First, know What Reality Is and how it works - and The Physics Of Life - and the basic truth that everything is sequential, in a chain of causes.

There are other equivalent words for a chain or a sequence:

     Routines = programs = procedures = processes = sequence of data


   Perception,                 Signaling  -->         Emotion         -->  Decide -->  Act --> Result
Matching patterns -->    (chemical)      (Relieve discomfort)

Intervene as early as you can in the causal chain to get the best result!!!!**

Perception (and beliefs) corrections produce the best result, but we can intervene after that but only with pre-set automatic replacement routines - or our goose is cooked.  Changing the routine, smartly, is always the desired strategy, if one wants to live a very happy life.

Make the change earlier and you'll not spend so much time dealing with symptoms and/or undesired results!_

All these behavioral/emotional problems are solvable a piece at a time IF we follow the change process.  When we don't, we fail and come to the wrong conclusions about changing and about ourselves - the key is to use the right strategy, which is the one specified herein.   Essentially, we must use The Skill And The Process For Effective Change - And A Vital To Success In Life.


If the current routine     -->     Undesired result,

Then change the routine -->    Desired result


Yet people don't even do this, leaving the same "routine" in place, getting the same undesired results.

A "routine" is an order in which certain things are done.  They are the same as "procedures", which we all have, whether implicit or designed more on purpose with greater clarity.  See Procedures And Checklists, For Maximum Productivity, Greater Ease, Greater Effectiveness . When we deliberately change a step and input something new, we change the result of the whole causal chain, often for much, much better results if we really apply our higher brain in the design.

And each step is totally changeable, so the whole chain is alterable!!!!


THE PIECES                                 

I. Perception - Matching

Event --> Brain "sees" it --> Primitive brain looks for "matching pictures" --> Finds matches -->

II. Send signals, "communicates"
Primitive brain Implements routine:

Chemical signal   -->   Body feels sensation   -->        Data bits occur in brain
  to "handle" it                                                      (thought program, neuronal patter)                     

III. Receives signal, has emotion

                Body parts and/or mind                   
          notice the signal of discomfort                   --> "Desire" to relieve discomfort
               (a feeling, sensation)

IV.  Decide  to relieve discomfort, decide what to do 

Decide to act -->  What results do I want? --> 
           In perspective?

V. Implement pre-set up routine

Implement routine believed to get "right result" --> Get right results
                                                                              Or wrong result --> Go back and correct
                                                                                                             the erroneous step(s)

See The Discussion Of The Causal Chain For Behavior - From The Primitive "Control" To True Management  to understand more of the parts. 


At each step that can be seen by the conscious mind, we can decided if there is a correction needed.  We have to look and assess the effect of each part of the chain.

1.  We feel the "bad chemicals" and it appears to be out of line with reality (not interpreted by the mind correctly as a threat or at the right level of a threat or a need).

We learn what is true and actual, make sure we understand it thoroughly, then we input the corrected information and practice it as needed to have it fully installed and usable by the automatic brain.  If we notice the chemical reaction is still too severe, we then choose to throw out the corrected information to calm the primitive brain down.

Essentially (see the diagram), we change the "thought program".

One key general program that will apply across the board is "this is too great a reaction, therefore it must be based on exaggerated and false information!"  Or simply, we see it, and say "This is BS. Stop this here, immediately."  There are very, very few things that warrant "big reactions".

2.  Intervene or interrupt the feeling cycle by inserting in calming type statements, alternative behaviors, calming (breathing, relaxing, etc.) actions

3. We intervene by engaging the higher brain to make decisions, by asking the question "What results do I want and what will the initial reactionary behavior get me instead?" 

"I am not my thoughts.  My thoughts or even my body chemicals are not commands, they are only signals.  I can then choose what I will do, as I am in charge.

"Then, what shall I do to get my most desired results?" . 

And then I choose my behavior (which I've pre-thought-out when I addressed the behavioral chain to solve the problem of not using the right behavior and/or overreacting in terms of severity of the emotions (emotional pain, etc.)

4.  There are supporting beliefs that I can use.

These are established one by one.  There will be several "pillar" beliefs for each major belief.
I correct any erroneous pillar beliefs for the erroneous belief that causes or allowed the problem.  Then I fully install (practice, train) the new pillar beliefs and the major belief.   Examples of major beliefs are:

"I am in charge of my life.  I am a powerful being.  I can choose well simply by thinking it out with my higher brain and following the behavior change process worksheet."

"I know I can handle this, as I've looked at the details and decided the new beliefs and the new bahaviors that I will use.  I have a strong strategy and strong components so I will get the result I want. "

Remember, this is all a mechanical process with identifiable parts that can be tested and realigned with what works better. All behaviors can be changed!


Read the actual discussion: Discussion Of Causal Chain For Behavior 

List out all of your painful or stressing "sentences" you tell yourself and the behaviors that are problems for you.  Then prioritize them.

Use The Behavior Change Process Worksheet.and/or The Belief Processing Forms (choose which, but the ABCD Rational Analysis forms are more usable) on the chosen problems.   The solutions will accumulate and often reinforce each other - and the problems will gradually all disappear.  Remember that there will probably be some learning that is needed, so do the reading on this site to go most directly to understanding - and if you want, mostly later, you might read specific books that I recommend..

Related discussion

Discussion Of Causal Chain For Behavior

Why We Do What We Do

Problem solving pieces

The Behavior Change Process Worksheet  

Belief Processing Forms - Choose which, but the ABCD Rational Analysis forms are more usable.

Remember, as with all that goes on in the world, this is strictly a mechanical process, with no ghosts, spirits, or mysterious forces involved. 

While we may not be able to see how the brain matches up with what occurred, we can deduce what it must have contained in order to produce the resulting emotions and actions.

All of the ways we can intervene are very "doable" by humans - and very learnable.  After all, they are just mechanics. 

There is some "wiring" for how to respond to a negative emotion.  That wiring will always be there, but we can control the emotion that triggers the response. We can use simple behavioral interventions and, most powerfully, we can input beliefs and perceptions and automatic reactions that will alter the emotion that results from them!

And we can control the behavior through methods of thinking and recalling key behavioral instructions.

There is nothing mysterious or undoable about these.  We can mechanically guarantee that this will work.