. Nothing, however, has been seen to leave. What, then, is it that has left?

Must it not be that non-physical being or "essence" that inhabited and animated your mind and body?

For what else could YOU possibly be? Q. What else is significant about YOU?

A. You are unique, inasmuch as you function through a unique Awareness.

No two people have the same Awareness, for no two people can have the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience.

Q. What else?

A. You are a perfect being.

Perfect means that you are without fault.

And you ARE without fault, for, since your unique Awareness determines everything you think, say, do and feel, any fault in what you do lies not in you but in your faulty Awareness, which is NOT you and for which you are never to blame.

Q. Anything else?

A.  You are also a precious being, for you are a part of life, and all life is precious.

Q. Do you need to justify your existence or prove your worth and importance?

A.  No, you certainly do not, for your very existence proves your innate worth and importance.

No one in the entire world is more or less worthy, more or less important, than your own unique and precious self.

Q. What else can we conclude?

A. Since you are an intangible, non-physical essence, YOU cannot even be located, much less touched or hurt!

Q. Do you live in a beneficent universe?

A, Life, it seems, is a cosmic schoolroom for our learning and growth.

For our every experience, both the so-called "good" and so-called "bad," contributes to our basic purpose — to the expansion of our Awareness, which enables us to live more harmoniously and constructively — to be both loving and loved.

Is it not likely that death, itself, is but a transition to another phase of learning and growth?

Thus, in the larger perspective, life IS beneficent, for our every experience is "good," inasmuch as it is for our needed learning and growth.

Q. So what is the essential meaning and purpose of life?

A. To grow in wisdom and love, for what in life is more meaningful than wisdom and love?

As you grow in Awareness, you grow in wisdom and learn to accept both yourself and everyone else, totally and unconditionally — and this removes the roadblocks to loving and being loved.

The reality is that you can experience genuine love only to the degree that you do accept yourself totally and unconditionally.

Can you now say with complete conviction:

I ACCEPT MYSELF TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY AS A PERFECT, UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

% (Slight pause)

Q. Is there anything more significant to your life? A. Your life is just as significant as you, yourself, make it.

*      (Slight pause)

Now a few more questions for your thoughtful consideration. But first, take a deep breath and stretch as hard as you can.

As you exhale, sense all your tensions draining away, leaving you as limp and comfortable as a kitten dozing in the sun.

Let's do this twice more.

*      (Pause)

Now, although physically relaxed, keep your mind in an open and receptive state. Q. Now what experiences beauty, awe — and love? Ht (Pause 10 to 15 seconds.)

Q. How do the teeth, fingernails, hair and lungs each know how to build their particular type of tissue from a common blood stream?

Must not each cell and organ have its own center of consciousness? Q. How does a flower know when to open?

Q. How does the chick know when and how to break out of its shell? Q. Do you actually know how to walk — or do you just walk?

"Nature," you say — but that is only a word, a symbol, a handle for an idea. What is "nature"? What is behind nature? Happenstance, perhaps?

#     (Pause about 10 seconds.)

Q. Now, think of all the complex factors involved in bringing a new life into the world — or, for that matter, all the things necessary to enable you to deliberately move your little finger.

Could all this be no more than biological happenstance?

% (Pause 2 or 3 seconds.)

Q. Would it not be just as reasonable to suppose that Webster's unabridged dictionary resulted from an explosion in the print shop?

#     (Slight pause)

Q. Now, we know that there is perfect order and predictability in the heavens.

So if there is only happenstance and chaos here on earth, at exactly what point or altitude does the transition take place?

% (Slight pause)

Q. Now IS life here on earth really happenstance, or is it unperceived but nevertheless meaningful order?

Q. Does not the mere existence of a watch presuppose a watchmaker? He (Pause about 10 seconds.)

Now, by far the most important, the most reliable, and potentially the most rewarding contributor to your Awareness is your Inner Knowing or intuitional insights.

To the degree that you rid yourself of emotional turmoil and tension through getting your Awareness into alignment with reality can you benefit from this infallible inner wisdom, ever waiting on the threshold of your consciousness.

To the degree that you can get quiet within yourself can you ask and receive with complete confidence.

Q. What is the source of this infallible Inner Knowing, without doubt the most important contributor to your Awareness?

Is not your Inner Knowing your direct connection with your Source? Q. For that matter, what is the source of life itself? (Slight pause)

Q. Now a fundamental question: Does man HAVE or soul, or IS man a soul, expressing through his body, mind and personality — expressing as harmoniously as his current level of Awareness permits?

(Pause 10 to 15 seconds.) Q. Can you actually be separated from your Source, or do you only THINK you are separated? Now, one more idea for your consideration.

A deep, heartfelt aspiration to achieve greater Awareness gives greater point and meaning to life, for a limited Awareness is your only limitation.

Your life becomes ever more joyful, rich and meaningful with each new insight, however small.

Would it not, then, be wise to treat your life as a sort of research laboratory for finding out just who you really are, and how and why you do what you do?

Certainly the old adage "Know Thyself" is the key to functioning more harmoniously and wisely.

With this in mind, why not try to determine the triggering of your every thought, the source of your every need and emotion, the motivation behind your every action.

For, if you are to accept yourself totally and unconditionally, it is important to KNOW who you really are.

% (Pause 30 seconds and announce:)

Now leisurely open your eyes.

Hopefully, this exercise has enabled you to stop identifying with your body, mind, ego or Awareness and helped you to accept yourself totally and unconditionally.

(END OF TAPE OR SCRIPT)

S

This exercise is available on tape with a companion piece, "Looking Within."

Now let's stand and take a big stretch in place to relieve any undue fatigue or discomfort.

END SESSION 18.

19. THE FUNDAMENTAL REQUIREMENT FOR ACHIEVING SOUND SELF-ESTEEM (Allow 15 minutes for Large Group review)

The absolute essential for achieving sound Self-Esteem or genuine love of self is total, unconditional acceptance of self.

The fundamental requirement for achieving total, unconditional acceptance of self and thereby sound Self-Esteem is to stop value judging and resisting ourselves — totally — now and forever.

The only thing we can lose by letting go of value judging and resisting is the emotional turmoil and hurting generated by our resistance.

The more clearly we perceive just how irrational and ridiculous — in fact, insane — value judging and resisting actually are, the easier we can eliminate them from our lives.

We cannot afford to continue value judging and resisting, for they form the impassable roadblocks to love and loving — the number one essential for "feeling good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

There is nothing more important to our success and happiness than "feeling good." Please turn now to page 43 in your Manual, "The Insanity of Value Judging."

(Have different members read items aloud in Large Group, pausing 2 or 3 seconds after each.)

THE INSANITY OF VALUE JUDGING

The following observable realities show how "crazy" value judging and resisting are:

1.  Whatever we are value judging and resisting cannot be changed by destructive value judging and resisting.

2.  We deserve to "feel good." The only way we can keep from "feeling good" is to value judge and resist what we do not like or want.

3.  We are each perfect, non-physical beings who cannot be made wrong or "less than" by mistakes, hurtful and destructive acts, defeats or failures, for we are not our mind, body or actions.

4.  It is not the unwanted events and situations in our lives that cause our emotional turmoil and hurting but our resistance to them.

5.  We are, just as we are. We could not possibly do or be otherwise without a different Awareness, which is, of course, impossible at any given time.

6.  It is impossible to prove or disprove our worth by what we do, for we are not our actions, achievements, mistakes, defeats or failures.

7.  Regardless of our obligations or the consequences of our acts, we can do only what our capabilities, time, energy and prevailing Awareness permit.

8.  Everything we think, say, do and feel stems from our unique Awareness, and we have the

innate right and freedom to express that unique Awareness as we, ourselves, see fit. We cannot, in fact, do otherwise.

9.  We invariably do the BEST we can at the time, for we can do only what our Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do.

10.  We are not "bad" if we act "bad," for we are neither our Awareness nor the actions stemming from our Awareness and can act only as "good" or wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits. There is no way we could do better if we tried harder.

11.  We are totally worthy and without fault, just as we are. Our very existence proves our innate worth and importance, and any fault lies not in us but in our prevailing Awareness. Only our Awareness can be improved.

•

jJC (Instructor explains the following:)

These realities amply demonstrate how irrational and totally insane all value judging and resisting really are.

They prove conclusively that NO ONE IS EVER TO BLAME.

We can now accept the fact that we are guiltless and without blame, regardless of hurtful and destructive acts, mistakes, defeats and failures.

There are no "cop outs," however, for the overriding reality is that, even though we are never to blame, we are inescapably responsible for everything we do or don't do, for we inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel.

We must pay the total price demanded for our every act, for lack of Awareness to do better does not excuse us from the consequences.

It is apparent from these observable realities that our prevailing Awareness is our only limitation.

Thus, if we wish to consciously expand our Awareness, it is necessary to carefully observe, question and deeply consider everything that affects our lives.

Furthermore, the greatest potential benefit of eliminating value judging and resistance from our lives is that the resulting inner peace (freedom from the emotional turmoil and hurting generated by value judging and resisting) allow us to get in touch with the infallible wisdom of our Inner Knowing.

Now please turn again to page 5 in your Manual and we will take another look at "Shark Island."

^ (Pause for members to find the page.)

Why do you suppose we gave you this exercise?

(Pause for consideration.)

To show you how prevalent value judging and resisting are.

It is almost as if a burden were laid on us at birth to value judge and resist everything that does not comply with our particular values.

How many of you value judged and resisted one or more of the individuals in the story? (Raise your hand.)

Do you now realize just how insane it is to value judge and resist?

Do you now fully realize that the choice is yours to "feel good" or "feel bad"?

END SESSION 19. (If appropriate, announce a 10-minute Break.)

20. ESTABLISHING A NEW LIFE STYLE (Allow 10 minutes for Large Group review)

Your lack of Self-Esteem has been caused to a large extent by the destructive life style resulting from your faulty cultural conditioning.

Therefore, if you are to achieve sound Self-Esteem, it is necessary to establish a new life style — one that generates and nourishes sound Self-Esteem because it is in alignment with reality.

In so doing, you will not only achieve a significantly constructive life style, but by working with the Life Style Action Statements, you will also be putting into practice what you have learned in this workshop — that is, how to achieve sound Self-Esteem.

Please turn again to page 81 of your Manual, the "Life Style Evaluation and Progress Chart."

You have already determined your present Life Style Index as a beginning point for charting your progress during the coming five weeks.

We will now review the 25 Life Style Action Statements to see if you have any questions as to their meaning or significance.

(Instructor has members take turns reading the 25 statements, pausing about 3 seconds after each one for mental digestion and any questions.)

LIFE STYLE STATEMENTS

1.     I make decisions promptly and willingly accept the consequences.

2.     I do not let others talk me into things against my better judgment.

3.     I do not deny my own needs, feelings and opinions to please others.

4.     I do not let myself become upset by resisting myself or others.

5.     I motivate myself in line with my chosen objectives.

6.     I am my own authority, think for myself and act accordingly.

7.     I stand up for my own values, opinions and convictions.

8.     I do not let my "feel good" be dependent on others.

9.     I do not allow personal comparisons to affect my sense of worth.

10.   I do not try to prove my worth by my accomplishments.

11.   I do not brag about what I have or what I have done.

12.   I do not blame myself or accept blame from others.

13.   I allow myself freedom to make mistakes, to be "wrong," to fail.

14.   I do not procrastinate or drift.

15.   I approach all problems and new endeavors free from fear of failure.

16.   I follow every undertaking through to a logical conclusion.

17.   I refrain from no endeavor because of fear of failure or defeat.

18.   I identify no one with their actions or Awareness.

19.   I do not blame others for my mistakes, defeats or problems.

20.   I defer to no one on account of his wealth, power or prestige.

21.   I say "no," even when I know it will displease others.

22.   I am patient, kind and gentle with myself.

23.   I walk erect and face everyone with a friendly, open countenance.

24.   I am frank and open with everyone, free of masks and pretensions.

25.   I analyze and benefit from my mistakes.

Any further questions on the meaning or significance of any of these statements? # (Pause)

You have been subjected to many new ideas here in the workshop.

You now have an opportunity to put them to work establishing your new life style — one that generates and nourishes sound Self-Esteem rather than tearing it down.

You can expect your LSI to correlate rather closely with your SEI.

If one lags significantly behind the other, it is a clue that you need to exert extra effort to bring the lower one up with the other.

If you are eager to experience the tremendous benefits of sound Self-Esteem, make every effort to actualize these statements.

Accept each one as a challenge and make a game of seeing how soon you AUTOMATICALLY act and react in accord with them.

Actualizing these Life Style Action Statements on a day-to-day basis is one of the most effective ways of achieving the exhilarating "feel good" of sound Self-Esteem.

