Not yet written, but posted to add to later
About her conversation
These are the top 10
A few affirmations
WE CANNOT ALLOW THE MONKEYS TO RUN OUR LIVES!
ABOUT HER CONVERSATION
Barbara was originally not clear that what she was saying was not "the truth", as she thought it was, at least at some level.
She didn't know that all things are neutral (except for physical hurt and death) and that we make up the meaning and then experience the uncomfortable chemicals.
She was absolutely convinced that her "truths" (beliefs) were true, although she would say she learned "intellectually" that they were not - almost as if dismissing the higher brain's ability to discern and think at a higher level!
We had to lay out each of her key thoughts and beliefs and then address the logic and illogic behind them and create a basic understanding of what is actually true in life.
Then we reconstructed her beliefs and created a new group of top tunes, with her memorizing them after repeating them over and over.
The key was not her affirming them (although that was vital also) but her actually understanding the logic and reasoning behind each one.
Her tapes were quite common for us humans, but she was so hypervigilant and so focused on how her life was so bad and believed so strongly that she never could live up to any expectations. The supporting pillar-beliefs were so strong (even though untrue) that we had to go back and do a basic retraining of her view of reality, which I believe is done brilliantly by the Barksdale materials, which she ultimately will study, though she initially trivialized it, needing to understand it better. The Realities Of Human Behavior is a particularly valuable initial reading.
What she didn't realize is that much of what she was telling herself was not ok about herself, and that she shouldn't suffer from, was something common to all members of the human race. So her belief that it was so terrible amounted to a belief that multiplied the negative effects of the other beliefs. Unplugging the ("it's so terrible") multiplier was of great help, but it was a struggle for awhile, as she held onto this well-engrained belief. Getting rid of the exaggerative language was also helpful, as we eliminated "severe", "tried it a million times", and a few other extremes from her verbal languaging. (Possibly she believed she needed to exaggerate in order to get people's attention in order to get their sympathy.)
The deconstruction process consists primarily of:
Initially identifying what the beliefs are. She wrote those down in a journal.
But ultimately those beliefs must be deconstructed and to do that there is some learning and some understanding that is required, as we cannot buy into something that doesn't make sense. (The "Is it true?" test will be used alot.) The ultimate result is that we "dispute" what is irrational and end up with what is irrational.
Then, though variable in order with the next step, for immediate implementation set affirmations/statements that are the opposite idea.
THESE ARE THE TOP 10
Link to the page for discussion by clicking your mouse on the red underlined links.
I am unworthy.
I must help others to be worthy.
I must accomplish to prove myself (I am what I accomplish)
I am not deserving...
I must have approval of others to be ok, which requires
That I must be highly intelligent
I must be liked
I must be smart.
I cannot lower my expectations to be so low...
I am not capable enough, I'm inadequate to accomplish what I need to accomplish. This is a version of I'm powerless and a misperception, as one is capable enough to live a decent life.
as I will panic. Since I panic in any situation that matters (= where other people are better than me), I'll never have relationships, so therefore I'll always be lonely.
I can't be happy being alone (not having enough friends, etc.) I need
Poor me (I'm powerless, helpless, a little person dependent on others...)
I feel so helpless, that I'll never get anywhere, so I'll suffer acutely.
Guilt and shame, I am a bad little girl because...I'm burdened with guilt and shame.
The future will not be better, I'm in despair
My life is a train wreck and I've blown the past 6 decades.
Life should be different, perfect, as I should not have flaws.
I am so conditioned that I can't help my holding my breath, shallow breathing and tension, as I had to freeze to be safer when I was a child in a house people were out of control in. (Some truth of the mechanism but not recognizing that so much of it is self-caused and therefore controllable; a version of powerlessness is imbedded in this.) Hyperventilation Curable; My Commitment To Stop The Hyperventilation Process (an alternative possible agreement, objected to as not feasible because of the loneliness she would feel).
REASONS TO HOLD, REASONS TO LET GO
She will hold onto these, as if they are part of her identity, her needing to be helpless and having to be rescued. But she has also said: It makes perfect sense to give up on life because it is miserable. Look at how I am thinking. I have to let up on myself and learn to love myself and move forward.
And she has made lots of other good observations when she is in a higher state of thinking, so she "knows" a great deal of what is right, but we need to anchor it strongly, more strongly than the anchoring of all the monkey mind or child beliefs.
These are just a few. Each belief set will have the new beliefs in it, which must be stated in the affirmative and repeated. So, see those sections.
So, whatever all the truth, untruth, illusion, etc. etc. of life is, I LOVE LIFE, GIVE THANKS FOR IT EVERYDAY, and expect to be happy.
I am committed and am creating a solid, healthy life philosophy. And from that I will contribute greatly to others.
I am, at this point in life, finally putting together all the pieces. This is the moment*, when it all comes together...this is my moment!