THE UNHAPPINESS GAP GRAPH
WHAT "SHOULD" BE ____________________
THE UNHAPPINESS GAP
WHAT "SEEMS" TO BE TRUE ABOUT WHAT IS SO ___________________
THE HAPPINESS ABUNDANCE GRAPH
WHAT SEEMS TO BE TRUE ABOUT WHAT IS SO ____________________
WHAT "SHOULD" BE ___________________
IT'S ALL A "VIEWPOINT", A "VIEWING POINT"
The unhappiness gap is created from the viewpoint of 'what's missing' rather than what is in existence. And 'what's missing' is not simply 'what's missing' but 'it's awful that it's missing'.
We set standards, ideals, and shoulds and then we make ourselves unhappy about them, in a total misuse of the idea of them. We add 'suffering' to the equation and then we guarantee we will suffer. That seems to not be very smart, d'ya think?
Once you achieve the understanding of it, it would be a good idea to stop doing it - but until then, of course, you'll do it - in an unexamined, thoughtless, pasive victim way.
A miracle would occur when and if you simply said "it's all ok as it is" and then you just chose to be content, creating all you can but not expecting to create beyond what you can. (Duh!)
CLOSING THE GAP - THE PERSON WHO TAUGHT ME THIS
The book I read was about depression, which is a result of creating a deeper version of unhappiness and making it highly habitual.
Although he was highly accomplished in science, he wasn't as accomplished as some of his colleagues, especially the ones who won many awards. He also didn't think much of himself since he had failed to meet all his standards of what he (unrealistically) thought he "should" meet in order to be an ok person. He even called himself incompetent in many ways.
Pretty depressing, huh?!
Finally, he realized he was creating this all himself and then he proceeded to learn what was true and to question whatever beliefs he had that resulted in him feeling bad. ("Feeling bad" is a sure sign of a false belief, as true beliefs lead to what works in life - and feeling good is one of the elements of 'what works'.)
This is dealt with elsewhere, but what he simply did (although it took work, of course) was to
1. Lower his unreasonable expectations and not likely reachable standards down to what is certainly reachable (lowering the top line, in the graph above)
2. Raise his assessment of himself to what was more accurate (instead of holding on to false beliefs that deprecated him). He raised the bottom line in the graph above.
3. He did this to the point where the bottom line met or exceeded what was the top line.
And then he felt happy.
Study the Happiness section (link in the navigation bar to the right, above).