Handbook

for

Achieving

STRESS-FREE

LIVING

by L.S. Barksdale

Copyright © 1980 by Lilburn S. Barksdale National Council on Alcoholism &

Drug Dependence - Orange County s

22471 Aspan Street, Suite #103

Lake Forest, CA 92630

(949) 770-1191 www.ncaddoc.org

Portions of this book may be freely quoted or reprinted without permission, provided the text is not altered and credit is given in the following form:

Reprinted from HANDBOOK FOR ACHIEVING STRESS-FREE LIVING by L.S. Barksdale, copyright 1980 by Lilburn S. Barksdale, The Barksdale Foundation, Publishers, Idyllwild, California 92349.

CONTENTS

Instructions...................................................................................................... 1

Personal Stress Evaluation & Progress Chart........................................................ 3

"Feeling Good"................................................................................................. 4

Explanation of Need Cycle & Human Behavior Diagram. ..................................... 13

Specific Causes of Emotional Hurting & Destructive Stress................................... 17

How to "Feel Good," Despite Unwanted Circumstances........................................ 18

The Secret of Inner Peace and Love.................................................................. 24

Reasons I have Not Been Able to Keep from Value Judging & Resisting Myself, Others & the Unwanted Realities in My Life . . .25

Observable Realities that Prove the Insanity of Value Judging & Resisting People           . . .27

INSTRUCTIONS

You are about to embark on a very exciting and rewarding program. The principle of this program is very simple. Since all emotional hurting and destructive stress is caused by value judging and resisting someone or something, all we have to do to eliminate hurting emotions and destructive stress from our life is to STOP value judging and resisting people and things. Here are the instructions that will enable you to live a successful, stress-free life.

Be aware that any time you are experiencing a negative emotion, you are value judging and resisting. For the Observable Reality is, there is NO OTHER WAY to "feel bad" emotionally.

1.  Determine your Personal Stress Index and establish the first point on your progress curve, per the dotted line on the Progress Chart.

2.  Play side 1 of tape 176, "How I Discovered the Basic Cause of Stress," any time you feel a need to review the basic cause of destructive stress generated by resisting the unwanted Realities in your life.

3.  Play the second part of side 1 of tape 176, "How to 'Feel Good,' Despite Unwanted Circumstances," or review this article in your handbook, any time you encounter a behavior, situation, condition or event you do not like or want because it does not satisfy your personal values, desires or expectations.

4.  Play side 2 of tape 176, "Feeling Good," or review this article in your handbook, any time you feel a need to refresh your memory of the basic principles of this program.

5.  Play side 2 of tape 167, "I Am My Own Authority," as often as necessary to establish a consciousness that you are, indeed, your own authority.

6.  Investigate and re-confirm the validity of "The Observable Realities That Prove the Insanity of Value Judging and Resisting People" in your handbook, any time you have difficulty in STOPPING value judging and resisting yourself or others.

7.  Periodically review the entire handbook until you are thoroughly familiar with all of this vitally important material.

8.  Play tape 165, "Getting My Awareness into Alignment with Reality," every morning immediately on awakening, until you automatically think, act and react in accord with these Observable Realities.

9.  Play side 1 of tape 166, "Accepting Myself Totally and Unconditionally," every evening immediately prior to going to sleep, until you actually accept yourself totally and unconditionally, regardless of any mistakes, defeats or failures.

10.  Play side 2 of tape 166, "Accepting Others Totally and Unconditionally," any time you are having difficulty accepting someone totally and unconditionally, despite their unwanted actions or behavior. NOTE: Be aware that accepting someone totally and unconditionally does NOT mean you have to tolerate any unwanted behavior that interferes with your "feelgood." However, accepting another totally and unconditionally, despite their unwanted actions or behavior, frees you to deal harmoniously and effectively with such unwanted actions or behavior — for you are then free of negative emotions and destructive stress.

11.  Play side 1 of tape 167, "Accepting Unwanted Realities," any time you are experiencing emotional turmoil and stress generated by resisting unwanted behavior, situations, conditions or events.

12.  Determine your current Personal Stress Index every weekend, and plot your new score on the Progress Chart. You may use this chart for additional weeks by plotting new curves in a different color ink or pencil.

13.  Carry your Daily Companion with you for daily review and ready reference of the basic Observable Realities, during the time you are getting your Personal Stress Index down to your desired level. A desirable and realizable goal is a PSI of 5 to 10.

14.  Carry your wallet card, "How to 'Feel Good,' Despite Unwanted Circumstances," with you at all times for use any time you are having difficulty accepting an unwanted Reality.

15.  Once your Personal Stress Index is down to your desired level, replace your Daily Companion with your Pocket Companion for Maintaining My "Feel Good." Carry it with you at all times and review whenever necessary, to keep the essence of this program fresh in your mind.

Be aware that, if you are to achieve successful, stress-free living, you must work on integrating the Observable Realities of this program until such time as you automatically act and react in accord with them. Once you have freed yourself of emotional hurting and stress, you may wish to share this program with a friend or relative.

PERSONAL STRESS EVALUATION & PROGRESS CHART

SCORING. On a scale of o to4, rate how strongly you identify Barksdale Stress Control Program with the following statements - 0 being the least, and 4 the

strongest. The more strongly you identify with these state-                                 N 222 10

ti ments, the higher your score.

j i■             • . ii                                  .. .. .                       Score at End of Week Indicated

