The perception and the belief:
"I am so hurt by that person's not appearing to respect me. I am so inferior."
What actually happened in terms of real impact?
What actualy happened that impacted me in realoty was:
Bad chemicals were emitted in my body, as a result of these thoughts.
Nothing in reality happened from not being respected - it was all just imagined in my head.
Nothing in reality = no effect on limbs, life, body, mind (still as capable)
The protest; the nonacceptance of reality or just the lack of understanding
"But, but... somehing did happen. It's real!
Make a distinction, pull things apart from each other
"The chemical result in your body was from the fantasy/belief triggering the emotion (which is a bundle of chemicals, often noticed in terms of an actual body sensation. Yes, the chemical did happen, but it was triggered by the thoughts, not the actual event of not appearing to respect you.
However, the hurt was simply a concept, a made up, a mental construct, something strictly in the imagination, inside the brain. Most of what is occurring is in your made-up world, and not based on reality "out there" in the real world."
The next protest:
"But if I am not as smart, isn't that harmful?
"Unless your mind is actually impaired (very rare) you're smart enough to create happiness (you were smart enough to create suffering, but using false precepts you learned from others or made-up. If you clear up the false precepts and use true ones then you can create happiness using the same abilities – yes, it takes some learning, the same thing that happened in creating the false ones!"
"I can't make as much money as someone else and I feel bad about that. I should make more."
The relevant question
"Are you making enough to live on and/or can you learn enough to make enough to eat and have shelter?
The almost always answer: the truth
"Yes, but that's not good enough. I need to live in greater comfort.
The lie in the "but":
"Not true, You just made that up.
You're actually ok, life is actually ok . It is just your made-ups that say that. It isn't that you need more, as you probably already have "enough". A belief that you need more if you are to be happy is an untruth..
Many people are happy at a level of subsistence living."
"No, life isn't ok. Look at all the mistakes I make and all the emotional suffering!"
A deep truth
"Those aren't inherent in life, you made them up, you inserted them into your life.
You can learn plus you can make up better and good madeups."
But I can't
"No I can't. My beliefs are too fully ingrained. They're built into me."
"Something imagined and/or something programmed into the computer of the mind is not permanent, not fixed as is.
What you learned and "figured out", rightly or wrongly has just been repeated over and over, so constantly that they look like they are permanent - they seem like they are always there. You made them strong by the repeating and justifying them over and over.
Yes, it'll take spending some time to revise them, but you certainly can use the same process that was used to build the initial beliefs to build in the new ones. The key is knowing that there is no truth (aff) to them and they are not real and they are not fixed.
You could have an affirmation of this truth, such as 'I know there is no reality to any made-ups. They are not real. They are not fixed or permanent. They are only imagined in my mind.'"
YOU CAN BECOME WISE IN THIS
The wise person knows there is very little that can actually happen Iin the real world to his real being, his actual physicality. And 'what will happen is what will happen' and you will simply have done the best you knew how under the circumstances, getting whatever result you got. There is no point in resisting or worrying, as that will simply cause you to experience the emotions of the very situation whose related emotion you don't want to experience - but have experince them anyway!
What happens is just what happens and it typically is not as bad as most people anticipate (as we adjust better than we think) and we are more capable of coping than we think.
The wise person, which you can be as soon as you realize this too, realizes that nothing in one's mind that is made up has any substance or reality or can actually do harm to me in reality.
(Of course, I can decide to do harm to myself in some physical way, but that is a decision that is not dictated by anything outside myself.)
"I know that a made-up, a belief, and anything that goes on in my head is not real, not fixed, not permanent or not necessarilty true. Every mental construct is only imagined and it is just a game, in my mind.. I can change that, but certainly I will not heed a made-up as if it were real."
ALL OF LIFE LOOKS LIKE THIS:
What is made up is imagined, so we just have "images" in our "made-up" world, just neuronal pathways and patterns that can be written over, if we so choose.
USE THE PART EVOLVED FOR THAT FUNCTION
The pre-frontal cortex (PFC) is the part of the brain capable of reasoning and discerning what is true or not. It is capable of using the "scientific method" to determine what is true and what is not. There is no magic. It is just about choosing to "use your head", which actually means the PFC or higher thinking brain.
The mechanical brain is "brilliant" in some ways, like an idiot savant which doesn't know how to think in a practical sense. The two parts of this brain are called Dumb (the "monkey mind") and Dumber (the reactive "reptilian brain").
You simply need to learn how to operate the mechanical brain, plus you must not let it run anything that is not handled mechanically, for it is not capable of that. You can program it to do a simple function and to operate by the rules you give it, as it is relatively obedient - if you give it true and complete instructions.
And you need to have the higher thinking brain be the director and the one making the decisions. Only it should be the programming source. But recognize that the higher thinking brain is not yet fully matured earlier in life, so its decisions and programming are questionable. You need to review those.