The ultimately confident person says...
The definition
The spectrum of mastery of life
The two components of ultimate confidence
The greatest gift to ourselves
How hard is it to achieve?


"I firmly believe that I can trust and rely on my own abilities and my own power to, within realism, create what I want in life."

This is held within the context of human nature and realistic expectations (not compromises), so that it is magnificently attainable by all humans.


Definition:  Firm belief, trust, reliance, assurance, belief in one' s own abilities, reliance on one's own power.


No Mastery   Low mastery   Some mastery   Level 2    Level 3   Mastery

Low results                                                          Actively producing results
Not highly reliable                                                Ultimate confidence rely on self
Need others' approval                                          Self approval
Dependent on others                                            Super self-dependence
No wisdom foundation                                         Wisdom
Operate in "shoulds"                                             Acceptance of reality
Minimal life knowledge                                        Maximal life knowledge
Minimal learning                                                  Maximal learning
Reactive to feelings                                              Thinking with higher brain
Seeking relief                                                       Creating what is desired
Blame, make-wrong                                             No-blame, compassion
Uncertainty, doubt, non-definiteness, unclear      Certainty, definedness, clarity

Rate each of the line items on a scale of 1to 10 and then add up the score. (Read further by entering the relevant words into the search engine.)

33 or less = Need dramatically more education and direction, asap!
33 - 55 = Struggling way too much with life, still a bit apathetic
56-70 = Low mastery:  The beginning levels of having a better life
71-85 = Some mastery: Beginning to master life, some wisdom, need for more
86-99 = Level 2- 3:  Making good tradeoffs between long term and short term, need to fill in what is missing, relatively happy
100 - 110 = Mastery:  Experiencing life fully, satisfied, free, fully in charge, powerful

(This section has been slightly modified and given its separate page:  The Spectrum Of Life Mastery.)


1.  Knowing I can and will respond, no matter what, by doing my best, creating the best I can from 'what's there' AND creating happiness regardless of the circumstances.  Confidence is not based on outcomes per se.  See Fearlessness.
This can only occur when one accepts that one has responsibility for everything that happens in life, knowing it is not about burden or fault but only reality. (Read 100% Responsibility.)

2.  Knowing I can control what I can control and that I will create the results I want in that area.

   2A.  Necessary part: Having realistic expectations and acceptance of being human,
          its nature and its limitations.   


Ultimately, ultimate confidence is the greatest additional gift to your psyche, as it leads to several areas of happiness, most directly to a "good opinion of oneself".  And what could be more valuable?????!!!!!!!!  (Actually, what is of more value, first, is a viewpoint of safety and abundance:  What IS There, For Sure, Vs. Losses.)

It also contributes to achieving a feeling of power and to actually creating more of what one wants in life.  

Most of us spend most of our lives trying to gain validation and approval from others (often getting it confused with love).  This wastes alot of energy and also violates the Law Of Control - trying to control that which we can't control is a poor producer of results and makes no sense!  (And it erodes the "feeling" of confidence.)

Though many people desperately want to "be ok", to be validated, we blow it by doing those things that degrade our confidence and degrade our power in life - and accordingly lower our good opinion of ourselves.  The degrading of our confidence and power is the ultimate cost - enhancing them is worth far more than the temporary payoff of indulgences, which is the "short term relief" of uncomfortabilities or desires.


Note that we are not asking you to be "perfect" or achieve incredible greatness.  We are simply asking you to use as many of the practices, actions, and principles as you can, in very "doable" chunks.

Ultimate confidence includes a bit of the wisdom involved in "acceptance of reality", as it is futile to compare oneself unfavorably to an unrealistic expectation - it is better to accept reality and move on, avoiding the damage to one's confidence that one will operate effectively within what is realistic in the real world.  Note that no one is capable, unless demented, of having the confidence in achieving unachievable, unrealistic expectations.

One of the greatest sources of unhappiness is criticizing ourselves for the gap between where we are and where we believe we should be.  If we have an unrealistic (and thus unachievable) "should be", then we are assured of failure. 
(See The Unhappiness Gap.)

Ultimate confidence is the opposite of victimhood (holding oneself as powerless and dependent for a period of time) as in the definition of confidence: Reliance on one's own power.

People who rely on their own power make sure to fill themselves up and do not rely on others filling them.  They are independent because they are self-dependent and self-sufficient, not hoping for others to rescue them or love them or fulfill them... 

Firm belief comes from evidence of "coming through" for oneself, of experiencing one's own integrity, in knowing one can rely on one's own power and decisions -  Not to the degree of perfection or "always" but to do one's best, in general, a great deal of the time.

Self acceptance does not come from a bunch of affirmations or from denial - and it is hard to stay in it if one is "not in integrity" and "not doing one's best".   Those "conditions" (of being below what is workable) are not something to criticize oneself about, but only signals that allow one to adjust his/her course, as in Living Life As A Life Champion.  (To have ultimate confidence, one cannot believe anything other than in No Fault, No Blame.  If you do, you must correct that!) 


Repeating some of the above:

Taking 100% Responsibility for my life
Not relying on others to do things for me, being self-sufficient  
Not engaging in any fault, criticism type of thinking or conversations 
Looking at what I can learn from daily, and correcting asap, as in Living Life As A Life Champion
Not dissipating my confidence in producing results - Not trying to Control what I cannot control 
Making sure I do these:

Doing the items on The Healthy Living Master Checklist.
Keeping myself in good condition, with good energy, honoring the mechanics of it all (staying in homeostasis and putting oneself into a high state of resourcefulness as much as possible, being sure to actively engage in rejuvenation.)
Setting a definite set of standards and values in life, and sticking to them.
Setting up my Positives Portfolio.
Increasing my certainty base (to stand firmly on)
   Knowing what is there, for sure - Reviewing my gratitude lists
   Knowing what is enough  
Not tolerating toxicity or drags in my life
   Eliminating/minimizing toxic people
Not tolerating, and holding to no tolerance, what is a low or poor use of my time:  TV, internet
Not tolerating things that impair my frontal lobe functioning 
Cultivating and adding supportive, progressive people into my life


The Confident Person 

Self Esteem

Contents/Links: Confidence, Self Esteem
For perspective and particular pieces.