WHY AND HOW I CAN HANDLE LIFE
NEGATORY PERSPIRATION, DADDY-O!
Be sure to read the lower sidebar piece: The Delusion Of "Not Capable".
A VAGUE SENSE OF SOMETHING NOT QUITE RIGHT
At times, we fear what is coming or could come. We have a vague sense that things will go wrong and then we anticipate that it'll make us unhappy and that nothing can be done about - and then we figuratively hold our breaths and our bodies as if hunkered down to handle an actual threat... (That is the very essence of unhappiness and stress.)
But what is actually happening is that we have a subtle thought (sometimes called a "feeling") that we won't be able to handle what is coming. And that thought is repeated and repeated and repeated, thriving in vagueness.
Yes, one knows "intellectually", one believes, that one can, of course, handle life, but one doesn't really know that - because I can deduce from the effect of someone's "feeling afraid" that he/she must have a corrsponding cause, which is what that person is communicating to him/herself. Essentially, you are doubting, I deduce, whether you can or will handle what comes up and you are thinking it is terrible if an undesired outcome (result) happens. [However, it isn't actually terrible, and you'll also adjust better than you predict.]
THE SOURCE OF MUCH OF "DON'T FEEL GOOD"
(Most of the time that you "don't feel good" is from a physical sensation that results from not breathing well. The body is designed to emit uncomfortability signals to get its owner to do something. People seem to ignore it or not to know how to read the signals. When in doubt, all you have to do is breathe deeply and correct your posture to a power posture. Breathing deeply and slowly sends a signal along the reciprocal linking to the threat warning system that all is well. Even if all isn't well, it still has that affect, at least offsetting what else you're doing to yourself in your mind. You should practice The Physiology Of Power whenever you are not in your power.)
UNDESIRED OUTCOMES MOSTLY ARE NOT REALLY THREATS
It is true that you will, for sure, have undesired outcomes. But it is not true that you need to suffer from those or chide yourself for not handling them well or not preventing them.
But what we are missing here is a viewpoint that is higher than the primitive mind will come up with. Its job is strictly to protect us, so it will look out for every possible threat, even where there is only a remote possibility or will instigate a danger pattern based on some really stupid connection that makes no sense.
The truth is that there are very, very, very few items that really, really matter. And being clear about those will get rid of all the other things that we feel "concern" about. It really is true that one needn't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff (except for a very few items). Yes, I make up that things are important, but that is only a mental construct where it all exists in my mind and nowhere in reality itself.
CAN I DO WHAT IS "ENOUGH"?
As a human, I will live in a land of anxiety unless I define "enough" and am satisfied that I can provide myself with enough, so that I am "safe". (How Much Is Enough?)
I need only be capable of and act to provide enough for myself to eat and have some shelter, first of all. It can be a room in a house. I could live on $12,000 or less
And I need some "space" to think, plan, appreciate life, look at life, have some leisure, read, go to a park, and such.
That's it. The rest is all made up and optional, meaning not at all a catastrophe to not have!!! (Some people would argue this point, asserting that we must be loved or some such requirement we think we must have to be happy. In truth, we can provide enough for ourselves that we are self-sufficient.)
"I am entirely capable of handling all that is necessary in life. The rest is optional."
AND A USEFUL RELEVANT PRACTICE HERE IS...
At the end of the day, it is useful, to inform your primitive brain and for the "feel-good" of it to acknowledge the day. "Today, this is what I accomplished. I am satisfied that i did the best I could given my humanness and my needs. Today I took good care of myself and stayed in homeostasis. This is good. I am grateful for this day and for all that was in it. I am grateful for all that exists that supports me in this life."
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THE REASON WHY I WROTE THIS
Yes, I wrote this thinking of people in general and a specific person, other than myself.
However, I noticed that I have been engaging in the "when I..., then I will feel good" standard thought routine, which has me feeling not so happy. "I'll feel good when I catch up and do enough, get enough done." But my "enough" is some gargantuan expectation that I created and most of the time do not fulfill - but it is an unnecessary expectation, and the source of my Unhappiness Gap.
What "makes me" unhappy (actually what I do to make myself feel unhappy): Thinking I'll be happy when:
I finish up enough stuff and have most things done, caught up.
I am accomplished enough.