END SESSION 20.

21. FOLLOW-ON PROGRAM (Allow 30 minutes)

(Note: This Follow-On Program is absolutely essential to the participants' achievement of sound Self-Esteem. It is, therefore, vitally important for you to evince as much enthusiasm as possible in presenting this session to the members.)

Now, prior to explaining your Follow-On Program, we would like you to turn to page 45 in your Manual, "Self-Awareness Review."

Take about 3 minutes to fill in the blanks, compare your answers with the "Self-Awareness Investigation" on page 3, then sign and date your commitment.

(Wait 4 to 5 minutes.)

SELF-AWARENESS REVIEW

A. When I complete the Follow-On Program and achieve sound Self-Esteem, what is there that can keep me from "feeling good"?

B. When I complete the Follow-On Program and achieve sound Self-Esteem, will my fundamental need (which is to "feel good") be satisfied?

C. When I complete the Follow-On Program and achieve sound Self-Esteem, to what degree will I be able to eliminate or better handle my negative emotions?

D. When I complete the Follow-On Program and achieve sound Self-Esteem, will there by anything to keep me from liking and accepting myself?

E. When I complete the Follow-On Program and achieve sound Self-Esteem, will I still have a need to prove my worth?

INSTRUCTIONS:

After answering the questions above, turn back to the "Self-Awareness Investigation"and note any changes in your answers for questions A through E. Then proceed to answer the questions below.

COMMITMENT TO MYSELF

1. Based on my answers to the questions above, is there anything more important to my overall well-being than building sound Self-Esteem?

2. Am I now willing to give building sound Self-Esteem top priority for the next five weeks?

Signature

Date

It is necessary to make a firm commitment to yourself to conscientiously do your Follow-On Program if you are to achieve the full benefit of this Self-Esteem Program.

A deep realization of the crucially important benefits of sound Self-Esteem, a conscious decision to do your Follow-On Program, and a clear image of yourself doing the required work is essential to success in building sound Self-Esteem.

Now turn to your Follow-On Program which begins on page 53 of your Manual.

It is important to your success in building sound Self-Esteem to read the "Cautions for Workshop Graduates" immediately on your return home.

On page 55 is a "Glossary of Terms" for your reference.

We will now get into the specifics of your Follow-On Program.

You are about to complete this 12-hour workshop, Part I of your Five-Week Program for Building Sound Self-Esteem.

Be aware that the basic objective of this workshop has been to provide you with an intellectual understanding of the principles of sound Self-Esteem and thereby get you off to a flying start on increasing your Self-Esteem.

Part II, the do-it-yourself part — every bit as essential to your "feel good" as Part I — is a carefully detailed program for implementing what you have learned here when you return home.

With sufficient motivation to conscientiously follow the instructions of the Follow-On Program, you can realistically expect to achieve an SEI of 95 or more in five weeks or less from the end of this workshop.

The experience of former workshoppers shows that it is not unusual to achieve sound Self-Esteem in three to four weeks from the end of the workshop.

One woman, in fact, went from a crippling lack of Self-Esteem, an SEI of only 42, to % in just one week from completion of the workshop.

It is of utmost importance, however, that you do not value judge and resist yourself if you do not put forth the required time and effort to get your SEI up to 95 or more within the projected five weeks.

For the reality is that such value judging is destructive to your Self-Esteem and is also completely invalid, since the unchanging Law of Human Behavior is: regardless of the consequences, YOU CAN DO ONLY WHAT YOU WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO.

Your individual progress is basically a matter of the intensity of your motivation.

Your motivation, in turn, is primarily a matter of maintaining an Awareness of the many crucially important benefits of sound Self-Esteem.

One of the benefits of vital importance to your overall "feel good" is that you will experience genuinely loving relationships with those especially meaningful in your life.

For example, the so-called "generation gap" and alienation stem from individuals value judging and resisting one another.

Another benefit is an exhilarating sense of being in conscious charge of your own life, plus inner peace and an overall sense of well-being — an ability to meet life successfully on your terms.

Another benefit is harmonious, meaningful relationships with your co-workers.

Statistics have shown that over 80 percent of those terminated from their jobs or positions are terminated not because of inferior work or capabilities, but because of their inability to get along with their co-workers.

Thus, for economic reasons, too, it is of vital importance to learn how to establish and maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships.

An especially powerful motivation for increasing your own Self-Esteem is the realization that we are the models for our children and our children's children.

Low Self-Esteem is passed on from generation to generation with the destructive life style developed by low Self-Esteem parents and grandparents.

By increasing your own Self-Esteem, you now have an opportunity to help children, yet unborn, avoid the agonies of low Self-Esteem.

The important point to remember in working with your Follow-On Program is that you will achieve positive benefits to whatever degree you work it.

Now, a number of workshoppers are concerned about how they will get along when they re-enter the so-called "real world" — how they will act and react when they leave the workshop and go home to their family, friends and job.

What can you expect after 12 hours spent in increasing your Awareness and discarding your false and destructive concepts of human behavior?

You will notice a significant change in your attitude toward life.

You will perceive people and situations from a new point of view.

You will be more understanding and loving.

On achieving sound Self-Esteem, you will find yourself handling personal problems significantly more harmoniously and effectively.

In short, you will find your world tremendously more enjoyable and beautiful.

^ (At this point, it may be desirable to have members stand in place and take a quick stretch.)

How many hours are necessary for you to spend in order to achieve the crucially important benefits of sound Self-Esteem?

To achieve sound Self-Esteem in five weeks or less requires that you spend about 60 minutes every day and approximately an additional 30 minutes on Saturdays and Sundays.

Individual results will vary; if, for example, you choose to spend only half the time recommended, you can expect that it will take you twice as long.

We have found that it is of vital importance to start your Follow-On Program the first morning after completing the workshop.

For your enthusiasm and motivation are then at a high level.

Now scan the "Daily Schedule" on page 57 and the "Weekly Schedule" on page 59 in your Manual. ■X- (Pause to allow time for scanning.)

Now imagine it is bright and early tomorrow morning (Monday). You have just awakened and want to start your Follow-On Program.

What do you do first, "_____ "?

(Member reads:)

I. A. Play designated tape (refer to Weekly Schedule) immediately upon awakening. (Instructor:)

Now, referring to the "Weekly Schedule," what tape do you play, "____ "?

Jjjlj (Have members check Monday morning on "Weekly Schedule," Play Side 1 of Affirmation Tape No. 7. Ask them to open their Self-Esteem Kits and take out cassette tape no. 7 by pressing hard on one end of the cassette. Ask them to remove it, read the label, and replace it in the Kit.)

It will take you no more than 15 minutes to play this tape.

Per your "Weekly Schedule," you will be playing tape no. 8 on Tuesdays and tape no. 9 on Thursdays.

The extra spaces in your album are provided for your convenience in case you purchase additional tapes for Building Sound Self-Esteem.

Now, what do you do after you have played the tape, "____ "?

•Jf (Ask member to read I.B. and I.B. 1. on "Daily Schedule.")

I.B. Review "Daily Companion" card for the specific day of the week:

1. Thoughtfully read and sense the meaning and significance of every word and phrase of the following topics, allowing them to sink deeply into your consciousness: Reality of Our Existence Basic Law of Human Behavior

(Have members take their "Daily Companion" out of their Self-Esteem Kit and remove the Monday card. Have a member read the "Reality of Our Existence" and the "Basic Law of Human Behavior" at the top of the Monday card:)

REALITY OF OUR EXISTENCE: We are not our Awareness or actions. We are perfect, non- physical beings, ever acting as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

BASIC LAW OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR: We can do only what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do, regardless of the consequences.

(Instructor:)

Referring to the "Daily Schedule," what do you do next, "_____ "?

jJC (Have member read I.B.2.)

I.B.2. Get quiet within yourself by taking three deep breaths and, as you slowly exhale, sense your mind becoming empty and silent. Feel your tensions, both mental and physical, quietly draining away, leaving you as peaceful and relaxed as a kitten dozing in the sun. In this completely comfortable and relaxed state, repeat three times each your affirmation for the day and then your Master Affirmation.

SfC (Instructor:)

Note the Daily Affirmations at the bottom of your Monday card.

Realize that conscientiously doing your affirmations is absolutely essential to stopping value judging and resisting yourself.

And, as you are now aware, this is the BASIC requirement for achieving sound Self-Esteem.

"_ ," will you please read I.B.3. on the "Daily Schedule"?

iff (Member reads:)

I.B.3. Review your Life Style Statements and Guide to Stress-Free Action, meanwhile visualizing yourself acting accordingly. The better you can imagine and sense yourself acting "as if," the easier it will be to actually act in the manner stated. This will engrave the desired action statement on your mind at a non-conscious level of your Awareness, so that you will soon be automatically acting and reacting in that manner.

(Instructor:)

Refer now to "My New Life Style Action Statements" on your Monday card.

(Have a different member read each of the following four Life Style Statements:)

1.  I make decisions promptly and willingly accept the consequences.

2.  I do not let others talk me into things against my better judgment.

3.  I do not deny my own needs, feelings and opinions to please others.

4.  I do not let myself become upset by resisting myself or others.

% (Instructor:)

Actualizing these Life Style Statements is equally important to doing your affirmations, for they replace your destructive life style with one that actually generates and nourishes sound Self-Esteem.

"-- ," will you please read the "Guide to Stress-Free Action" on the Monday card?

(Member reads:)

GUIDE TO STRESS-FREE ACTION: Regardless of obligations or the consequences, I can do only what my time, energy and prevailing Awareness permit. Thus, I patiently do first things first, one at a time, and do not fret about what I have yet to do.

jJj (Instructor:)

It is vitally important to your "feel good" that you realize you will no longer experience stress, regardless of your duties and obligations, if you internalize and follow this "Guide to Stress-Free Action."

Now this completes your morning activities for building sound Self-Esteem. How long do you think they will take each morning? (Pause)

You will find that they require about 20 minutes or less.

Now what are you to do throughout the day to build sound Self-Esteem?

"-- ," will you please read II.A.?

(Member reads:)

II.A. Be keenly aware to take advantage of every opportunity to put your Life Style Action Statements into practice. You will find that they become noticeably easier each time you actualize them.

(Instructor:)

Now will you read II.B., please, "___ "?

(Member reads:)

H.B. Thoughtfully review the "Observable Realities" on the back of your "Daily Companion" card during every available fragment of time. The more deeply you are aware of these Realities the sooner you will experience the tremendous benefits of sound Self-Esteem.

(Instructor:)

Now turn your Monday card over and note "Observable Reality No. 1" and its related Realities.

It is important to review the Life Style Action Statements and Observable Realities during every available fragment of time throughout your day.

It is an observable reality that the more time and effort you devote to integrating them, the quicker you will achieve sound Self-Esteem.

Now imagine it is tomorrow evening and you are ready to do your "homework" for increasing your Self-Esteem.

What do you do first, "____ "?

% (Ask member to read III. A. and III.A.1. on the "Daily Schedule.")

ffl.A. Review the following "Daily Companion" cards:

1. Thoughtfully review your Life Style Action Statements for the day, and ask yourself: "In retrospect, how could I have actualized these statements more often or more effectively?" Do not, however, criticize or condemn yourself for not doing better. Realize that you could not possibly have done "better" without a different Awareness, which you did not have.

5fC (Instructor:)

Will you read III.A.2, "____ "?

(Member reads:)

III.A.2. Review and confirm "Facts About My Awareness." If necessary for better understanding, refer to 'The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays In Our Life" in your WORKSHOP MANUAL.

^fj (Instructor:)

Please remove the "Facts About My Awareness" card from your "Daily Companion."

It is important to realize that the "Facts About My Awareness" are the basis of this Self-Esteem Program and essential to stopping value judging and resisting yourself.

You will find 'The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays In Our Life" beginning on page 75 in your Manual.

Now, what is the last thing you do for the day?

Will you please read III.B. on the "Daily Schedule," "____ "?

21-8

•jff (Member reads:)

III.B. Play designated tape for the day (refer to Weekly Schedule) immediately before going to sleep.

jJC (Instructor:)

What tape do you play, _____ ,"?

jJC (Have members refer to "Weekly Schedule," Monday Evening, Play Side 2 of Affirmation Tape No. 7.)

Note that there is a special card in your "Daily Companion" for each day of the week and also a card with the condensed "Daily Schedule" on the front and the "Weekly Schedule" on the back.

Now let's refer to your special weekend activities at the bottom of page 59 in your Manual.

Your first extra activity for Saturday is to thoughtfully review the "Summary Sheet: Un-realities vs. Realities."

You will find this on page 61 in your Manual.

