THE PROCESS FOR FORGIVING
THE PROCESSING FORM
Complete the following (the whole thing, as you've got to be complete). Estimated time: approx. 15 min.
Estimated value: Priceless
WHAT HAPPENED WAS:
I was: __ betrayed __ lied to; __ invalidated; __ ____________
HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT OR ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON:
I am upset at a level of ___ (1-10, 10 as the highest)
I resent it I am angry about it I am hurt by I am sad I am _____
THE PAIN THIS CREATED FOR ME WAS BASED ON:
THIS CURRENT EVENT CREATED IN ME
___ Some fears:
__ I can't trust people; __ life is uncontrollable; __ people can hurt me;
___ Some doubts:
__ Am I too sensitive?
__ I feel bad this person didn't respect me.
__ If this person loved me, he/she would have known this would hurt me.
__ The other person should have done as I expected.
__ Maybe I'm not being as nice grown up understanding as I should be.
__ I'm not so good with people
AN EARLIER SIMILAR EVENT that might have originated some fear around this could be:
ACCEPTANCE AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:
__ I choose to accept myself and my feelings in this. __ I am, after all, human with limited awareness.
The part I played in letting this occur or letting it continue:
___ I own my part in this.
I acknowledge that I didn't get what I wanted/expected, which was:
To feel: __ special; __ appreciated; __ loved; ___ safe; __ happy; __ supported;
THE OTHER PERSON
From the other person's perspective, I imagine that he/she was trying to fill, with this behavior, a need of his/her own, which was probably:
___ I acknolwedge that the person was doing only the best he/she knew how at the time, however workable or not workable it was.
___ I forgive this person fully, as a human being just doing the best he/she could do at the time givern his/her limited awareness.
CHECKING BACK IN WITH MYSELF
___ I love and accept myself for doing the best I could at the time.
___ I recognize that I am responsible for everything in my life and that incidents don't alway happen as I would like and people don't always do what I would prefer, but that is just the way things work.
___ I accept that.
___ As I check my feelings around this, I no longer feel any intensity around it. (If not, do more work around it, get help, anything to complete it.)
__ I now let all of this go.
__ I appreciate this other person for being a fallible human being caught up in his/her needs and sometimes missing doing what works for me.
__ I completely forgive _________________.
I __ love, __ like, __ appreciate ___ ______ this other person.
And ___ I will communicate this to the other person if it is helpful.
I GAINED FROM THIS
And what I could learn from this for a better future is:
Is there anything else with regard to this that was a problem for me? Anything else I should address or do?
How else could I get what I want, acknowledging that it is not wise to try to control others to get it?:
How could I give it to myself?: