(This is the "problem-solving/needs-filling" section. For conflicts, see Conflict Management - conflict is the "non-problem solving" mode which is governed mostly by fear, alienation, defensiveness and all the things that go with it - these need to be managed before the actual problem-solving can begin - there is much to learn there, from simple impulse control to the real "why" of the conflict.)
SOLVABLE, EASILY SOLVABLE - Without pain and with great results!
PROBLEM = Something that needs a solution, which one can submit for consideration.
See below for problem-solving/needs-filling in relationships and
CONFLICT = A fight or struggle, a sharp disagreement or opposition
Just as the truth is in the saying: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional",
One might say that "PROBLEMS ARE INEVITABLE, BUT...
CONFLICT IS A CHOICE."
(A poor one, of course!)
dramatically upgrade your relationship.
(Page to be reorganized, so you'll have to scroll down and look around for what you need.on this page and under Conflict Management.) Overview - What is the key cause of "problems", which, of course, is the key solution!!!!
See The Key Context For Productive Conversation - and practice it without fail.
Boundaries - It is up to you to set the boundaries that honor your vulnerabilities and limits.
Methods and Processes For Resolving Conflicts
Coming from a "let's make progress" and "happy negotiating to fill needs" viewpoint (see below) makes "problem solving" a wonderful and even enjoyable process. Coming from a "the other is the enemy who is letting me down" viewpoint doesn't work and never has. Of course, it is your choice!!!!!
You need never create the upsets ever again! You need only ask (request) and happily negotiate something that works for you both. A "problem" is only an unmet "need", which can be filled. In fact you can fill your cup until it is overflowing - you'll probably be very surprised at how good it can be.
It is great to be partners and no longer adversaries!!!!
Room or Get Rid Of It?
and they are "completed."
so destructive, self-indulgent, childish and harmful!
needless fear, as this poem lays out, but learning to go beyond that can create the
lovingness and the relationship we truly want.
Other possible items to consider:
PROBLEMS IN RELATIONSHIPS:
The problem most of the time is "Make-Wrong"/Blame. See
past hurts and many other self-created blocks or bricks put in the wall between you
and your partner. Identify these along with the "exits".
Healthy And Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors
alienation so that there is a "turning away" and distancing that makes the
relationship uncomfortable and unhappy. Realize some of the things in this piece
and apply the solutions!
Go to (click on above) this section to find specific issues in marriage and how to solve
Expectations, Unrealistic Ones
AVOIDING THE RELATIONSHIP EXITS - The ways we avoid relating.
being fully in a relationship. Identify these and your relationship will change
beautifully - as the lack of those barriers and a new openness naturally allow the
full warmth and friendship to come back through.