Reviewing this "Summary Sheet" will help you greatly in correcting your faulty cultural conditioning and getting your Awareness back into alignment with reality.

Your second special Saturday activity is to thoughtfully read and sense the full significance of "How to Keep from Feeling Bad."

This article begins on page 63 of your Manual. Let's take a look at it.

It explains in depth the life-changing reality that the only way you can possibly get emotionally upset or depressed is to name someone or something "bad" and resist it.

There is just no other way to "feel bad."

If you want to "feel good," day to day, regardless of unwanted situations and events in your life, it is essential that you fully understand how value judging and resisting keep you from "feeling good."

On Sunday, your first special activity is to thoughtfully read and sense the full significance of "Removing the Roadblbcks to Loving."

Take a look at this article. It begins on page 69 of your Manual.

"Removing the Roadblocks to Loving" not only reviews the entire program but gives you specific instructions on how to love and be loved.

This article and its companion article, "How to Keep from Feeling Bad," cover in concise, condensed form the results of over 30 years of Mr. Barksdale's search and research into what keeps us from "feeling good" ALL the time.

It is of utmost importance that you thoroughly understand and incorporate both of these articles into your Awareness, if you truly want to "feel good."

Together they cover the most significant points of this entire Self-Esteem Program.

They are so important that the Foundation has made them available on tape, should you wish to add them to your album.

Now the second and third special activities for Sunday are to evaluate and chart your SEI and LSI respectively, as we did at the beginning of this workshop.

The purpose of these weekly evaluations is to determine the progress you have made toward building sound Self-Esteem during the past week.

This will also encourage you to keep working your Follow-On Program. The results will indicate how well you have been following the program.

Experience shows that if you follow it conscientiously, you can expect to achieve an SEI and LSI of 95 or more within five weeks from the end of this workshop.

However, if for any reason you do not do so, it does not mean that you are "less than," so refrain from value judging and resisting yourself for not doing "better."

For, as you now know, you can do ONLY what your time, energy and prevailing Awareness permit.

Remember, there is nothing more destructive to your Self-Esteem and "feel good" than value judging and resisting yourself.

Be kind and gentle with yourself, whatever happens — for the unchangeable reality is: NO ONE IS EVER TO BLAME.

Now we will wind up this session with a quick look at page 83, "Program for Maintaining Sound Self-Esteem."

Will you read the first paragraph, "____ ," please?

^ (Have a different member read each of numbers 1, 2 and 3. Instructor reads last paragraph and calls their attention to "Evidence of a Slipped Self-Esteem " at the bottom of the page for their future reference. If time permits, have different members read "Evidence of a Slipped Self-Esteem.")

PROGRAM FOR MAINTAINING SOUND SELF-ESTEEM

In order to maintain your Self-Esteem it is necessary to keep your Awareness in alignment with reality. The following procedures are, therefore, necessary until such time as your Self-Esteem is no longer adversely influenced by your environment. Establish a specific time and day for each of the following three activities. Should you have to miss one of the requirements, it is necessary to do it the following day, if you are to maintain sound Self-Esteem, while being continually bombarded with false and destructive concepts stemming from our faulty cultural conditioning.

1.    Listen to the following tapes at least once a week:

a.            "Accepting My Own Authority" (side 1 of tape No. 8)

b.           "Basic Affirmations for Total, Unconditional Acceptance" (tape No. 7)

2.    Thoughtfully review the following articles at least once a week:

a.            "How to Keep from Feeling Bad"

b.           "Removing the Roadblocks to Loving"

(This material is also available from The Barksdale Foundation on two cassette tapes.)

3.    Carry your "Daily Companion" for ready reference:

a.           Review and confirm "The Insanity of Value Judging" at least once a week.

b.           Thoughtfully review at least one of the seven daily cards every week.

Be aware that any time you are not "feeling good" on a daily basis, your Self-Esteem has slipped. If so, get back with your Follow-On Program as much as necessary to get your SEI back to 95 or more.

EVIDENCE OF A SLIPPED SELF-ESTEEM

1.  You become critical, fault-finding, harsh and demanding with others because you have again become critical, fault-finding, harsh and demanding with yourself.

2.  You become involved in value judgments and angry arguments (especially with your loved ones) because of a low Self-Esteem need to control, to be "right" or to straighten others out.

3.    You become aggressive or withdrawn, depending on your individual behavior pattern.

4.  You start talking about yourself, your interests and activities, instead of sensitively listening and responding to others.

5.  You again have a need to impress others with your prominent friends, achievements, possessions and importance.

6.     You are very concerned how you come across to others.

7.    You find it very difficult to say "no" (you again become a "people pleaser").

8.     You are again a compulsive perfectionist.

9.    You experience difficulty in admitting mistakes.

10.   You engage in arguments rather than discussions because of an intense need for confirmation and agreement.

11.  You again have a compulsive need for attention and approval.

12.   You no longer "feel good" on a day-to-day basis.

5|C (Announce:)

The time and effort required to achieve and maintain sound Self-Esteem is, indeed, a small investment to make for getting your Awareness back into alignment with reality and thereby achieving the tremendous benefits of sound Self-Esteem.

And be aware that this is ONE investment that will start paying dividends IMMEDIATELY as you start working your Follow-On Program.

Intellectual concepts are not sufficient to make you "feel good" on a day-to-day basis.

The TOTAL Program is essential for TOTAL results.

It is your life — both the choice and the consequences of how well you do your "homework" are yours.

No one can do it for you.

Now take a quick look at the single sheet, 'The Barksdale Self-Esteem Program for Achieving the Joy of Loving," at the back of your Self-Esteem Kit.

■3f (Pause while they scan the sheet.)

This sheet has been prepared to assist you in telling your relatives, friends and associates about this Self-Esteem Program.

Also note the catalog sheet and price list included for your convenience in ordering additional material.

The reply card bound at the back of your Manual is also provided for your convenience. (Pause)

Now that you are familiar with the symptoms of low Self-Esteem, you will be aware of low or crippling Self-Esteem when you see it in those around you and in what you read and in what you observe on television and in movies.

You will also find it fun to watch the surprised looks you see on the faces of your relatives, friends and co-workers as you achieve sound Self-Esteem!

(Instructor may wish to close this session with mention of forthcoming workshops, guest seminars or planned activities for workshop graduates.)

END SESSION 21.

22. LOVE ENERGY CIRCLE (Closing Exercise) (Allow 25 minutes)

^ (Take any necessary precautions to see that the group will not be disturbed during this very meaningful exercise — telephones, etc. NOTE: If space permits have participants form their chairs into a tight circle, chairs touching. If space does not permit seating, have everyone stand. If necessary, form TWO concentric circles in place of one.)

We are now going to do our closing exercise, which is a demonstration of the spontaneous flow of love when you stop value judging.

We hope you will find it a fitting climax to this workshop.

In this exercise it is recommended that you sit (or stand) next to one who is especially meaningful to you.

Otherwise it is desirable, in so far as possible, for you to sit (or stand) alternately, male and female. ^ (Allow time for members to form circle.) This can be a uniquely thrilling experience.

The more you follow the detailed instructions, the more rewarding this exercise will be. Now, to the best of your ability, drop all defensive masks and barriers.

Glance leisurely around the circle and look at each other openly, and hopefully, with total, unconditional acceptance.

Be aware to return the gaze of anyone wishing to attract your gaze. % (Pause for approximately 30 seconds.)

Clasp and hold hands lightly with the persons on either side of you until requested to do otherwise.

Take your time and look deeply into the person's eyes on either side of you — preferably one at a time.

(Allow about 45 seconds.)

Now lovingly release your gaze — get comfortable, take a deep breath and, as you slowly exhale, feel all your tensions draining away.

Do this twice more, sensing any remaining tension draining away, leaving you as limp and relaxed as a sleeping infant.

Ht (Pause)

We would now like you to close your eyes lightly and keep them closed until we ask you to open them. SfC (Check to make sure the following instructions are followed in detail.)

Now, turn your head toward the person on your LEFT and hold that position as you quietly project all the loving thoughts and tenderness toward that person that you can possibly manage.

Imagine and sense your love pouring into this person on your LEFT as you lovingly accept that individual totally and unconditionally.

At the same time, be keenly aware of the love pouring into YOU from the individual on your RIGHT.

Be quiet within yourself.

In your mind's eye, see and sense the entire circle, the whole room, steeped in warmth and love — and relax into its warm glow.

Feel yourself immersed in, and overflowing with, LOVE.

Now silently and meaningfully repeat the following affirmations with me two times each, as you lovingly project total, unconditional acceptance to the individual on your LEFT.

I KNOW THAT YOU ARE AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD - THAT YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. YOU, YOURSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY YOUR AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I KNOW THAT YOU ARE AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD - THAT YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. YOU, YOURSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY YOUR AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

% (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.) Now the next affirmation.

Silently repeat this affirmation lovingly and meaningfully with your Awareness still focused on the person on your LEFT.

I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

(Pause about 5 seconds.)

Now let your love really flow — sense it quietly flowing out from you to the individual on your left and on around the entire circle.

At the same time, sense the love pouring into you from the person on your right.

Feel yourself and the entire circle bathed in warmth and love.

(Allow one minute of complete silence.)

Now, still holding hands and with your eyes still lightly closed, turn your head toward the person on your RIGHT.

Hold this position as you repeat the exercise.

Now imagine and sense your love pouring into the person on your RIGHT, as you lovingly accept that individual totally and unconditionally.

Project all the love and tenderness you can possibly manage.

At the same time, sense the love pouring into you from the person on your left — the one to whom you were formerly pouring your love.

Be quiet within yourself.

In your mind's eye, see and sense the entire circle, the whole room, steeped in warmth and love — and relax into its warm glow.

Feel yourself immersed in, and overflowing with, LOVE.

Now silently and meaningfully repeat the following affirmations with me two times each as you lovingly project total, unconditional acceptance to the individual on your RIGHT.

I KNOW THAT YOU ARE AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD - THAT YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. YOU, YOURSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY YOUR AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

(Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I KNOW THAT YOU ARE AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD - THAT YOU ARE ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS YOU ARE. YOU, YOURSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY YOUR AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

■Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the next affirmation.)

Now repeat the next affirmation in the same loving manner with your Awareness still focused on the person on your RIGHT.

I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I FEEL WARM AND LOVING TOWARD YOU, FOR I ACCEPT YOU TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, EVER DOING THE BEST YOUR CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

(Pause about 5 seconds.)

Now, let your love really flow — sense it quietly flowing out from you to the person on your right and on around the entire circle.

At the same time sense the love pouring into you from the person on your left. Feel yourself and the entire circle bathed in warmth and love. ■Jf (Allow one minute of complete silence.)

Now, still holding hands and with eyes still lightly closed, face directly forward and turn all the warmth and love you were projecting toward the others in on YOURSELF.

To the best of your ability, sense your inner being and accept yourself totally and unconditionally, completely free of self-accusation, of any value judging, criticism, shame, guilt or remorse, as you now, meaningfully and lovingly, silently repeat the following affirmations with me two times each.

I AM AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS I AM. I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

•X- (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I AM AS WORTHY AND IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. I AM ALL RIGHT, TOTALLY BLAMELESS, JUST AS I AM. I, MYSELF, CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER. ONLY MY AWARENESS CAN BE IMPROVED.

-X- (Pause about 5 seconds before doing the last affirmation.)

Now the last affirmation:

I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF. I ACCEPT MYSELF TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY AS THE UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING I AM, TOTALLY WORTHY, EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

•Jf (Pause about 5 seconds before repeating the affirmation.)

Again: I LOVE AND CHERISH MY WONDERFUL, BLAMELESS SELF. I ACCEPT MYSELF TOTALLY AND UNCONDITIONALLY AS THE UNIQUE AND PRECIOUS BEING I AM, TOTALLY WORTHY, EVER DOING THE BEST MY CURRENT AWARENESS PERMITS, EVER GROWING IN AWARENESS AND LOVE.

Now, sense yourself filled to overflowing with tenderness and love.

■Jf (Allow one minute of complete silence.)

Now, with hands still clasped and eyes still lightly closed, we will conclude this workshop with an adaptation from a poem by Maxim Gorky.

We suggest that you allow your mind to become blank and simply go with it.

There will come a time, I know,

When people will take delight in one another,

When each will be a star unto the other,

And each will listen to his fellow as to music.

Free men will walk upon the earth,

Men great in their freedom.

They will walk with open hearts,

And the heart of each will be pure of envy and greed,

And, therefore, all mankind will be without malice,

And there will be nothing to divorce the heart from reason.

Then life will be one great service to man!

His figure will be raised to lofty heights —

For to free men, all heights are attainable.

