What a negative conversation is and isn't
But it's so limiting...
But then it is so loved...
Accepting and being freed up
Speaking authentically, honestly, and with responsible languaging
The absolute of never speaking untruths
The process and the results
"If only people could see that one cannot achieve one's much desired peace of mind if one does not totally give up negative conversations - inside or outside of oneself!!!!!"
Negative conversation creates nothing but internal strife. Many people hold onto the delusion and drastic misbelief that there is some benefit to negative conversation, vaguely and falsely claiming that it is a way of purging one's emotions or of "self expression" - or some other nonsense of a similar nature. There is no legitimate "need" for negative talk. If a negative thought comes up, you can observe it and, if it merits attention, write it down and set a time to examine and correct it (at least removing the negativity and reducing it to acceptance).
WHAT A NEGATIVE CONVERSATION IS AND ISN'T
A negative conversation is one with no redeeming value and only toxics.
A conversation discussing negatives for the purpose of using them to make progress is not a "negative" conversation, since it leads to something of benefit.
BUT IT'S SO LIMITING...
Many people, at first, might think this is too limiting, but when the effects are clarified, most will give it a shot.
BUT THEN IT IS SO LOVED
People have shifted over to loving the idea of no longer having or being in conversations that are pointlessly negative. And they also realize that eliminating the negative conversation would help some of the negatively based neuronal pathways to actually wither away, as in the scientific studies.
The clarification that often helped to make that shift is that it was ok to talk about what was negative, but only when it is for a progressive purpose, like solving a problem - such as reworking the negative into a positive or correcting a poor habit.
ACCEPTING AND BEING FREED UP
People who have done this shift have accepted the idea that they no longer get to tell their victim stories, though it took them a bit longer to let go of them totally. Not telling them anymore meant that they had moved on - and it was remarkable, once the bad habit of negative talk was stopped, how that thinking stopped recurring in people's minds, naturally without any effort.
The people who have done this have also accepted that they could no longer make a sibling, parent, or a partner wrong nor confront anyone about how he/she is making you wrong.
One side benefit of all this is that people learn to have better conversations (to fill up the space emptied by not having the negative ones filling the space) and to experience more social success. And better conversations also lead to having more progressive thinking and to others contributing to one's 'good idea pool', so one actually improves one's life!
Part of this is letting go of old "stories" that serve to explain or justify why you are how you and how that is not something you can overcome. You don't get to make any victim statements, only neutral or powerful statements.
SPEAKING AUTHENTICALLY, HONESTLY, AND WITH RESPONSIBLE LANGUAGING
In a way, it is rather humorous how people at first resisted this commitment.
People tend to be slippery in putting back into conversation old untrue beliefs and bad habits that they had relied on for their entire lives. However, they easily see it when it is pointed out - and, as in all learning, they persisted to try to implement the good habit until they became a master at speaking totally responsibly.
Being honest about what one is experiencing (where it is appropriate to have such a conversation) is difficult for many people at first, as many people often hold on to the idea of having to present an image of being perfect, as they believe it is required to be "good enough" for people to associate with them. However, they soon find that people respond better to them for being who they are, with flaws and human touches, than the response to their perfectionist mask.
THE ABSOLUTE OF NEVER SPEAKING UNTRUTHS
I've observed that people get better and better at following the rules with regard to the use of language, when they implement the rule to NEVER SPEAK
For instance, they learn to never say anymore that "x made me feel this way", but that "I made myself feel that way" ("from my own beliefs and what I made up about things").
And never to use "absolutes" or exaggerations, like "never" or "always" or "a million times", etc.
Many never ever again disrespect themselves by saying they are stupid or inadequate, as those were not truths.
THE PROCESS AND THE RESULTS
My 'coachee", Barbara, with minor slipups at first due to habit, pretty much gave up saying she felt something that was a conclusion or a belief and corrected herself to use the words "I think" or "I believe" and only used the word "feel" related to actual emotions. She realized that this was not about "perfection", but about doing what worked for the primitive mind and, consequently, for her psychological well-being.
She rapidly progressed to speaking powerfully and positively, even about herself and about her brother and other people who she realized were just doing the best they could and using the learned behaviors that they knew but hadn't overcome yet.