The Key To All Of Life
An Indication Of Maturity And Adult Capability
Making Better Choices
What It Includes
The Way To Emotional Intelligence
Testing Where You Are And Learning More
Books Recommended

Consider taking this Emotional Intelligence Test.


To get what we want in life, we must know how to control our emotions and their impact.  We must know it to the point that we are not only very knowledgeable, but drive it into our brain such that it is at our fingertips, available for use and for "agility" in thinking.  Like a running back in football, we must know all the basic moves so well that they are virtually "instinctual" - we do not need to try to think of them or the details in how to move, and this allows us to free our mind up for being more aware, getting a bigger picture, spotting opportunities and holes in the defense, etc.  

In our "lingo" in this field, we use the term "intelligence" instead of the actual case here, where we become so knowledgeable and well-trained that most of the process is automated and instinctual, available instantly for our application of the knowledge.

Being able to apply our knowledge to manage our emotions so that we have a stable foundation for getting the results/effects we want in life is what I call "emotional competency".  It is, indeed, the core of a great life.  Without it, your life will "suck" and you'll go nowhere or at least not very far in life.  As you get more of it, your life will rise to new levels.  And, certainly, we do not want to settle for less than living life at the highest level!!!! 

Doesn't that make sense?


This starts with awareness of self and how the emotions operate. 

It is an indication of “maturity”, shown by the ability to manage emotions, avoiding “reactivity” (anger, resentment, fear, etc.) and choosing emotions and attitudes that are appropriate for one’s own happiness and the happiness of others he/she interacts with.


Awareness of more alternatives and the ability to make better choices allows one to avoid the lower-awareness, quicker but harmful means of reducing/denying anxiety or discomforts and using drugs, smoking, drinking, or inappropriate eating.


This type of intelligence makes it easier to have discipline (directed action and focus), both psychologically (no suffering associated with it) and rationally (knowing that there is a worthy positive net result, and feeling good about that right now).   Read  Primitive Reaction Vs. Reasoning.

It includes one’s spirit (how one “feels” and how one seeks meaning and the fulfillment of one’s values).  One must know how to love and respect oneself unconditionally, avoiding self-criticism and criticism of others. 

It is characterized by openness and not being in fear or closed to new experiences.  As a result more alternatives and possibilities are generated and life becomes far more effective and fulfilling. 

The person is able to self-motivate and is not dependent on others’ approval.  He/she makes commitments judiciously, often saying no, and keeps virtually all commitments.  This fortifies one’s feeling good about oneself.

The emotionally intelligent person has compassion and is able to sense and understand others’ emotions and perspectives.  The ability to influence children to be emotionally healthy and productive is one of the greatest benefits of this type of intelligence.

More than any other type of intelligence this gives you the ability to experience life to its fullest


Learning is one of the basic parts of emotional intelligence, but it is remarkable how many people seem to be victims of their emotional impulses and their behavioral actions.   So, obviously, they are not choosing to learn.

Learning to intelligently identify and be aware of your emotions at the time and then to intelligently and effectively manage them is what will enable us to live a much better life.  Ignorance in this area will hinder your life, though there are many people who think they don't need it and deny that it will hinder their lives (out of ignorance, of course).


Go to this piece and test where you are on your intelligences:

Progress In Intelligences And Knowledge For Living Life” to see where you are at and where you might want to go.  Also included is “Emotional Intelligence In Action - Handling Anxieties And Relieving Stress”, below, the reasons you might put out to not bother to learn these, and the rating of where you are in the progress toward the intelligences and knowledge necessary for living life well.

     Emotional Intelligence In Action - Handling Anxieties And Relieving Stress -
       See what you are doing and might want to change, in terms of actions that
       are harmful or are beneficial.  A one page chart of the unproductive harmful
       action, the effect, the productive substitute action, and the effect of the latter.


Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Travis Bradberry, et.a.
Destructive Emotions, A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama, Daniel Goleman - On the meeting of Western scientists and the Dalai Lama and Buddhists organized by the Mind and Life Institute.  Quite illuminating on the brain and the emotions.


For the children

  Cultivating Emotional Balance - Endorsed by the Dalai Lama, they teach teachers
                          the theories and practices of psychology regarding emotional balance, including
                          cultivation of attention and qualities of loving-kindness, compassion, empathetic
                          joy and equanimity.
  Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies - A social and emotional learning program for children in
       grades K-6.
  New Haven Public Schools social development - Applied through grade 12.


Teaching character, in action:

KIPP schools, producing extraordinary results through hard work while learning character principles.  Underprivileged kids, significantly outperform peers in public schools by the end of year one.

Notes:   Emotional Intelligence, Helpguide