Then we shall live in truth and freedom and in beauty,

And those will be accounted the most fortunate

Who the more widely embrace the world with their hearts,

And whose love of it is the profoundest;

Those will be the most joyful who are the freest;

In them is the greatest beauty.

Then will life be great,

And the people will be great who live that life.

(Wait approximately one minute and announce:) This concludes both the Love Energy Circle and the workshop.

It's been wonderful having you with us. GOD BLESS YOU, ONE AND ALL!

We suggest you now embrace one another as evidence of your total, unconditional acceptance.

END SESSION 22.

APPENDIX

CONTENTS OF APPENDIX

Glossary of Terms. . ..,,............................................................................................. 23-1

Barksdale Two-Part Self-Esteem Program..................................................................... 23-2

Self-Esteem Evaluation and Progress Chart................................................................... 23-3

Life Style Evaluation and Progress Chart................................................................. 23-5

Self-Awareness Investigation...................................................................................... 23-7

Cautions for Workshop Graduates........... ^ *. . ₄                         ............................... 23-8

Daily Schedule: Self-Esteem Follow-On Program......................................................... 23-10

Weekly Schedule: Self-Esteem Follow-On Program........................................................................ 23-11

Summary Sheet: Un-realities vs. Realities..................................................................................... 23-12

How to Keep from "Feeling Bad"................................................................................ 23-13

Removing the Roadblocks to Loving.......................................................................... 23-18

The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays In Our Life....................................................... 23-24

GLOSSARY OF TERMS

ACTUALIZE: apply, put into action

ADMONITION: a command to act in a certain way, often a reprimand

ALIGNMENT: in agreement with

AUTHORITY: right, power

BIRTHRIGHT: entitled to by your existence

CAPABILITIES: ability, talent, skill

COMPULSIVE: a need so strong you are driven to satisfy it

CONDITIONING: effect of past circumstances which have influenced your present thinking, beliefs and behavior

CONSCIOUS: knowingly aware of yourself, your thoughts and feelings

DISTORTED: not in alignment with reality

FALLACY: falseness, untruth, incorrect belief

IMPLICATION: an inference or conclusion made from a fact or observation

INESCAPABLE: unavoidable, cannot be escaped

INEVITABLE: always, cannot be avoided

INHERENT: born with, natural

INNATE: born with, natural

INTERNALIZE: to put an idea at such a deep level of your Awareness that you automatically act and react in accord with it

INVALID: not true

INVULNERABLE: cannot be hurt or injured

LOGICAL: correct reasoning based on the available evidence

NON-CONSCIOUS: not consciously or knowingly aware

OBSERVABLE: visible, seen, available for examination

PERCEIVE: to see or observe

PREVAILING: present, current, existing at the time

PRIORITY: the position or importance one gives a proposed action

REALITY: what actually is or exists, real, true

REPROGRAM: change your conditioned thinking

SELF-IMAGE: how you see yourself

UNJUSTIFIED: not provable, having no rational basis in fact

VALID: true, logical, free from error

VALIDATE: confirm, verify, prove to be true or real

VULNERABLE: can be hurt or injured

BARKSDALE TWO-PART SELF-ESTEEM PROGRAM

Part I: Introductory 12-hour Workshop Program

1.           Taking Conscious Charge of Your Own Life

a. Structured exercise for Accepting Your Own Authority

2.            Understanding the Realities of Human Behavior

a.                   Analyzing Human Behavior

(1)                        The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays in Our Life

(2)                        Vital Facts About Our Awareness

(3)                         False and Destructive Concepts of Human Behavior

b.                  Deducing the Basic Observable Realities of Human Behavior

(1)                        The Primary Un-realities of Human Behavior

(2)                        The Basic Observable Realities of Human Behavior

3.            Internalizing the Basic Observable Realities

4.            Stopping Value Judging and Resisting

5.            Structured experiential exercises

a.                   Getting Rid of Self-Condemnation and Guilt

b.                   Eliminating Destructive Negative Emotions

c.                   Loving Yourself and Others

d.                   Eye Contact experiences

e.                   Love Energy Circle

Part II: Follow-On Program

1.           Integrating the principles through study of supplemental material

2.            Applying the Realities of Human Behavior in daily living

a.                   Actualizing the Basic Observable Realities

(1)                        Affirmations

(2)                        New life style

(3)                        Daily Companion

(4)                        Structured experiential exercises

b.                  Maintaining Sound Self-Esteem

This two-part program will enable you to accept yourself totally and unconditionally, regardless of past hurtful actions, mistakes, defeats and failures. With total, unconditional acceptance you will automatically achieve Sound Self-Esteem. With total, unconditional acceptance and genuine love of self, you will automatically love and be loved.

f°notNt?ue »* t SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION & PROGRESS CHART

0 - not true any of the time

1 = somewhat true or true part of the time       Barksdale Program for Building Sound Self-Esteem

2 = fairly true OR true about half of the time              "                      *

3 = mainly true OR true most of the time

4 = true all of the time

(See back for example)                                        No. 69-5

_ Name Starting Date |  | score at | End of | Week Ir | idicated |
S E 1 STATEMENTS | SEI | 0 | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th
1. 1 do not feel anyone else is better than 1 am. | U«) |  |  |  |  |  |
2. 1 am free of shame, blame, guilt and remorse. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
3. 1 am a happy, carefree person. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
4. 1 have no need to prove 1 am as good or better than others. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
5. 1 do not have a strong need for attention and approval. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
6. 1 do not get upset or feel "less than" when others win. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
7. 1 feel warm and friendly toward myself. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
8. 1 do not feel inferior to anyone who has more or does better than 1. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
9. 1 am at ease with strangers and make friends easily. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
10. 1 speak up for my own ideas, likes and dislikes. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
11. 1 am not hurt by others' opinions or attitudes. |  |  | - |  |  | - |
12. 1 do not need praise to feel good about myself. |  |  |  |  |  | - |
13. 1 feel good about others' good fortune. |  |  |  |  | - | - | -
14. 1 do not find fault with people. |  |  |  |  |  | - | :
IS. 1 say "no," even though it may displease others. |  |  |  |  | - |  | ■
16. 1 am open and honest-unafraid to let people see me as 1 really am. |  |  |  |  | - |  | :
17. 1 am friendly, generous and considerate toward others. |  |  | l | - |  | - | -
18. 1 do not blame others for my problems and mistakes. | ---  !> > o | : | I | ; | : | - | -
19. 1 enjoy being alone with myself. |  | - | - | - | - | - | -
20. 1 accept compliments and gifts without discomfort or feeling obligated. | —— | i | - | - | - | •• | -
21. 1 admit my mistakes and defeats without feeling ashamed or "less than." |  | - | - | - | - | - | -
22. 1 feel no need to defend what 1 think, say or do. | 1 | - | - | - | - |  | -
23. 1 do not feel "less than" when others tell me 1 am wrong. |  | _ |  | - | - |  | ■
24. 1 do not boast about myself or my possessions. | lii | _ |  |  | - | - | -
25. 1 do not feel "put down" or "less than" when criticized. |  |  | - | - | - | - | :
® by '|jiburn^SBarksdale Self-Esteem Index (Total Score fore, | ich week) |  |  |  |  |  |

(EXAMPLE)

scoring                            SELF-ESTEEM EVALUATION & PROGRESS CHART

0 = not true any of the time

1 = somewhat true or true part of the time     Barksdale Program for Building Sound Self-Esteem

2 = fairly true OR true about half of the time

3 = mainly true OR true most of the time

4 = true all of the time

No. 69-5

Name ^t^t^ Starting Date 2.//* | 2 /&> |  | •core at | End of | Week li | idicated |
S E 1 STATEMENTS | SEI | 0 | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | Sth
1. 1 do not feel anyone else is better than 1 am. |  | o | 2 | z | // i | Vi |
2. 1 am free of shame, blame, guilt and remorse. |  | 0 | Z | 3 : | 1+ |  | :
3. 1 am a happy, carefree person. |  | o | / | 3 : | 3 | A | -
4. 1 have no need to prove 1 am as good or better than others. |  | o | Z | 3 : | ¥ j | U- |
S. 1 do not have a strong need for attention and approval. |  | / | Z | 3 : |  | 14 : |
6. 1 do not get upset or feel "less than" when others win. |  | / | Z | 3 : | 3\ | U |
7. 1 feel warm and friendly toward myself. |  | 0 | / | 2- : |  | Li : |
8. 1 do not feel inferior to anyone who has more or does better than 1. |  | / | 3 | 3 ; |  | U : |
9. 1 am at ease with strangers and make friends easily. |  | 0 | / : | 2 : | 13 : | U : |
10. 1 speak up for my own ideas, likes and dislikes. |  | / : | / | 3 j | w | <4 : | -
11. 1 am not hurt by others' opinions or attitudes. |  | O \ | / : | ZJ:

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12. 1 do not need praise to feel good about myself.

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13. 1 feel good about others' good fortune.

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14. 1 do not find fault with people.

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16. 1 am open and honest-unafraid to let people see me as 1 really am.

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17. 1 am friendly, generous and considerate toward others.

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18. 1 do not blame others for my problems and mistakes.

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19. 1 enjoy being alone with myself.

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20. 1 accept compliments and gifts without discomfort or feeling obligated.

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21. 1 admit my mistakes and defeats without feeling ashamed or "less than."

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23. 1 do not feel "less than" when others tell me 1 am wrong.

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Self-Esteem Index (Total Score for each week)

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97

„v,he ti™ LIFE STYLE EVALUATION & PROGRESS CHART

i'SRtSoSZZXtfXZ.                                    B>**<"><° P'osram for Building Sound SoH-Esteem

3 = mainly true OR true most of the time

4 = true all of the time

(See back for example)                                        No. 70-5

Name Starling Hate |  | >core at | End of | Week Indicatec |
LSI STATEMENTS | LSI | 0 | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th
1. 1 make decisions promptly and willingly accept the consequences. | iOM |  |  | - | - |  |
2. 1 do not let others talk me into things against my better judgment. | Jh " |  | ■ |  |  |  |
3. 1 do not deny my own needs, feelings and opinions to please others. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
4. 1 do not let myself become upset by resisting myself or others. |  |  |  |  |  |  |
5. 1 motivate myself in line with my chosen objectives. | .£4 ■ ■ |  |  |  |  |  |
6. 1 am my own authority, think for myself and act accordingly. |  |  | _ |  |  |  |
7. 1 stand up for my own values, opinions and convictions. |  |  | - | i |  |  |
8. 1 do not let my "feel good" be dependent on others. |  |  |  |  | - |  |
9. 1 do not allow personal comparisons to affect my sense of worth. |  |  | I |  | - |  |
10. 1 do not try to prove my worth by my accomplishments. |  | : |  |  |  |  |
11. 1 do not brag about what 1 have or what 1 have done. |  | ■ | - |  |  |  |
12. 1 do not blame myself or accept blame from others. |  | : |  |  |  |  |
13. 1 allow myself freedom to make mistakes, to be "wrong," to fail. | > | - | _ | - | I |  | -
14. 1 do not procrastinate or drift. |  |  |  | - | } |  | :
IS. 1 approach all problems and new endeavors free from fear of failure. | -t4 ... in | _ | - | I | I |  | -
16. 1 follow every undertaking through to a logical conclusion. |  |  | I | - | - |  |
17. 1 refrain from no endeavor because of fear of failure or defeat. | * •> | - |  | - | - |  |
18. 1 identify no one with their actions or Awareness. |  |  | - | - |  | : | :
19. 1 do not blame others for my mistakes, defeats or problems. | 11 |  |  | - | : | ; | ;
20. 1 defer to no one on account of his wealth, power or prestige. |  | _ |  |  | - |  | ■
21. 1 say "no," even when 1 know it will displease others. | JU 1 f-1 ... |  |  | - | f | : | ;
22. 1 am patient, kind and gentle with myself. | ! ¹ | I |  | - | - | - | :
23. 1 walk erect and face everyone with a friendly, open countenance. |  | - |  |  |  | : |
24. 1 am frank and open with everyone, free of masks and pretensions. | 8 |  | - | - |  | - |
25. 1 analyze and benefit from my mistakes. | 4 | - | - | - |  | : |
by ^jibim/s.'Barksdale Life Style Index (Total Score for ea | ch week) |  |  |  |  |  |

(EXAMPLE)

f0R,NGfh                                   LIFE STYLE EVALUATION & PROGRESS CHART

0  = not true any of the time

1 = somewhat true OR true part Of the time    Barksdale Program for Building Sound Self-Esteem

2 = fairly true OR true about half of the time               *                      "

