The simple concepts that must be understood
Motivations lead to behaviors; chemicals lead to motivations
Learning what works is the missing ingredient
Weaving the web of strength - or weakness
Further readings on behavior
BEHAVIORS ARE THE MANIFESTATIONS OF YOUR THOUGHTS, INCLUDING YOUR FEARS, AND YOUR KNOWLEDGE. THEY ARE ALSO ESSENTIALS TO CREATING HAPPINESS.
THE SIMPLE CONCEPTS THAT MUST BE UNDERSTOOD
Every end result has a cause. And every cause has a causal chain behind it. That is one of the principles/laws of life.
One of the truths is that you'll save alot of effort, time, and/or "pain" if you intervene earlier in the process, before most of the bad feelings happen and before there is so much momentum it is hard to stop an unproductive or harmful behavior.
MOTIVATIONS LEAD TO BEHAVIORS; CHEMICALS LEAD TO MOTIVATIONS
Motivation = A force to close a gap between where one is and where one wants to be = an emotion (the causer of behavior) = chemicals
Intensity = Degree of importance relative to other wants
An incentive to minimize physical pain and maximize pleasure, based mostly on survival "thinking"
Motivations cause behaviors
Motivations --> Behaviors
Knowledge determines choice of which behavior
Motivations --> Choice of how to solve --> Do behavior
Chemicals initiate the process
Chemicals cause us to be "uncomfortable", so we are motivated to relieve the discomfort.
Chemicals --> Uncomfortable --> Motivation
Need for survival initiates chemical signals from primitive brain
Information --> Matched to "pictures" --> Danger? Need to change? --> If yes, send chemical message (to get the desired adjustment)
So as not to clutter this discussion too much, I created a separate page for the complete Causal Chain For Behavior. It is essential, I think, for you to be totally familiar with the reality of it - or you won't be able to manage it, and if you aren't able to manage it, you'll waste alot of your life feeling other than you'd like to and doing behaviors that don't serve you.
LEARNING WHAT WORKS IS THE MISSING INGREDIENT
Yes, we do learn what works to some degree, but it is usually limited to random, by chance learning, often from anecdotal evidence and/or from sources that are not accurate. The latter does not serve one well!!!!
We must learn what behaviors work as soon and as well as we can, so that takes a build up of knowledge. From this "data base", we will be able to make better choices.
We must also learn at the most basic level the entire process for initiating what causes one to act in the first place. Some actions are not even needed or desirable.
So, we need to learn the two parts:
1. Everything that happens up to the point of choice
2. How to make better choices
WEAVING THE WEB OF STRENGTH
The beneficial behaviors that are repeated until they are habits serve as the very foundation for one's happiness. The harmful habits serve as the destroyer of happiness.
Sure, you cannot be perfect and not "slip up", but you can be highly intentional and keep on inserting the good habits until overall happiness is absolutely natural.
We need only implement one at a time until the cumulative effect creates a grand tide carrying one toward one's happiness.
FURTHER READINGS ON BEHAVIOR
RELATIONSHIP RELATED READINGS
Overall On Behaviors
either side and decide if you want to do more or less of that behavior.
decide which to not do any more. Become clear on what does not work and should be
Individual Types Of Behaviors See also Psychology, Emotion Management, as this is necessary to being able to create the behaviors that work and stop the ones that don't.
wasting alot of their life. Find out which behaviors are holding you back in life.
relationship? Decide if you want to handle the way it is expressed and, better yet,
Loving - What is being loving?