CONTENTS OF THIS PAGE:
LET'S BE REAL! - Taking it from myth to reality to create a much better result and eliminate
the "dangers".
THE PARTS - What is love? What is intimacy? What is a lovable person? Lovers. The Loving
Woman
See the central directory on love, being loved, and loving, under the Contents/Links Relationship Section. This gives you a sequence of summaries to read to "put it all together", probably for the first time in your life.
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WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT?
The two most important pieces of making a relationship work are learning how to love and learning how not to criticize, blame or make wrong. Do these and you'll experience marvelous results.
After all, they both fit right into the definition of love:
1) Accepting the way the other is
2) Accepting the way the other isn't
Loving as above allows spontaneity and natural openness to occur and helps to create the relationship as a true partnership to support the goals and activities of the relationship and of each other.
WHAT IS LOVE? The essential ingredients:
I. ACCEPTANCE (AND APPRECIATION) OF THE OTHER
Dropping the "make wrong" paradigm. Being trusting. Dropping
unrealistic expectations.
II. WANTING GOOD FOR THE OTHER
III. DOING WHAT IS USEFUL TO SUPPORT THE HAPPINESS OF
THE OTHER
Find out what has the greatest value. Do it. (Learn. For this helps
you understand, develop wisdom, and do effective action.)
LET'S BE REAL
Love is glamourized, idealized, mythified, and made to be something unreal. That viewpoint is dysfunctional and harmful. Nobody minds making up something if it really benefits one's self, but there are repercussions of this unreality upon life - and those repercussions aren't pretty.
Unreasonable expectations need to be replaced with reality and appreciation rather than putting up with a spectacularly high failure rate. See Relationship Intro.
On a day to day basis there is little glamour and not so much amor (amorousness) feeling that is automatic. We must generate it. We must care for it, like tending a garden. It must be a conscious thing, utilizing all the three parts of love, as a doing, and not just a bunch of chemical feelings. We must have the attitude of generating love, as in the Loving Woman (see below.)
THE PARTS - See LOVING ONESELF (in the Psychology section), for this is vital to loving others and being loved - without this, you can't achieve what you want! Ever!
Of course, these each contribute to developing a great relationship:
What Is Love?
What Is Love? - Know what love really is, so that you can do it right.
it? Unrealistic expectations are killers of relationships!
what is really possible.
Trusting Another - The lack of appropriate trust has a great relationship cost. When
and who should we trust? Actual title: How And When To Trust.
"conditions" are met". Create this kind of relationship - it works!
What Is Intimacy?
the fringes of the circle or do you go deeply within it for the greatest satisfaction?
What Is A Lovable Person?
Lovers
What to do and not to do to treat your lover right?
The Loving Woman!
what kind of results does she produce?
who is truly loving. Wonderfully inspiring in just a few words.
COMMUNICATING LOVE
Don't use them and you're likely to have a dissatisfied partner. Communicate
these so your partner will know how to communicate love to you and what is truly
meaningful to each of you.
your partner know so that he/she knows what to do that makes you feel loved!
Also, get this from your partner so that you can love your partner in meaningful
ways.
partner could do that would let you know he/she cares. See What Makes Me Feel
Loved, below.
you follow this, if you want a relationship you feel good about and where you feel
good about what you are doing.
other partner, transferring it to a letter of appreciation, to put something back in the
emotional tank; presencing the essence of love. A list of possibilities is also
provided to spur your thinking.
help you focus on and see the good things in your partner and the benefits you are
getting from the relationship, to balance off the negatives you may be thinking of.
accept you, hold no resentments, and esteem you...
