With a vast array of examples and themed pieces, we follow the life, the relationships, and the lessons of David and Jane. Designed to create deep insights around reality based situations, it identifies much of what we need to avoid and/or master in relationships. You can hone in on specific pieces or skip some if you want; do whatever works for you. This is a great illustration in terms of covering the major things that can go wrong and what could help. Pieces will include "what actually happened vs. the story", what should have been done that worked better, where should he or she have done something differently. By the time you finish, you shoulld be blame-free, with nothing to forgive, and steeped in compassion for your partner.
The Chapters run from one to 2 pages to up to 8 pages and are pretty much "to the point." References for further reading are included, so you can go as much in depth as you'd like.
OVERVIEW AND BACKGROUNDS
The Overall Relationship
The Way Of Viewing This All - Who's responsible, what's possible, what can be learned, etc.
The Two People We Marry - The "real" person and the "other" person (watch out for the latter!)
THE COMMITMENT - The Original Commitment To What Would Work And The Great
Assumption - And the failure to agree on what that meant... The Major Mistake
GETTING EDUCATED - and hope
The Counseling - Building awareness and tools. The barriers...
Trying To "Fix Me"...
Learning, Or Not, Tolerance - The Try At The Great Leap - Much to be learned here!
WHAT HAPPENED OVER TIME
The Red Flags, The First Signs - Friends, counselors.
Expectations - How they automatically run afoul of a good relationship and compassion.
Assuming, Mind Reading, And Other Dangerous Practices - These almost never work out.
MAKING UP STORIES
Assuming, Mind Reading, and The "Projections"
The Evidence Gathering (You can "prove" any conclusion...)
Anybody can learn and adjust - Oops!
The "Stupid" Tape - Hey, is there another person in this conversation?
The tapes we all have - and need to not let rule!
Projecting Dad onto David - And other projections, real as they may seem
The Sins Of The Father
Emotional Overwhelm - Striking out at the other...
Fear - Its Role Here
Fear - Anxiety, Emotional Overload
Decision - To let it rule or to consciously choose your behavior so that it works
THE BEHAVIORS, REACTIVITY VS PROACTIVITY
Blaming - A losing game, period.
Objecting, Complaining, and Disapproving as "Power"
Gossiping - The damage and the reinforcement of unworkability
Third Partying - More about being right and reinforcing it, rather than addressing it.
Criticizing - One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse for a marriage.
avoid her behaviors and beliefs. There are many valuable lessons to be learned from
It's Unequal, Damn You!
'You Should Have...'
Suppression and repression
Attacking, Contempt (And Aggressively Defending Reactively) - One of the other Four
slide presentation on the seven principles for making relationships work
Disdain, Contempt - Another of the Four Horsemen
What's wrong with you - Little boy talk, decisions
Make-wrong - Other people are stupid and I need to punish or make feel stupid to correct
Not trusting those "untrustworthy" husbands - A father untrusted?
Withdrawing - Strong negative emotions being too overwhelming, staying in "the child"
Stonewalling (And Fear) - Another Of The Four Horsemen
Fear And Road Rage - Getting us home without getting killed by those drivers...
How Could Anybody Treat Another Human Being That Way! - Where was that learned?
Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde - Which will appear?
Denial, Hiding From The Signs
TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT
The Problem Solving Sessions - How Not To Do It - Makes the strategies on how to do it
seem even better by comparison.
Al-Anon - Even without a drinker in the family
Being A "Nice Guy" And Training His Partner How To (Mis)Treat Him -
Being Blind And "Optimistic"
David's "Intentions" Do Not Necessarily Pan Out Well - Only Results Count -
THE INVISIBLE DIVORCE
Intimacy - Accepting it or not?
If Only... - If only she realizes, maybe she'll have compassion and undertstanding for me, if
only she/he ...
COMING TO A CONCLUSION
Hope, Personal Doubts, Understanding What Is Happening
Watching The Relationship DVD With Friends - The List Of Grievances - With New and Up To
Date Creations Added
Renewed Effort...And Then...The Epiphany
So, Who's Wrong Here? - The answer is...
WHAT FINALLY OCCURRED? Was there an alternative ending that actually happened?
Facing The Inevitable: Realizing That There Is No Hope
The Final Communication
The Other Ending - Did it happen? - The 'final" rescue attempt, via the minister and the
sister: Did It Work?