DESIGNING, PLANNING, CREATING, BUILDING
THE RELATIONSHIP YOU LOVE

"BUILD IT WELL AND IT WILL WORK FOREVER"

(IMPORTANT: To read footnotes in a document on the internet, under "view" click print layout.)

CONTENTS:  THIS PAGE  (Use this notebook: "Our Relationship" Notebook! )  

ONCE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT PARTNER, THEN PLAN AND CREATE THE RELATIONSHIP - Once you have the right partner or potentially right partner, don't commit to marriage without being certain of the qualities, beyond "being in love".   See Finding/Selecting Your Partner.  Once you are certain you've done all that is required, then you would use this process to complete.  However, note that your intention to do this process and some of the contents of this process would be good to share.  Indeed, until the final commitment, doing this process is only a step to that final commitment - for many things can be revealed while doing this process.


     THE PLANNING PROCESS PAGE  

     Some of the individual parts in the planning process: Be sure to be aware of the Stages!

          Overall
           Purpose, Mission, Vision 
           Planning, Goals 
           STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP - Make the "right" choice in Stage 2!    
           Activities - For each of us and for both of us
           Tests - Essential to being sure proceeding correctly and effectively
                               
      CREATION PROCESS - Do the steps that will help create the relationship on purpose,
            with a strong foundation built for the long term.

See also:

      REPAIRING A RELATIONSHIP 

           The Deterioration Process
           The Repair Process
                               
(The pieces for this section are not quite segregated out yet, so you'll find many of the pieces in the Sustaining a Relationship page, also)

THE CARPENTER'S RULE:  MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE
_________________________________________________________________

ESSENTIAL! DON'T PROCEED BEFORE HAVING THE RIGHT PARTNER!!!!!!!!  Immediately before this you must take the checkups for selecting a partner, to see if you really want to create this relationship.  Review the Finding/Selecting Your Partner section for the relevant pieces.  See at least these:

                     Compatibility - Screening For, Ahead of Time!!
                      Paying Attention To The Indicators -To determine if it will be a good relationship
REQUIRED!     THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATION - Do this process to get the certification.  Alter the
                          odds of having a happy relationship from 7% to greater than 95%.

Warning!  This is the biggest commitment (other than having children!) in your lifetime!  Any extra efforts have a huge payoff in terms of making a better decision.  Do not proceed to getting married without having fully looked at the Compatibility and Indicator pieces and without actually knowing the psychology of the other person and getting full agreement as to handling any problems (see commitments and agreements under Communication and under Sustaining).  Do not proceed until these are fully in place!  There is a reason for such a high divorce and marrital unhappiness rate!

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Separate Page:     RELATIONSHIP NOTEBOOKS 

                                     "Our Relationship" Notebook     
                                     Relationship Reference Notebook  
                                     "My Relationship Creation" Notebook  

Read the key documents (in capital letters) as a grounding exercise and then items that are of
  interest.  You can read the website like a book, if you print the items of interest and insert it into
  the Relation Reference Notebook (see above).

On each sitemap page, (F) = a worksheet or form to fill out and/or use.

OVERALL

                Being Effective In Finding And Developing Intimate Relationships - The nine strategies,
                        including filling up your own tank and not shopping while hungry or not functional.
                    CREATING THE RELATIONSHIP THE WAY YOU WANT IT - An overview of the
                        process, using "staged" sequences.

                   
PURPOSE, MISSION, VISION


Without a vision of what you want in the relationship, you don't stand much of a chance of          achieving anything.  Without knowing where you are you cannot set up the next essential step, which is the step for getting "from where you are" to "where you want to be." 

         See the "Our Relationship" Notebook to see all the pieces that could go into the plan and/or
            reminder/reference system.


         The Process:   Vision      >>>       Commitments      >>>     Plan, Align on Goals



       THE COUPLE'S VISION AGREEMENTS/PLANNING EXERCISE - Identify your key
                      vision statements overall and developing agreement as to the "level" you are both
                      committed to, followed by creating goals and practices that will serve you toward
                      building a thriving relationship.

                   Relationship Vision - Example of the Progressive Version - An example of a vision of a
                      relationship that is truly transformed and truly committed to the happiness of both
                      partners.
                   Relationship Vision, Example I - An example listing some of the activities and other
                      specifics involved.
                   WHAT IS WANTED IN OUR RELATIONSHIP - Forming an agreement and
                       commitments as part of our plan (See also, in Agreements section: Relationship
                       Agreements That Should Be Completed.)



PLANNING, GOALS 

                   Goals For Our Relationship - An example

STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP 

        Go to the page Stages Of A Relationship, choose, and then come back to this page.

ACTIVITIES - See the recreational activities list on the website:  marriagebuilders.com or in
                                William Harley's book His Needs, Her Needs.

TESTS

                   See the 2 primary tests in the TESTING section.  

(F)                RATING THE CONSCIOUSNESS AND LOVINGNESS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP -
                      What level of consciousness and lovingness are you, on a level of 1 to 10, in your
                      relationship?  Also, if you wish, you can rate (2 pages) the positive and negative
                      energies in your relationship and see what your score indicates your level to be.

             Most of the tests will be under Sustaining Relationships, which applies also to creating
             them.  See especially The Marriage Contract, under the Agreements, Commitments, Rules
             section,  to see if each of you is willing to create that level of relationships.


CREATING

!st, review:  The LEARNING, MASTERING, AND BUILDING Section, as this is the core of creating the foundation and structure to make a relationship work and keep on working. 

2nd, invest time and effort in these learning and growing exercises:

An excellent foundation for starting this process is in doing the exercises and following the program in Getting The Love You Want Workbook, buying the Getting The Love You Want book, both authored by Harville Hendrix.   It takes 24-30 hours to complete, but it will provide an excellent basis.

Also:

See the Learning sections and the Relationship Resources sections for workshops and books and pick some to do or read to further create a very solid relationship that will avoid the high odds of failure.


RELATIONSHIP PAGES
MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER 

The famous Marriage Encounter weekend is reinforcing and a great experience for all couples and at a very low cost, with plenty of scholarships available.  (Click on the red, underlined link, above.)   If the relationship is troubled, the counterpart to use is Retrouvaille, which produces miracles with couples ready to quit the relationship and proves there is hope where there appears to be none.
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LEARNING MODULES

KEY PIECES IN EACH SECTION:

In each section, the key pieces are in capital letters at the top of each section.  Read those as an overview of the section.
THE BIGGEST TEST

See if you both are willing to agree to the elements of
The Marriage Contract!  This should be required before anyone is licensed to be married.
See "Essential Quick Grounding In Relationships".
To:
RELATIONSHIP REPAIR

A key action area for many couples to consider, even if they are committed or "settled".
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