3 = mainly true OR true most of the time

4  = true all of the time

No. 70-5

Nam, \£>/?o startinB Date | score at | End of | Week 1 | ndicatec | > 1
LSI STATEMENTS | LSI | 0 | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th
1. 1 make decisions promptly and willingly accept the consequences. |  | 0 | Z | Z | 3 | Q | -
2. 1 do not let others talk me into things against my better judgment. |  | o | Z | 3 | U- | u\ | -
3. 1 do not deny my own needs, feelings and opinions to please others. |  | / | z | Z | 3 = | T |
4. I do not let myself become upset by resisting myself or others. |  | 0 | / | Z | 3 : |  |
5. 1 motivate myself in line with my chosen objectives. |  | o | / | Z | 3 |  |
6. 1 am my own authority, think for myself and act accordingly. |  | / | z | 3 | 4 : | fa |
7. t stand up for my own values, opinions and convictions. |  | / | 2 | 3 |  |  |
8. 1 do not let my "feel good" be dependent on others. |  | / | / | £ | 3 | / | u |
9. 1 do not allow personal comparisons to affect my sense of worth. |  | / | 2 | 3 |  | Q |
10. 1 do not try to prove my worth by my accomplishments. |  | / | Z | Z |  |  |
44. 1 do not brag about what 1 have or what 1 have done. |  | / | / | / j | f2 : | 3 |
12. 1 do not blame myself or accept blame from others. |  | / | 2 : | 3f | 3 : |  | ■
13. 1 allow myself freedom to make mistakes, to be "wrong," to fail. |  | / |  | •^y - | 3 : | <■4 - |
14. 1 do not procrastinate or drift. |  | 0 | / : | U | z | 3 I |
1S. 1 approach all problems and new endeavors free from fear of failure. |  | 0 \ | / - | fl : | 3 : | U : |
16. 1 follow every undertaking through to a logical conclusion. |  | / | 2/ | 3 : | 3 I | <4. |
17. 1 refrain from no endeavor because of fear of failure or defeat. |  | / | zj | Z- I | 3 |  | Lt - | -
18. 1 identify no one with their actions or Awareness. |  | O : | 7 ⁵ | 2 : |  | I : | (4 : | ;
19. 1 do not blame others for my mistakes, defeats or problems. |  | / | 2 - | Z : | z - | 3 : | ;
20. 1 defer to no one on account of his wealth, power or prestige. |  | / • | ly | z I | 3 ] |  |
21. 1 say "no," even when 1 know it will displease others. |  | 0 I | r | Z : | Z l | 3 | I
22. 1 am patient, kind and gentle with myself. | 1 f | / I | z | 3 : |  | V |
23. 1 walk erect and face everyone with a friendly, open countenance. |  | 0 : | / : | Z- \ | 3 : | ^; | -
24. 1 am frank and open with everyone, free of masks and pretensions. | 5S | / : | Z : | 3 : | 3 : |  |
25. 1 analyze and benefit from my mistakes. | 4 | O : | I | 3 * |  | [ : | <4 : | ■
Life Style Index (Total Score for each week) |  | IS | V-/ | 57 | 76 |  |

Self-Awareness Investigation

Please list, in order of their importance or predominance:

A.   THE MAIN THINGS THA T KEEP ME FROM "FEELING GOOD";

I______________________________________________________________________

1_________________________________________________________________________

1_________________________________________________________________________

B.   MY GREA TESTNEEDS:___________________________________________________

14___________________________________________________________

5 .________________________________________________________________________

6 .________________________________________________________________________

C.   MY MOST COMMON NEGA Tl VE EMOTIONS OR A TTITUDES:

7 .________________________________________________________________________

8 .________________________________________________________________________

9 .________________________________________________________________________

D.   THE MAIN REASONS / DO NOT LIKE AND ACCEPT MYSELF:_______________________

10 ._______________________________________________________________________

//.________________________________________________________________________

12._______________________________________________________________________

E.   HOW CAN ! MAKE MYSELF A MORE WORTHY PERSON?__________________________

13 ._______________________________________________________________________

14 ._______________________________________________________________________

15 ._______________________________________________________________________

F.   WHOOR WHAT IS PRIMARILY TO BLAME FOR MY NOT -FEELING GOOD"?___________

16.              _______________________________________________________________

G.   HOW I "LABEL" MYSELF AS A PERSON:

CAUTIONS FOR WORKSHOP GRADUATES

Some workshoppers, although initially "turned on" by this program, fail to achieve the tremendous benefits of sound Self- Esteem. By careful checking over the years, we have found this is due to one or more of the following causes:

1.     A number of individuals who leave the workshop enthused about what this Self- Esteem Program can do for them find that they stop working the program after a week or two. Why? When they start "feeling good," they feel threatened because, deep down, they actually feel too unworthy or inferior to DESERVE to "feel good." This is, without doubt, the most common reason for failure to achieve the full benefit of the program. Thus, if you are to experience the "feel good" of sound Self-Esteem, it is essential that you continue with the Follow-On Program as recommended until you achieve an SEI of 95 or more. Don't stop when you start "feeling good," if you want to "feel good" ALL THE TIME!

2.     Some bow to others' opinions that the program is much too easy and simple to be valid or beneficial, not realizing the years of checking, rechecking and refinement spent to achieve this degree of ease and simplicity. Others put the program down when reminded by friends or associates that it was not developed by recognized authorities such as emi- ment psychiatrists, psychologists or educators. Consider that, historically, most real breakthroughs have been made by people uncommitted to the "known." It is a matter of accepting your own authority and the logic of the program. The results speak for themselves.

3.     Some get such a "high" during the workshop that, instead of doing their "homework," they waste their energy and motivation telling their friends and associates how much THEY need the program. Thus, they never take the time or expend the effort to do their own Follow-On Program. You cannot avoid value judging and resisting yourself on the non- conscious level if you do not reprogram your

non-conscious Awareness by conscientious use of the affirmations.

4.     Some feel they are being "brainwashed" and refuse to use the affirmations. The reality is that we have all been programmed (brainwashed) from birth with false and destructive concepts and values not of our own choosing. This Self-Esteem Program gives you the opportunity to reprogram yourself with values and concepts that you, yourself, have investigated and found to be true.

5.     Some fear that with sound Self-Esteem they will lose all drive for material success. This is an illusion. The reality is that the only true success is fulfillment of your basic need to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. This "feel good" will release your enormous potential to do anything (including making money) of your own choosing. The reality is that with sound Self- Esteem, success and happiness (however you may define them) are inevitable!

6.     Some are fearful of taking conscious charge of their own lives — of exercising their own authority. This, too, is an illusion. You cannot NOT be in charge of your own life. For no matter whose authority you act on, you cannot possibly escape the consequences of everything you think, say, do and feel — and you benefit or suffer accordingly. You cannot experience the freedom that is your birthright when not in conscious charge of your own life.

7.     Some feel our claims are too fantastic to be true. You can prove for yourself that it is impossible to overstate the benefits of sound Self-Esteem, if you conscientiously follow this program as recommended. For practically all human problems are rooted in lack of Self-Esteem.

8.     A prime cause of failing to achieve the benefits of sound Self-Esteem is failure to break existing patterns in order to work the Follow-On Program as recommended. Some continue to perceive other activities more urgent or important. They do not realize

that nothing is more important in their lives, and those of their loved ones (especially their children), than achieving sound Self-Esteem. We each have 24 hours a day to spend as we choose. Sound Self-Esteem allows us to spend this time more effectively, harmoniously and productively.

9. Be aware, however, that you can do only

what you would rather do than not do. Thus, the problem is to realize you would rather achieve and maintain sound Self-Esteem than any other life objective — that you are doing it because you, yourself, want to do it. Above all, do not value judge and resist yourself if you are not sufficiently motivated to conscientiously follow the program.

DAILY SCHEDULE: SELF-ESTEEM FOLLOW-ON PROGRAM (See Weekly Schedule for additional weekend activities)

I.     EVERY MORNING

A.  Play designated tape (refer to Weekly Schedule) immediately upon awakening.

B.  Review "Daily Companion" card for the specific day of the week:

1.  Thoughtfully read and sense the meaning and significance of every word and phrase of the following topics, allowing them to sink deeply into your consciousness:

Reality of Our Existence Basic Law of Human Behavior

2.  Get quiet within yourself by taking three deep breaths and, as you slowly exhale, sense your mind becoming empty and silent. Feel your tensions, both mental and physical, quietly draining away, leaving you as peaceful and relaxed as a kitten dozing in the sun. In this completely comfortable and relaxed state, repeat three times each your affirmation for the day and then your Master Affirmation.

3.  Review your Life Style Statements and Guide to Stress-Free Action, meanwhile visualizing yourself acting accordingly. The better you can imagine and sense yourself acting "as if," the easier it will be to actually act in the manner stated. This will engrave the desired action statement on your mind at a non-conscious level of your Awareness, so that you will soon be automatically acting and reacting in that manner.

II.    THROUGHOUT THE DAY

A.  Be keenly aware to take advantage of every opportunity to put your Life Style Action Statements into practice. You will find that they become noticeably easier each time you actualize them.

B.  Thoughtfully review the "Observable Realities" on the back of your "Daily Companion" card during every available fragment of time. The more deeply you are aware of these Realities, the sooner you will experience the tremendous benefits of sound Self-Esteem.

III.   DURING THE EVENING

A.  Review the following "Daily Companion" cards:

1.  Thoughtfully review your Life Style Action Statements for the day, and ask yourself: "In retrospect, how could I have actualized these statements more often or more effectively?" Do not, however, criticize or condemn yourself for not doing better. Realize that you could not possibly have done "better" without a different Awareness, which you did not have.

2.  Review and confirm "Facts About My Awareness." If necessary for better understanding, refer to 'The Crucial Role Our Awareness Plays In Our Life" in your WORKSHOP MANUAL.

B.  Play designated tape for the day (refer to Weekly Schedule) immediately before going to sleep.

WEEKLY SCHEDULE: SELF-ESTEEM FOLLOW-ON PROGRAM (Refer to Daily Schedule for specific instructions)

MONDAY

Morning: Play Side 1 of Affirmation Tape No. 7 During Day: Use "Daily Companion" Evening: Play Side 2 of Affirmation Tape No. 7

TUESDAY

Morning: Play Side 1, "Accepting My Own Authority," of Tape No. 8 During Day: Use "Daily Companion"

Evening: Play Side 2, "Getting Rid of Self-Condemnation and Guilt," of Tape No. 8 WEDNESDAY

Morning: Play Side 1 of Affirmation Tape No. 7 During Day: Use "Daily Companion" Evening: Play Side 2 of Affirmation Tape No. 7

THURSDAY

Morning: Play Side 1, "Eliminating Destructive Negative Emotions," of Tape No. 9 During Day: Use "Daily Companion"

Evening: Play Side 2, "Loving Myself and Others," of Tape No. 9 FRIDAY

Morning: Play Side 1 of Affirmation Tape No. 7 During Day: Use "Daily Companion" Evening: Play Side 2 of Affirmation Tape No. 7

SATURDAY Morning: Play Tape of your choice During Day: Use "Daily Companion" Evening: Play Tape of your choice

SUNDAY

Morning: Play Tape of your choice During Day: Use "Daily Companion" Evening: Play Tape of your choice

WEEKEND ACTIVITY

SATURDAY

Thoughtfully review "Summary Sheet: Un-realities vs. Realities"

Thoughtfully read and sense the full significance of "How to Keep from Feeling Bad"

SUNDAY

Thoughtfully read and sense the full significance of "Removing the Roadblocks to Lov Complete evaluation No. 69-5 for past week Complete evaluation No. 70-5 for past week

SUMMARY SHEET: UN-REALITIES VS. REALITIES

UN-REALITY:

I am not in charge of my own life and well-being. Iam at the mercy of the establishment and other outside circumstances.

REALITY:

I AM INESCAPABLY IN CHARGE OF MY OWN LIFE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN "FEEL GOOD," for I inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything I do or do not do.

UN-REALITY:

Iam trapped. I have neither the authority nor the freedom to do what I want. REALITY:

I AM MY OWN AUTHORITY AND AM FREE TO DO ANYTHING I, MYSELF, SEE FIT, for there is nothing within my capabilities I cannot do. I cannot, however, avoid paying the price demanded for anything I do.

UN-REALITY:

I must prove my worth and importance by my good behavior and outstanding accomplishments. I must be approved and accepted by others.

REALITY:

I CANNOT PROVE OR DISPROVE MY WORTH BY WHAT I DO, for I am not my actions. My very existence proves my innate worth and importance.

UN-REALITY:

I am filled with blame and guilt. I should have tried harder, for I could have done better if I had tried harder.

