The verbiage in the two boxes are in a sequence designed to contrast the three key elements to being happy or unhappy. Go to the next section down, either to the left or to the right, to get the sequence. Get the idea first, then go back and link to what is of further interest.
Four essentials for happiness:
1. LOOK/SEE WHAT IS THERE. Know that there is no loss, though there are lessened gains (read the piece!), while there is a mountain-sized "haves" from the body/mind all the way to natural items (see what's there) . You don't believe this now, but read about it to really learn this essential precept for happiness. 2. LEARN/KNOW THAT THERE IS no fault/no blame. Learn/know that there is no fault/no blame. There is no valid blame, no valid criticism...as incredulous as that may seem in your old way of thinking (the one that hasn't worked!).
A. Corollary: Inflicting pain/suffering on oneself or others is not necessary to get oneself/other to
act or change. (We have learned it, but it is not true that in order to get a result one must inflict pain,
guilt, shame, suffering, revenge, etc., or have to "feel bad".)
3. KNOW I CAN CREATE HAPPINESS for myself, no matter the outcome. (I do not experience "anticipatory fear." and I create happiness virtually "no matter what" - very doable, and it takes away a major source of unhappiness.)
4. DO WHAT I VALUE (= Create happiness). Identify first. Drop all dependence on conditions and/or people to make me happy, as in #3, above, with very little anxiety about outcomes.
The difference in thinking and actions is illustrated in the following, where you'll move between columns to see the contrast.
Additional tidbit at the end: The Role Of Being Loving In Happiness
A PROGRAM TO UNDERSTAND THIS MORE DEEPLY:
If you "get" these three precepts (seeing what there is, no blame/no fault, and create happiness no matter what), your happiness level will jump more than 50% at a minimum and, I think, it will increase 100's of percents above where you are now.
Before: 50 happiness points minus 45 unhappiness points = 5 (net) happiness points
After: 100 happiness points minus 5 unhappiness points = 95 net happiness points
Part I. See/Look What IS there
Gratitude - Seeing the mountain of what is there and no longer focusing on what's missing. Keep this review and practice up until you see the mountain of what IS there. (Do a few easy simple exercises for a scientifically established boost.) And learn what the opposite is: What We Sufffer About. From the other side: no loss.
Part II. No longer doing 'make wrong' (and no longer inflicting suffering to get oneself or others "motivated")
[For deeper study for those who really want to get this down completely (return to this, after reviewing the shorter
about life and oneself and the realities of life. A small book, but I found it life changing for me.]
Part III. "No fear" - I can make myself happy no matter what. [Imagine having that as your underlying thought!)
Fearlessness - Note how this also ties in with seeing "the mountain" of "things we always have"..
Other learning (for greater understanding and clarity, if you want to be even happier and more at peace.)
Obviously, you would get value out of reading the pieces about
ONE'S CHOICES: MASTERY...OR CONTINUING "EFFECTS"
Living a life dealing with the "symptoms" (effects) of what you do/think is a bit like Groundhog Day, living the unpleasantness over and over - but we can only really "solve" the "cause", as that will eliminate the symptoms forever.
If you get this down at a level of mastery there you will have no need to continue to suffer or be less than very happy.
An additional tidbit:
THE ROLE OF BEING LOVING IN HAPPINESS
Those who profess to be loving should not confuse the "feeling of love" (which results from loving or being loved) with actual loving, both of others and self - nor should you base you life on being unconditionally loved by others.
Love is actually
1. Complete acceptance of what is and what isn't
2. Supporting the other person (or oneself) in their aspirations, especially for happiness
3. Acting in a way that is aligned with the above.
Yes, if there is a "what isn't", if it supports the other person or the relationship or oneself, it is fair to request, not demand, a change and to assist only if it is deemed worth it and not a form of controlling (which doesn't work).
One must practice this on oneself, or one will not have the ability to do it with others, as the paradigm is one of acceptance (or reality), never one of criticism.