tba in process
WHEN YOU HAVE LEARNED THE LESSONS...
When you realize that there is no approval that is needed and virtually nothing to fear, you will feel a great sense of true freedom and probably relief, for you will be totally free to make your life what it can be - you'll be doing what you value and thus be creating value for yourself - which is the secret to happiness. (You'll never have to be "nice" again, or rather "not nice" as a judgment; being nice is a thing put upon us to control us into doing the appropriate behavior, because we could not have understood it if someone said "it is best to do what is workable and it is workable to..." or "it will produce better results if you...")
When you realize that circumstances and people cannot be controlled and that outcomes are often not known ahead of time, then you'll free up all that energy and simply apply it to making the best of any outcome that occurs.
When you realize that all unhappiness mostly occurs about being unhappy in another time - i.e. we make ourselves unhappy about unhappiness that isn't there - and when you give up the childish idea that being unhappy about the possibility of being unhappy in the future is not a viable strategy to prevent unhappiness in the future but only a perfect strategy for making oneself unhappy right now, then you can be happy. When you look at what is actually occurring right now, keeping your attention on the very right now, this instant, you will not see any unhappiness, because there isn't any, in the present...
When you realize that when something uncomfortable or undesired (not preferred) happens, that you can still make yourself happy no matter what, then you will be fully in your power, fully in what is true, and fully capable of producing happiness - and knowing this, will give you a sense of underlying happiness, a sense that life is good, and even a sense that you are ok and blessed...
When you realize that you can live your life while being centered and grounded, seldom "off" and not being out of "the zone" of high functioning homeostasis, then you can live a life of experiencing and appreciating what is going on in life, never living in "I'm not where I should be", always at the essence being "in happiness." (Even though homeostasis is # 8 below, it is the essential core to living a life powerfully.)
Top, essential three:
1. Identify and see what IS there (what I "have:) and appreciate the miracle of it. If you learn this, losses are no longer losses and you'll create happiness no matter what. What I Have, For Sure. (The lesson: Living in fear of loss is no way to live.)
Create a base that is always there, reliably, safely, and easy to "go to". I Am Safe.
Create a "conversation" that assures you that you are safe.
3. Never allow myself to continue to be an amateur thinker, who allows the damage to continue and to not manage it. The expert thinker knows his/her thoughts are just thoughts and to follow the rules to correct them.. The warning machine is always active, but I can choose to look, see, and then choose my own response - and knowing it is not real is the key, as in the movie A Beautiful Mind.
4. Build your "what makes you happy" list and eliminate what makes you unhappy - of course first learning what those things are! (The lesson: Living a life seeking the wrong things to make one happy is a waste of life!) 5. Learn to be fearless.- Except for instinct, waste no energy on fears, live the "no matter what" happiness. (The lesson: I badly hurt the quality of my life with needless fearing. Learn to be fearless early on.)
contingency upon what happens really sucks.)
6. Be self-sufficient - And have the freedom to not be a prisoner of approval or the potential for rejection, nor fear not being able to handle things. (The lesson: Being needy puts one into a "contingent on others" mode and not in power in life.)
Learn how "loving" is the reward, not seeking (or "needing") to be loved - and if
you are self-sufficient then you can do this.
just go about life creating that which is strictly based on your own efforts and is
reliable - including effectively relying on interdependent cooperation.
7. Train the brain, asap! - Focus and (brief) meditation recalibrates happiness/judgment center, so it is higher functioning. Why Buddhist Monks Are The Happiest (The lesson: Living with an undisciplined, scattered mind and operating from the primitive mind gives one a life of distraction and little satisfaction.)
8. Formulate and hone to perfection a masterful Philosophy Of Life. (The lesson: Being uncertain as to your foundation for your life produces needless tension and wasted effort.)
LIVING IN THE "ZONE"
9. Pause, Time Out - Constantly monitoring for correction, relaxation, stopping and thinking (no thinking happens without taking a pause). This way you navigate well, learn, and build a right course. Always adjusting to the homeostasis range. This is essential, virtually eliminates stress and saves the body/mind from malfunctioning. (The lesson: Getting too far into the exhausted or excessively stressed range is harmful and had me live life at a far lower level than I could have otherwise.) 10. Adjust quickly and often, confront and solve problems, as quickly and as early as possible. Live Life As A Life Champion. (The lesson: It is costly to let myself languish off course and/or to not deal with "stuff" quickly and completely.) 11. Pacing, no gap, breathing easy....only hurry or "press" in emergencies. (The lesson: There is so much energy wasted and not feeling good when I am in a constant sprint, pressure mode. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.) 12. Rejuvenate (a version of the time-out idea in a sense) - Whole "free" days, stay in high rejuvenation. (The lesson: Operating in burnout mode, with the metal to the pedal, and being constantly striving actually lowered my productivity, plus I didn't feel so good.) 13. Live The 80/20 Way. (The lesson: I wasted so much energy and got so much less of a return than if I would have been cognitively answering the question of what will produce the higher true payoffs in life.) Evaluate the price and decide the worth of what you are "buying in life. There Is A
Stop all "no effect", "no relevance" activities, including giving up trying to control
what has no payoff
Live deliberately, intentionally, directedly (sufficient planning); delete the
Master something that produces high value. Learn to do well that which matters
14. Use CAT. Develop and use critical analytical thinking (CAT) so that you can make good decisions and solve problems effectively. Life is series of decisions, and making them well will determine the quality of your life. (The lesson: Bad decisions or poorly thought out decisions had me unnecessarily suffering and/or on the wrong path, wasting lots of energy.)
BEST SOURCES TO GO TO
Google, YouTube - "Top life lessons" and decide for yourself from those who have been there before you or thought it out in more depth than you.
Robin Sharma - Although he is oriented toward creating leaders and business success, his teachings are actually about life.
A steady series of life lessons (to be screened out) from a whole bunch of contributors is on InspireMeToday stie, where people share under "today's brilliance".