Dotted line is a typical example.)           Starting Date

PSI STATEMENTS | PSI | 0 | 1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 5th | 6th | 7th | 8th | 9th | 10th
1. I am angered by others' undesirable behavior. | 100 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
2. I feel trapped by circumstances, demands and obligations. | 96 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
3. I have a need to do "more" and "better." | 92 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
4. I put off doing things I feel I ought to do. | 88 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
5. I experience insecurity and anxiety about my future. | 84 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
6. I have a need for more love and caring. | 80 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
7. I have a need for recognition and respect. | 1 76 | s. \ \ |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
8. I have a need to meet others' requests and expectations. | 72 |  | S N X |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
9. I resent unfair situations and events. | 68 |  |  | X \ \ |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
10.1 do not get the recognition and credit I feel I deserve. | 64 |  |  | \ \ |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
11.1 have a need for attention and approval. | 60 |  |  |  | \ \ \ |  |  |  |  |  |  |
12.1 find responsibility difficult to handle. | 56 |  |  |  |  | X X, | \ |  |  |  |  |
13.1 need the confirmation and agreement of others. | 52 |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ \ |  |  |  |  |
14.1 find my life unfulfilling and meaningless. | 48 |  |  |  |  |  | \ > | ' |  |  |  |
15.1 feel inadequate, inferior, unworthy and guilty. | 44 |  |  |  |  |  |  | I I 1 |  |  |  |
16.1 am impatient and easily frustrated. | 40 |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ \ |  |  |  |
17.1 have a need to prove my worth. | 36 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ |  |  |
18.1 find it difficult to make decisions and stick to them. | 32 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ |  |  |
19.1 am harsh and demanding with myself. | 28 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ \ |  |
20.1 have a need to control situations and events. | 24 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ i \ |  |
21.1 blame myself for mistakes, defeats and failures. | 20 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | v \ * |
22.1 experience anxiety when undertaking new endeavors. | 16 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ |
23.1 worry about my work and my loved ones. | 12 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ i
24.1 have a need to win - to be the "best." | 8 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | \ \ \
25.1 fear others will discover my faults and inadequacies | 4 |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
© 1980 by Lilburn S. Barksdale PSI (Total Store lor cadi week) |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |

"FEELING GOOD" by Eliminating Emotional Hurting and Destructive Stress

Claim your birthright! You can learn to "feel good" the rest of your life.

What is "feeling good"? "Feeling good" is freedom from emotional hurting and destructive stress. Destructive stress is the injurious mental, physical and emotional tension resulting from experiencing destructive negative emotions. "Feeling good" is a deep, satisfying sense of inner peace and happiness, which is your birthright.

Why is "feeling good" your birthright? Because "feeling good" is a natural state of being and, thus, your right by birth. Why is "feeling good" a natural state of being? Because only we, ourselves, can keep ourselves from "feeling good."

How do we keep ourselves from "feeling good"? The false and destructive concepts of who we are and how we function laid on us from birth by our faulty cultural conditioning cause us to value judge and resist everyone (including ourselves) and everything that does not comply with our personal values, desires and expectations.

Value judging and resisting self, others and unwanted behavior, situations, conditions and events generates such negative emotions as: feelings of inadequacy, futility and unworthiness — embarrassment, shame, blame, guilt and remorse — impatience, frustration, anxiety, fear and worry — jealousy and envy — resentment, hostility, anger, hate, and bitterness — disappointment, discouragement, depression and despair.

How can you claim your birthright to "feel good"? By accepting yourself, others and the Reality of unwanted circumstances in your life. How can you accept yourself, others and the unwanted circumstances in your life?

(1) By stopping value judging and resisting yourself.

(2) By stopping value judging and resisting others.

(3) By stopping value judging and resisting the Reality of the unwanted circumstances.

What are values? Values are anything of significant worth and importance to you personally, including how you think you and others "should" or "should not" act or feel.

What is value judging? Value judging is finding fault with and condemning people or circumstances we do not like or want, because they do not satisfy our personal values, desires or expectations. We are conditioned to automatically value judge and resist anyone or anything that does not please us.

What is resistance? Resistance is a mental refusal and emotional opposition to accepting the Reality - that is, the EXISTENCE - of an unwanted behavior or circumstance, and WILLINGLY allowing it to be, just as we allow daylight and dark to be, no matter how much we wish it were otherwise.

How can you stop value judging and resisting yourself, others and the unwanted Realities in your life? By getting your Awareness into alignment with Reality — with what actually IS — on the conscious, non-conscious and action levels — by realizing just how foolish, futile, and utterly destructive value judging and resisting are.

What is your Awareness? Your Awareness is how clearly you see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects your life. What is the source of your Awareness? Your Awareness is the automatic product of your heredity, your Inner Knowing — that is, your intuitional insights — and your total life experience, including the lifelong impact of your environment.

How can you get your Awareness into alignment with Reality? By realizing who you are and how you function.

Who are "you"? Are "you" your body? No, "you" are definitely NOT your body. It is an Observable Reality that your body is simply the physical form - the vehicle or instrument - through which "you" function — just as a hand is an instrument for grasping something. How can you be sure "you" are NOT your body? You can lose both arms and legs, as well as other parts, without being diminished as an individual. Although physically handicapped, "you" are still "YOU," as much as you ever were.

Are "you" your mind? No, "you" are NOT your mind. The Observable Reality is that your mind is simply the ACTIVITY of your brain or human computer, and its associated nervous system. "You" are that which USES your mind to think and make decisions. How can you know "you" are not your mind? If "you" were your THOUGHTS and DECISIONS, you would CEASE TO BE any time you were NOT thinking — any time you fell into a coma or dreamless sleep.

Are "you" your actions? No, "you" are NOT your actions. It is an Observable Reality that every human act is a response to a personal need. The Reality is that your actions are simply the MEANS "you" choose to satisfy your dominant needs — and that is ALL actions ARE! For example, why do you scratch your head? Because it itches, right? What need are you satisfying? Your need to "feel good." "You" are not your actions, for "you" are the one who acts. The Reality is that "you" cannot possibly be both the act and the actor, any more than a word can be both the noun and verb of a sentence. How can you be sure "you" are not your actions? If "you" were an action, "you" would CEASE TO BE any time you COMPLETED the action — for example, any time you finished washing your car. No, "you" are definitely NOT your actions - "you" are that which acts.

