No arms, no legs.
Rejected by parents at birth…
“I’d be happy if only I had arms and legs.”
Ok, now what?
Create a happy life!
NO ARMS, NO LEGS
Nick Vijicic: Born without arms or legs, he learned to accept what he could not control and focus instead on what he could. From there he built a life wherein he was independent and a life that was rich and fulfilling…wherein he became a “true model for anyone seeking true happiness.”
He developed a life of self-sufficiency, one not based on comparison with others or with some artificial way life “should” be.
Reading his memoir (at age 27) "Life Without Limits," people might ask “what right do I have to be disgruntled, to feel bad or feel inferior." If they look at Helen Keller’s life, then they can further see that a good life can be created virtually no matter what.
Virtually no matter what I lose, I will be ok, definitely, as others have done it and so can I. You’ll always recover and have enough to create a life – if you live “in reality”.
A TALK WITH MYSELF
Now, let’s define “OK” , as long as I have the power to do something, as opposed to being able to do nothing.
If I can know that I can virtually no matter what be ok, then I need not live in fear of the future and worry that “I’ll be screwed if something bad happens.” I can just rely on my basic human ability to deal with “something bad” and I can know that people both badly overestimate the “badness” of a possible future and vastly underestimate their ability to deal with it. “ The only “problem” exists in one’s believing something untrue and then creating a loop of “ain’t it awful” – all stuff that is just made up and only existent in one’s mind. In the real world, you’ll be fine and capable of creating a Life Without Limits (the title of Nick’s book and the theme of his life).
There is nothing to guard against (other than a few common sense items). There is just a passing inconvenience at worst.
THE SEARCH FOR "WORTHY"
It is foolish, and unhappiness producing, to compare oneself to others or to any artificial standard that cannot be supported by facts and logic. Although it is helpful in some situations, comparing favorably to others might add some credibility and some possible payoff, but operating from that point of view is extremely damaging. It is illogical to base one’s worth on the fictional “standards” and how well one should compare with others. It can bring envy, undue competition with another. There are always lots of people better or worse than you in each area. So what? What does it matter?
I see that many people have this wired in with “being loved”. If I am worthy, I’ll be loved. If I am not worthy, I won’t be loved. A lot of this is thought in one’s brain in vague terms, but it is there. Love does not come from that source and people should know that. And the rest of the conversation, the part that makes it a huge deal is that we also have this crazy idea still that if we are not loved we will not be fed and we’ll die. It sounds silly when it is said explicitly, but it is the vague idea that holds the huge fear in place, in our imagination. You can tell how great the stake is by the size of the reaction – if it is big it is from a big stake – like losing life . Dependency.
However, it is interesting to see what Sonja Lyubomirsky says in her top-rated book “The How Of Happiness”: “However, when we asked the participants our carefully prepared questions about social comparison, the happy folks didn’t know what we were talking about! (in terms of caring about that)” Instead, they appeared to use their own internal standards to judge themselves (e.g. how good they sensed they were at math or cooking or conversation, rather than let others’ performance influence their feeling about themselves (e.g. , not falling prey to thoughts like "Ella is so much more knowledgeable than I am; therefore I must be mediocre").
What can I do to feel good about life? Do I have to be better than a certain level of other people to be worthy? Doesn’t that question point out the absurdity of choosing some level that somehow we know is right and that everybody below that has no worth (if we don’t when we’re below the level) What if I didn’t make these artificial standards up and just lived my life, installing things in it that I value and enjoy? Then I would be living a rational sensible life that is in my control and which can be very rich.
THE TRUTH IS....
I can learn something
I can take my “gifts” (those talents or things I tend to be good at) and use them for my own benefit and for others.
I can feel better in life by contributing to others in some way, preferably using a talent of mine. Cheering someone up, flowing love to other people, doing something kind.
See the list The Master List Of What I Can Do To Fill My Life. Note that what fills up life is that which one can control and is not dependent upon "bonuses” outside of our control, such as people approving of us. However, to some extent we can cause the conditions for others to feel liked and supported by ourselves, so that they would then be more inclined to like us (or just because we like making people feel better) – we have the power in general, with the exceptions being the odd person, to establish a good reputation, social skills, flow love….
Note that I can still do a lot even if highly handicapped – if I let go of the absurd “I should be better” idea…
"Oh, my mood is a bit off. Oh, that’s so terrible." No, that's a part of life, of a natural flow of our human body and mind....
For My Reminders Book
What right do I have to be disgruntled, feel bad, or feel inferior based on my physical and mental levels, if Helen Keller and Nick Vicijic have created happy, fulfilled lives?
My only choice is to take the reins of my life and create it, not hoping for someone else to do it for me or to approve of me. I can do it. Others of less ability have done it, so I can, too. I need only target that which works and not spend my time in what doesn't work.
See Contents/Links Happiness and read (and perhaps copy for your Reminders Notebook) the articles of interest. Read alot of them, so it will be clear and impressed upon your memory (to replace the misconceptions!)