No one can hurt me.  Only my false beliefs can create bad chemicals called "pain".  I am not dependent on anyone for survival.  I am powerful and I take care of all I need.


Physically we "feel pain" when we have uncomfortable chemicals in the body.  These are emitted due to evolution as they had survival value - they motivated us to correct a situation that could threaten our survival.  Basically, its "purpose" is to motivate toward better survival.

As a child, survival was dependent on our caregivers so we "wired" into our mind various things that we thought we needed for survival.  Being powerless meant we were dependent on someone else to provide for us.  And, "surely," we thought, "if they didn't love us, we would not survive."  (That makes sense from a child's point of view AND actuality.)

If we didn't get "love" or attention to our needs, our mind caused chemicals to kick out (called emotions) to get us to do something to better survive.  They had to think well of us, or they wouldn't feed us, so we needed to see that they thought well of us by their attention and care.  They had to think we had "worth", at least enough to have them care about us. 

But our caregivers also might not have actually cared, as they might have been doing it due to duty or obligation or fear of disapproval or from a supposed need to get love from the child.  

From a child's point of view, finding out that it was not being done because of our worth or lovability would cause us to think our survival was threatened.  

From an adult's point of view, there is no such reality as "worth" - as it was all a child fiction, which also remained in the culture, repeated as if it were true.   We do not need "worth" to survive.  That is fairly obvious.  

However, having said that there is something that has an actual effect in some cases:  "perceived worth" with those whom can affect an actual consequence.  Perceived worth has two parts.   There is an "economic" worth, in terms of "exchange".  A person will tend to like you or value you in terms of the value you deliver to them: being loved and approved of by you, giving services of value, prestige value that will rub off on them, fun value in terms of how you affect their fun.  Basically, I get a positive "flow" back from the other person resulting from what I give them.  This is an "economic" value exchange, though usually it is not measured in terms of dollars.  

In terms of money we receive, we will get paid based on the perceived value we can deliver to others economically.  Increased one's perceived worth in that case is a legitimate adult endeavor, but to have people approve of us otherwise is simply a "child game". 

There is some discomfort produced by ourselves when we interpret that someone does not value us (in its various forms: respect, love, friendship, approval, etc.) but there is no actual harm involved in the real world.  Our thoughts that we are somehow threatened is the source of the hurt (chemicals emitted to correct the perceived danger). The world around us is reacting to our presence (or not) and people are doing the best they can but often in a fair amount of ignorance.  99% of it can simply be dismissed as having no actual impact.  (Yes, opinions of us do matter if it actually affects us, such as in our paycheck.  And if we are independent and take on 100% responsibility for our life, other people not coming through for us, for whatever reason, is just a part of life - and since we are not dependent on their causing things in our life, we can dismiss their slights or failures to serve me as nothing - de nada, minuscule, not of real consequence.)

To an adult who is still being in the child mode, there is no discrimination, no differentiating, no evaluating - all threats are evaluated as "big deals", since the powerless, dependent person must guard against anything that means they don't survive.  But, wait a minute.  If it actually does not affect our survival, then there is no threat - and I will have gone through all that emotional pain (and stress) for nothing!  I would be receiving no benefit, but incurring a cost in the process.  (Now is that stupid or is that stupid?   Of course.  But "stupid" is not a permanent condition.  The solution is to learn - which is the process you are engaged in by reading this.  But you've got to learn it all the way - not swoop in in a dilettante manner, but to go into depth until this is mastered.  It's not for mastery's sake, but for the extremely high value you will get from no longer using your time and energy and no longer hurting your life and body.

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