Now, if "you" are NOT your mind, body or actions, what, then, are "you"? Suppose you've been critically ill and the doctor has now pronounced you dead. Your body is still around - on the bed, or wherever. However, a significant change has taken place - your body is now cold and unmoving — no longer breathing or speaking. Obviously, something has left your body. Nothing, however, has been seen to leave. What, then, has left? We can deduce from the foregoing evidence that what has left your body was the real "you" - the non-physical essence or being that INHABITED and ANIMATED your mind and body - that made decisions, acted and reacted — AND that left your body at the point of death.

Now, why do we act and react as we do? It is an Observable Reality that every human act is a response to a personal need. Our fundamental human need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. Therefore, we can do only what we think will make us "feel BEST" under the prevailing circumstances — or, in other words, what we would rather do than not do. This is the Basic Law of Human Behavior. Why is this a law? Because there is no other reason possible for doing anything.

Now what determines what we would rather do than not do? Our prevailing Awareness — that is, how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our lives. Therefore, it is our prevailing Awareness that determines everything we do, refuse or neglect to do.

Are "you" your Awareness or ever to blame for it being limited or distorted? Definitely NOT! Why? Because your Awareness is the

AUTOMATIC product of your heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience — none of which factors can you change on demand.

Are you ever to blame for what you do? Absolutely NOT! Why? Since we can do only what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do — in other words, what it motivates us to do — any fault in what we do or don't do lies not in us, but in our prevailing Awareness, which is not us and for which we are never to blame.

Furthermore, we are not our actions or behavior, and can act only as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits. Therefore, regardless of any hurtful acts, mistakes, defeats or failures, we are inevitably doing the best our available capabilities, time and energy enable us, and our prevailing Awareness motivates us — that is, what our Awareness determines we would rather do than not do. We could not possibly do more or better — not even if we knew we would be shot at sunrise for not doing so.

Is there, then, ever any rational justification for feeling guilty? These Observable Realities prove conclusively that there is absolutely NO rational basis for blame or guilt. Does the fact that we are never entitled to blame or guilt mean we are NOT responsible for our actions or behavior? Certainly NOT! Why? We are inevitably responsible, because we invariably benefit or suffer — "feel good" or "feel bad" — according to the consequences of everything we do or don't do. For, according to Webster's dictionary, responsibility means "answerable to" or "accountable for" our actions and behavior. In other words, we cannot NOT be responsible for the consequences of everything we do or don't do.

Now do we ever need to prove our worth by outstanding behavior or achievements, in order to accept ourselves totally and unconditionally? Definitely NOT! Why? Because our very existence proves our innate worth and importance. We, therefore, DESERVE to "feel good," for no one in the entire world is any more worthy and important than our own faultless self. As a matter of fact, it is impossible to prove your worth by your achievements, no matter how great, for you are NOT your actions or achievements — your mistakes, defeats or failures. The ONLY thing we CAN prove by outstanding achievements is our ability in a particular activity, which has nothing whatever to do with our innate worth and importance.

Can we measure our self-worth by comparing ourselves, our possessions, accomplishments or prestige with those of others? Personal comparisons are totally invalid as a measure of our worth and importance, because:

(1) We cannot possibly do MORE or BETTER than our available capabilities, time and energy enable us, and our own unique Awareness motivates us. Moreover, we are not our Awareness or to blame, however limited or distorted it may be.

(2) We are not our personal characteristics or possessions.

(3) We are not our actions or achievements.

(4) We are totally worthy, just as we are.

Even though we cannot possibly escape the consequences of any action or inaction, we have the innate authority and freedom to say or do anything we choose, for there is absolutely nothing within our capabilities we are not free to do. We are, however, inescapably responsible for everything we do or don't do, for we benefit or suffer according to EVERYTHING we do, refuse or neglect to do. We are, therefore, in charge of our own life and responsible for our own "feel good," for we "feel good" or "feel bad" according to the consequences of everything we think, say, do and feel.

The root cause of emotional turmoil and destructive stress is value judging and resisting YOURSELF. Once you accept yourself totally and unconditionally, it is relatively easy to stop value judging and resisting others and the unwanted circumstances in your life.

How do you stop value judging and resisting yourself and others? You can accept both yourself and others totally and unconditionally by a clear realization of just how DESTRUCTIVE, completely ridiculous, totally irrational and, therefore, actually insane value judging and resisting really is.

You can achieve total, unconditional acceptance of yourself and others:

(1) By realizing we are non-physical beings, totally worthy and without fault, just as we are.

(2) By realizing we are NOT our personal characteristics, values, beliefs, concepts or assumptions — we are NOT our actions, behavior, endeavors, mistakes, defeats or failures — and are, therefore, never to blame for them.

(3) By realizing we can do only what our prevailing Awareness MOTIVATES us to do - that is, what it determines we would

rather do than not do at the time. This is the Basic Law of Human Behavior, for there is no other reason possible for doing anything.

(4) By realizing that, although we cannot escape the consequences of our actions or behavior, we each have the inherent freedom and authority to do what our individual Awareness motivates us to do. In fact, we could not possibly do otherwise without a different Awareness, which is impossible at the time of any decision or action.

(5) By realizing our Awareness is how clearly we see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects our lives, and that it is our Awareness that determines everything we do, refuse or neglect to do.

(6) By realizing we are NOT our Awareness or ever to blame, no matter how limited or distorted it may be, for at any given time our Awareness simply is what it IS - the AUTOMATIC product of our heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, including the lifelong impact of our environment. None of these factors can we change on demand.

(7) By realizing that our individual Awareness is unique because no two people can possibly have the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience. We, therefore, have different values, desires, needs and expectations.

(8) By realizing it is foolish and irrational to expect or demand that others satisfy our particular values, desires, needs and expectations, for they can do ONLY what their OWN unique Awareness MOTIVATES them to think, say, do and feel at the time.

(9) By realizing that every action is a response to a personal need, and that we cannot avoid acting on our dominant need of the moment.