I have helped enough people
However, now that I see what I have slipped into (a bad habit, for some reason), I must and will and am correcting this. I will not tolerate this for a moment.
I am doing more than enough. I am contributing and I need not contribute some artificially great amount or be the best. A few little contributions are fine. And besides that I find this to be interesting and challenging and satisfying - I would do it regardless of the outcomes. It is my "flow", a good use of my signature strengths and skills
ALSO, I SEE CLEARLY THAT THERE IS LOTS AND LOTS OF EXTRA TIME
I also caught myself having my time too full to do all I wanted to do. Part of the problem, as above, is that I had lots of "wanted to do"s, but I can now see that they are strictly optional.
And some of the stuff in my life was of a negative input energy, such as politics, which I found ignited by interest and my wish to have a positive effect - but the problem is that there is no way I could even have an effect. So I cut it out totally, stopping all regular recordings, all emails, and all reading about it - and gave up all concern, as it was outside my circle of concern and my central rings of importance.
Of course, you've got to be clear about this, really nail it down. What is there to be grateful.
Say thank you every day, every am. It builds the happiness center in the brain - plus it provides a thought that is grooved in such that it will automatically pop up at times during the day! Especialy if you program it to do that in response to....grooves more into the happy brain
ANOTHER QUESTIONING OF "ENOUGH"
Do I have to be perfect to be ok? to be liked? to survive? to I have to be "good enough"? Can I just appreciate life and not be "above average" or better than others.
For the good feelings I get when I do acts of kindness. Even an ice cream cone.
Life is like a man falling off of the top of a skyscraper. We know what will eventually happen. Yet you can hear him as he passes by your window saying "so far, so good".
How could that be? Isn't that terrible? Once you're gone, you won't feel a thing (or you'll go to heaven), so that's no problem. So "being gone" is not the problem. Of course, not being here is not as good as being here, because you get to experience being alive. Just breathing, feeling the sun, or the breeze. I am conscious for now and that is enough. I can't get more, so why bemoan it - it won't change a thing, other than ruin my mood.
I will live. Then I will die. That's it. I don't know how long, but it really doesn't matter than I don't, for while i am alive, I am alive. Is that ok? If not, then why make yourself unhappy about it.
Is life, while you have it, worth living? Yes, you get to experience love, people, pleasure, entertainment, enjoying people and their pursuits, playing games
no need for permanency, except in our mind.
consciously do something positive for yourself every day.
GRATEFULNESS, GENERATING THE "ENOUGHNESS" OF LIFE
If you have a house or shelter to come home to at the end of the day, then you have a huge reason to be thankful. If you eat good, healthy food everyday, then you have even more to give thanks for, and if you are fortunate enough to share that food with family or loved ones, then you are one of the richest people in the world.
Enjoy seeing, tasting, feeling, smelling.
But I don't like the stress. A. The stress is self-imposed. It is created by you. You need to learn the basics of how not to be stressed (link)
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What creates "enoughness"?
Creating greater capabilities in life: The confidence of capability and being able to "deliver" in life. "It fills the space knowing that one is capable of filling the space."
Creating: Writing, drawing, painting (though I’m not good at it), playing music (though I’m not especially good at that, either). For others, it might be inventing something, building a business, coming up with a clever marketing campaign, forming a non-profit.
Relating: It’s not “family” that makes life worth living, I think, but the relationships we create with members of our family, and the way we maintain and build those relationships. Same goes for friends, lovers, business partners, students, and everyone else.
Helping: Being able to lend a hand to people in need – however drastic or trivial that need may be – strikes me as an important part of life.
Realizing: Making, working towards, and achieving goals, no matter what those goals are.
Playing: Maybe this is a kind of “relating”, but then, play can be a solo affair as well. Letting go of restraints, imagining new possibilities, testing yourself against others or against yourself, finding humor and joy.
Growing: Learning new things, improving my knowledge and ability in the things I’ve already learned.
Removing the "not enoughness": Dispute the reasons for being unhappy and/or handle the problem underlying it. (This is all over this site!)
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Why are Africans Poor but the Happiest People
"I am a poor African, I live on a farm, I walk everywhere, I love my 9 children and my two wives, I own 2 cows, I live in a small hut, I love my life. Why is it that most people in the West have everything in life but still are not happy? Maybe they can learn a few things about happiness from us the poor people."
