I'm creating and directing and starring in my movie.  I need to decide what I want this movie of my life to be.


So Far:  So far, written as a tragedy, full of regrets, seeing none of what is good.  Yet she doesn't give up and keeps on trying to fix things; she is inspiring at times and feels defeated at times.  She is close, but has failed to complete the necessary steps at the level of depth needed.  She is currently in a no-win, unwinnable game that she has created for herself, one of perfection and unreachable standards, depending for success on uncontrollable factors.

New version to be created:  Barbara choosing to complete on the pieces, constructing a whole and complete character, the one that was already there but with new habits and beliefs.  Her newly created game is now very winnable.  And she is living an inspired life, touching the lives of many others, as she lives her discovered purpose in life.

The suspense in the film:  Will she choose to commit to completing what needs to be done in order to set up a whole new magnificent foundation?  Will she complete the last few yards of the race, having run most of the way, and only needing completion now.

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode...


Producer  Writer   Co-Writers   Director    Casting    Lead   Other cast members

  Me           Me           ?              Me           Me         Me


    Who to write out of the movie.  How to arrange for their departure.
    Actors to add in. 
    Desirable prospective scenes


The past co-writers so far have been

The ghost of Past Mom, dominantly, accepting scripts without alot of editing.

The new assistant co-writers are


As director, I need to understand and accept each character in my drama.  Then I need to inspire them and direct them to play the role as I desire it.  I may also have to bring in new people to fill new roles.

Mature, Happy Barbara:  Need to expand this role, when this character shows up it is inspiring.  A very capable character not yet fully developed and expressed.   This character shows up once in a while, and then there is a morphing back into Little Barbara.  She has superior intelligence and is quite well-spoken and gracious when she is fully present (i.e. not slipping into being Little Barbara).  This character is weakly and vaguely fleshed out, fairly indistinct as of now.

Little Barbara:  This character is a powerless, dependent little child wanting to be rescued, yearning for fantasies to be filled, yet so disappointed.  Little Barbara shows up looking like Big Barbara, but not feeling like she is big; consequently she has to spend alot of her life on "appearing big and competent" (looking good) and paying hyperattention to what others think of her (especially "authority" figures and "accomplished people" to whom she compares herself, in a no-win game.  Archetype: Daughter/victim of a Jewish mother, Victim.  Her character is quite fleshed out in this.  See her Top 10 Tunes (beliefs) especially and link into other pieces from Detailed Contents Of Barbara's Journey

Internal Parent I.  Archetype: Jewish mother.  Personality:  Perfectionist, elitist, critic, motivator-manipulator, tough love.  See the details on this character:  Mother.
This character was not just in the past, but is included in the current movie in this series as a "still-alive" voice of rebuke and criticism, a standard provider that Barbara can use to beat herself up with.  This is part of why Barbara can't see herself in a balanced view, nor accept herself as being a wonderful person totally deserving of happiness and self-love.

Internal Parent II.  Kind, patient father, but a bit of a wimp when her mother was involved (where he gave up, resignedly tolerating it).  He buys into the cultural imperative that intellectual and practical success is necessary.  He is very helpful at times, and powerful at times.

Sibling rival:  Brother, Samuel.  He is totally neurotic, totally successful, brilliant, rich, and probably overstressed and unhappy.

Competitor I, Darlene - The neighbor's daughter, who was held up as an example of the right way to be.  For the flavor of this, read Rageful Envy

Competitors - A changing cast, but a large one.  She alternates between wanting to feel like their peer and fearing their rejection, as if she were a child.  This is a dramatization of the carrot tied to a stick tied to the head of a donkey, never able to get to the carrot, except for infrequent nibbles when it happens to fly back to her.

The helpful psychologist, Fred:  He has been on board, as a "go to" person for Barbara, for over 15 years.  He is a psychologist with a good perspective.  He is also knowledgeable about Landmark Education, so that he can guide her "ontologically" besides psychologically.  He has some religious perspectives Barbara doesn't agree with, plus a few limited points of view.  He has been a wonderful resource and supporter for Barbara, like no other in her life.

The amateur synthesistKeith, pretty smart and very intelligent, he doesn't have things organized well enough to be nearly as helpful as he could be.  He fouls things up.  Keith triggers some old patterns in her.   She admires his intelligence, yet is critical of his writing skills when he has "let her down" in any way.   Little Barbara has created an idealized version of Keith, incorporating his very kind qualities and intelligence but attributing all sorts of hero characteristics plus add in a fantasy of what it would be like to be together, although it is now not an issue, as she has separated it out and it does not get in the way of working together.  

Loving Parent:  A character to be created.  This one is put in there to "re-parent" Little Barbara in the manner a Nurturing Rational Adult would.  Who this character is needs to be fleshed out more in order for it to be effectively played, plus it needs to be written into more scenes and situations.