(10)   By realizing that "to know better" is NOT sufficient "to do better" any time we nave a dominant need that outweighs our need "to do better." For we can do only what we would rather do than not do — that is, what our prevailing Awareness motivates us to do.

(11)   By realizing that we are inevitably doing what we HAVE to do at the time, for we can do only what our prevailing Awareness motivates us to do. We are, therefore, never to blame for our actions or behavior, for we are invariably doing the BEST we can possibly do at the time.

(12)   By realizing we cannot possibly force ourselves to do MORE or BETTER than our available capabilities, time and energy enable

us, and our prevailing Awareness motivates us — for this is the absolute limitation to all human endeavors. (13) By realizing that, since our Awareness determines everything we do or don't do, we are NEVER entitled to blame, shame or guilt — for any fault in what we do, refuse or neglect to do, lies not in us but in our prevailing Awareness, which is NOT us and for which we are never to blame.

These realizations enable you to stop value judging and resisting people, and thereby accept yourself and others totally and unconditionally.

Now, how are we to free ourselves of the emotional hurting and destructive stress generated by value judging and resisting unwanted circumstances? Here is the life-changing realization that makes it possible to free ourselves of the emotional hurting and stress generated by value judging and resisting the unwanted circumstances in our lives:

It is NOT the unwanted circumstances — that is, our own or others' unsatisfactory behavior or endeavors, or unwanted demands, situations, conditions and events — that cause emotional hurting and destructive stress, BUT our RESISTANCE to such unwanted Realities.

^

w^ We generate resistance to unwanted circumstances by value \ judging them because they do not satisfy our personal values, desires or expectations. We, therefore, have the power within ourselves to "feel gooH^ or "feel bad," despite unwanted circumstances. For we have a choice to ACCEPT or RESIST their Reality - that is, the fact that the unwanted circumstances EXIST.

Now, how can you free yourself of emotional hurting and destructive stress caused by value judging and resisting unwanted circumstances? All you have to do is to accept the fact that the unwanted circumstance exists, and WILLINGLY allow it to be, if you can't change it; if you can change it, willingly allow it to be until you actually do so.

, yfA You can willingly accept the EXISTENCE of an unwanted cir- ^cumstance, no matter how much you want it to be otherwise:

(1)          By realizing the unwanted circumstance is a Reality.

(2) By realizing that you do not have to like or approve the unwanted circumstance in order to accept its Reality.

(3)          By realizing that you deserve to "feel good."

(4) By realizing that, in willingly accepting the Reality of an unwanted circumstance you are not giving into anyone or giving up anything but your hurting and stress - that you are doing it for YOURSELF — for your own well-being.

(5) By realizing that your resistance provides absolutely no positive benefit.

(6) By realizing that acceptance of the unwanted circumstance in no way changes it or keeps you from improving or eliminating the unwanted circumstance.

(7) By realizing that the unwanted circumstance cannot cause emotional hurting and destructive stress UNLESS you value judge and resist it.

(8) By making a firm decision to "feel good," instead of "feel bad."

(9) By realizing that willing acceptance of the Reality of the unwanted circumstances in your life frees you of emotional hurting and destructive stress.

(10)       By realizing that willing acceptance releases your full potential to deal with the unwanted circumstance and its consequences as harmoniously and effectively as the unwanted circumstance permits.

i Talking to yourself as follows, with full understanding and deep 'conviction, will enable you to accept the unwanted Realities in your life, and thereby experience successful, stress-free, joyful living:

I realize that my fundamental human need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally — that is, to be free of emotional hurting and destructive stress. I am now aware that I cannot be truly successful, with or without wealth, power or prestige, until I do fulfill this fundamental need. I now know my emotional turmoil and destructive stress is generated NOT by unwanted circumstances, but by resisting the REALITY that they exist. It is clear that I do NOT have to like or approve an unwanted circumstance in order to accept its Reality, and thereby ELIMINATE any hurting emotion and stress. All I have to do to free myself of destructive resistance to unwanted circumstances, is acknowledge that the unwanted circumstance exists and willingly allow it to be, just as I accept the Reality of daylight and dark, no matter how much I wish it were otherwise.

I realize that freedom from emotional hurting and stress is a natural state of being and, thus, my right by birth. I now KNOW that the ONLY way I can "feel bad" - the ONLY way I can possibly experience emotional hurting and destructive stress - is to resist my

inability to control my universe — that is, to value judge and resist myself, others and the unwanted circumstances in my life. I realize I am cheating myself of my birthright to "feel good" any time I am "feeling bad" emotionally. I realize I have the power WITHIN MYSELF to free myself of emotional hurting and stress. For I now know I have a choice — a choice to hurt or not to hurt — a choice to resist or accept the existence of the unwanted Realities in my life. These realizations, and total, unconditional acceptance of myself, others and the unwanted circumstances in my life, enable me to free myself of emotional hurting and stress.

Now when I encounter unwanted behavior or circumstances, I ask myself: "What is the Reality?" I then make a conscious decision to accept the unwanted Reality, no matter how serious or insignificant it may be, and whether or not I am able to change or eliminate the unwanted Reality. I make a total decision to "feel good" - to be free of emotional turmoil and destructive stress.

I now realize that emotional hurting and destructive stress are caused by value judging and resisting someone or something, for not conforming to my personal values, desires or expectations. I realize all that is necessary to eliminate emotional hurting and destructive stress is to stop value judging and resisting myself, others and the unsatisfactory endeavors, unwanted behavior, demands, situations, conditions and events in my life. I, therefore, accept myself and others totally and unconditionally, and do not resist ANY unwanted Realities. I now realize that such acceptance INSTANTLY frees me of emotional turmoil and stress, and thereby enables me to deal with all unwanted Realities and their consequences with optimum clarity and effectiveness.

NOTE: How can you tell when you're value judging and resisting? Any time you are not "feeling good" emotionally, regardless to what degree, you can be sure you are value judging and resisting someone or something. For the Observable Reality is that there is NO OTHER WAY you can experience destructive emotions and stress.

EXPLANATION OF NEED CYCLE

This Human Behavior Diagram will clarify how and why we behave as we do. As you know, your prevailing Awareness determines EVERYTHING you do, refuse, or neglect to do. Do you recall the source of your Awareness? Your Awareness IS the AUTOMATIC product of your heredity, Inner Knowing, and total life experience, including the lifelong impact of your environment.

Now what is significant about your Inner Knowing? Your Inner Knowing is the information you receive directly from your Inner Knower or Source — without having to process it through your human computer or brain. It is an Observable Reality that, to the degree your mind is quiet and relaxed, free of mental and emotional turmoil, you can receive the infallible wisdom of your Inner Knower, ever waiting on the threshold of your consciousness. Emotional turmoil and stress are, however, impassable roadblocks to tuning in to and receiving this infallible inner wisdom.

The revolutionary principles of the Barksdale Programs came through insights received from my Inner Knower, during my long and desperate search for solutions to my intense emotional hurting and stress.

Now, how can you differentiate between wishful thinking and genuine Inner Knowing? When you get a genuine insight from your Inner Knower, you have absolute conviction that it's true. In other words, "when you KNOW, you 'KNOW' - even if all the world tells you that you're 'wrong'."

Every human act is a response to a personal need. This Human Behavior Diagram may be used to explain a typical "need cycle" — that is, to demonstrate how and why we function as we do.

Now everyone has VALUES. What are values? Your values are anything of significant worth or importance to you personally, including how you feel you and others "should" or "should not" act or react. Your AWARENESS - that is, how clearly you see and understand, both consciously and non-consciously, everything that affects your life — determines your values. Your values may be sound or distorted, depending on the degree your Awareness is in alignment with Reality - with what actually IS.

Now your values generate DESIRES. Your desires become NEEDS when they become so intense that you cannot "feel good" until they're resolved or satisfied. At any given time you have a number of competing needs. Your most intense competing need is your DOMINANT NEED. How can you tell when a certain need is a dominant need? Because your dominant need is the need on which you act. Thus, your dominant need is also your MOTIVATING need.

An unfulfilled dominant need generates TENSION. Ordinarily, such tension is simply your SIGNAL to act, for this tension makes you uncomfortable, and your fundamental need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. However, a dominant need can generate destructive tension, if it is not fulfilled as quickly or as well as you feel it "should" be. To relieve the tension of an unfulfilled dominant need, you make a DECISION to act, in an effort to satisfy such need.

Now what determines your decision of how best to act, in order to satisfy your dominant need? Your PREVAILING AWARENESS. Your Awareness is continually changing, owing to new input from your Inner Knowing and total life experience. Your PREVAILING Awareness is your Awareness at any given instant. Why is it your prevailing Awareness that determines your every decision and action? Because it is an Observable Reality that it is how clearly you see and understand everything that affects your life that indicates how you can BEST satisfy your dominant need, and thereby relieve your uncomfortable tension. Again, be aware that the tension which triggers your decision to act is not destructive, unless you resist your inability to satisfy your dominant need as well or as quickly as you feel you "SHOULD."

To summarize, to release the TENSION generated by your unfulfilled DOMINANT NEED, you make a DECISION, based on how clearly you perceive and understand what you think will make you feel BEST under the circumstances. You then take ACTION - that is, you then do what your prevailing Awareness determines you would rather do than not do to satisfy your dominant need. These statements confirm the Observable Reality that ACTIONS are simply the "means" we choose, based on our PREVAILING AWARENESS, to fulfill our DOMINANT NEEDS.

Now, it is an Observable Reality that every action has CONSEQUENCES. Per Webster's definition of "responsibility," the consequences of your actions make you inescapably RESPONSIBLE for everything you do, refuse to do, or neglect to do, because you benefit or suffer - "feel good" or "feel bad" - according to the results of everything you do, refuse or neglect to do.

It is now clear that there is no such thing as a "cop out." For there is no way you can AVOID the consequences of your actions

-    be they "good," "bad" or indifferent. Even though you may get another person to make your decisions, you are still responsible

-   for you are the one stuck with the consequences of the decision, right? It is vitally important to realize that, even though you are responsible for any action or inaction, you are never to blame for any undesired actions or behavior. Why? The significant Observable Reality is that, since your Awareness determines everything you do, refuse or neglect to do, any fault in what you do lies NOT in you, but IN your prevailing Awareness, which is NOT you, and for which YOU are never to blame.

The Reality that you are never to blame proves conclusively that any feelings of guilt are totally irrational and absurd! Even though we have been falsely conditioned to tie "blame" and "responsibility" together, it is of utmost importance to realize that responsibility is an inescapable REALITY, while there is NO rational justification whatever for blame.

Now, as shown on the Human Behavior Diagram, the CONSEQUENCES of your ACTIONS feed into your TOTAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, and thereby expand your PREVAILING AWARENESS. You now have a new prevailing Awareness and might act quite differently in a similar situation in the future, depending on the consequences of your present action. Your "need cycle" is now

complete, and you are ready to start a new need cycle — that is, to proceed to satisfy your next dominant need.

As you can now see, from this diagram, your prevailing Awareness determines your VALUES, DESIRES and NEEDS — your DOMINANT or motivating need, AND your every DECISION and ACTION. For it is your prevailing Awareness that determines what you would rather do than not do.

You will find this diagram _lo be of-vital help in analyzing and solving behavior and personal relationship problems. It is now apparent that neither we nor others can change our behavior, without a change in the dominant need that motivated such behavior. This Reality explains why it is impossible to stop such destructive habits as excessive smoking, drinking, overeating, etc., without a change in the distorted need that motivated such habits and behavior in the first place. Be aware, however, that a change in our dominant need first requires a change in our prevailing Awareness, because, as you are now aware, it is our prevailing Awareness that determines our dominant need, as well as the means we choose to fulfill it. Our prevailing Awareness also determines how successful we are in fulfilling our needs. The bottom line is that a distorted Awareness causes distorted needs and thereby distorted actions and behavior.

