First - Define it!
The danger is...
The actual size of this danger is...
The appropriate size of the response is...
Appropriate fear/alarm size
My conclusion: My thinking and commitment in the matter
(This is like a "form", with explanations and quotes...)
FIRST - DEFINE IT!
THE DANGER IS: Describe in a "what is so", objective manner:
THE ACTUAL SIZE OF THIS DANGER IS:
This is based on actual danger, not "illusory" danger, so you'll have to accept that this is more factual - and examine your beliefs if you make it a bigger deal. Ultimately, of course, once you've thoroughly learned what is true, it is up to you to calibrate the danger level. Circle the appropriate number. (If it is not below, just compare what the danger is to a similar item.)
Big Stuff (Some catastrophic perhaps
100 SUPER BIG (It threatens my very life.)
70 PERMANENT EXTREME UNADJUSTABLE PAIN (Merits extreme defensive action.)
50 Big, but recoverable (I might lose a limb or the use of it. A person adjusts back to normal
happiness level within a year.)
20 Money source is threatened and you'll be in utter poverty for sure (see "recoverable" option,
6 Money source is threatened but confident I can make enough to be above subsistence and I
know that I can create happiness anyway, as proven in happiness studies.
6 Losing spouse, betrayed, if in proper perspective
6 Losing home, and having to go through the recovery
4 Unrecoverable chronic fatigue syndrome
Small Stuff (Assuming we "see it" and are able not to "add" a pile of false meaning to it.)
2 Chronic fatigue syndrome, recoverable or ameliorateable
1 Working really hard, long hours out of necessity.
3/4 Not being in an intimate relationship, knowing can take care of self
1/2 I'm tired, fatigued
1/4 Not approved of by another person
1/4 An "inconvenience" (in proper perspective, without childish exaggeration)
THE APPROPRIATE SIZE OF THE RESPONSE IS
Should match the danger size, as we want to battle a big important thing with a big response.
The number is: ______
APPROPRIATE FEAR/ALARM SIZE
The fear/alarm size is reduced by the level of confidence that your response will handle it.
The factors in reduced size:
___ This is handleable. I'll just do it. It may take effort but it is worth it. I will not create
additional unnecessary emotional pain, as that is not needed once I have my actions
decided. Even if something is a big deal, it can be coolly handled, even inevitable
death, if you see it correctly, though you may have trouble believing it.
___ I'll use my comforting skills, as I need only have analyzed what needs to be done and
then to do those activities, accepting all consequences, as in Fearlessness.
___ I'm confident I have developed healthy beliefs and manage my thoughts well.
The number: ____ (Usually very small, except for the big stuff. The size, in true perspective, is normally just enough to have one pay attention and decide to engage the higher brain. Average size for a learned, aware person is about .001 to .01, on the scale compared to danger.
"I see this is only affecting what is truly marginal, so I'll give it no alarm value. It's nothing." Or
Keep this form in your Reminders Notebook, as it will be needed until you form good habits and ways of thinking.
MY THINKING AND COMMITMENT IN THE MATTER
"I can see that the medium and big stuff is very, very, very infrequent and that worrying about them makes no sense, since it has no impact. I do need to learn and follow rules that minimize the chances of such things occurring."
"I shall learn what it takes to master acceptance of reality, so that I don't waste my energy generating resistance and suffering."
"Everything else is very little stuff, requiring only attention and a cool, centered response, which is what I commit to doing."
"I can totally handle these. I am totally confident."
This is the thinking I commit to learning and implementing.
Committed to this ___ day of _______________, ____