STOP CANCELLING ENERGY
"One of the biggest life lessons, that will make a huge difference, is to learn to stop creating contra-energy."
THE DEFINITIONS AND THE EFFECTS
Power = The 'net' force effectively applied to move something (in the direction you want, hopefully!)
Friction = A drag, that drops efficiency and effectiveness (resistance, negative emotion)
Contra energy - A force that directly goes against what we want or cancels energy toward what we want
This is "cancellation of energy".
Positive power is reduced, effectively "canceled out", when contra energy pushes against it
It is a big withdrawal from your tank of psychological energy.
THE POWER SPECTRUM
Pay attention to this, as you must use your power for what you want (a positive payoff) and not blow it doing what produces a negative payoff.
Directed A waste of energy A huge waste of energy
energy Cancelling of other energy
HOW WE USE UP OUR ENERGY FOR NO BENEFIT
In life, if we use up our energy in tensing ourselves, we are creating, in effect, "friction" that will use up our energy that we could have applied toward getting something we want! Friction will slow you down and create a drag on your life and getting what you want.
Wherever we have "contra" energy, we go beyond a drag on our power, but we effectively offset and cancel energy that would be used to go in the desired direction.
WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF ENERGY, EFFECTIVENESS
Why do some people seem to have an incredible amount of energy and effectiveness?
Because they have learned to drop the friction, which is important, and to stop doing the contra (which is incredibly powerful in the wrong direction!).
If a person takes one hand and the pushes against it with another hand with equal force, what happens? There is no progress one way or the other, but alot of energy is used. But notice how powerful it is when you remove the contra force - the hand moves easily and with great force.
If one applies jujitsu to an attacker, one takes the direction the attacker is going in and adds to it, creating an incredibly large force.
If we take the energy we were using in the opposite direction and we turn that around and add it to the energy in the right direction, the "net" energy in the right direction (the net progress in the right direction) increases anywhere from 10 fold to 100's of times more power.
THE NET "UNITS" "FOR" - THE CALCULATED EFFECT EXAMPLE
In life, if we take the same force we use contra and apply it "for" (or toward) what we want, this is what the change looks like:
Before: 4 "For" units ← 3 contra units = 1 unit net forward
After: Alt. 1 Just stop the contra:
4 "For" units ← 0 contra units = 4 units net forward
Alt. 2 Use the contra energy in the right direction
4 "For" units + 3 "For" units = 7 units net foward. (7 times the benefit)
So, from the same amount of energy, we can derive 7 times the forward effect.
Seems simple and silly, but this is a profound principle. Obviously, we could increase the energy expended as an alternative, but in many, many cases it is far more effective to decrease the "contra energy".
There is nothing "good" or "bad" (in the moral, judgment world) about such energy. There is only "what is" about it and how to use it to have a better life. Contra is pushing the opposite direction.
IN A RELATIONSHIP
In a relationship, there are things that create "contra energy" that are unintended. (Of course, there may be alot of things that are intended, too! But all of the negative intended actions are wrong headed and harmful.)
I noticed on TV, a very, very respected, very smart individual was making all his points very emphatically. It almost sounded as if he was angry or against something, though he wasn't. Nevertheless, that mode of operation, meant to be powerful, actually produced "contra energy". If people's perception causes them to feel that energy, it doesn't matter if it was intended or not - the action caused contra energy - yes, it was through someone else's filter, but he was responsible for doing something that he might have done a different way. No fault, no blame, just a more workable way.
In a relationship, when we try to convince another of something, try to control their behavior or somewhat change their thinking, a huge amount of contra energy can pop up. Just think about what has happened in your life. You and/or the other person in such circumstances felt less close or even alienated, a form of "contra energy" going against the affinity that you would want to maintain.
We can make up a reason for this, such as "it is an evolutionary instinct to guard ourselves against being controlled by another" or "it is an evolved emotional limbic abiility to perceive a potential threat". Whatever.
Just notice that it occurs. Which means if you notice a drop in affinity or even a slight shift toward hostility or defensiveness or "distancing", you've caused "contra energy" (no matter if you had the opposite intent).
Notice that the usefulness of a relationship is based on how one benefits from the relationship. The basic formula is that a relationship will thrive if it is in "abundant" "fair exchange".
People want a good experience, and if you want to have that relationship, you must give them a good experience - or you'll no longer have the relationship.
When you try to correct someone or try to control them to do what you need, then you'll drive that person away - either in the moment or permanently, as you will not have been doing your "job", which is based on an "implicit agreement" that if you do right by me and provide what I want from a relationship to a positive degree, then I'll find the exchange to be in my favor and you can be my friend and I'll be yours. (This is much more profound than it seems on the surface. Note this - and make an absolute commitment to stop the correcting and the controlling. Read for further clarity: No-Payoff Convincing, Persuading, Correcting - And Producing A Negative Payoff and Being Right - One Of The Highest Costs In Life.)
UNINTENDED PERSONAL CONSEQUENCES
For yourself, a version of "contra energy", that perhaps looks like friction, comes from your doing something that is not authentic to who you are or from your acting in a way that is hiding something. Notice, if you will, that your "forward" energy drops, many times precipitously. You do not feel as powerful - a sure sign of contra energy being produced.
Notice that manifestation of "cause and effect", where we look at the effect and deduce what the cause probably was. If your energy drops, therefore you can deduce that you did something that is an action of contra-energy!
Another example: When you have lack of clarity on what to do or what to believe, you essentially have in your mind opposing conversations. That produces "contra energy" (note that the arguments are "contra" to each other).
Some people believe that there is a magic fairy or devil inside themselves that causes them to do self-sabotage. Well, that is pure bull manure. It is only some conflicting ideas, beliefs, ways you aren't sure about acting, lack of clarity. The solution is always to go "clarify" and solidify.
1. Clarify your beliefs,
2. Identify the results you are getting and why you are getting them,
3. Decide what you truly want,
4. Determine a belief that will have you do more that is effective to get what you want.
5. Elminate the contra energy and
6. Create a great channel to proceed along where you can direct your energy. (A committed plan!)
Simple, but quite theoretical for now.
The key to all of this is to notice that there is an "effect" that happens and to know that there is always a cause to trace that back to - and if the effect is loss of energy, undesired results, or loss of power, you're doing something that creates "contra energy." Unless you notice it, nothing will happen. (Duh!) So it is critical we set up a system or procedure to "check in" and see what is going on. Or we can create a "cue", a sign that indicates you should look. If all of a sudden you notice you don't feel so good, then "look".
And, then, you must do something, right then, preferably, or commit to a specific time set aside to "complete" the process. If you do this, you will Live Life As A Life Champion.
WHAT TO AVOID IN RELATIONSHIPS
Giving any advice (a form of seeking control) without a request or a sincere giving of permission from your offer. Sometimes even the offer is too much of a presumption and is out of bounds. So if you can just give up the idea of improving and benefitting others unless they request it of you or if it is an emergency, then that would be wise.
Arguing, convincing, opposing, objecting - you know, when you think about it, that those things have always caused contra energy in your relationships.
The desperate fight to be right: When people feel stupid, such as being corrected or invalidated in their opinion or beliefs or just being around people that seems so right, they will attach to the person they are around a contra energy. This even happens when couples share tribulations together - the tribulation begins to be associated with the other person - and an aversion forms.
And one of the humdingers is just expecting that the other give you enough sympathy or emotional support or whatever expectation of how they should take care of you and treat you. It is a major, major contra energy item - both for you and for the other person. You might think it is a "for" force for you, but notice how you feel when you attempt to do anything to control the other person to give you what you want - you are operating from fear, one of nature's ways to cause you to seek control, to avoid "bad" consequences. (But those "bad" consequences are strictly imaginary, made-up "mental constructs", with a foundation of pure manure.)
If you are tired and you do not respond to deal with it appropriately, you are allowing friction at the very least but also setting up "contra" forces to fight against the dysfunction of keeping your body out of balance (not in homeostasis). Depending on how long you go, the battle can get pretty ugly. Your body is made to employ "repairs" to get you back to the healthy condition and out of the poorly functioning condition/behavior. When you're tired, don't resist (that's contra energy!), just do what is appropriate - duh!