NOTE: Although it is clear that everyone is inevitably doing what they would rather do than not do, total, unconditional acceptance of an individual does not mean or imply that we must, therefore, tolerate unwanted behavior or actions that interfere with our mental, physical or emotional "feel good."

SPECIFIC CAUSES OF EMOTIONAL HURTING AND DESTRUCTIVE STRESS

Value judging and resisting OURSELVES for:

Our inability to make our lives go the way we want.

Our mistakes, defeats or failures.

Our inability to do MORE or BETTER.

Our inability to prove our worth and importance by outstanding achievements.

Not completing tasks as quickly as we anticipate or feel we "should."

Our inability to meet the demands of our work. Failing to be number one in our endeavors. Ill health, physical disabilities, or lack of energy. Our inability to make decisions.

Not complying with our personal values, desires and expectations. Undesirable personality, physical appearance, actions or behavior. Not being a more generous and loving individual. Not having more friends, money, power or prestige. A sense of inadequacy, inferiority or unworthiness.

Value judging and resisting OTHERS for: Their mistakes, defeats or failures. Their inability to do MORE or BETTER. Their inability to meet the demands of their work. Not completing tasks as quickly as we anticipate or feel they "should."

Not complying with our personal values, desires and expectations. Their personality, physical appearance, attitudes, actions or behavior.

Value judging and resisting UNWANTED CIRCUMSTANCES, such as: The threat of an unwanted situation, condition or event (anxiety, fear and worry)

Our own or others' unsatisfactory behavior or performance, unwanted situations, conditions and events that do not conform to our personal values, desires or expectations. Lack of recognition, appreciation or approval. Objectionable social, political, economic and environmental

conditions Personal, family and social obligations.

HOW TO "FEEL GOOD," DESPITE UNWANTED CIRCUMSTANCES

To "feel good," despite unwanted circumstances in your life, first assure yourself that you DESERVE to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally. "Feeling good" is an overall, satisfying sense of inner peace and well-being. Realize that "feeling good" is a natural state of being and, thus, your right by birth. It is an Observable Reality that the only way you can keep from "feeling good" emotionally, is to resist the unwanted Realities in your life. Such unwanted Realities may be your own or others' unsatisfactory endeavors or behavior, unwanted situations, conditions or events.

Be aware that we are conditioned to value judge — that is, to find fault with and condemn — and automatically resist anything that doesn't satisfy our personal values, desires or expectations. Resisting the Reality of the unwanted circumstances in our life generates such destructive negative emotions as: disappointment, impatience, frustration, anxiety, fear and worry — grief, anguish, despair and depression — self-pity and loneliness — shame, blame, guilt and remorse.

It is an Observable Reality that our fundamental human need is to "feel good" - that is, to achieve and maintain an overall, satisfying sense of inner peace and well-being. Destructive negative emotions keep us from satisfying this need. Such emotions are not only harmful, but keep us from achieving true success. For it is an Observable Reality that, since our fundamental human need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally, we cannot be truly successful, until we do fulfill this need — with or without wealth, power and prestige.

To willingly accept the unwanted circumstances in your life, realize that you have the power within yourself to "feel good" or "feel bad" — to accept or resist the Reality of the unwanted circumstances in your life. If you want to eliminate the emotional hurting and stress generated by value judging and resisting unwanted circumstances, make a conscious choice to "feel good" — a firm decision to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally for the rest of your life!

If you want to "feel good," in spite of the unwanted circumstances in your life, you need to be aware of any time you are NOT

"feeling good." It is, therefore, necessary to audit your feelings. Ask yourself on AWAKENING, THROUGHOUT THE DAY, and again, BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP: "How do I feel?" Any time you find you are not "feeling good" emotionally, search out the unwanted circumstance you determine is keeping you from "feeling good." Then ask yourself, "What is the Reality?" and stop resisting the fact that the unwanted circumstance exists. You can then accept the unwanted circumstance because it IS Reality, NOT because you like or approve the unwanted circumstance.

Realize that RESISTING the Reality of the unwanted circumstance, NOT the circumstance itself, is what is causing your emotional hurting and destructive stress. Be aware that such resistance is a mental refusal and emotional opposition to accepting the existence of the unwanted circumstance and its consequences. Realize that your resistance has no power to alter the unwanted circumstance or its consequences. Realize that dropping your resistance in no way changes the Reality of the unwanted circumstance; it simply enables you to stop hurting and thereby free yourself of destructive stress. Neither does dropping your resistance to the Reality of the unwanted circumstance require giving up anything, giving in to anyone, or agreeing with anyone.

Realize that you are conditioned to automatically value judge and resist the Reality of any unwanted circumstance you do not like or want. Realize that you do not have to like or approve an unwanted circumstance in order to accept its Reality - that is, to accept the fact that it exists - which is all that is necessary to free yourself of emotional hurting and stress. Realize that dropping your resistance does not mean going along with the unwanted circumstance, or giving up any attempt to change it. Realize that the more you resist, the more you hurt and the less able you are to deal effectively with the unwanted circumstance and its consequences.

Be aware that in order to motivate yourself to drop your resistance, it is necessary for you to realize that, any time you encounter a circumstance you do not like or want, you are automatically faced with two problems:

1.  The hurting emotions and destructive stress generated by your conditioned habit of value judging and resisting unwanted circumstances.

2.  How to best deal with the unwanted circumstance and its consequences.

Dropping your resistance to the Reality of the unwanted circumstance instantly solves both problems. How?

1.  Dropping your resistance totally eliminates your emotional hurting and the destructive stress generated by resisting that unwanted circumstance.

