INTRODUCTION 

A few quick points first:

RELATIONSHIPS ARE:

      VITAL, VITAL, VITAL - One of the three most important influences            on your happiness.
      HIGH RISK:  "...Marriage carries a great risk.  In our society, at least
         three out of four end in disappointment - either in unhappiness or
         divorce."  (By one knowledgeable estimate: 93%!) 

DOING IT "RIGHT" IS A KEY SKILL AND GOAL - Thus it is suggested you seriously consider making this happen the right way!
 
DO THIS:

      IF SINGLE:   The single best way to assure that your marriage will succeed is to build, hone and perfect your mate selection skills."  And don't forget to learn about relationships and the necessary skills, as they help you be more able to select well.

         Select rightly or suffer (and it's hard to do it without a cooperative, willing partner)!!!!

             Read The Love Quest, Let The Chemicals Reign? Or Play To Win? - Play it the right way and save alot of effort and add alot of happiness to your life - priceless!!

      IF MARRIED:  But if you're already married, then the best way is to thoroughly ground and train yourself in the skills of marriage.

WORTH LEARNING?:  "If I asked you to fly a plane..., I'm sure you would reach out for expert guidance."  And you'd learn as soon as possible and as completely as you could, instead of letting it 'just happen'.  But a marriage relationship is far more complex and far more important.  Doesn't it deserve your very, very, very best efforts

The problem is that there is no immediate perceived threat (as contrasted with crashing in an airplane), so couples wait until they hit bottom to learn these.  It is far wiser to follow the truth in "a stitch in time saves nine [later]" -   potentially saving the whole ballgame!

Read, now, the section called:  "Essential Quick Grounding In Relationships" and decide to do those items, for sure!!!!


Direct quotes are from Neil Clark Warren from his excellent CD set "Finding The Love Of Your Life", eHarmony.com.  If you are seeking the right mate, this is "must" listening.

THE NUMBER ONE DETERMINANT OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE:

How you manage conflict (and problem solving) and if you avoid conflict, watch out!!!
Basically, it is about effective communicating, with integrity, for that is the means to eliminating conflict and having effective needs filling.   Click here

Besides training in managing conflict, and perhaps even more important, is establishing a more solid emotional foundation and confidence so that the relationship killers do not persist (blame, resentment, and non-acceptance) and so that you'll have the balance to be able to manage conflict instead of it running you. See Loving And Being Loved.

Read under Relationships Overall, below:  The Barriers To A Great/Good Relationshipl

(See Communication section and also Relationship Resources.)

THE NUMBER ONE DETERMINANT OF FUTURE DIVORCE

The ratio of negative remarks to positive remarks.  Defensive, negating talk shows a lack of respect and caring and demeans the other person to the level where self preservation is necessary. 

However, marriages that last maintain a ratio of 5 positives to 1 negative (but you ought to try to cut out the latter!).  

Learn how to solve the basic underlying causes that create the negativity, attacks, and defensiveness - and your relationship will soar.  Meanwhile, learn the methods of communication where we can deal differently with the "upsets" and "reactivity" that occur in most relationships at some level.

(To read the absolutely vital footnotes in a "Word" document on the internet, under "view" click "print layout" or put cursor over the footnote number.)


OVERALL/OVERVIEW

Read the key documents (in capital letters) as a grounding exercise and then items that are of
  interest.  You can read the website like a book, if you print the items of interest and insert it into
  the Relation Reference Notebook (see above).

On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.

READ ALL OF THESE THREE, NOW, IN WHATEVER ORDER IS OF INTEREST:

      Barriers

             THE BARRIERS TO A GOOD/GREAT RELATIONSHIP - Find out what the barriers
                     are and the solution is not far behind, given the access to what we provide to
                     effectively eliminate barriers.
        
        Creating a Great Relationship
       
                  THE FIVE PILLARS - CONSTRUCTING A HIGHLY WORKABLE RELATIONSHIP
                      WITH THE POTENTIAL TO BE GREAT! - Don't do a relationship without following
                      these construction rules.   With these, you can eliminate problems and establish
                      rapport and lovingness at a whole higher possibility level.
                  THE PROCESS FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING A GREAT RELATIONSHIP! 



