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The verbiage in the two boxes are in a sequence designed to contrast the three key elements to being happy or unhappy.  Go to the next section down, either to the left or to the right, to get the sequence.  Get the idea first, then go back and link to what is of further interest.

Four essentials for happiness

1.  LOOK/SEE WHAT IS THEREKnow that there is no loss, though there are lessened gains (read the piece!), while there is a mountain-sized "haves" from the body/mind all the way to natural items (see what's there) .  You don't believe this now, but read about it to really learn this essential precept for happiness.  
2.  LEARN/KNOW THAT THERE IS no fault/no blame.  Learn/know that there is no fault/no blame.  There is no valid blame, no valid incredulous as that may seem in your old way of thinking (the one that hasn't worked!).
    A.  CorollaryInflicting pain/suffering on oneself or others is not necessary to get oneself/other to
          act or change.  (We have learned it, but it is not true that in order to get a result one must inflict pain,
          guilt, shame, suffering, revenge, etc., or have to "feel bad".)
3.  KNOW I CAN CREATE HAPPINESS for myself, no matter the outcome. (I do not experience "anticipatory fear." and I create happiness virtually "no matter what" - very doable, and it takes away a major source of unhappiness.)
4.  DO WHAT I VALUE (= Create happiness).  Identify first.  Drop all dependence on conditions and/or people to make me happy, as in #3, above, with very little anxiety about outcomes.

The difference in thinking and actions is illustrated in the following, where you'll move between columns to see the contrast.

Additional tidbit at the end:  The Role Of Being Loving In Happiness


If you "get" these three precepts (seeing what there is, no blame/no fault, and create happiness no matter what), your happiness level will jump more than 50% at a minimum and, I think, it will increase 100's of percents above where you are now. 

Before:   50 happiness points minus 45 unhappiness points = 5 (net) happiness points
After:    100 happiness points minus 5 unhappiness points = 95 net happiness points

Part I. See/Look What IS there

Gratitude - Seeing the mountain of what is there and no longer focusing on what's missing.  Keep this review and practice up until you see the mountain of what IS there.  (Do a few easy simple exercises for a scientifically established boost.)   And learn what the opposite is: What We Sufffer About.  From the other side:  no loss.

Part II. No longer doing 'make wrong' (and no longer inflicting suffering to get oneself or others "motivated")

Read Making An Allowance For Being Human and No Fault    (See Inflicting Pain On Another To Get A Result.)

[For deeper study for those who really want to get this down completely (return to this, after reviewing the shorter
     The Great Teacher: L.S. Barksdale:  Link to PDF of Building Self-Esteem, which is actually about sound thinking
        about life and oneself and the realities of life.  A small book, but I found it life changing for me.]

Part III.  "No fear" - I can make myself happy no matter what. [Imagine having that as your underlying thought!)

Fearlessness - Note how this also ties in with seeing "the mountain" of "things we always have"..
Diagram: Elements Of The Road To A Good Life (follow the links to the key items)

Other learning (for greater understanding and clarity, if you want to be even happier and more at peace.)

Obviously, you would get value out of reading the pieces about

    Suffering And Struggle, in the Philosophy section.
    Happiness, in the Psychology section 


Living a life dealing with the "symptoms" (effects) of what you do/think is a bit like Groundhog Day, living the unpleasantness over and over - but we can only really "solve" the "cause", as that will eliminate the symptoms forever.

If you get this down at a level of mastery there you will have no need to continue to suffer or be less than very happy.


An additional tidbit:


Those who profess to be loving should not confuse the "feeling of love" (which results from loving or being loved) with actual loving, both of others and self - nor should you base you life on being unconditionally loved by others. 

Love is actually

1.   Complete acceptance of what is and what isn't
2.   Supporting the other person (or oneself) in their aspirations, especially for happiness
3.   Acting in a way that is aligned with the above.

Yes, if there is a "what isn't", if it supports the other person or the relationship or oneself, it is fair to request, not demand, a change and to assist only if it is deemed worth it and not a form of controlling (which doesn't work). 

One must practice this on oneself, or one will not have the ability to do it with others, as the paradigm is one of acceptance (or reality), never one of criticism.  

(See I Am Whole And Complete.) 


2.  Look and see what I HAVE, what's there
(Realistically, there is so much, if you look/think deeply, you can see a "mountain" of things that are working in life - and that there is a mountain remaining even if something goes awry.)
(It is top priority that you learn this,not tritely,
but completely)

I'm ok, have much and am appreciative of it all
AND there's more of what I want so I'll go for them, as strictly a bonus, as I am more than fine with my base in life.
AND I will learn the skills needed to attain more of what so I can be even happier.

I and others only know what we have learned so far.
If I make a mistake and/or do wrong it only means I haven't yet learned what is needed to do better
The solution is learning (and I do not fault myself or others for not yet learning).  Read No Fault, No Blame
(a big shift for most people, but very worthwhile to learn)

I do not resent anyone nor myself.  I have no anger or alienation toward them.  I need not forgive them or myself, because I do not make myself or others wrong in the first placeThe Reasoning For No Blame


I understand this truism (it is a  "tautology", necessarily true in itself and indisputable):

We all do the best we can at the time in accordance with the current limits of our knowledge/awareness (read the distinction of "completed awareness"). 

We can do no better than what we know how to do and we are not at fault, for we can not know better at the moment.  

Any "fault" lies only in our lack of knowledge/awareness. 

The solution simply lies in eliminating what is lacking.

Therefore, I simply learn what is missing.

No foul, no fault, and all is well...


If I don't fault myself, make myself artificially bad [which is just a story!], then I can focus my energy on what works instead of wasting it internally - and I'll have more energy and I'll be happier plus I'll make more progress and be able to enjoy life much more.)  I can simply live life without angst - and just get as good as I get, which is just fine with me, as it just adds to my mountain.

And since what is missing is knowledge, I seek to learn as quickly as I can, from the best sources, prioritizing that over the mundane.  I use immersion (focused periods of super concentrated thinking, as was done by Buddha, Jesus, and all the great philosophical leaders) and use a systematic plan that is the most efficient means of getting there sooner.  

Things go "wrong", as it is a reality that I don't get all I prefer or want and I lose some gains [though I never lose net net ). (Accepting Reality)  But I have a great mountain of plenty and I simply recall that fact.  And then I simply go about doing what I can do to add to my happiness.  I am always able to handle life and to create my happiness.  Fearlessness (Living without "anticipatory fear")


W. Mitchell, after full body burns and becoming a paraplegic. "Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do. Now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I've lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left."   He is now a motivational speaker.     (See Bad Past, Good Life and the actual stories, especially No Arm, No Legs, No Limits.)      


1.  I have been Taught to see what's missing, to see what I DON'T HAVE (which assures there is no end, as there is never enough)
    Result of this viewpoint:  Life is full of "losses" and
        potential losses, constantly on the mind or in the
<-- (means:  next go to the other side and read that)

Way of thinking for unhappiness:
Motivation: to not be 'not enough', not be bad.
I must grow to be good enough, not be stupid
I must suffer, punish, criticize to motivate me (and others).           
Pain/fear based. "Negative" motivation.

Key paradigm: I and others are at fault for making
mistakes and doing wrong.  (Right/wrongness)

I make others wrong.  I inflict suffering to "motivate." I experience resentment and anger.  I struggle with forgiving myself and others.

(The "anticipatory fear" statement is further down the  
  page, after this clarifying segment on the left.)

Anticipatory fear:
If anything goes wrong, I'll be miserable/unhappy and I can't be happy then.  (Imagine living a life like that, whereas accepting that things go wrong as a part of life has no resistance and no fear to it.