Discussion, high points
What fear is
Undesired outcomes and their true effect
Evidence to the contrary of those beliefs
This, too, shall soon pass
MY BASE FEARLESS STATEMENT
I am dependent on no other person or circumstances.
I am fully capable of fully providing all I need and want and creating happiness no matter what.
I have no inner fears and I accept no judgments. I know who I actually am.
I have decided to choose happiness and love no matter what.
I make decisions only from happiness and love.
I am the creator of it all.
DISCUSSION, HIGH POINTS
WHAT FEAR IS
Fear = feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger. (See Fear section, of course!)
It is danger in the real world, the physical world, for anything else is, as in Buddhism, just a "mental construct" - made up in the mind, fabricated, fictional, not real - but somehow in our training we believe it is real. Yes, we must re-train ourselves to "grok" this fully, but the time is well worth it, as we'll free up the mind from useless repeated concern, so that there is plenty of space for appreciation of life and for creating what we actually want.
Given that this is the definition, we simply need to discriminate more about what danger really is, so that we eliminate all things we are interpreting as being threatening that are not threatening and/or assign them the proper threat level instead of exaggerating them (using,say, a scale of 1 to 10, with 7 and above being worth labelling an important enough threat for concern). The Fear section is what will help you do that; you might read, in that section, Threats And Fear.
UNDESIRED OUTCOMES AND THEIR TRUE EFFECT
However, the major fear that most of us spend alot of energy on and create unhappiness about is fear that we will not be able to stand a particular outcome and especially not be able to handle it well. See Undesired Outcomes in life.
Essentially, we are creating our world based on fear of feeling fear, which, if we use our higher brain, we can see has no useful purpose. In essence, as in Buddhism, we receive a "dart" (something that happens that penetrates us) and then we add a needlesss "second dart" to create unnecessary suffering that does not contribute to our survival nor our happiness!!!!
EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY OF THOSE BELIEFS
However, note that you have handled "bad" outcomes before and you've survived.
In fact, if you observe objectively, you've survived lots and lots of so-called "bad" outcomes, which means that, from a higher perspective, those "bad" outcomes caused no noticeable damage in an actual sense. You only thought they did or would. You came out just fine.
There was no or little physical damage. The only "real" damage is that which is "out there" in the real world, in reality. There is no damage to yourself if there is no physical damage. Any emotional pain, beyond physical pain's effects, you created yourself in a "make-believe" world, which is by definition an illusion that was not real and was not necessary. Learning not to create those illusions and to not create emotional pain from those illusions is the key process on the road to happiness and a great life. It must absolutely be done!
THIS, TOO, SHALL SOON PASS
You can, in fact, stand those unpleasant times [though most of the really bad ones are ones you worsened by your thinking] - and note that they all soon pass. But, until you fix that fact clearly in mind, the vague threat will still inappropriately be signaled by the dumber brains.
THE ACTUAL CAUSE OF THE "PAIN"
Often the anticipation of the outcome causes more pain than the outcome. In some cases the pain was quite substantial, but in very, very, very, very few circumstances compared to the total.
[Note that I am talking about the pain itself, such as loss or a physical hurt, and not about what one often adds to that, in effect making an initial something into a horrible thing that shouldn't have happened and creating a "poor me" out of it. This is what is called stupidly but voluntarily adding suffering. Of course, you don't think it is voluntary, but you actually do have a choice about it and you chose the option that had you suffer, for whatever convoluted reason.] It is the non-acceptance of the fact that we will have some pain and/or undesired outcomes that causes more suffering. If we simply say "well, that is the outcome and I don't like it but I do accept that that is what actually exists, so now what can I do about it?", then the pain is less and definitely is not added to! (See the "breakthrough process", under Life Management, Problem-Solving, Problem/GoalSetting/Breakthrough Form.)
RESISTING CREATES AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF DAMAGING PAIN
If we simply accept what is so, then the pain of resistance and wanting things to be other than they are no longer is created. Note, of course, that what already is cannot be other than what already is. Wishing it were otherwise doesn't change what is. Resisting it doesn't change what is and it only creates unhelpful emotional pain (and tension!). These are what one might call "fruitless victim behavior". See the article in the Suffering and Struggle section: My Enlightenment Experience Being Sick In India, Gratitude And Non-Suffering.
THE FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HANDLE THE OUTCOME
We suffer over and over again by re-creating the fear that we will not be able to handle the outcome (in addition to misestimating the impact of the outcome).
We would, of course, not suffer in fear of not being able to handle the outcome if in fact we knew that we could rely on ourselves to do the best we can about what occurred (and/or will occur) at the time and then accept the consequences, to which we would adapt to with confidence.
Part of having that confidence comes from committing to and knowing one can create (choose) happiness no matter what.
The odd thing is that our anticipation of our not being able to respond at all well to the outcome is almost always an exaggeration, as we actually do better than we anticipate. We simply need to know this, as that perception will help to at least "lessen" the exaggeration and thus lessen the fear.
Note that to be able to choose (virtual) fearlessness, one must choose to be a total non-victim. Being or feeling like a victim is the #1 source behind most of our unhappiness. (Read, under Relationships, Communication, Criticism/Blame/Complaining/Victim, the Victim section, especially Where Are You On The Victim Vs. Cause Scale? .)
Bon voyage, to a new life of (virtual) fearlessness and the choice to be happy no matter what.
SOME READINGS DIRECTLY ON FEARLESSNESS:
Of course, you'll want to study the section on Fear also.
a Fearlessness course attendee (see www.option.org).
from a busy mind at 4 a.m. Wednesday of a full week Fearlessness course
(option.org), in which the author realizes that there is no usefulness to fear and that
there is actually nothing to lose and nothing that isn't workable for creating happiness
from. See Option.org for the workshop or CD on this.
my continued fearlessness and my realization of what is unloseable.
and resist it. How can we change that unnecessary pain we inflict on ourselves?
For "getting it" through using the principle of total immersion and focus, participate in the week long Fearless course at The Option Institute (www.option.org). Ordering the CD of excerpts from the class would also be a good idea.