2.  Dropping your resistance releases your full potential to deal with the unwanted circumstance and its consequences rationally and intelligently, and thereby with optimum clarity and effectiveness.

Since emotionally resisting the unwanted Reality provides absolutely no benefit, the exorbitant cost of resisting points up how absurd, irrational and actually insane such resistance IS. Be fully aware of the above realizations. Reconfirm the Reality that you deserve to "feel good," and that only emotional resistance to the Reality of unwanted circumstances can keep you from "feeling good."

Use the following formula to drop your resistance and eliminate your emotional hurting and stress. Be aware that this formula works, no matter how devastating or insignificant the unwanted circumstance may be. This formula works equally well for past, present and future unwanted circumstances, when described accordingly.

Now, with a concise description of your unwanted circumstance in mind, repeat the following formula for dropping your resistance: (in case you are resisting a personal tragedy, you may wish to say, "I choose NOT to hurt," in place of "I choose to 'feel good'.")

THE BARKSDALE FORMULA FOR INSTANT RELEASE OF EMOTIONAL HURTING

AND STRESS

"I acknowledge that resisting the Reality that (concisely describe the unwanted ctcumstance) cannot possibly remedy this unwanted circumstance. I realize my resistance is irrational, absurd, and totally futile, for it provides no positive benefit, is keeping me from *feeling good' and from dealing effectively with this unwanted Reality and its consequences.

"I CHOOSE to 'feel good' and to RELEASE my full potential to deal effectively with this unwanted Reality and its consequences. Therefore, even though I do not like or approve it, I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be."

If you accurately described the unwanted circumstance, your negative emotion and stress disappeared the very instant you said with conviction and feeling: "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be." The key to successful use of this formula is wholehearted agreement with the crucially important statement: "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY allow it to be." In other words, to make the formula work, you must be fully convinced that it is essential to really mean and truly feel: "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be."

Now you may think you are accepting the unwanted Reality emotionally by merely repeating the words of the formula — when, in fact, your acceptance may be only on the intellectual level. The Observable Reality is that, since your resistance to the unwanted Reality is on the emotional level, for the formula to work, your acceptance must also be on the emotional level. This is why the words, "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be," are crucially important to release of your emotional hurting and stress. For these words express your emotional acceptance. If necessary, continue saying with as much feeling as you can, "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT this unwanted Reality and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be," until you sense release of your "feel bad," as you say these words.

Now realize that you cannot accomplish anything by "trying." You cannot, for example, pick up a pencil by trying. The Reality is that you either do it or don't do it. Likewise, it is impossible to drop your resistance by "trying." Be aware that dropping your resistance is as easy as dropping a pencil — you simply make a firm decision and DROP IT!

As you work with this formula, you will find you can shorten it to suit your expanding Awareness. Once you are fully aware of your motivation for willingly accepting the unwanted Realities in your life, it will be sufficient to simply say: "I EMOTIONALLY ACCEPT the Reality that (name the unwanted circumstance) EXISTS and WILLINGLY ALLOW it to be" - with real conviction and feeling.

HOW TO ELIMINATE SPECIFIC NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

AND STRESS

The following examples illustrate how to use "The Barksdale Formula for Instant Release of Emotional Hurting and Stress" to

eliminate specific negative emotions that are caused by emotionally resisting unwanted circumstances, such as your own or others' unsatisfactory endeavors and behavior, unwanted situations, conditions and events in your life that do not satisfy or conform to your personal values, desires or expectations:

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING RESENTMENT, HOSTILITY, ANGER, HATE OR BITTERNESS

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (Jim betrayed me) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING IMPATIENCE, FRUSTRATION, FUTILITY OR DISCOURAGEMENT

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (I cannot possibly do more or better in any situation or endeavor than my available capabilities, time and energy enable me and my prevailing Awareness motivates me) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING ANXIETY, FEAR OR WORRY

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (my husband may be dying of cancer) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING GRIEF, ANGUISH AND DESPAIR

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (my husband was killed in the war) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING JEALOUSY AND LOVESICKNESS

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (Dorothy loves Jim more than she loves me) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING EMBARRASSMENT, SHAME, i  BLAME, GUILT AND REMORSE

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (I am feeling guilty because I ran over Tommy's puppy) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING AGITATION AND DISAPPOINTMENT "I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (I did not

win first prize) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING DEPRESSION

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (my life is not working the way I want it to) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

EXAMPLE FOR ELIMINATING LONELINESS AND SELF-PITY

"I acknowledge that emotionally resisting the Reality that (I am all alone) cannot possibly change this unwanted Reality...." (Repeat the rest of the formula.)

ELIMINATING RESISTANCE TO YOUR INABILITY TO CONTROL

YOUR UNIVERSE

"I choose to 'feel good' and to release my full potential to deal harmoniously and effectively with the unwanted Realities in my life. Therefore, I accept myself and others totally and unconditionally, and willingly allow all unwanted circumstances to be. I emotionally accept and willingly allow all unwanted circumstances to be, while making every possible effort to improve or eliminate them. I emotionally accept and willingly allow the Reality of any unwanted behavior, situation, condition or event - NOT because I like or approve it, but because my resistance provides NO positive benefit, generates emotional hurting and destructive stress, AND keeps me from dealing rationally and effectively with the unwanted circumstance and its consequences."

THE KEY TO ELIMINATING RESISTANCE TO AN UNWANTED CIRCUMSTANCE

The all important KEY to freeing yourself of the emotional hurting and stress generated by resisting an unwanted circumstance is the realization that you do not have to like or approve the unwanted circumstance in order to drop your resistance, and thereby free yourself of emotional hurting and stress.

THE SECRET OF INNER PEACE AND LOVE

If you wish to experience "the peace that passeth understanding," WILLINGLY accept the Reality of ALL unwanted circumstances in your life, totally and unconditionally. Then, free of emotional turmoil and destructive stress, you are free to deal with the unwanted circumstances and their consequences with maximum clarity and effectiveness.

