What this is about
It's all the same, with the same solution
With no one and nothing to blame or be the victim of, all that is left is taking the reins and making your life happy.
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
This is about the greatest mistake we make in our lives - to assume that it is about "out there". But it is actually "in here" (inside oneself), where oneself is "cause in the matter".
And as a child, we find a way to absolve ourselves of responsibility, so that we are not "at fault", since we would lose the love of those who we are dependent on to feed us. "The fault" is "out there".
Part of this is based on the child's idea that the child is powerless therefore the abiliity to act is "out there", where someone else has more power and is more effective. Other people are, therefore, "at cause" over what happens in the child's life.
The problem is that we keep playing our old recordings, ones that are incorrect and based on child reasoning and knowledge.
It is not a good idea to live based on unreasoned beliefs based on inadequate knowledge, so it is recommended that you stop that! (Duh!)
Changing the beliefs that support the idea of blame is absolutely essential. Those beliefs are central to virtually the whole unhappiness game. (See How To Create Unhappiness.) To do this, read The Reasoning Behind No-Blame and keep on until you fully understand it. You must persist in understanding this, so you should also read the following sections related to blame:
IT'S ALL THE SAME, WITH THE SAME SOLUTION
UNDERSTAND FIRST THE MECHANISM, CORRECT THE BELIEFS
- AND THE SOLUTION BECOMES AUTOMATIC AND EASY
The fault paradigm underlies all unhappiness and the false beliefs that we torture or limit ourselves with. And please know that this comes in equivalent forms:
FAULT = CRITICISM = BLAME = RESENTMENT = ANGER = FEAR
= VICTIM THINKING = NO RESPONSIBILITY
You might not think that fear belongs here, but it is actually the cause underlying them all. Legitimate fear only occurs in very few actually threatening situations. The rest is all created out of the fear of not being able to handle undesired outcomes and on powerlessness and dependency beliefs (i.e. victim). Anger is a secondary emotion, designed to motivate someone to overcome a threat.
One irony is that we "blame" ourselves, as if we are another person. We "fault" ourselves and judge ourselves to be "bad" in some form or another.
In relationships, we set up another as a target for anger/resentment/impatience. Since resentment, being judmental, and anger are all from the same place, it would be useful for you to read the section on Anger. Then read Resentment., on the anger page, with some of it in this section, too. Anger is a form of negative communication; see that section also. Note that: Blame is the opposite of responsibility - see the Responsibility page, under Life Management, Power In Life.)
To have a really good grasp of a topic, you must read more than a snippet here and there. To really get your arms around this and to stop blaming forever, read all of these. (Also, you can get counseling assistance and/or a qualified life coach.) To learn adequately you need to follow the Completion principle, one of the power (in life) principles.
what should you change for a much better life and relationship?
and resentment and anger will also fall by the wayside, not to mention self-criticism.
PSYCHOLOGY OF IT ALL, THE SAME SOLUTION - Learn this first, of course.
THE JUDGE/CRITIC - This is a great deal of the basis for psychology. Learn to handle
this and your relationship with yourself and others will dramatically improve.
(See also the Criticism, Blame, Negative Communication section under
basis for blaming. Stopping it is a key part of feeling better about oneself and having
much better, more rewarding relationships.
themselves as having power from the anger, usually they are actually operating from a
much better and save it!
terrible burden and a waste of time can be eliminated here.
but it is actually communicating something else.
Anger, Thoughtless Reactivity, Blame, Resentment, and Criticism
needs to be understood first and then we go about solving it forever.
Cleaning Up Your Part Of It
*Judging - "Pejorative" judging can be eliminated completely. Complaining - A senseless, low power, childish way to try to achieve an objective.
Dumb and Dumber contribute their message and how the Adult in one can handle
that for a better relationship!
energy, so much alienation, so much unneeded unhappiness. It's time to stop this!
On The Receiving End: