One "thinks" (believes) that something unpleasant could or will happen to oneself and, as we humans do, we tend to steel ourselves for it, often going into some level of fear - where we experience the predicted future that we do not want to experience. [Note the irony, that we are trying to avoid feeling bad in a situation but we end up feelng bad now, in advance!]

Well, part of growing up is learning to distinguish between what is realistically a threat and what isn't.  As we grow up, we stop believing in monsters in the closet - or do we just continue to create the equivalent?


Notice that with all of your fears that nothing actually happened "out there" in the real world.  All that happened was you had a thought and you believed it to be real and then you sent the message to the body and it responded to what you thought the threat to be.  It generated fight/flight emotions and/or readiness emotions like anxiety, getting ready for a threat (tensing up), preparing for the attack, etc.  

Just notice that there was no actual attack in the real world.  Nothing happened.

And that, though the feeling you conjured up was real, nothing real outside happened - which is the case 99% of the time.  So, if we know that, we can avoid 99% of such uncomfortable feelings and horrors. 


Just notice that though you were "rejected" (or not accepted) by someone that nothing actually happened "out there," in the real world.

Ah, but you say "no, something really did happen.  I was not accepted."  

Ok, well, point out in the physical world out there where that exists or did exist in any real form.  Was there any actual harm from being rejected? 

Or did you simply add meaning to it?  (If a person who accepts that people will not accept him and that it is merely a reflection of the other person and the other person's perception gives no meaning and spends no thought on it - there is nothing that happens emotionally - and what passed "out there" had no meaning and no impact.  He did not add the meaning, so he did not experience it the same as the other person.) 


Yes, there were chemicals emitted  in your physical body, so those chemicals were real.  They were real emotions (biochemical electrical sensations).  But the chemicals were caused by what you thought about the "not being accepted" - you thought that was a threat in some way, as there would be no other reason for the reaction.  If you didn't bother with the thought and didn't have it, then there would be no physical effect at all. 

The thing outside you, the event that happened, caused no change in itself, by its being there.  Other than what occurred and was made up in your head, you were the same after as you were before.   Nothing actually changed.    

The point is that something outside of you that is not a direct physical threat has no actual effect on you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Any physical effects were not created by the happening out there but were all created by what was conjured up in the brain.  There was never an actual threat of actual harm that existed or was foreordained.  You only imagined that it would  have some effect on you, such as that it would cause you not to survive if you're not loved - which is an outmoded thought that was real only in childhood.  That survival threat is not real now, so we do not need to make up things based on the belief that there is a threat.  

Since another person might have no reaction to the  event of not being accepted, there is no reality to there being an actual threat (out there) from the actual event of not being accepted.  


There is no threat and no effect in and of itself.  

It is only that you created a thought that you were threatened, which was obviously and definitely false, but you chose to believe it - and and making that choice to generate and entertain that thought caused the activation of your alarm system - another false alarm.   

And then you also made up (and piled on) that it was awful that you were feeling the discomfort from the effects of the false alarm - creating a second bad effect.  Which was needless and useless, since there was actually nothing that happened "out there", nothing happened in reality.  You only created a happening in your mind as an illusion you responded to - needlessly.  


So, stop doing that to yourself!   

Do not tolerate any longer making up that stuff and then reacting to it and making up even more stuff!  Stop.  Halt.  Desist.  It is unreasoned and unintelligent and useless - so don't do it anymore!

(Note that you are "safe" virtually all the time - and when there is an actual physical threat that is detectable your body and mind will react automatically to protect you - as that is wired in - you don't need to worry about being ready, as your body is always ready!)


Yes, there are things that do affect your life, but feeling bad about them or considering them to be something substantial is a matter of relativity:  how do we hold these relative to what is actually important or consequential.

If I make less money, then I simply make less money.   But what really matters is that I have enough food to eat, sufficient shelter, some time to read and/or have some sort of recreation.   The rest is simply optional - and, I assert, it doesn't really matter - at least not enough to get upset about it or to feel terrible about it or to fear it.  Above the baseline level, everything else does not really matter.  

Read Establishing Your "Baseline" and How Much Is Enough?   And, for heaven's sake, answer them, declaring that everything else is in the "so what?" category. 

Establishing Your "Baseline" 

How Much Is Enough?   - We set an imaginary fear/threat around this!

Threats And "Fear" - Differentiating As To What Is A REAL Threat - Most are not real, if you really think about it and its impact in the real world.

The skill to develop

The Choice And Reality Of "No Effect" - You Are Vulnerable To Virtually Nothing!