I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH...
NOT!

tba

"Good enough?"  "For what?"  "How much is enough?"

We keep believing in this having to be good enough, but we fail to see that the whole idea is based on pure manure.  There is no such thing.  You're either alive and getting food somehow or you're dead.  There is no "good enough", there is no place in between! 

                                                           The BuddhaKahuna  

Talk about stupidity!  This is an unwinnable game.  Am I some donkey going for a carrot on a stick?

                                                            Alfred E. NewPerson
____________________________________________________________


CONTENTS

Which is more true for you?
A useless figment of your imagination
What is "good enough"?
The multiple versions and sub-versions
Chop down the pillars and the house of cards falls
It's about comparing
But why do we compare?
Affirmations, declaration
How silly is this????  But we do it!!!
___________________________________________________________


Read after this: The Story That Caused My Life So Far:  I'm Not Good Enough
____________


This is another victim stance, as if one were still a child...


WHICH IS MORE TRUE FOR YOU?

___ I am not (good) enough.
___ I am (good) enough as I am.
___ Somewhere in between


A USELESS FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION

The idea of "not good enough" lies in the realm of right/wrong and good/bad.  Read those and clear up the idea and it'll make a huge difference in your psyche.


WHAT IS "GOOD ENOUGH"?

What is good?  Compared to what? 

Good is a value judgment comparing something to "bad". 

And we made up the game of good and bad, first in order to distinguish "what works" and then we used the term to manipulate and control.  As a child, you were dependent on another person for survival, so you shaped up (or tried to) whenever they said you were "bad", and we soon started to seek to be called "good."

Now that you are not a child, you are no longer controlled by "good" or "bad" labelling, nor do you need to use them, as you no longer seek to falsely control others.

Read, from the Philosophy section, Why I Am Very Good


THE MULTIPLE VERSIONS AND SUB-VERSIONS

There are multiple versions and words used for this one concept.  They may appear to be the same but they are just variations on the same context.

I am not good enough.
   I am unworthy.
         I must help others to be worthy.
         I am not deserving...
   I must have approval of others to be ok, which requires
         That I must be highly intelligent
                                highly successful
                 I must be liked
                 I must be smart.
   I cannot lower my expectations to be so low...

Note how "not good enough" is the basis for "needing approval" and for alot of striving to meet certain supposed standards that will prove you are good enough.  However, you're already not not-good-enough, so, if you realize that you can give up alot of angst and just go on out and get what you want from life, not from trying to control others but from your own power.  (Note how we have converted "being skillful enough to be approved of by others" into some generalized concept appearing to exist on its own:  that I must be worthy, period.  The question is always "why?" (why do you need to be worthy????). 

See the Individual Beliefs section for specific beliefs.


CHOP DOWN THE PILLARS AND THE HOUSE OF CARDS FALLS

The pillars that hold this false house of cards up are:

Believing in "right/wrong"
Believing one is still dependent, as if a child, on others for approval and
Setting a false standard (expectation and/or criteria)

When you knock out those three, this house of cards falls, as does other core beliefs that are based on one, two, or three of these.

Read The Role Of Expectations In Life And In Relationships, to see what the effect of false standards are.  Unhappiness is from the (untrue) "I should be's" that are totally unrealistic, such as in Comparing And False Standards

Read the piece Reconstructing Our Viewpoints And Mindsets To Increase Happiness, as it is about the false assessment of our selves and of what is expected of us - the two are combined into the formula for unhappiness. 

Unrealistic expectations and fairy tales about how we should be is the opposite of happiness.  Read Thought And Behaviors To Choose To Attain Personal Happiness And Peace

Holding yourself responsible for controlling others is another great source of making yourself wrong!


IT'S ABOUT COMPARING

It makes no sense to compare how well off you are with some standards set by commercials, movies, or your false assessment of the perfect lives of others. 

There is no basis for setting a standard of “enough” (actually the standard relates more to “not enough”), as there is always more than enough, if we set our standard at “enough to survive and be able to seek what we want”.  If we do that, then we can appreciate everything we have above that standard of "enough."  

If someone else becomes a doctor and you are a janitor, you still have 99% of what they have (in terms of dna, body functions, emotions, potential fulfillment, etc. – even monkeys have at least 96% of the dna of humans).


