You can't navigate a ship or a life looking at the wake
When one is little, everything else seems big
Changing the beliefs about feelings
Then get a perspective on what discipline is
And decide on small steps and be willing to fail
Affirmations, declarative statements
YOU CAN'T NAVIGATE A SHIP OR A LIFE LOOKING AT THE WAKE
At LifeSpring they had a saying that one cannot steer a ship well by standing in the back looking at the wake.
You also can steer a ship if nobody is at the helm.
Barbara essentially is letting the ship continue on its course, since her mother is still in charge, to blame, or the reason for things going the way they are.
This is what she says:
"Self discipline is a problem for me because of my mother."
"It is loaded for me because of my mother."
"Screw you, Mom!" is what she says is the reason she is not choosing self discipline.
Self-discipline is "loaded with Puritanical philosophy - that you are only worthy if you accomplish greatly!"
All the above are "beliefs", stories, reasons why not, justifications - and none of them are true. What is true is only that she is choosing not to exercise self-discipline or to be an adult in the matter. Being a child is not a valid way out.
WHEN ONE IS LITTLE EVERYTHING ELSE SEEMS BIG
She needs to first, I believe, make the choice to choose to "be" a rational, nurturing adult, so that she is looking at things from a dramatically different view.
CHANGING THE BELIEFS ABOUT FEELINGS
Essentially, Barbara is allowing her feelings to run the show. Accordingly, she believes much as others do (especially children): that feelings must be immediately responded to. She needs to follow the solutions recommended in Feelings - Manage Them Or Be Run By Them.
THEN GET A PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT DISCIPLINE IS
To "be" disciplined, one must remove the mystery about what discipline is, in a realistic non-super-woman way. She should read: Discipline.
AND DECIDE ON SMALL STEPS AND BE WILLING TO FAIL
Muscles are built gradually over time, but one must never succumb to the idea that weakness is permanent (and attributable to anything other than her choice). She must follow the small steps, such as putting off responses to feelings for a few minutes and doing "discipline" for small periods of time, using the Timer Tool.
She is capable of small steps. And, of course, even with small steps, there will be failures as one does anything new, but she simply needs to recommit - and keep on keepin' on! And the commitment needs to be to do pre-planned (written) tasks for the set period of time, but set out for a whole month. Then decide to do another month.
AFFIRMATIONS, DECLARATIVE STATEMENTS
Find additional ones that will work for you and/or utilize or modify these:
I am the one who chooses. No one else chooses for me.
I can either choose to do what is best or not - and I will reap the consequences. So, in effect, I am choosing to reap bad consequences instead of putting my efforts toward better consequences. That is my choice and I can make it.
I am now taking charge and I am setting reasonable tasks and schedules for myself to get done what is necessary to do, but I am not overdoing it, as I know that doesn't work for now.
I am building my self-discipline muscle because I know it will serve me well over time and have me feeling better about life and about myself - which is priceless, so I choose to invest effort into it. I am doing those small steps that are building that muscles, increasing them a bit at a time. Others have succeeded, so I can as well.
I realize that my mother no longer exists and that it is only I who exists and am in charge. I no longer choose to honor any belief recording that pops up related to my mother having power over me in the present.