Recall that a "feeling" is based on a favorable or unfavorable estimation of what is occurring and what will occur.  

Why do I even bother with the idea of how good I feel about myself? 

Because it is baked into the cultural idea that we must be "good enough" to be "worthy" to be supported by others, upon whom we are "dependent" for our lives or at least for getting approval (often mistaken for "love").  (We'll tie this back in, later in this piece.  There are many false and harmful beliefs within that overall cultural belief.  Those are to be unraveled - just follow the path.)

Feeling good about oneself has two obvious components:

1.  Building more of what creates our feeling good about ourselves.

2.  Reducing that which has us feeling bad about ourselves or is a barrier to feeling

So, to deal with those things that cause the good or the bad, we need to first identify them.  (Duh!) 

Scan the items in the following boxes and then read below that what to do.

Although, of course, I don't always cause what I want and while I make mistakes or tumble and fall, I appreciate myself for being pretty darned good at living this life and doing what is right and what is workable in life.  I acknowledge myself for rising far above how limited and petty a human could be.  I have created certainty of character for myself (not invulnerability or perfection), as I do my best to follow a high level of standards and to not tolerate that which is toxic or not workable for happiness.   I stand tall, shoulders back, chest out, breathing, standing in a powerful way, standing in my power, centered, strong. 

I take full responsibility for all of my life and for responding to the reality of whatever comes up to make the best of it.  I have the power to better my life immensely and I take care to generate, maintain, and exercise that power for myself and for others.


An allowance for and an appreciation of being human.

Know "who I am" - This removes alot of things to defend against or to fear losing.

Confidence in self and reliability - Sorry, there is no woo-woo way around this.   But it can be built, even if you don't yet know that you are capable of it.  (Ultmate Confidence and A Sense Of Self-Efficacy)

Certainty about my code (of conduct, standards, limits) and my following it.
("Sufficient" Certainty)

Build what for sure can't be taken away: The Core Of Life

   Knowledge about life


Concept of fault/blame - Remove this viewpoint, which causes most of the "feel bad"; remove self-criticism!


   I must have other's approval.
        I am not good enough (and its variations)
   I am powerless (and its degrees, variations,
       underlying believed causes)
       I am a victim - And so much to worry about!
       Any dependency for results, approval

Unrealistic expectations ( Read Unhappiness Gap)

Fears beyond in the moment, true threats; 99% of fears felt today are "faux" fears which are completely unnecessary.

Not having adequate capabilities to feel confident of being able to get what one wants in life (for the solution, look in the "build feel goods" box to the left ).