REALITY:

I AM WITHOUT BLAME OR GUILT, for I am not my Awareness or my actions, and can act only as wisely as my prevailing Awareness permits.

UN-REALITY:

I am far from perfect, for I have many faults and am continually making mistakes. REALITY:

I AM A PERFECT, NON-PHYSICAL BEING - WITHOUT FAULT. Any fault in what I do lies not in me but in my prevailing Awareness. Only my Awareness can be improved.

UN-REALITY:

Iam too unworthy and guilty to deserve to "feel good." I must settle for misfortune and unhappiness. REALITY:

I AM TOTALLY WORTHY AND DESERVE TO "FEEL GOOD" MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY, for that is my birthright.

UN-REALITY:

Life is futile and meaningless.

REALITY:

MY LIFE DOES HAVE MEANING AND PURPOSE. The more I experience love and the joy of living, the more I contribute to the love and joy of others.

HOW TO KEEP FROM "FEELING BAD"

An astounding realization is that the only way we can "feel bad," regardless of what happens in our lives, is to value judge and resist unwanted realities we are powerless to change.

What is value judging? Value judging is criticizing, condemning, blaming or finding fault with someone or something that does not conform to our values.

What is resistance? Resistance is refusal to accept an unwanted reality we are powerless to change, or one that we are unwilling to pay the price to change, and agree to let it be, just as we let daylight and dark be. however much we may wish it were otherwise.

All value judging and resisting result from having had our Awareness thrown out of alignment with reality by our faulty cultural conditioning. Therefore, if we are to "feel good" on a day-to-day basis, we must get our Awareness back into alignment with what actually IS.

What is our Awareness? Our Awareness is a function of our mind. It is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non- consciously, everything that affects our lives.

What is the nature and source of our Awareness? Our Awareness is the automatic product of three factors: (1) our heredity — that is, everything we brought into the world with us, (2) our Inner Knowing or intuitional insights, and (3) our total life experience, including the impact of our lifelong environment — none of which factors can be changed on demand.

There are three types of unwanted realities we commonly value judge and resist, even though powerless or unwilling to change them:

•   Ourselves, for actions or behavior that do not conform to our conditioned values of how we "should" or "should not" act,

•   Others, for actions or behavior we do not like or approve because such behavior

does not conform to our conditioned

values, and • Conditions, situations or events we do

not like or want.

Be aware that we have the right and freedom to resist such unwanted realities if we wish. The choice is ours. However, ask yourself the following questions:

1.    Do you want to "feel good"? Man's basic need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. Thus, the ultimate motivation for everything we do is to "feel good" — or as "good" as prevailing circumstances permit. The reality is that you can be happy and successful only to the degree that you do "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

2.    Do you deserve to "feel good"? The answer to this question is a resounding "yes." You DO deserve to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. Why? Because "feeling good" is a natural state of being and. thus, your right by birth. How do we know that "feeling good" is a natural state of being? A probing investigation of our emotional upsets and hurting discloses that the only way we can "feel bad" is to have our Awareness out of alignment with reality — with what actually IS.

3.    Do value judging and resisting make you "feel good"? Any time you "feel bad" any time you are depressed, sorry for yourself, emotionally upset (however slight or intense), resentful, angry or bitter, anxious, fearful, envious or jealous you can be sure you are labeling someone or something "b:ul" and resisting. This is a demonstrable fact. For any time we realize we are not "feeling good," if we will determine what unwanted reality we are naming "bad," we will "feel good" the instant we remove the "bad" label and stop resisting.

Value judging and resisting anything we are powerless to change is as futile and senseless as trying to unscramble an egg or take the

curl out of a dog's tail.

THE MOST COMMON SOURCE OF OUR "FEEL BAD" IS RESISTING OURSELVES BECAUSE WE CRITICIZE AND CONDEMN OURSELVES FOR NOT DOING AS OUR PARTICULAR VALUES CAUSE US TO FEEL WE "SHOULD."

Why do we not always act as our values indicate we "should"? If we have a need that outweighs a particular value, we have no alternative but to act on it, for our every act is a response to our dominant need and the basic Law of Human Behavior is: WE CAN DO ONLY WHAT WE WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO.

Owing to our faulty cultural conditioning, we identify ourselves with our unique Awareness and the actions stemming from our Awareness. We then value judge and resist ourselves for not acting as our values indicate we "should." Thus, what we are actually value judging and resisting is not ourselves or our behavior but our prevailing Awareness which caused us to act as we did. For it is our prevailing Awareness that determines everything we think, say, do and feel. We are NOT our Awareness, but our prevailing Awareness is certainly a reality we are powerless to change at any given time.

A vitally important realization is that we are neither our Awareness nor the actions stemming from our unique Awareness. Our Awareness is but a function of our mind. If we were our Awareness, we would cease to be any time we fell into a coma or dreamless sleep. We are not our actions, for our actions are merely the means we choose, as determined by our prevailing Awareness, to satisfy our dominant or motivating needs. Thus, we are not "bad," even when we make mistakes or act "bad."

We are that non-physical being or essence that inhabits and animates our mind and body — that is aware, that thinks, feels, makes decisions and acts. In short, we are that perfect being which functions through our mind and body. Why are we perfect? Because we are without fault. Since it is our Awareness — that is, how clearly we see and understand everything that affects our lives — that deter

mines our every decision and action, it is evident that any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness, for which we are never to blame. For at the instant of any decision our Awareness is beyond our control.

Another life-changing realization is that we are totally worthy just as we are, regardless of what we have or haven't done. Why? Because our very existence proves our innate worth and importance. Even if we were not inherently worthy, we could never prove our worth by our achievements, for as we now realize, we are not our actions. But even though we are not our actions, we are inescapably responsible for everything we do. Why? Because we inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel.

We can now see that all value judging and resisting are absolutely insane, for they are without any rational justification whatever. The reality is that no one is ever to blame, for we can do only what our prevailing Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do. We cannot change our Awareness at the instant of any decision, for our Awareness simply is what it is at the time — the automatic product of our heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, all of which factors we are powerless to change at the time. Consequently, regardless of any unwanted behavior, it is inevitably the BEST we can do at the time, for we could not do otherwise without a different Awareness, which is, of course, impossible.

Why do value judging and resisting ourselves cause us to "feel bad" and hurt? Because naming ourselves "bad" makes us feel unworthy and "less than," and resisting ourselves keeps us from accepting and loving ourselves, the number one essential for "feeling good." Value judging and resisting also cause worry, anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, alienation and a sense of guilt. The ultimate resistance results in suicide — resistance to a self one can no longer tolerate. The reality is that it is not what happens in our lives but our resistance to it that causes all our emotional turmoil and hurting.

What are other destructive effects of value judging and resisting ourselves?

•   We keep ourselves from "feeling good." A profoundly important realization is that it is not the unwanted realities we resist that cause our emotional turmoil and hurting, but it is actually our RESISTANCE to them that generates the destructive negative emotions which cause us to "feel bad."

•   Value judging and resisting deny us the number one essential for "feeling good" — that is, they keep us from achieving sound Self-Esteem or genuine love of self. Value judging and resisting are the direct opposite of total, unconditional acceptance, the basic requirement for experiencing genuine love of self.

How can we stop value judging and resisting ourselves? By getting our Awareness into alignment with reality — with what actually IS. Specifically, by realizing and affirming:

1.  that we are totally worthy and without fault, just as we are,

2.  that we are neither our unique Awareness nor the actions stemming from that Awareness, and

3.  that we inevitably do the BEST our prevailing Awareness permits.

THE SECOND MOST COMMON SOURCE OF OUR "FEELING BAD" IS VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING OTHERS FOR ACTIONS OR BEHAVIOR THAT DO NOT CONFORM TO THE VALUES OF OUR OWN UNIQUE AWARENESS.

How do we name "bad" and resist others? Although people are neither their Awareness nor the actions stemming from their Awareness, we identify them with their unwanted behavior and value judge and resist them for not doing "better." Our basic need is to "feel good" and we perceive any actions we do not like or want as a threat to our "feel good." For example, when a person says or does something that does not agree with or confirm our values, it threatens our sense of Tightness or worth and thereby our "feel good."

Why do we feel threatened by behavior

we do not like or approve? Because, until we recognize and accept our own authority to think and do as we please, we desperately need the confirmation and agreement of others' values, opinions and behavior to feel we are "all right." We cannot "feel good" if we do not feel "right" and worthy of our own and others'regard. Thus, we automatically name "bad" and resist anyone who threatens our sense of Tightness or worth. We resist all such fancied threats, for we feel that if we did not, we would hurt or somehow be made "wrong" or "less than." Naturally, the lower our Self-Esteem, the less we recognize our own authority, ability and worth — thus, the stronger our need to value judge and resist anyone or anything that does not agree with our particular values, beliefs and assumptions.

The basic problem is naming people and things "bad," for it is this "bad" label that generates our need to resist. What we like or want, we name "good," and what we see as a threat to our "feel good" we name "bad." The reality is that what we perceive to be a threat to our "feel good" is no threat at all — it is only a distorted concept. The absolute absurdity is that value judging and resisting what we perceive to be a threat to our "feel good" is actually the only way we can destroy our "feel good" — the only way we can keep from "feeling good" — the only way we can get emotionally upset and hurt. In short, value judging and resisting is actually insane, for the reality is that value judging and resisting a fancied threat to our "feel good" is the only way we can "feel bad"!

Another fact that makes the insanity of value judging and resisting even more apparent is that we are not even aware of most of our values, for we have unconsciously and, therefore, uncritically absorbed thtm from our environment.

Once we clearly see and understand the futility and absurdity of value judging and resisting, we can refrain from attaching "bad" labels and we then no longer have a compulsive need to resist the people and things we do not like or want.

All value judgments of others are based on the assumption that they have or "should

have" an Awareness the same as ours. This is, of course, ridiculous, for everyone's Awareness is unique. No two people can have the same Awareness, for it is impossible for anyone else to have the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience.

Now that we see how insane it is to value judge and resist others, let's check the destructive effects of such value judging and resisting:

•   Value judging and resisting others not only prevent our loving them but deprive us of experiencing their love for us.

•   Value judging and resisting others prevent or destroy personal relationships by causing such destructive negative emotions as resentment, anger, hate and bitterness. In short, value judging and resisting others keep us from loving and being loved, for to love and be loved we must accept both ourselves and others totally and unconditionally.

•   Value judging and resisting keep others from loving us, for our value judging and resisting generate a compensating need in them to value judge and resist us in turn. This is the direct opposite of the total, unconditional acceptance required for experiencing love and loving.

Acceptance draws others to us — resistance pushes them away. Thus, when we value judge and resist, we deny ourselves the joy of loving and of being loved. Value judging and resisting are impassable roadblocks to experiencing love of self and others.

How can we stop value judging and resisting others? By achieving sound Self- Esteem, for we can accept others only to the degree that we accept and love ourselves.

When we feel "bad" toward ourselves

— when we value judge and resist ourselves

— we have a compulsive, compensating need to value judge and resist others. We are harsh and demanding of others to the same degree that we are harsh and demanding of ourselves. We just can't let others get away with behavior we do not approve or permit in ourselves. Furthermore, we have a need to make others "wrong" or "bad" in a desperate, futile effort to make ourselves "better." However, this never works, for personal comparisons

are totally meaningless as a gauge of our personal worth.

THE THIRD MOST COMMON SOURCE OF OUR "FEEL BAD" IS TO VALUE JUDGE AND RESIST AN UNWANTED SITUATION, CONDITION OR EVENT.

This is, indeed, foolish, for it is saying that the unwanted situation, condition or event "should" be otherwise, which is, of course, impossible. Realities are neither "good" nor "bad" - they simply ARE.

In order to substantiate the fact that it is our resistance and NOT the unwanted realities in our lives that cause our emotional turmoil and hurting, let's take an extreme example — grief over the loss of a loved one.

Mr. Barksdale's wife, Anne — his loving and much loved companion for almost forty years — died with cancer after a year-and-a-half of intense suffering. For the most part, there was no grieving over her anticipated death, for neither Barks nor Anne was resisting her passing. They realized that, regardless of their personal needs and desires, her impending death was a reality they were powerless to change, and accepted it.

However, about three months before, and again a few days before her death, the sympathy of Barks' friends caused him to see the situation as tragic and unfair. This judgment caused Barks to label the inevitable event "bad," and he immediately felt extremely sorry for himself and resisted the approaching loss of his wife's loving companionship. In his own words, he started grieving and "hurt like hell" from the very instant he named the situation "bad," for he immediately started resisting the reality that his beloved wife was dying and leaving him to face life alone.

