I considered whether this section belonged in the Relationship section (as it kills relationships) or in the Psychology section (as it is the source of most unhappiness).  So, I referenced it in the Relationship navigation bar, but separated it into it own special section.

Any criticism, blaming, complaining, controlling, lack of self confidence, anger, etc., is based on the thinking involved in the "victim syndrome".

When we free ourselves up from the erroneous belief related to this area, our lives and our effect on others close to us become immensely better

Unless you are enlightened fully, if you think you aren't part of this, you're believing in something that is not true, so you should read this to see why.  And take the Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? rating sheet.

Even those who believe they are "strong" but who also express disgust or anger (which is blame based) strongly or control others are stuck in this syndrome. 

Anybody judging anybody as wrong or less than is definitely a player in the game.

Those who are "all together" and "cool" who gossip are also playing in the victim game.

Those who are incredibly accomplished, with the highest standards, and who seek to have others measure up to those standards are playing the victim game.  (Resentment is a killer of people and relationships.)

Even a person who is "totally selfless" and there for others is acting as a victim and probably also damaging those who are closest to him or her (for lack of boundaries is a sign of victim thinking). 

Why do people believe this?

We simply learn this as a child and then we continue without questioning it.  We fail to realize that the conclusions were made by a young person with inadequate life knowledge and without full logic capabilities. 

And why don't they learn to operate/live at a higher level?

1.  They aren't aware of it, so they don't do anything.  (Or they believe this is
    simply the way it is. Or they believe they can't or don't need to relearn it.)
2.  They don't think they have the time for all this "growth crap" (or some other
    nonsensical justification.

You don't not have the time to learn something so vital to life and to relationships.

If you learn this, I will absolutely guarantee that you will be more straight thinking, more effective, much happier, and that your relationship will improve dramatically.  You will even benefit others by being an example and a model for their own behavior. 


                    SEEING REALITY AND PERCEPTION AS OFTEN DIFFERENT A vital basic for all
                        life.  When learned, it makes a huge difference in saving effort and problems.
                    MAKE WRONGS - SPOTTING THEM, CLEANING THEM UP - This is the next level
                        basic that all people should learn.  It makes a huge difference in relationships and
                        making life easier.
                        Read in the Psychology section, EmotionManagement, Anger/Blame/Victim:
THE KEY:          No Blame - The Reasoning For - and make sure you totally understand (and
                            buy into) it.  Extremely important, even vital. 
                         to communicate cleanly in this manner makes the relationship much easier and
                         better.  (6 pages)  
                    CRITICISM, BLAME, AND RESENTMENT - Change from this killer of relationships
                          and of love and your life will transform.
                    COMPLAINING - Eliminate this totally and never again do this problem causer.                                   BEHAVIOR CHANGE REQUEST - This is a process for effectively allowing a behavior
                          change to occur in another without opposition or another problem occurring.                                 SETTING BOUNDARIES - Without this skill, you're likely to be subject to needless
                          "hurts".  Without training people to honor one's boundaries, they will step on your

    Consider reading also:  The asterisked * items, below.

(TO READ FOOTNOTES [they are vital] in a document on the internet, under "view", click print layout.  If that doesn't work, put cursor on the footnote number)

On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.


             All of these come from the same place and are often heavily related to anger or hate, but
             are ultimately just a form of defense that is dysfunctional and harmful to others, to yourself,
             and especially to relationships.  Eliminating this juvenile way of behaving and reacting, as
             much as possible, from your life is ESSENTIAL!

             SEE ALSO:  The personal psychological components of this under Overall Psychology,
                Learning (Overview) Module, specifically "Judge/Critic" and "No-Blame - The Reasoning

                    Abuse - Let's Be Clear On What Abuse Is - Lack of clarity here allows abuse to
                       continue where it shouldn't be allowed!
                    Setting Boundaries - You are the one that teaches another how to treat you.
                    Stopping The Poor Treatment From Another - The Sound of One Hand Clapping - A
                       very effective way of stopping abuse of any sort.

            BLAME, CRITICISM, FORGIVENESS - This relates to setting up another as a target for
                anger, so refer also to Psychology, Emotion Management and specifically to Anger
                Closely related also is resentment, below.  This is a form of negative communication; see
                that section also.  Blame is the opposite of responsibility - see the Responsibility page,
                under Life Management, Power In Life.  Moved to new page:  Blame, Criticism,

               Right/Wrong And Blame - Dancing As A Metaphor - Actual situation showing how
                        Dumb and Dumber contribute their message and how the Adult in one can handle
                        that for a better relationship!                  

             Negative Communication - General

                    Gossip - One of the very damaging practices that people get sucked into, lowering their
                        whole emotional tone level though seemingly harmless and innocent.  Taken from a
                        great summary, with permission.
                    Negative Communication And Its Costs - Make some decisions around this
                    Negative Communication That Is Unacceptable With No Intent Of Progress - Give this
                        to your partner to stop all negative, unproductive communication.
                    The Minimum For A Relationship To Work - A 5 To 1 Positive To Negative Ratio -
                        Be careful not to go below this.  Your partner may still stay, but the relationship
                        quality will not be good!!!!

             Resentment, The Relationship Killer   

                    Resentment - The Resentment Calculator - Rate the degree to which you are a
                       resenter and then make a decision on what would work for you.
                    Resentment - The Relationship Killer - Let go of any of this or it will do damage to you
                       and the other person.  Note where resentment is on the Love-Hate scale.
                        ALL THE SAME SOLUTION    - A special section to learn and rid yourself of this
                        problem forever.

             Victim - A whole new section was created on this, as it is a prime cause of unhappiness
                          and loss of power in life. (Click on "Victim")  It is under Psychology, You'll see
                          these same pieces there, plus a few others.

                          See also Responsibility Vs. Victimhood  - A Look At Being Powerful, Or Not, which
                          is, believe it or not, in the Life Management section on Being Powerful.

                  *Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? -  Changing things begins with the
                        realization of where you are on the scale and comparing it to where you would want
                        to be (fully responsible works best!).
                   Victimhood - The Signs And The Pathway Out - Doing this will dramatically increase
                        your power in life and your ability to cause your own happiness.
                   Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor Trap? - Choose to rescue or be a victim, then you'll find
                        yourself switching to persecutor or one of the other roles!   Be that or be "at cause"
                   *When You're Hurt, Dear, Let's Remember And Love And Handle It With Love - When
                       we feel "hurt" or are arguing, we need to step back and ask what we want and then
                       address it in a way that works for both of us.  


Overview Discussion 
Grounding Booklet
Individual pieces on 
   Boundaries and Abuse - Applies to more people than one thinks; not just physical.
    BLAME, CRITICISM, FORGIVENESS - Crucial to understand this.  See also Anger.
    Negative Communication
    Resentment, The Relationship Killer
    Responsibility Vs. Victimhood - Under Life Management, Power In Life, it will change
        your personal power dramatically.
    Victim - The source of all of these behaviors - and most people don't realize they are operating
                    this way!

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