  Use:          Relationship notebooks - Using these will facilitate the whole process and make it
                       more effective and lasting.
  See also:   Recommended Resources: Books/Tapes and Websites/Services 
                      The services are extremely useful for relationships at any level.
                    Relationship Questions and Answers Page - A few questions that have been asked
                       and the answers, applying the extensive knowledge on this website.
  Go to:        Sustaining Relationships page to learn much about overall relationship skills and
                     factors, besides communication. 

                   NOTE THE LOVING, BEING LOVED SECTION OF SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS


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INTRODUCTION TO THE
RELATIONSHIPS SECTION
GROUNDING SUFFICIENTLY IN THE BASICS TO BE SUCCESSFUL

PROPER AND COMPLETE GROUNDING
IS ESSENTIAL! 

DON'T DO IT HALF-WAY!
"(F)" = Forms to fill out to achieve something.
A HUGE PAYOFF

Since relationships are so important and since having a supportive, loving relationship with a person who fits with you is vital, it is worthwhile "managing" this process.  Most people do this haphazardly and with a bit of unrealism - they not only waste time but they don't get the results they could get as quickly as they could get them!!!!
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PAGE CONTENTS:

     Introductory sections, to help establish what is most important:

         INTRODUCTION - Quick important points!
              And then refer to these sections, returning to the intro page afterwards:
              Learn the essentials of relationships - and then learn the rest of this vital life
                 important part of life.
              What To Accept And Expect In A Relationship - If you're not fully in tune with this,
                  the relationship is unlikely to be good.
         HAPPY MARRIAGE - The Number One Determinant - Learn how to resolve
             "conflicts".
              And the "flip side" of this: Learning to be loving and be loved
         FUTURE DIVORCE - The Number One Determinant - Learn how to not be critical
             and not be resentful!
        THE CRITICAL DECISION - MAKE THE RIGHT ONE! - When the "rude
            awakening" inevitably happens in Stage 3 of the relationshipn, there is a key
            decision to be made that will determine the quality of the whole future of the
            relationship.
         AGREEMENTS THAT WORK - The Agreements To Cause You To Prosper 
        THE QUICK OVERVIEW - Overall/overview pieces to get perspective and see the
            overall picture.
             THE BARRIERS To A Good/Great Relationship
            CREATING, SUSTAINING The Great Relationship


CRITICAL DECISION TIME: A Rude Awakening In Relationship Stage

MAKE THIS DECISION CORRECTLY IF YOU WANT A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

Once the unrealistic expectations bang against reality, the rejection and/or the power battle begin. Bad, emotionally racking stuff happens.  See The Stages Of A Relationship.

Then there is a decision

     Do we continue in mediocrity or
     Do we choose to live an "on-purpose", "conscious" (as opposed to
        "ignorant") relationship? 

It is possible, though highly improbable, that a few people could do well without this.  Most people would be "in denial of reality" if they say they don''t need this, as "it'll all work out."

If you choose "on-purpose" to create marital happiness, continue:

Then, the first thing to do is create the agreements to cause you to prosper.


THE AGREEMENTS TO CAUSE YOU TO PROSPER:


LEARN TO MASTER RELATIONSHIPS: (See the quick summaries on this site and also the pre-screened resources.)  Section on Learning/Mastering

GREAT COMMUNICATION, WITHOUT ANGER OR RESENTMENT.  Mastering "Conflict       Management" so that it is just great "problem resolving"!  (If needed, see "Repairing
     Relationships"

HANDLING THE PSYCHOLOGICAL "STUFF"" that we ordinarily dump on our partner.

KNOWING WHAT A LOVING RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE and then Creating The Loving Relationship

USING THE RESOURCES.  Use the recommended books,workshops, services, etc.

SYSTEMATICALLY PLANNING AND CREATING the relationship and using the
   Notebook System.


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