Barks, however, was indeed fortunate to receive the profoundly important insight from his Inner Knowing that it was not his wife's impending death but his RESISTANCE to it that was causing his intense hurting. This enabled him to face the reality of the situation, consciously recognize that he was powerless to change this unwanted reality, and agree to let it be.

Barks discovered that the very instant he

accepted the reality of Anne's passing, his pain and hurting totally disappeared. He no longer felt sorry for himself — he was no longer depressed and shattered emotionally. Although aware of his wife's suffering, he no longer hurt.

The second time Barks felt sorry for himself confirmed his insight that grief or other destructive negative emotions completely disappear the instant we stop resisting the unwanted reality. It was then he realize that it is not the unwanted and destructive realities in our lives that keep us from "feeling good" but our resistance to them.

The significant fact is that absolutely nothing had happened outside Barks' head — Anne was still dying with cancer and he was still faced with the eventual loss of her loving companionship. A tremendous change, however, had taken place in his reaction to the unwanted realities of life. When Anne did die, Barks felt only gratitude that she was released from her suffering and a sense of exhilaration that he had passed one of life's major tests (his wife's death) without destructive hurting.

If we recognize and accept the reality of a loved one's passing, even though we still miss the individual and wish it were otherwise, the pain and hurting disappear the instant we recognize the death as a reality we are powerless to change, and AGREE TO LET IT BE — just as we agree to allow the mountains and trees to be.

If we accept the loved one's death — free of any resistance — we will find grief is simply a human concept, with no power whatever to hurt us —that we hurt ourselves by our refusal to accept death as a natural part of life, as normal and expectable as birth and breathing. It is our faulty cultural conditioning that makes it difficult for us to accept the fact that we can lose a loved one without pain and

suffering. The reality is that all we can lose by giving up value judging and resisting is the emotional turmoil and hurting generated not by the unwanted situation or event, but by the resistance itself.

It is now apparent that resisting an unwanted reality we are powerless to change makes about as much sense as banging our head against a wall so that we will feel good when the pain stops!

What are the destructive effects of labeling "bad" and resisting situations, conditions and events we do not like or want?

•   Resisting such unwanted realities we are powerless to change is a substitute activity that keeps us from coming to grips with ourselves and our "legitimate" problems. Any unwanted reality we are powerless to change is obviously not OUR problem.

•   Such resistance keeps us emotionally "uptight," diverts our attention and steals the energy we need for creative, productive work.

•   Last and most destructive to the release of our tremendous innate potential is that the emotional turmoil generated by resistance to either people or events makes us unable to tune in to our Inner Knowing. Such resistance thereby deprives us of the benefit of the infallible wisdom ever waiting on the threshold of our consciousness.

How can we stop resisting unwanted conditions, situations and events we are powerless to change? The answer is to achieve sound Self-Esteem. With genuine love of self, we feel so good that we no longer have a distorted need to find fault with realities we can do nothing about.

REMOVING THE ROADBLOCKS TO LOVING

Everyone is starving for love — love of self, love of others and love by others. Practically all alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide and alienation — even war itself — stem from a lack of love.

Many books have been written on love and the art of loving. A life-changing realization is that love is not an art or something that has to be developed or coaxed into being. LOVE IS A NATURAL STATE OF BEING. Love is that tremendous, ineffable emotion we experience when we remove the impassable roadblocks to love and loving.

What generally passes for love is actually not love at all, but need fulfillment — that is, the pleasure and satisfaction we experience from another's presence, exclusive attention and support — from the fulfillment of our desires and expectations. For example, I love you "because" — because you are so beautiful or handsome, so affectionate, because you are so supportive and helpful, because you take such good care of me and my needs, because you are the only one who understands me — the only one I can depend on, regardless of what happens — or whatever. This is "love" based on conditions which one must live up to in order to retain the other's "love." Such love is vulnerable to the other's changing Awareness — to his or her changing values, needs and desires. Such love is possessive and demanding and imposes a burden to stay as you are. There is little or no freedom in it. It is restricted to certain favored individuals, is uncertain and conditional.

Genuine love, on the other hand, is not dependent on need fulfillment. Such love has no "becauses," is invulnerable to betrayal or change in the other's Awareness, is free and non-possessive, total and unconditional. It asks nothing and demands nothing but says simply: "I love you. I love you no matter what you do or where you are. I love you even if you do not return my love." Such love is not restricted to those especially

meaningful in one's life. The only way we can experience such love is through total, unconditional acceptance and genuine love of self. Love of self and others is our only realistic hope for a better world.

Society is hurting near unto death from lack of love. This is an observable reality for anyone who will take the time and effort to check it out. Can you imagine what society and our world would be like if everyone truly loved themselves and others — what such love would do for alcoholism, drug abuse, battered children and divorce, crime in the streets, overcrowded prisons and mental health institutions? Can you imagine a genuinely loving person deliberately killing another in the legalized murder called war? Furthermore, there would be no cause for war, if our leaders truly loved one another. International problems would then be settled in an intelligent and harmonious manner, without bitterness and hatred, without ego drives for subjection and conquest. There would be no more ego maniacs such as Hitler with a compulsive need to control the world, no more career tragedies such as those of Howard Hughes and Richard Nixon. The reality is that no one deliberately hurts another who is not himself suffering from a hurting lack of love in his life.

Love is an actuality, not an ideal to set on the shelf. Learning how to experience love is no theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, Utopian endeavor. Love is that tremendous, ineffable emotion we experience when we open the way to love and loving. The prize is yours, if you are willing to grasp it.

What are the roadblocks that keep us from experiencing love on a day-to-day basis? The impassable roadblocks to love and loving are value judging and resisting ourselves and others.

So how are we to remove these impassable roadblocks? By investigating, understanding and correcting our faulty cultural con

ditioning which has produced our need to value judge and resist.

This investigation is to show you how to stop value judging yourself and thereby accept yourself totally and unconditionally. You will then be able to experience the wonderful "feel good" resulting from experiencing the full joy of loving. In fact, this is the only way you can experience the full joy of living. You will no longer need limp through life with only an occasional bright spot amid the murk of disillusion, depression and despair. You will no longer need live in quiet desperation with an insatiable, aching need for love — for personal fulfillment and meaning in your life. For love pervades the universe; it is yours for the taking.

If any statements in this investigation run counter to your belief system, it is necessary that you investigate and determine which is true, your belief or the statement in question, if you wish to function in alignment with reality, with what actually IS. Be aware that you can experience the richness and joy of life only to the degree that you do function in alignment with reality.

If you are to love yourself, it is first necessary to know who "you" are, for you cannot achieve total, unconditional acceptance until you do realize you are not your body, mind or actions. In order to determine who you are, let's eliminate that which you are not.

Are "you" your body? No, "you" are not your body, for you can lose both arms and legs, as well as many other parts, without being diminished as an individual. "You" are still "you" as much as you ever were. Your body is simply the vehicle or instrument through which you function in this material phase of your existence.

Are "you" your mind? No, your mind is simply the activity of your brain, or human computer, and your associated nervous system. If you were your mind, you would cease to be any time you fell into a coma or dreamless sleep.

If "you" are not your mind or body, what then are "you"? Suppose the doctor pronounces you dead; your body is still around. However, it is now silent, cold

and unmoving. It is apparent that a significant change has taken place — something has definitely left. Nothing, however, has been seen to leave. What then is it that has left? Must it not be that non-physical being or "essence" that inhabited and animated your mind and body? Must it not be the "you" that thinks, feels, makes decisions and acts through your mind and body? For what else could "you" possibly be?

Now that we realize who we are, we can proceed to remove the roadblocks to love and loving by stopping value judging and resisting ourselves.

How do we value judge ourselves? Value judging is criticizing, condemning and finding fault with ourselves because we do not do what our values indicate we "should" or "should not" do.

Why do we not always act as our values indicate we "should"? If we have a need that outweighs a particular value, we have no alternative but to act on it, for our every act is a response to our dominant need and the basic law of human behavior is: WE CAN DO ONLY WHAT WE WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO.

Does the fact that value judging and resisting form impassable roadblocks to love and loving mean values are "bad" and that we should not have them? No, definitely not. The fact is that we could not function without values, for we would not then be able to determine what we would rather do than not do. What is of paramount importance is that we assure ourselves that our values are sound — that is, that they are in alignment with reality.

What are values? Values are anything of significant worth or importance to us individually. Our values may be things or concepts, sound or unsound depending on the degree our Awareness is in alignment with reality — with what actually IS.

What is Awareness? Our Awareness is a function of our mind. It is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our lives. Thus, it is a fundamentally important term relative to our actions and behavior.

At any given time our Awareness simply is what it is — the automatic product of our heredity (everything we brought into the world with us), our Inner Knowing or intuitional insights, and our total life experience, including the impact of our lifelong environment — none of which factors can we change on demand.

We are not our Awareness, for we are certainly not a function. If we were our Awareness, we would cease to be any time we were totally unaware.

What is resisting? Resisting is refusing to accept an unwanted reality we do not like or approve. Resisting is the opposite of loving, for resisting another is pushing that individual away, while loving is drawing the individual closer to you. Resisting individuals for their unwanted behavior is actually refusing to accept the reality of their unique Awareness and acknowledge their innate right and freedom to act and react as that Awareness indicates.

Value judging and resistance stem from a distorted, conditioned need to control our universe. So when we experience something we do not like or want, we name it "bad" and resist it. The problem arises from identifying people (ourselves and others) with their actions and labeling them "bad," "unfair" or some other judgmental term and then resisting them. They, like us, are so constituted that they must call us "bad" and resist us in turn. It is this resistance to one another and the resulting negative emotions such as bitterness, hate and anger that keep us from experiencing love — for genuine love can flourish only in an atmosphere of total, unconditional acceptance.

Our basic need is to "feel good" and we perceive any actions we do not like or want as a threat to our "feel good." For example, when a person says or does something that does not agree with or confirm our values, it threatens our sense of Tightness or worth and thereby our "feel good."

Why do we feel threatened by behavior we do not like or approve? Because, until we recognize and accept our own authority to think and do as we please, we desperately

need the confirmation and agreement of others' values, opinions and behavior to feel we are "all right." We cannot "feel good" if we do not feel "right" and worthy of our own and others' regard. Thus, we automatically name "bad" and resist anyone who threatens our sense of rightness or worth.

Why do value judging and resisting ourselves cause us to "feel bad" and hurt? Because labeling ourselves "bad" makes us feel unworthy and less than, and resisting ourselves keeps us from accepting and loving ourselves, the number one essential for "feeling good." Value judging and resisting also cause worry, anxiety, fear, depression, loneliness, alienation and a sense of guilt. The ultimate resistance results in suicide — resistance to a self one can no longer tolerate. The reality is that it is not what happens in our lives but our resistance to it that causes all our emotional turmoil and hurting.

What are the most common indications of value judging and resisting ourselves? We "ought," we "should have," we "should not have," we "must," etc.

How can we stop value judging and resisting ourselves? By refraining from attaching "bad" labels to ourselves for our unwanted actions or sense of unworthiness and guilt.

How can we stop attaching "bad" labels to ourselves, when we have been conditioned to put "bad" labels on ourselves practically from birth? To stop putting "bad" labels on ourselves, we must realize, at a deep level of our Awareness, that it is absolute insanity to value judge and resist ourselves for our unwanted behavior.

Why is it insane to value judge and name ourselves "bad"? Because value judging ourselves for our unwanted actions or behavior is out of alignment with reality, with what actually IS. The reality is that we are not our actions and can act only as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

Why is it ridiculous and out of alignment to name ourselves "bad" — that is, to blame ourselves for our unwanted behavior and actions? Because "no one is ever to blame," for, regardless of how hurtful or destructive our actions, we are all invariably doing the

best we can possibly do at the time. It is irrational, and therefore insane, to blame ourselves for doing the best we can possibly do.

But how can it be our best, when our behavior is so often hurtful and destructive? It is the best we can do because it is the only thing we can possibly do at the time.

Why is it the only thing we can do? Because we can do only "what we would rather do than not do" at the time. This is the basic law of human behavior. A probing observation of our actions and behavior proves that doing something because we would rather do it than not do it is the only reason possible for doing anything — that this is the ultimate motivation for everything we do. Procrastination, for example, is but evidence that we have not yet fully decided on what we would rather do than not do.

What determines what we would rather do than not do? Our prevailing Awareness. How does our Awareness determine our actions and behavior? It is our prevailing Awareness — that is, "how clearly we see and understand everything that affects our lives" — that indicates what we would rather do than not do.

Are we responsible for our actions or behavior, even though they stem from a distorted Awareness? Yes. Although we are never to blame, we are inescapably responsible for everything we do or don't do because we inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel.

