THE DAVID AND JANE RELATIONSHIP CHRONICLES
A GREAT TEACHING AND LEARNING "READ"

ABOUT DAVID AND JANE:

This a a "composite" representation not true of any one person or couple but where each part has been seen in action, with minimal (reality adhered) fiction added if needed to better illustrate something.  We folllow these "composite" people who are real representations, actual in a sense, through many situations and examples of what to do and not to do.  As we do each, we learn lessons and/or are pointed to where we can learn lessons - all so that we  can have better relationships and experience greater rewards from them.  One interesting "side" benefit is that anyone who reads this will be able to pick up more about life and how to live it better and happier.

FOR NOW

Until all segments of their story are written, use the search engine for the subject.  I've also linked to the subject in some cases, though it may not mention the story yet. 

The "Chapters" should allow you to pick and choose what to learn and perhaps follow this in a logical sequence.

THE "CHAPTERS" 

With a vast array of examples and themed pieces, we follow the life, the relationships, and the lessons of David and Jane.  Designed to create deep insights around reality based situations, it identifies much of what we need to avoid and/or master in relationships.  You can hone in on specific pieces or skip some if you want; do whatever works for you.  This is a great illustration in terms of covering the major things that can go wrong and what could help.  Pieces will include "what actually happened vs. the story", what should have been done that worked better, where should he or she have done something differently.  By the time you finish, you shoulld be blame-free, with nothing to forgive, and steeped in compassion for your partner. 

The Chapters run from one to 2 pages to up to 8 pages and are pretty much "to the point."  References for further reading are included, so you can go as much in depth as you'd like.


OVERVIEW AND BACKGROUNDS

The Overall Relationship
David's Background
Jane's Background
The Way Of Viewing This All - Who's responsible, what's possible, what can be learned, etc.
     The Two People We Marry - The "real" person and the "other" person (watch out for the latter!)

THE BEGINNING

     THE COMMITMENT - The Original Commitment To What Would Work And The Great
             Assumption - And the failure to agree on what that meant... The Major Mistake
      THE CHOICE "At Stage III" - Dealing with it "consciously" or going into mediocrity and
           reactivity... The Invisible Divorce and the choice.

GETTING EDUCATED - and hope

     The Counseling - Building awareness and tools.  The barriers...
            Trying To "Fix Me"...
     The Workshops - The experience, the resistance and... See Alison Armstrong....
             Gender-Based Differences.  Become Expert At Pleasing The Woman. 
             What To Commit To Be A Success As A Husband  
     Learning, Or Not, Tolerance - The Try At The Great Leap - Much to be learned here!

WHAT HAPPENED OVER TIME

     The Red Flags, The First Signs - Friends, counselors. 
          The letter to straighten it out, good, but naive?:  ("You're inconsiderate.") 
                  (See Gender-Based Differences page.)

UNREALISTIC VIEWPOINTS

     Expectations - How they automatically run afoul of a good relationship and compassion.
          What To Accept And Expect In A Relationship  The Role Of Expectations In Life/Rel.
     Assuming, Mind Reading, And Other Dangerous Practices - These almost never work out.
     The Threats We Make Up About...How Our Partner Should Operate.  (Adjust view to 100%)

MAKING UP STORIES

     Perception Vs. Reality, The Gaslighting Effect - The source of most relationship problems.
     Assuming, Mind Reading, and The "Projections"  
     The Evidence Gathering  (You can "prove" any conclusion...)

PERSONAL "STUFF"

    Anybody can learn and adjust - Oops! 
    The "Stupid" Tape - Hey,  is there another person in this conversation?
          The tapes we all have - and need to not let rule!
     Projecting Dad onto David - And other projections, real as they may seem
           The Sins Of The Father
     Emotional Overwhelm - Striking out at the other...

     FEAR

          Fear - Its Role Here
          Fear - Anxiety, Emotional Overload       
          Decision - To let it rule or to consciously choose your behavior so that it works
    
THE BEHAVIORS, REACTIVITY VS PROACTIVITY

     Blaming - A losing game, period. 
     Objecting, Complaining, and Disapproving as "Power"
            See and understand:  Rackets 
     Gossiping - The damage and the reinforcement of unworkability
            Third Partying - More about being right and reinforcing it, rather than addressing it.
     Criticizing - One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse for a marriage.
     Resenting
            What Jane Says About David - A compilation of Jane's grievances, to learn from and to
                avoid her behaviors and beliefs.  There are many valuable lessons to be learned from
                 this.
            It's Unequal, Damn You! 
      Controlling
              'You Should Have...'
             Suppression and repression
      Attacking, Contempt (And Aggressively Defending Reactively) - One of the other Four
           Horsemen.  The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse Of A Relationship contained in this
           slide presentation on the seven principles for making relationships work
      Punishing
             Disdain, Contempt - Another of the Four Horsemen
             What's wrong with you - Little boy talk, decisions 
      Make-wrong - Other people are stupid and I need to punish or make feel stupid to correct
             them..
      Not trusting those "untrustworthy" husbands - A father untrusted?  
      Withdrawing - Strong negative emotions being too overwhelming, staying in "the child"
      Stonewalling (And Fear) - Another Of The Four Horsemen
      Rage, Anger
             Fear And Road Rage - Getting us home without getting killed by those drivers...
       How Could Anybody Treat Another Human Being That Way! - Where was that learned?
              Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde - Which will appear?
       Denial, Hiding From The Signs

TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT

       The Problem Solving Sessions - How Not To Do It - Makes the strategies on how to do it
            seem even better by comparison.

ENABLING BEHAVIORS

       Al-Anon - Even without a drinker in the family
       Being A "Nice Guy" And Training His Partner How To (Mis)Treat Him -
       Being Blind And "Optimistic"
       David's "Intentions" Do Not Necessarily Pan Out Well - Only Results Count -

THE INVISIBLE DIVORCE

       Intimacy - Accepting it or not?
            Sex, Affection

HOPE

      If Only... - If only she realizes, maybe she'll have compassion and undertstanding for me, if
         only she/he ...

COMING TO A CONCLUSION

     Hope, Personal Doubts, Understanding What Is Happening
     Watching The Relationship DVD With Friends - The List Of Grievances - With New and Up To
          Date Creations Added
      Renewed Effort...And Then...The Epiphany
      So, Who's Wrong Here? - The answer is...
     WHAT FINALLY OCCURRED?  Was there an alternative ending that actually happened?
          Facing The Inevitable:  Realizing That There Is No Hope
               The Final Communication
          The Other Ending - Did it happen? -  The 'final" rescue attempt, via the minister and the
                sister:  Did It Work?

FOR DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

Read the items referred to in each section, when you want to go deeper in understanding and make sure you are doing what works in your relationship.  Use the Search Engine to go directly to it.
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