If you also wish to experience genuine love in your personal relationships, all you have to do is WILLINGLY accept yourself and others, TOTALLY and UNCONDITIONALLY. You AUTOMATICALLY experience the indescribable joy of loving when you remove the impassable roadblock to love and loving. For love is a natural state of being. All you have to do to enjoy loving relationships is to refrain from value judging and resisting YOURSELF and OTHERS. For value judging and resisting IS the impassable roadblock to experiencing genuine love and loving.

What could be more important to your emotional, mental and physical well-being than inner peace and loving relationships? For only with inner PEACE and LOVE, which no one can take from you, you AUTOMATICALLY fulfill your fundamental human need to "feel good" — really good! — about yourself and your universe. You thereby achieve TRUE success in life.

REASONS I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO KEEP FROM VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING MYSELF, OTHERS AND THE UNWANTED REALITIES IN MY LIFE

I do not accept the Observable Reality that value judging and resisting is the ONLY thing that keeps me from "feeling good" mentally, physically and emotionally.

I do not realize the tremendous price I am paying for absolutely ZERO benefits.

I feel it too difficult to STOP value judging and resisting — I falsely perceive that it takes a very strong and exceptional person to stop value judging and resisting.

I have a NEED to keep from "feeling good," because I feel too unworthy and guilty to DESERVE to "feel good."

I feel it is natural — that it is "human nature" — to experience emotional turmoil and destructive stress — that it is "human nature" to value judge and resist people and things I do not like or want.

I feel hurtful stress is necessary for my motivation — for my progress and personal survival.

I feel that, since practically everyone experiences destructive stress, it must be okay — that I would be considered "weird," if I did NOT experience hurting emotions and stress — I perceive destructive stress to be the "IN thing."

I do not realize how childish, ridiculous, DESTRUCTIVE and actually INSANE value judging and resisting REALLY IS!

I do not accept the Reality that we are NOT our actions or behavior, and that we can, therefore, accept ourselves and others totally and unconditionally, despite any hurtful acts or behavior - despite our mistakes, defeats and failures.

I do not accept the Reality that all my emotional turmoil and destructive stress is generated NOT by the unwanted behavior, situations, conditions and events in my environment, BUT in my HEAD — by value judging and resisting such unwanted circumstances.

I do not realize I do not have to like or approve my own or others' unwanted behavior in order to accept myself and others totally and unconditionally.

I do not realize that NO ONE is to blame - that ALL emotional

hurting and stress is caused by the false and destructive concepts laid on us from birth by our faulty cultural conditioning.

I do not realize that I have a CHOICE to "feel good" or "feel bad" - that I actually have the power WITHIN MYSELF to ELIMINATE emotional hurting and stress for the REST of my life.

I do not perceive that I am actually INVULNERABLE to emotional hurting and stress - that I MAKE MYSELF VULNERABLE by allowing my "feel good" to depend on people, situations, conditions and events satisfying my values, desires and expectations.

I do not actually realize I can handle threatening situations and events free of destructive stress.

I do not realize that it is my birthright to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally - that I actually DESERVE to "feel good" because I am actually a perfect, non-physical being, totally worthy and without fault, JUST AS I AM.

I do not realize that my sense of unworthiness, inadequacy and guilt, generated by my false concepts that I AM my actions, and that I "should" be perfect, does not allow me to accept myself totally and unconditionally, free of value judging and resisting.

I have NOT actually accepted the Observable Reality that my fundamental human need is to "feel good" mentally, physically and emotionally, and that my number one responsibility is to fulfill that fundamental need. I do not perceive that I can be truly successful ONLY to the degree that I DO fulfill my fundamental need to "feel good" — with or without wealth, power and prestige.

I do not realize that I am actually value judging and resisting myself for not having a "better" Awareness, when I value judge and resist myself for not doing MORE or BETTER.

I do not perceive I am actually resisting my inability to control my universe any time I value judge and resist unwanted Realities I am POWERLESS to change.

OBSERVABLE REALITIES THAT PROVE THE INSANITY OF VALUE JUDGING AND RESISTING PEOPLE

Since our unique Awareness determines everything we think, say, do and feel - EVERYTHING we do, refuse or neglect to do:

1.  We are inevitably doing what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do, for there is simply NO OTHER REASON POSSIBLE for doing ANYTHING.

2.  We cannot possibly act or behave other than we do, without a DIFFERENT Awareness. We CANNOT have a different Awareness at the instant of any decision or action, for our prevailing Awareness simply is what it IS - the AUTOMATIC product of our heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience, none of which factors can we change on demand.

3.  It is irrational to suppose others have the same values, desires and expectations as we have, for no two people can have the same Awareness — the same heredity, Inner Knowing and total life experience.

4.  We are not our Awareness, actions or behavior, and can act only as wisely as our prevailing Awareness permits.

5.  We are never subject to blame or guilt, for we are inevitably doing the BEST we can possibly do at the time.

6.  We are without fault, just as we are, for any fault in what we do lies not in us, but in our prevailing Awareness, which is not us and for which we are never to blame.

7.  We are invariably doing what we HAVE TO DO - the only thing we can possibly do with our PREVAILING Awareness.

8.  We cannot possibly do MORE or BETTER than our available capabilities, time and energy enable us and our prevailing Awareness motivates us — not even if we knew we would be shot at sunrise for not doing so.

9.  We cannot FORCE ourself or others to do ANYTHING, regardless of obligations, demands or the consequences, for we can do ONLY what our prevailing Awareness determines we would rather do than not do.

10.  To "know better" is NOT sufficient to "do better," when we have a conflicting need that outweighs our need to "do better."

Therefore, it is unreal and ridiculous to make our "feel good" depend on others satisfying our personal values, desires and expectations, for everyone must comply with their own unique Awareness and, therefore, with their own personal values, desires and expectations, regardless of the consequences.