BUT WHY DO WE COMPARE?

In today's world, it irrelevant to compare.  All that matters is that we have the ability to make decisions and to use our rational brains to get "enough".  We are so blessed with what is actually lots of capability for beyond what we need to survive and thrive.

Oh, I almost forgot:  why do we compare? 

We had to "stack up" in the old tribe, so we could safely feel that they wouldn't kick us out, plus the alpha male or alpha female would get the best.  But we no longer need the tribe to protect us, as we have everything already provided by the "big tribe" (highways, cars, supermarkets, etc.).  And if we aren't covetous of "more", we realize that we don't have to be the alpha to get a perfectly good relationship and good friends - we can attact them by being a person who uses straight thinking and has good character.  See Suffering And Struggle to see what coveting "more" can do for you!

There is no legitimate function pejorative (judgmental) comparing.  We need only realize that we have sufficient power to handle our lives on our own, without comparing. 
_______________________________________________________


All we need to do now is turn to using our rational brain - and to installing the "truth", as below.


AFFIRMATIONS, DECLARATIONS

Read these and the ones you wish to select from the corollary materials every day, until it is built in, then you can select or design one overall one to say daily, for at least a month.  The overall one will include all the meaning that your internal mind has remembered from your repeating the details so often.  (Read and follow Using Affirmations Effectively.)

I am doing the best I can given what I know.
I am totally ok as I am and in the place I have simply progressed to - which is a rather good place.
I am a good person, with good power, kindness and love.
I am happy.
I may produce some undesired outcomes, but that is all part of life - from them I continue to create excellent experiences and to choose happiness.
I have become a good, kind person.
I am as powerful, or as capable of being powerful, as anybody.

Corollary ones:

There is no such thing in the real world as "good" or "bad"; they are just "made-ups", with no real substance.  They didn't exist before mankind existed, so they're just fabrications of mankind.  [The criteria of "what works" has existed forever.  Things simply work or they don't work (to achieve the desired result); that's it, period!)

See Barksdale Materials:  "We simply are doing the best we can at the time given the limits of our awareness at that time.  We are not the problem (as we are capable humans); it is the lack of awareness that is the problem.  If we want to create more feel good in our lives, we simply need to add more awareness."

Read: Why I Am Very Good

Since "not good enough" and lack of Self-Esteem are the same thing, use the Self Esteem Affirmations.

Rework your core beliefs, using the Process For Changing Beliefs, Step By Step, and the Core Belief Transformation Process.

See Self Worth, Approval , Loving Oneself      


HOW SILLY IS THIS?  BUT WE DO IT!

After thousands of hours of study of psychology and philosophy, this is the true essence of my most significant conclusion about life: 

The sine qua non of being a good enough person lies in the result of succeeding, or not, in being good enough to achieve Dr. Oz’s ideal of having S-shaped stools. 

This is the final proof of your capabilities in life and whether you are a strong enough, powerful enough person.  It is the essence of life, determining whether life is good or bad, because, after all, it is the ultimate symbol of whether you can live life well.  Hear me now, heed my words carefully, and go work on this, until you get it right.  Then everything will be ok. 

(OK, maybe you think this is silly.  But what about your criteria for being good enough?  Does it make any more sense than this?  What if you labeled your journey of never being good enough as the the search for the Holy Grail Of S-shaped Stools?  Maybe your "story" wouldn't seem so credible any more, as it would be put into true perspective!)
   


AN OVERVIEW PIECE

How Much Is Enough? Define It Carefully Or... - Without a realistic "enough", you cannot be happy, period!

RELATED

Getting To "Good Enough"

The Story - A "made-up" about what caused your life.

Why I Am Good - You must know AND acknowledge this explicitly!

Understand These

Right/wrong

    Good/bad  

Self Worth

Approval 

Perfection  


Learn How To

Loving Oneself 

Case Study:

Barbara's "Not Good Enough"
STRAIGHTEN OUT THE BELIEFS AT THE CORE!   

THE CORE BELIEFS

Not Good Enough
    
  Something is wrong with me - A "conceptual" error.

  Self-Worth
  Approval 
  Powerless, Dependent
       I am powerless
       Child "Role"
       Power in life

There Is Danger

  Safe

       Life will turn out well
       Something is wrong