DISCUSSION: THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR ON THE PLANET
From impulse control to false beliefs, this is one of the most destructive behaviors known to mankind.
At its base are a number of "wrong ideas" about threats and protecting ourselves against those illusional threats. The belief that this is effective is a complete myth, but holding the belief keeps one trapped in using it as a device (or weapon), completely dysfunctionally.
The "Protector/Critic" Imagined Persona - The benefits, the misconceptions, and the harm.
We develop a "Protector/Critic" imagined persona - and then we justify its behaviors. It is self destructive, as it hurts our health but more importantly it hurts and can even ruin our lives and our outlooks - anger definitely excludes happiness Yes, some people do get an emotional charge out of the blood flowing from the adrenaline and/or from making themselves right, but the effect is short term, much like taking drugs.
In the long term, it also hurts those we care about, as their mental states and their health are affected tremendously by the anger's direct effects but also by the indirect effects of feeling alienated and at odds.
Since this is a "looking back" behavior, focusing on the past, it is damaging in that it causes the loss of what we could create by "looking forward" and creating what we really want.
Yes, we may be disappointed, but there is no justification for the anger other than the false belief that there is..
Subtle forms of damaging anger
Many of those who are angry do not recognize it, because it doesn't look like the extremes on tv or it is not physical. And these people are emotionally abusive even though, if they were conscious of making a choice, they would never deliberately choose to abuse another person. Angry outbursts, emotional tirades, spouting diatribes about the other's faults/mistakes/offenses, etc., all are very hurtful to others.
It is a childish, stupid way to try to control others. There is no evidence that it helps control others, beyond a short term burst at most.
Much as second hand smoke hurts others, even while just sitting in a car with a person who is negatively evaluating other drivers as having committed offenses, being rude, deliberately cutting them off, being stupid. Such behaviors move others thoughts to the negative side - and who would want to ruin another's happiness deliberately? Calling clerks incompetent and asking what's wrong with other people, even just focussing on what's wrong (with a hotel, food, life, something done, etc.) pollutes the psychological air and drains the energy from other people.
"Controlling Anger' Vs. Not Having It In The First Place
Although we talk extensively about "controlling" anger, the only really good choice is to never, ever, ever express anger inappropriately. Indeed, though some believe that "venting" anger is healthy, it is actually proven not to be - it actually increases anger and the intensity of anger in the future. We must understand our emotions and go much deeper to what is causing the same reaction we are programmed to do from the caveman days when confronted by tigers who may kill us. We must commit to never, ever, ever damaging others and ourselves with the inappropriate expression of anger.
What It Does To The Brain
Angry expression creates stronger connections in the brain for anger and it depletes the connections for happiness (see the studies). It increases the likelihood of your finding fault, being hypersensitive, being frazzled, etc., while decreasing the ability for enjoyment and feeling good.
Too huge a cost. Too great a price to pay, especially for its imagined payoffs, which disappear in a short period of time.
