The objective: Operating in the loving, rational adult, allowing the play of a child
Never try to reason with an irrational person
The alternative on the spectrum
Go into the role
Who's running the show?
Psychology - mood
THE OBJECTIVE: OPERATING IN THE LOVING, RATIONAL ADULT, ALLOWING THE PLAY OF A CHILD
As you’ll see in the Psychology section and in the Relationship section, progress can best be made moving into the “role” (persona) of the Loving, Rational Adult.
Basically, one cannot come up with good decisions and management of life when in an “irrational” state, such as being in fear or victim or some child state.
NEVER TRY TO REASON WITH AN IRRATIONAL PERSON
Never try to reason with an irrational person, as it is similar to the idea of trying to teach a groundhog to sing. In the first place, the groundhog will never learn to sing, and, secondly, you’ll just irritate the heck out of the groundhog.
Basically, if it doesn’t work, stop doing it.
Both of the commands above are actually operating principles that work in life.
But they are set up based on the assumption that we are emotional human beings and thus we are irrational (which is an irrational bit of reasoning!).
No, we are irrational only when we our higher brain is not being used. We are irrational when we live in a world where we are seeing big dangers everywhere, threatening us as if we were a small child quivering beneath the monster of fear. But the latter is strictly an illusion, which a child believes is real - in this case we are referring to an adult squeezing himself down into being a small child.
The corollary here is never operate as if you are a "small person" as you'll not be using your brain to make decisions - and you'll get terrible results plus alot of upsets.
In child state → Illusions, no control, no thinking → Upsets
In adult state → Use higher brain → Good decisions → Happy, virtually no upsets
THE ALTERNATIVE ON THE SPECTRUM
Note the results you get while acting like a child in any way. Being a child is being dependent on others for approval and/or on others to making one happy, being powerless and not asserting oneself, being unable to control one's emotions - all not a pretty picture! But people still do it.
GO INTO THE "ROLE"
Whenever there is an emotional situation, a problem, or a challenge, make sure you have gone into the Loving, Rational Adult persona and, if another is involved, do all you can to have that person be in that persona.
In relationships, couples take “time outs” when they are upset and need time to cool down and go to the rational.
In one’s own situation, one needs to also recognize “upset” and to take at least a few breaths to change one’s state of emotions and possibly a “time out”, so that one can go to the rational adult state.
The great thing about this is that more progress is made and the nurturing, rational adult is great at allowing one’s (internal) “child” to play, completely, without the presence of the critic or parent.
One definitely doesn’t want to have one’s decisions made by the child persona or the critical parent, so one must be sure to delegate it to the Adult. And the Adult should be assigned all decisions that require decisions (to access at the time) ahead of time, when one may not be able to be rational.
Notice that most of what we are doing here, from filling out forms to using practices and methods, is oriented toward creating our being in the adult persona for maximum effectiveness and gain. Also we are promoting self-sufficiency (the opposite of dependency) as in Giving To Yourself To Fill Your Needs.
READ THESE "CHAPTERS" TO WRAP UP THE CONCEPT TOTALLY
Who's running the show?
Psychology - mood
Consider these as "chapters" in the book. Note how the adult persona can be used to "talk to" and assure the child.
The Structure Of The Brain - Helps one see that Dumb and Dumber should not run the show and how the rational, loving adult operates. Managing The Mind - Read this to be sure that you are not operating based on Dumb And Dumber (which sets it up so that the child/victim role can easily slip in),
Who's Running The Show?
A must-understand concept. Rate yourself on the spectrum in Responsibility Vs. Victimhood. The viewpoint of the rational, nurturing adult is the one that works!
And it is powerful!
Most people don't see it, but if you read this and ask the question, you'll see how the child is actually running the show in certain areas. Don't let this happen!!!! Read
Get the perspective on how you assume personas and roles, mostly unconsciously. With this perspective you can begin choosing what role you want to operate in. Read
An interesting little accidental shift into being the dysfunctionally fearful"inner child" or the mostly dysfunctional "Protector". Be aware of this Eternal Internal Triangle. so you can choose what works!
Caring, Feeling Presence - Loving Yourself - Loving yourself is the first pre-requisite for living a great life and for experiencing true happiness and peace. In this process, you create your "allies", which will serve you well when you need wisdom and support for your "inner child" or "self". (F) Child: Interacting With The Unconditionally Loving Allies To "Heal" The Past - This is a format for taking one back from fears and emotions experienced in the present but due to "Earlier Similar" occurrences that affected the child within you. There are 5 to 10 significant ones that repeat in your life and you can "handle them" so that they are less (or none at all) of an influence.
Mood - Conversations by a rational, loving adult will tend to help manage moods and prevent many from starting.
In Relationships (Read these even if you believe you are not in "a relationship', as these will help solidify the context and actions of the rational, nurturing adult.)