CONTENTS OF THIS PAGE
ESSENTIAL BASIC TRAINING/KNOWLEDGE - Creates the knowledge to have a better relationship and increase the odds of success. Is it acceptable to go into this key area without being fully able?
actual and real knowledge of relationships
OR
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OVERALL
for a great relationship
KEY TESTS - A measure is necessary and appropriate and smart. Take the key
specified test and/or others.
KEY RESOURCES - To select those resources in the categories within
essential training.
WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT AND IN WHAT ORDER?
One can go to classes or to a counselor and handle a few of the parts - but it will be in a piecemeal fashion, without complete perspective and a context of knowledge from which to operate. Without that context, you're more likely to flail (and fail). By having this context (especially if you add some training), your odds of having a great relationship go up more than ten-fold!
Go through at least one program that will ground you in all the aspects of relationship overall, then you can fill in some of the areas where more emphasis may be due.
HOW MUCH TIME/EFFORT IS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WORTH TO YOU?
Is having a good/great relationship worth much to you? Isn't it vital to a great life? If that is true then you show that by choosing the effort you are willing to put into it.
The worth, in terms of effort, to me is:
It is worth, as long as I'm progressing, the following number of hours:
This year: ___ hours (A not very big number here indicates one values this too
little!)
Year two: ___ hours
See the "Learning Programs" for setting up a more detailed plan.
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ESSENTIAL BASIC TRAINING BEFORE MARRIAGE:
(This must be with the two of you participating, at least one hour per week, while more would be preferrable.) Read the introduction to the overall relationship section. DECIDING THE RIGHT PARTNER IS VITAL TO YOUR LIFE HAPPINESS!!!! Give it appropriate effort!!! If you do less than 20 hours of this, your relationship odds fall tremendously!!!
You must know: How to select the right partner
Use the Carpenter's Rule: "Measure Twice, Cut Once"
What is involved in a relationship (it is a big mistake to assume you
know)
How to do a relationship successfully, including knowing gender
traits and eliminating unrealistic expectations.
Caveat: If your prospective spouse refuses to participate, that is a red flag and should be a deal killer. There is no question that you will have things come up in your relationship. It is only through the willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work well that you can handle these and have great odds for happiness.
1st level:
**Read together: Relationships For Dummies, Kate Wachs, as a great overview.
And/or especially consider the workshops for engaged couples (see Resources in the section:
Once it is getting very serious, consider spending 24-30 hours over a twelve week
period doing the exercises in Getting The Love You Want Workbook, Harville
Hendrix and Helen Kelly.
Also buy his Getting the Love You Want book. Isn't doing it right worth that little
bit of time?
Next level, add:
Read at least two of the books in the section on Finding and Selecting A Partner
ranked A1, A2, etc.)
Reading the written summaries in this website can be very quick and useful.
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FOR ALL RELATIONSHIPS, REGARDLESS
GENDER-BASED DIFFERENCES - Know this down cold and save alot of frustrations. You may think you know this, but you very likely don't!!!
AGREEMENTS: ESSENTIAL, VITAL AGREEMENTS FOR ANY COUPLE
If any prospective or actual spouse will not agree to these, then watch out!
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ESSENTIAL TRAINING FOR A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP:
It is highly, highly, highly desirable that both partners participate in this process - it increases the odds to be vastly in your favor to achieve the happiness you want.
The normal odds of having a happy relationship are 7%.
Read two of the books on the opposite sex.
Read two of the books on communication and problem solving.
Read two of the books on making love.
Do at least one of these:
paying for and doing the two courses below (as if they are one):
His Needs, Her Needs: Habits For A Lifetime Of Passion
Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Passion
- Keys To Loving Relationships, 19 Sessions on DVD, Gary Smalley, if you don't
FOR A QUICKER OVERVIEW AND AS A SUPPLEMENT:
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KEY TESTS - See also Relationships in www.thelifemanagementalliance.com .
You may wish to also take the tests for: His Needs And Her Needs, Love Busters,
KEY RESOURCES
IN EMERGENCY!
See a counselor, but begin to take the course above as rapidly as possible. See also the relationship rescue resources and the workshop called Retrouvaille - in the Relationship Resources section.
