Most people don't know how to self-nurture
Place ourselves higher on the priority list
Self nurturing activities for you to do
An additional incentive: conditioning the brain, balancing the body
MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SELF-NURTURE
My friend Barbara knew how to suffer and self punish (had a Jewish mother, etc.), but she had few inclinations and very little information on how to self nurture or self soothe, except when desperate via food or pills. She kept herself so revved up that she easily cycled into exhaustion, extreme anxiety, despair, neediness, depression - when all she needed to do is step in and manage herself. (See Barbara's Journey, under case studies.)
We often get so desperate we "need" other people to soothe us, nurture us, hold us.
There's nothing wrong with people doing those actions for us, but the "neediness" is not healthy.
We need to keep ourselves in a fully balanced state, not "needy". We need to be self-providing and self-sufficient, not "needy".
Many people cling to romantic relationships because at last they have the prospect of being nurtured, cuddled, loved by someone else and then they try to control that person so he/she doesn't stop.
When we are "needy", we place ourselves in a victim position and we incur unnecessary suffering (from not getting what we want). So, I recommend you stop doing that!
PLACE OURSELVES HIGHER ON THE PRIORITY LIST
The irony here is that we often place ourselves way down on the priority list, as it is something we can put off. But the true manager of life schedules in and assures times for what is important but not urgent.
I would suggest that you build in at least one of these a day. Being self-considering in such a way ends up changing one's paradigms about life. It also has one become more independent and self-determinate.
AN ADDITIONAL INCENTIVE: CONDITIONING THE BRAIN, BALANCING THE BODY
As it served us for survival, as you'll read in the Mind Development section, our brain evolved to sort for the negative and to create a response that would save our lives.
However, we now have meaningless fight/flight and stress reactions, so it is necessary to be proactive in adding in positives and then savoring them or holding them on our minds longer - both of which help us to alter the balance of what the brain remembers, so we start to rewire the brain so that it naturally goes to a more peaceful, balanced state on its own.
It is essential that you intervene quickly with soothing, nurturing conversations with yourself, especially right after a negative thought/event - a quick positive after a negative helps offset the negative recording in the brain. Understanding the brain is essential, so that you'll know the importance of what I am saying you should do and you'll have more of an idea how to do it more effectively.
Make it a point to coach your lower mind with encouragement and positive conversations and guidance, with lots of compassion.
SELF NURTURING ACTIVITIES
(If it isn't linked, use the search engine for the site.)
Taking time for myself - Soaking in tub, rejuvenation days, special
rejuvenation day, make "appointments" with yourself for self-care.
Talking to oneself as if you were your own soothing, nurturing parent. (This not
only soothes but it also helps retrain the brain on how to talk to itself.)
Listing out what makes you happy and then doing some of those things (plan
weekly). Do the list now, taking 15 minutes then putting it in your Reminders
Compassion for self - Talk with yourself as a compassionate adult would,
Self touching (also instigating massages is a way of getting touch)
Gratitude - Choosing to review what you are grateful for soothes your spirit.
One of the most effective!
Appreciating yourself, for any small or bigger thing you've done. Find
"appreciation" opportunities, be your own cheerleader, even if just "taking the
role" and pretending.
Devise "coping statements" that are reassuring to oneself and/or nurturing and
Taking time to plan your life and/or give yourself time for perspective
Sitting in the sun, being quiet in nature, walking
Reading, exercise, a trip to the bookstore, do a nice thing for yourself...
Processes that are self-soothing, self-illuminating, and/or self-empowering (from the Loving Oneself section):
CARING, FEELING PRESENCE - Loving Yourself - Loving yourself is the first pre-requisite for living a great life and for experiencing true happiness and peace. In this process, you create your "allies", which will serve you well when you need wisdom and support for your "inner child" or "self". Child: Interacting With The Unconditionally Loving Allies To "Heal" The Past - This is a format for taking one back from fears and emotions experienced in the present but due to "Earlier Similar" occurrences that affected the child within you. There are 5 to 10 significant ones that repeat in your life and you can "handle them" so that they are less (or none at all) of an influence.
Create A Comfort Program
Self-Nurture, Alice D. Domar