Are we to blame for having a faulty Awareness? We are not to blame for having a faulty Awareness because our Awareness simply is what it is at any given time. Our Awareness is the automatic product of our heredity, our Inner Knowing or intuitional insights, and our total life experience — none of which factors we can change at the time of any decision to act.

Are we "bad" if we act "bad"? No, because we are not our Awareness or the actions stemming from that Awareness. Our voluntary actions are merely the means we choose, as determined by our prevailing

Awareness, to fulfill our dominant or motivating needs. If we were our voluntary actions, what could we logically expect to happen? That we would cease to be any time we were not actively engaged in some endeavor. Therefore, we are not our actions.

Can we logically value judge and name ourselves "bad" for unacceptable behavior when we are not our actions? No, we cannot. The reality is: we are not our actions and can act only as "good" or wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits, for it is our Awareness that determines everything we do or don't do. The inescapable conclusion then is: we are not "bad," even if we act "bad."

What is evident from the fact that it is our Awareness that determines everything we do or don't do — everything we think, say, do and feel? That value judging is totally unjustified, invalid and absurd. For the reality is that any fault in what we do lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness, for which we are never to blame. We are all right, perfect (without fault), just as we are. Only our Awareness can be improved. Once we realize we are neither our Awareness nor the actions stemming from our unique Awareness, we can stop value judging and, thus, accept ourselves totally and unconditionally, despite our unwanted actions or behavior.

Since it is our faulty Awareness that causes the lack of love in our lives — that causes all our mistakes, unacceptable behavior and actions — are we to blame if we do not improve our Awareness? No, for we can deliberately improve our Awareness only if our existing Awareness motivates us to do so — only if our prevailing Awareness causes us to consciously expand our Awareness. The reality is that we cannot force ourselves to do anything. We can do only what our prevailing Awareness motivates us to do at the time.

Are we worthy, regardless of our faulty Awareness, mistakes and unacceptable actions? Definitely, for the reality is that our worth is not influenced by what we do. Our very existence proves our intrinsic worth and importance. Thus, no one in the entire world is more or less worthy, more or less important than another. Is it possible to prove our worth

by our accomplishments? No, we could not possibly prove or disprove our worth by what we do or don't do, for we are not our actions, mistakes or achievements.

It is now evident that the following fundamental realities prove that all value judging and resisting are totally invalid and utterly insane:

No. 1 We are not our actions or Awareness and can act only as "good" or wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits. There is no way we could do better if we tried harder. No. 2 We are totally worthy and without fault. We are perfect, for any fault lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness. Only our Awareness can be improved.

These two observable realities are the basis for achieving total, unconditional acceptance, for they clearly prove the fallacy of all value judging and resisting. Internalizing (that is, affirming) these two realities until they are part of our non-conscious Awareness is the only practical way to achieve total, unconditional acceptance. Value judging and resisting on the non-conscious level is just as destructive as on the conscious level.

Why is it crucially important to stop value judging and resisting ourselves? Because value judging and resisting are the impassable roadblocks to loving and being loved. It is impossible to love ourselves and others until we accept ourselves totally and unconditionally. We cannot accept ourselves totally and unconditionally until we stop value judging and resisting ourselves. We cannot stop value judging and resisting others until we stop value judging and resisting ourselves. There is no other way to experience genuine love of self and others.

We are now faced with the choice to value judge or not to value judge. If we choose to continue value judging and resisting, we will deprive ourselves of "feeling good" and the joy of living. We, of course, have the right and freedom to value judge and experience such destructive negative emotions as resentment, anger and bitterness. It is our choice. Such emotions, however, keep us

from "feeling good." Repressing negative emotions also prevents us from "feeling good." The significant fact is that when we stop value judging and resisting others, we will no longer experience destructive negative emotions, for it is not the other's unwanted behavior but our resistance to it that generates these destructive emotions. It is a demonstrable reality that there is no other way to get emotionally upset with another. Not getting emotionally upset, we can deal with any problem with another intelligently and effectively, for we are then free of the emotional turmoil and hurting that would otherwise cause us to think and act in an irrational manner. The choice to "feel good" or "feel bad" is truly ours, because we now know how to eliminate the impassable roadblocks to love and loving.

The significant fact behind all destructive negative emotions toward another is that if everyone had the same Awareness there would be no difference in their values, and thus no value judging and resisting one another. We would all then see everything in the same light. The reality is, however, that we each do have a different Awareness because no two people can possibly have the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience. What, therefore, is the basic reality of human relations? That if we want to experience love for others in place of friction, resentment, hate, anger or bitterness, we must stop value judging and resisting them. Instead, recognize and accept the reality that everyone does have a different Awareness and does have the innate right and freedom to express themselves as that unique Awareness demands. The reality is that no matter how much we may dislike and resist another's actions or behavior, they could not possibly do otherwise without having a different Awareness. With their particular heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, they could not possibly have a different Awareness.

The overriding reality of all interpersonal relations problems is that no one can make us emotionally upset, angry or resentful. We make ourselves upset and angry by value judging

and resisting others. In fact, no one has the power to make us angry. All resentment, anger and bitterness are irrational and ridiculous, for the reality is that we are not our actions or Awareness and can do only what our unique Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do at the time. There are no "cop outs," however, for we are inescapably responsible for everything we do. We inevitably benefit or suffer according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel. In short, it is resistance to the reality that everyone has his own unique Awareness and the innate right and freedom to do what that Awareness motivates him to do, that causes all human relations problems.

Any problem created by another not loving us is our own responsibility. Why? Because only when we stop value judging and resisting ourselves can we stop value judging and resisting others — only then do we no longer have a compulsive, compensating need to find fault with them. Moreover, when we stop value judging and resisting ourselves, we automatically start loving ourselves. Why? Because we have removed the impassable roadblocks to experiencing love. And by stopping value judging and resisting others, we have removed the roadblocks to their loving us. They then automatically love us, for when we stop value judging and resisting them, they no longer have a compensating need to value judge and resist us. We then accept one another totally and unconditionally and experience genuine love for one another. No one can withstand the ccsmic power of love.

The overriding reality crucial to achieving genuine love of self is that value judging and

resisting ourselves is not only totally irrational and, therefore, insane, but that these are the roadblocks that keep us from experiencing genuine love of self and others.

Again, how can we stop value judging and resisting ourselves and others? (a) By accepting the reality that at any given time our Awareness simply is what it is, and (b) by acknowledging our innate right and freedom to do what our own unique Awareness indicates we would rather do than not do,

and (c) by refraining from attaching "bad" labels by accepting and internalizing the following fundamental realities of our existence:

No. 1 We are not our actions or Awareness and can act only as "good" or wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits. There is no way we could do better if we tried harder. No. 2 We are totally worthy and without fault. We are perfect, for any fault lies not in us but in our faulty Awareness. Only our Awareness can be improved.

Observation discloses that our basic need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally, and that we cannot "feel good" without love. Love is the number one essential for "feeling good." Since our basic need is to "feel good," true success is fulfillment of this basic need. This is, of course, impossible until we achieve total, unconditional acceptance of self. For, again, we cannot genuinely love ourselves until we accept ourselves totally and unconditionally. Thus, if we are to achieve true success, we must stop value judging and resisting ourselves and others, totally and forever.

THE CRUCIAL ROLE OUR AWARENESS PLAYS IN OUR LIFE

INNER KNOWING

DESIRES AND NEEDS

HUMAN BEHAVIOR DIAGRAM

TENSION

DECISION

PREVAILING AWARENESS

VALUES

ENVIRONMENT

TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE

CONSEQUENCES (RESPONSIBILITY)

ACTION

NOTE: Italicized words refer to terms on the Human Behavior Diagram, their definitions and certain important conclusions. The purpose of the diagram is to clarify the role our Awareness plays in our life — that is, how we actually function. A thorough understanding of the role our Awareness plays in our life is essential to our achieving total, unconditional acceptance of ourself as a unique and worthy individual, thereby enabling us to experience the tremendous benefits of Sound Self- Esteem. However, in order for us to clearly understand and accept the following concepts, it is essential that we maintain an open mind — one uncluttered with present concepts, values and beliefs. It is also necessary that we do not concern ourself with the implications of any concepts during our investigation of the validity of the following statements.

In order to understand the crucial role our Awareness plays in our life, we must first determine who or what "YOU" are.

Are "YOU" your mind? No, for your mind is simply the activity of your brain and

associated nervous system. "YOU" are not the activity of your brain or human computer. The activity of your brain is constantly changing. However, the individual that is "YOU" does not change. For example,

"YOU" do not change when you fall into a coma or dreamless sleep.

Now, are "YOU" your body? No, your body is merely the vehicle or instrument with which you function in this material phase of your existence. No, "YOU" are not your body. For example, you can lose both arms and legs and, although your physical activity has been impaired, "YOU" have not been lessened as an individual. "YOU" are as much you as you ever were.

Now if you are not your mind or body, what, then, are "YOU"?

Are "YOU" not that non-physical being which animates your mind and body and functions through your Awareness — that is, the being which thinks, makes decisions and acts?

Now what is our Awareness? Our "AWARENESS" is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our life. A more specific definition of Awareness is: how clearly we perceive, analyze, evaluate and comprehend, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our life. Our Awareness is continually changing, owing to new input from our "INNER KNOWING" and the input from our "TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE." Our "PREVAILING AWARENESS" is the Awareness we have at any given time.

Now what is the source of our Awareness? Our Awareness is the automatic product of three factors: our "HEREDITY"-that is, everything we brought into the world with us; our "INNER KNOWING" or intuitional insights; and our "TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, " including the impact of our lifelong "ENVIRONMENT." Our "INNER KNOWING" is the input from the inner wisdom we all have waiting on the threshold of our consciousness — waiting for our emotional turmoil to subside sufficiently to make itself known.

Our "VALUES" are anything of significant worth or importance to us. They are determined by our Awareness — that is, by how clearly we understand our total life experience, on both the conscious and non-

conscious level.

Our values generate "DESIRES." Our desires are what our prevailing Awareness determines we would like to have or do. Our desires become "NEEDS" when they are so strong that we do not feel good until they are satisfied. All needs are generated by our basic need to feel good. Thus, the ultimate motivation for everything we do or don't do is to feel good mentally, physically and emotionally. Consequently, we can do ONLY what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do.

At any given time there is one need that is more intense than any competing need. This is our "DOMINANT NEED." How do we know which need is our dominant need? Our dominant need is the need on which we act. Thus, we might also refer to it as our motivating need.

Now, since our basic need is to feel good mentally, physically and emotionally, we can do only what our "PREVAILING AWARENESS" indicates we would rather do than not do in order to satisfy our dominant need.

A dominant need creates 'TENSION. " Such tension is normally quite subtle. However, if the fulfillment of an intense dominant need is frustrated, the tension becomes correspondingly strong. What role does tension play in our life? Tension makes us uncomfortable and keeps us from feeling good. What, then, is the function of tension? Tension is simply our signal to act — the signal to satisfy our dominant need in order to release this uncomfortable tension and thereby feel good.

To relieve the tension it is necessary to make a "DECISION" to act in order to satisfy our "DOMINANT NEED." It is our prevailing Awareness that determines how we choose to satisfy our dominant need, for it is our prevailing Awareness that indicates what we would rather do than not do.

As the diagram shows, our "PREVAILING AWARENESS" determines our values, desires and needs. It is now apparent that our prevailing Awareness also determines our "ACTIONS," for our actions are simply the

means we choose to satisfy our needs — that is, what we would rather do than not do in order to fulfill our dominant need of the moment.

Now our every action has "CONSEQUENCES. " It is the consequences of our actions that make us responsible for everything we do or don't do. "RESPONSIBILITY" means that we are answerable or accountable for our actions because we benefit or suffer according to the consequences of our every action or inaction. The fact that we are inevitably subject to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel shows that we cannot avoid responsibility — that we cannot NOT be responsible. Being subject to the consequences of everything we do or don't do is the true meaning of responsibility.

The consequences of our actions feed into our "TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE" and

thereby modify our "PREVAILING AWARENESS. " Thus, depending on the results of our action or inaction, we might act quite differently the next time, even under similar circumstances.

We have now completed a need cycle and are ready to process a new "DOMINANT NEED," for we can satisfy only one dominant need at a time. Owing to the new input in our 'TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE," we have now changed our "PREVAILING AWARENESS. "

Now what is the crucial role our Awareness plays in our life? It is apparent from the foregoing that our Awareness determines our every decision and action. A distorted Awareness is one that is out of alignment with reality, owing to our faulty cultural conditioning. The role our Awareness plays makes it clear that we are not our actions — that our actions are simply the means we choose to satisfy our dominant needs.