Will be added to, but all the pieces are in the Contents/Links for the section
The life-killing syndrome: Fault/Blame, Right/Wrong, Good/Bad, Criticism, Anger, Punishment (to motivate). N
IN HOPES OF ELIMINATING THE FAULT, BLAME SYNDROME
I'm constructing this page as the overall umbrella of the pieces in reconstructing the most harmful syndrome in a human beings life. In fact, one person whom I admire greatly, figured this out late in life and then exclusively devoted his life to it. He's passed away now, but I have acquired his materials and they are now available to you, at no charge. See Barksdale Materials And Programs and my evaluation Barksdale - The Find Of A Lifetime.
WE INVENTED A FAULTY SYSTEM!
We have invented a system for ourselves that we learned the basics of from our parents and our society (some societies don't buy into this). It is a way of keeping us in line to do the "right thing" and not do the "wrong" thing - or to do the "good" thing and not do the "bad" thing. We have also developed the implicit belief (conscious or not) that punishing oneself or others is what is needed to motivate others to change. Bullbleep, I say!
And I include, other than the basic impulse, guilt and shame as a tool to manipulate oneself.
I know that no other person in the world can ever do better than he or she knows how to do at the time. That's called limited awareness. And we only learn what we learn given the path we took, given our limited awareness at each point of life. There is no fault. There is only lack of knowledge on what to do that works.
No one is wrong for poor service, they just give poor service. No one is wrong for making mistakes, they just don't know enough yet.
The only paradigm to operate out of is "What Works". Something either works or it doesn't work to get the desired end result. No fault, no blame. It is just a "what's so".
As children, of course, the good/bad syndrome was used extensively to keep us in line for we all want to be good (actually, as a child we just want to be loved and secure, and if we have to be good we'll try our best).
As adults, this will disappear when we use the "antidote" (a Buddhist term): 100% Responsibility. Sounds silly, or idealistic at first, but it is totally practical - and not like the right/wrong viewpoint of responsibility is a burden or obligation or a thing to be "good", but understanding that it is not an effortful thing, just a way of being.
What do I do to learn this?
Read the items linked and follow any links to anything you do not yet know and/or haven't yet mastered. And, yes, it does take some time to do it - but it will transform your life to one of ease and grace and being fully in charge. Follow the "Learning Module" in the Contents/Links No Fault, No Blame.
Learn this and your life will be transformed. You'll have true freedom and your energy will be freed up dramatically. And having what you want in your life becomes easier and easier to get - and life becomes better and better, naturally.
(Note that there is an exception to the anger rule and that is where it is a legitimate physical threat and the extra oomph is needed to assure preservation of limb and life.)
___ I understand the reasoning for living no-fault, no-blame.
___ And I shall practice it for my life, as a true master of it.
How will I know when I am doing it? If I can check off all of the items below.
___ I hold no one at fault. I accept they are simply as capable as they are. (There Is No Fault.) ___ I blame no one and resent no one. I have no one to forgive. (If I have this viewpoint, there is no one to forgive, because they are not blamed or faulted in the first place.) No Blame. ___ I do not blame, fault, or criticize myself. I simply accept and support myself. ___ My only criteria is "What Works" and "what doesn't work", without pejorative judgment at all. ___ Any feelings of guilt or shame are let go of immediately after I get the message. I only work toward solutions with the signal but do not dwell on it for a moment. ___ I let go of anger immediately. I do not nurse it. I do not try to punish people, as it is useless. (Living The Punitive Way, aka Hell.)
___ I do not seek revenge or wish anything bad upon someone who does something that affects me negatively (and I let that go immediately, too).
___ I do not complain at all, nor do I gossip at all.
___ I do not punish myself or others in any way.
___ I make mistakes and I fail at things AND I do not fault or blame myself in any way. I just look at what needs to be learned or done and I do it (imperfectly and within the limits of human nature). ___ I know I will not be punished by some entity within me or my "they", as I am totally the creator of it all. I know who I am and who I am not and I am self-sufficient. I know I actually do not have within me a "judge" or the equivalent nor do I have an inner child, that those are just made-up entities. Know The Believing Brain. ___ I do not defend my beliefs. I do not get caught up in Being Right. ___ I take 100% Responsibility for my life and all that happens in it. I am the sole creator and chooser.