THE ROLE OF "CONFLICTING NEEDS" AT THE SAME TIME
SEEING, ADJUSTING, FOR A LIFE OF GREATER EASE AND EFFECTIVENESS
With regard to what seems to be an internal battle, where the "good" we are "fighting" for is the "greater good" that the higher brain aims for, when it is fully informed:
"Going into battle unarmed, untrained, full of fears and few whys against a horde of powerful opposers is not a formula for winning!!!! I suggest that you stop doing that!"
THE BATTLE OF CONFLICTING NEEDS
As humans, we have "needs" and wants. Not infrequently they are in conflict.
We want to lose weight yet we want to eat something sweet or we just plain feel hungry. We want to do what is right at the moment, but we feel tired and we need to seek relief.
We want to be there for our spouse, but life's and/or works demands get in the way.
I'm sure you can think of many other examples - for this is going on during much of our life.
The secret of winning in the battle that is for your greater good is no different than the formula for winning any battle.
However, the human battle uniquely has "imaginary", seemingly real, enemies on the other side. Often it has "misjudged" enemies, where we think they are more powerful than they really are - or we fail to see how we can get them on "our side". ["Our side" means the side that is what our higher brain, which is the actual "me", truly wants when it is fully informed and has wise perspective. See Who I Really Am.)
THE PRINCIPLE OF OPPOSING FORCES
Opposing forces cancel each other out and net only a small amount of "net force" in any one direction (the direction of the stronger force). If one removes (or lessens) the force on one side, a tremendous force is released on the other side.
Need 1 (5 units) --> <-- Need 2 (4 units = Need 1 wins by 1 unit
If we have a "Need 2" with less power, it will not win, you will not succeed in filling it.
NECESSARY TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A "STRICTLY MECHANICAL" BEING
We seem to think that there are magical or mysterious forces controlling us, as if they are separate entities with will and intent.
Hogwash! (Read The Believing Brain piece to be clear on this superstition and explanation, that we make up with no basis, for what we don't understand. It is essential to know that a great number of beliefs that you believe to be true have no basis in the real world!)
THE PRINCIPLES: IN THE EXAMPLE OF TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT
"I just can't lose weight! What's wrong with me??!!"
Nothing really. Your basic unit is intact and working marvelously. You simply need to learn more of how it works and how to work it. (It's inadequate knowledge as of yet and correspondingly not having good strategies to use, so we use strategies that do not work! We are not bad, as the central core operating unit. It is not about us, but what we have learned. Be clear about this, as it is a core precept to having healthy self-esteem.)
You are simply missing the necessary knowledge and have not yet devised the strategies that will work (including the basic strategy around doing things that have long term benefits but seem to have short term costs).
You simply have a concept in your mind that you would like to see happen so that you would be happier and operating better in life: Less weight = benefits to me, value.
And you now have a decision to make in each moment: I "need" to eat something to feel better right now. That is what will benefit me right now, though I know I should think of the long term value of eating less.
The force of "eat now" is simply greater than the force of "future benefits". (Duh!)
You're in a battle, where there are hordes on one side, armed with weapons (called "habits"), and the other side that you think you favor, the side with fewer fighters (fewer habits) who are also largely unarmed (without strong, built-in habits) and without a good strategy (war plan). Of course, you're losing!!!!!! (not weight, but the battle)
You've got to arm the "ggod" side and disarm and/or eliminate the warriors on the bad side (convince them to cooperate).
THE PRINCIPLES: IN ENERGY USED UP IN LIFE SO CAN DO LITTLE ELSE
"I just can't seem to have any energy left over to do more in life, to produce more and better results. It's hopeless. I give up! What's wrong with me?!!!?"
Nothing is "wrong with you". You are operating exactly as you were mechanically structured to operate. You are simply missing some strategies and knowledge and are not quite aware of, in specifics and clarity, of what is going on that is causing this.
"I just can't get out of bed in the morning to go do my exercise!"
Physiologically the body is always trying to stay in balance, in proper functioning, as evolved in our DNA and caused us to survive! Rest is wired in as one of those mechanisms. In fact preserving our energy for what really matters is built in - essentially making us "smart lazy".
The DNA and the basic mind does not know the concept of "I'll survive better in the long term if I exercise" as we evolved simply to be motivated to get things to eat and do what is necessary to live.
That's our programming.
And we have to have that understanding and then build a strategy that works to get what we want, given how the body and mind work! (Duh!)
If I have a threat in mind, even feeling that there is always danger, where we feel anxiety, the mind will work on that as a priority, and you cannot engage it very well on "higher, longer term values" (as that is "nonsense" to the brain, as it first must meet all survival needs!).
If you know how your systems operate, you will realize (and do what is necessary) that you need to create a greater "net safety", where the safety is increased and the seeming threats are decreased until we get to a net result that is satisfactory for our amygdala (danger system). Obviously this must be done on its own, ahead of time. You help to accomplish this by increasing your Certainty, by doing the simple, doable steps in the piece called "Sufficient" Psychological Certainty - A Quality Of Being, A Psychological Viewpoint.
ALWAYS AT LEAST DO THESE, AS BASIC HABITS AND PRACTICES!
There are things you can do in the moment, which help, but most of time will be spent in preparing for the battle, for arming yourself ahead of time (!), with strategies, and planning what you'll do, including visualizing to make the motivation stronger and more "top of mind", more readily available.
In the moment, no matter what, do The Pause and the deep breath (which reengages your higher brain, so that it can be used!); in fact, you must build into your life, as a habit, The One-Minute Break, whether it is for reengaging your brain or for rejuvenation and filling up. Deep breathing (slow abominal breathing) for a minute makes a huge difference. It also say "I'm ok. I'm safe." The mind's key function is to assure survival and it will not do anything else until it has settled the "present danger"!!!!!! (Read Breathe To Feel Good.)
Grab and read the written version of what you want to accomplish and the "why" (the benefits) of it. We've got to increase the power of this side of the argument.
EXAMPLES OF BATTLE PLANS!
My Nutrition/Weight/Exercise Plan Numbers - A Quick-Glance Sheet To Guide Me
Doing what I need to do in the moment
If you don't prepare yourself, using the actual realities of how your body and mind work, you will, in a sense, "lose". But not really, you'll just not win certain battles, but overall, if you really can see clearly, you'll see that you are virtually always living in a magnificent existence!