Please correct the quotes. This is an attempt to begin to unravel, by guessing what must be being said, by guessing the little "subroutines" (part of a program in a computer that directs a sequence) that are initiated in the overall sequence of this bigger program.
"Each time I deal with a psychologist or coach, I end up not doing what they want me to do. It is my way of saying 'Screw you! I'm not going to do it!' This always happened to everybody in that position. It's like they are my mother."
'My mother tried to control me. But I needed her approval. So I was caught in the middle. I hated her, but I needed her. I resented her criticisms and comparisons. She is the reason for me being so negative and unhappy."
She speaks of this as if it is an outside force directing her, rather than her being responsible to choose or not choose those beliefs and/or choose to eliminate the strength of the oppositional force...
This is behavior that is much like a teenager, resisting authorities and one's parents in an effort to try to assert his power, but from a position of powerlessness and being dependent. (This is also an item underlying extremely aggressive angry or rageful behavior, where the recordings in the brain believe that this will scare away the enemy as the only method the powerless person has at his disposal.)
This is a great example of how we stack beliefs and how important a belief is that is a pillar upon which the next belief is constructed. This is why one should study the base beliefs from society and our family that support dysfunction and create most of our emotional pain. Note how the whole sequence is dependent on the false belief that she is powerless and dependent, which is outmoded from childhood and no longer true. She needs to address her core belief, or the other ones based on it are likely to be held into place.
She is clearly assuming the way of being and the viewpoint of a Child. She is choosing that for some reason, such as "if I'm a child, someone will rescue" or "...do everything for me."
THE RACKET
Her complaining about all the problems that go with choosing to be a child and holding others as a "mother figure" (parent, as in Personas) is a form of a racket, where the illusionary payoffs are perhaps I get to believe that someone will come to the rescue, give me approval that I've never gotten, take care of me. Note that one of the key realizations for someone to grow up and begin formulating an adult philosophy is that "no one is coming" (to rescue me, make up for my mother, or ...).
The costs of this are immense: She gives up her power. She has to depend on others to provide what they will not consistently provide. She creates all sorts of suffering. The question now is whether she will state what she really wants and commit to removing the barrier to getting what she wants and then to create the possibilities that will lead to what she wants, and then the actions she will do, as in the The Worksheet For Rackets.
She needs to go through the forms and exercises and procedures at the level she used in successfully completing her graduate degress. It will not go away by wishful thinking.
DO THE WORK
We've got to knock out those old records in order to avoid defeat (see Mistakes, Failures, And Defeats and Habits). The most significant thing she can do, which will stop most of the games and her infliction of pain upon herself, lies in giving up the belief that she is a helpless little girl and stepping up into assuming responsibility and going into the being of Rational Nurturing Adult, casting herself in that role in her life movie (Me, The Movie, which is an exercise for her to do) .
Possible "sentences" (statements of belief behind this):
I am powerless and dependent.
I must have someone else rescue me.
I must have someone else approve of me, for I am unable to take care of myself,
as I am powerless and dependent.
I need their attention.
I need someone else to tell me I'm ok. I need their praise. If they don't praise me
enough, I'm going to be mad at them.
The affirmations to use:
Use those related to the above phrases (enter in search engine).
Use the basic Barksdale affirmations to correct underlying beliefs.
Use the "possibilities" declaration you devise from the worksheet for rackets, above.
