UNDERSTANDING AND "GETTING"
THE MOUNTAIN I HAVE VERSUS WHAT I AM MISSING
AN ESSENTIAL, ESSENTIAL LIFE VIEW - BASED ON REALITY!
Nail this essential life viewpoint down! It is a vital half of what necessary for being happy.
2. We really only need the basics of life, which we either already have or can obtain as needed.
3. We have an abundance already. A mountain of haves.
4. We need only see what IS there, which is already more than enough - and therefore all that we don't have is a big "so what!"
Be sure to do the essential exercise, below, identifying all that you truly have, as this is an essential list to keep for reference, such as in your Reminders Notebook.
WHAT, REALLY, IS TRUE AND REAL?
One of the secrets to happiness is to "see what I have" and to appreciate it. Most people have heard this "secret", yet they hold it as trite or unrealistic or positivity pablum. But it isn't. It is absolutely real.
What is unrealistic and what creates unhappiness (see The Unhappiness Gap) is to "expect" "more" and then hold not having it as if it is a threat, danger, and/or something to feel bad about. There is a classic "should" that we create, where we have unrealistic expectations about what would be "Enough". We can never completely fulfill those expectations, but it makes no sense at all to be concerned about some fictional conditions that we "must" have in order to be happy. And, as we get more, that "more" becomes the norm and is given no, or little, value. That makes no sense. It had value to us before we had it, so why not afterwards? (Note, of course, that "feeling bad" is a chemical sensation based on a perception of not doing that which has one survive. Read The Story Of Our Happy And Our Unhappy Chemicals - A Tale Of The Mechanisms For Survival.) This is one of the two causes for unhappiness. The other is misassessed threats/dangers (which cause unpleasant chemicals and our adding an ongoing dialogue that keeps us concerned - however, that concern and the threats and dangers are almost always not real. (Refer to Threats And "Fear" - Differentiating As To What Is A Real Threat.) I have written this piece to clarify and give more of an overview to the piece that diagrams "the mountain" (What I Have For Sure), but which I don't feel gets the idea across fully. This is part of the essential life view that is required, in my opinion, to have the ability to be truly happy - and to not perpetually be concerned about what is not truly essential. When we "see the mountain of haves" and that we already have all that is needed to be able to create the life we want, without a doubt, we can fill happy in having the base for life - and then we can just live a life of "bonuses" and not "missings". And we can "play" at life, because the rest of "stuff" is not important - it doesn't matter, not really!
A LOSS IS NOT A LOSS, BUT ONLY A PARTIAL GIVE BACK
Before we start out, we have zero. (We don't even exist.)
Then we are given life, with a super-pack of incredible abilities, a super-functioning body, and the most incredible computer in the world.
They are more than enough.
Then we learn some things that stick.
We acquire skills that are usable and have value for harvesting nice little bonuses in our life (for we already have all the necessary basics of life).
We acquire money and material things.
Then, although we generally add more than we give back, we "lose" money or a capability or a relationship along the way. These are all things we acquired, so our "loss" is merely a "disacquiring" - but overall we still have more - lots more!
The best view of this is, I think, W. Mitchell, after an early bad burning of 2/3 of his body and then later becoming a paraplegic in a separate incident before deciding to become a motivational speaker: "Before I was paralyzed there were 10,000 things I could do. Now there are 9,000. I can either dwell on the 1,000 I've lost or focus on the 9,000 I have left." (Get a new viewpoint installed, visit his site: W. Mitchell.)
The opposite, and an illustrate of the nonsensical, is the great discomfort people feel if their computers take a couple of extra seconds to download - where they fail to see that it used to take a much longer time in the "old days". Hey, guys, you are really way ahead!
Or "I'm so miserable. All the other kids have an iPad and I don't."
There are lots of parallels you can probably think up.
CHANGING "THE VIEW"
We all live in a constantly created fear of losing - and in that fear we create the emotions that we would feel if we actually experienced the loss - so, in essence we are experiencing the loss. Yet we are living in fear of the possibility of experiencing the loss, yet we are actually creating that feeling.
We are so obsessed with what we don't have, living in the "I should have this" rather than seeing "wow, I have all this!"
In all philosophy, through the disciplines that are the most powerful, a key part of one's philosophy is based on the following, which I recommend you read and include as part of your gratitude/appreciation perspective: And I absolutely recommend as a core needed piece for happiness that you write out your Philosophy Of Life so that you have a strong foundation to live life from!
GRATITUDE'S ROLE IN OUR LIVES
Of course, gratitude has been proven to affect happiness considerably in many, many studies! It is one of the key ingredients. Without it, one is lost in the world where one focuses on what is missing - a natural human tendency, to assure survival. So our automatic watchdog, alarm, motivator system will not take care of this - we have to do it on purpose, by gaining the perspective on what we have and reminding ourselve how great it is. That's why it is ordinarily a part of many, many religions (maybe all?) - and a definite part of one's Golden Hour (or reflection time). Keep this in mind and available, filling up the section on Gratitude in your Reminders Notebook that you'll use for your golden hour. Be sure to read: Gratitude - Without Gratitude You Can't Reach Happiness!!!
AN ESSENTIAL EXERCISE AND REMINDER TO KEEP FOREVER
You've not completed on this concept until you have done the final implementation piece. Yes, this is only a piece of what is required for a sound life philosophy, but without it you cannot be happy (or at least as happy as you could be).
Over several days, for a minimum of 15 minutes each time, write out your gratefulness lists in any format you wish to, until you feel you have done enough to be clear on "what you have in life". It is worthwhile over time to revisit the list to further refine or add to it, retype it, emphasize certain elements. (See What To Be Grateful For - Examples, Categories.)
In all cases, it is essential that you review these at least weekly and for a while daily, as part of your Grounding process (during the Golden Hour). These must be "top of the mind", replacing and pushing out the "lack" thoughts that constantly float through the minds of most humans.
DO THE COMPLETE PROGRAM FOR GRATITUDE